How do you deal with new challenges all the time?

Ryba - posted on 11/29/2008 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have come to realize that when you've overcome or learned how to deal with one problem, another one surfaces. My 7 year old son didn't speak until he was 3. We've gotten that part under control, but now he gets so angry for every little thing that doesn't go exactly the way he wants. I have come to realize that this is a never ending cycle. Once one thing is resolved, another surfaces. How do you handle this knowing another challenge is waiting around the corner? As a single mother with almost no support, I am at my wit's end.

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Kerry - posted on 12/05/2008

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hello Ryba, this is as the other mums say, the never ending story! But i have found that now when i look back at all the years, my children have learned and have an understanding of a whole lot of different information than most 'normal' kids. This thought makes me feel as if the journey has been worth it. And after living with autism for 20+ years i can translate and find other answers to problems quite easily. (probably a good thing as my auty no 2 is only 14 and no 3 is 12) my friends laugh at how inventive I am.
The anger thing with the children is very hard, so as the others mention, get respite of some sort. Your brain needs to take a break so have your "time out" regularly. If your son doesnt like this and acts up, he will get used to it over time and will figure out that mum does return to him.
You have a lot of years of hard work, so plan on this being a long term situation, so get him used to the idea that mummy has 'time out' to use as you want (date night if you want>>single mum here also). The children will accept the situation if it happens regularly with the same carer (gran or very good friend is a good idea).
as each new challenge shows itself, it helped me to remember that the problem has probably always been a part of my kids worrys, but it shows progress, i had been doing something right. As each challenge is met and dealt with, something that was masked by the bigger (to the child) problem, comes forward. So as we deal with one thing there is another left for us to deal with, gee we are good, if you think about it we know that our kids little worrys have at some stage been dealt with, talked about or just bought into the open. many topics that cause problems for 'normal' children as they grow into adults, have already been dealt with or broached so our kids know they can ask for our help or input, and hopefully they dont do anything stupid or dangerous to their bodies, because they know we have already discussed the pros and cons of for eg drugs.
therefore logically we can handle it we are super mums! keep up the good work you are doing a great job!

Melody - posted on 12/04/2008

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This is a never ending cycle and first of all, you have to embrace that fact. Your child will get better, but will always have new challanges. Find a support group in your area, even if it is only 1 other mom. When you share your burdens sometimes you find, others are going through the exact thing, or have just gone through. Sometimes just knowing you are not alone is enough to go on with the next move. If your area offers Respite or habilation get it and get it now! I put this off for years thinking somehow it would be saying I couldnt handle my child . We all need a break on a regular basis and that is what these services are for. Also, I have learned through the years that It is good for my daughter to have to relate to other people . Each person who knows her and works with her brings a new talent, or helps her in a way I hadnt thought to try. My daughter is 14 now, and people who knew her at 4 or 6 cant believe how far she has come when they run into us now! It will get better.

Christina - posted on 11/29/2008

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I am not a single parent, but my husband is a firefighter and works 24-48 hrs at a time, so I consider myself a part time single parent and it is HARD, so kudos to you! We have a couple people we can call on in times of great need, but mostly its him or me. Our 8 year old daughter still does not talk, bu we've just about conquered potty training finally. Every day is a new challenge. We just don't even give it a second thought anymore...just roll with it. Our life is different in many ways from other people and thats just the way it is. Try finding a local agency that offers Respite care, or maybe a teacher or paraprofessional from school. A couple hours every now and then away from our kids is a gret present (even if you have to pay for it!). Good luck and God bless!

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