how did u cope when u were first told ur child is autistic?

Nahony - posted on 07/25/2012

I think I knew it was someting different about my son, so when i started to see all the simptoms (3 years and 9 months) and start reading about it, it was so clear for me that he has some kind of autism. The psicology the doctor recommended was on vacation in that time, so i spent 1 month crying without any diagnose, but i used to read for hours, I cried everyday at least 3 times, it was really hard, crazy, horrible time for me. Then after I got the diagnose HFA, and i started with all the therapys things start to get a little better, but believe me sometimes I still cry, of course not as much as before, but sometimes i get sad that my child is not like the other kids. But i love him very dearly, and he is very loving, so anyhow is the best gift that God has given me. He is now 5 years and 4 months, he has improved a lot specially the behaviour, almost no tamtrums, he enjoys the therapy, less crying, sleep better, eats by himself, learning to dress himself.... all in process but we are on the way. So have faith, somedays are very dark, but in other days you will see everything so clearly!

Jane - posted on 07/23/2012

I've learned to take it one day at a time, and to understand that grieving isn't a "clean set of steps" I go through -- grieving is messy and has its own timeline, sometimes I think I'm doing well and handling things, sometimes I think I'm doing terribly and not handling things.



At the beginning I was mobilized to act because I felt like I was so behind (our little one was diagnosed at age 4) and I was running on adrenaline and focused on what I needed to do. Then the grief caught up with me and sometimes caught me off guard.



But I remind myself that knowledge is power -- now that I know, I can act and do the appropriate things, versus guessing or worrying or blaming myself (what did I do to cause this? what didn't I do to cause this? what IS this?) I remind myself that my child is the same child he's been -- he hasn't changed into a "different" child, it's not as if he suddenly developed these "unusual responses to environment" -- in retrospect we've seen this only now I "know" what the challenges are and what this means for our family.



p.s. at the beginning I consciously chose to separate myself from parents of typical children -- I needed that break to process and I simply chose not to make myself feel worse by being around parents whose challenges are SO far removed from mine (like what summer camp should they send their 4 year old or why can't they send their 4 year old to kindergarten) -- I simply didn't need that in my life. I chose friends selectively and carefully, people whom I can be honest about what I was dealing with.

Crystal - posted on 07/22/2012

Finding out for me was the easy part. Living with the news is more difficult. My son is also very sweet and loving. He barely speaks and when he does he parrots. He is six years old still in pull ups. I often think to myself what would I change about him if I could make him "normal" but that answer is simple... I would not change anything about him. I love him and everything about him.
Autism is not the end of the world, just a new challenge. Some advice for you.. Give your family (extended) lots of information about Autism. If anything upsets me about my son it is the ignorance I get from family members and strangers that have no clue what it is like to be him. That was my fault, because I did not educate them on his challenges. Educate yourself as much as you can and reach out like you did to other moms with similar challenges.

Doris - posted on 07/19/2012

I don't consider myself brave but thank you. I have reacted in the only way I know how when faced with a do or die situation, do. I cried for years still do sometimes, I pray for strength. I am a single mother and I don't have time to feel sorry for myself the kids need me and it is my responsibility to fight for them because I brought them into this world.

Kingyo - posted on 07/19/2012

hey samantha,
thanks... its really encouraging.. yeah my boy is very affectionate and his eye contact with me is very good now. thats a form of comfort for me. i have spent the last 3 days reading and finding out the "world" of autism, and now i feel... wow..... its a world i never dreamed i will have to step into so i can really feel the pressure. then i imagined "my" world my son has been living all this time.... it must have been hard for him as well. he did a great job tho, and i will do my best too.

Samantha - posted on 07/19/2012

Its been about six weeks since we found out i wont ever forgot that day. It does seem unreal you have to accept that your child will now lead a different life you ever thought of and sometimes that is hard to cope with. But then i look at my little boy and i think if he didnt ave autism would he still be him. I couldnt imagine him any other way. He is funny and mischevious and i love that. I am hoping that with speech therapy he will start to talk i wanna hear him say mummy. At the moment we use photographs of things so he know what i want him to do. They seem to work. Playgroup introduced them. Where do you live i live in the uk(wales) and if u live in america im not sure where you would start by getting support in place. But i would advise to do it as soon as possible it does help.

Goldie - posted on 07/18/2012

thank you doris.... and you are so strong. im hoping early intervention can get him cured. not cured totally (i know there is no cure TOTALLY) but at least the gap of him and normal kids wont be as big...

Goldie - posted on 07/18/2012

thank you samantha, it just feels so unreal huh.... other than he not talking and portrays the actions of being autistic, he is so sweet. today is the 3rd day of his diagnosis, i still havent very much cleared my thots yet so.. its like am entering a world that i never knew of.

Doris - posted on 07/18/2012

I have two autistic kids four years a part a girl 20 and a boy 16 I pray a lot everyday and have been fighting for them since day one. I never thought this would be my life as a mother but it is. No first loves, proms, sweet sixteen, graduations, weddings or grand children but more love then I ever thought possible. Stay strong new moms listen to your inner voice. You will soon find out who is who in your life.

Samantha - posted on 07/18/2012

My son is 2years 6months. We are waiting for the diagnosis but they are positive that he has autism and maybe a social and communication disorder. He doesnt talk and we are not sure if he ever will. I cried when i first found out in the doctors office. And i still find it hard today. Sometimes you have to accept it even when its hard im not quite there yet but i am trying to help him as much as i can thats all i can do. You do feel helpless but that will easier when all the help is in place and they start improving. Take it one step at a time and dont think to far ahead because that is overwhelming and will upset you.

Goldie - posted on 07/18/2012

hi janet, i will never get over it....... i have to learn to deal with it... but i know it aint gonna be easy.... now i just feel like its so unreal. my son is so..... "him" and its so unreal that he is actually autistic. i just cry suddenly when im reminded... i just feel so lost.

Goldie - posted on 07/18/2012

i was told i would get a full detailed report in a week's time but its not mild.......

Cherish - posted on 07/17/2012

What was he diagnosed with,as far as the "spectrum" goes?Does he have high functioning or severe autism?

Janet - posted on 07/17/2012

I cried... but at the same time I was relieved, because now I know what's wrong. The hardest part for me was not knowing. After that it was a learning curve - learning how to deal, learning what they need, learning how to help them - I had a purpose and direction.

Take the time you need to feel your grief, to get your feet under you again after this blow - but once you do, you'll see that an autism diagnosis isn't the end of the world. It can certainly feel that way, but there are supports out there to help you cope - and we're always here if you need someone to listen :)