how do you handle a child that has no social skills, so he has no friends. He is so lonely.

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Mary Anne - posted on 03/18/2010

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I feel for you. My Son Paul had ADHD, he had no socila skills was a very lonely boy, which included the rest of the family to be isolated from friends as well. Unfortunately Paul died at the age of 18............. i only wish that I had got the help then, try doing charts on facial expressions for your child to understand poeples facial exspessoins, talk to him how he feels when he is upset and how he would like to be treated when he is upset. Most of all praise him alot for the little things he does and enjoy an activity together that he likes just you and him together because he needs one to one................

Julie - posted on 03/12/2010

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My son Andrew was teased and did not have any friends until the end of 7th grade. It was so bad that he refused to go to school and he had a hard time learning anything at school. He would come home and go to bed at 5pm because he was so stressed out. We heard about a Skills Worker (counselor that comes into your home to work with your child on social skills). He came to our house and worked with Andrew on his social skills he also went to school and taught him how to play with others at school. He worked with Andrew for 4 years. It made a huge difference in Andrew's life. Andrew now has lots of friends and is liked by everyone. He also loves school now.
Andrew also found something he is good at - running. This also helped build his confidence and self esteem.

Meg - posted on 02/28/2010

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I am really glad I found this site! It never stops amazing me how many people are going through the same things with their childern that I am.I have a 13 yr old son with limited social skills , depresion/anxiety disorder and ADHD.Now that he is in jr high, his IEP has been changed to include more of the skill teaching he need's.. There are, I am finding out, a lot of places in town that help kids learn these skills. I have even heard a comercial on tv here lately for one of our local places. I am not one to rush for a quick fix but have you looked into the posibility of your child needing a low dose of an anti-depresant? It has made a world of difference in my son. As has play therapy. I pray you find some help sooon. Hang in there, you are not alone in this struggle!

Claire - posted on 03/15/2010

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has he told you he is lonely?? my son was diagnosed at 4 years and it used to break me when he was always on his own, now he is 8, he has told me he actually likes it like that :) 'i always win the game' was one reason! lol

Shelley - posted on 03/13/2010

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I totally understand My daughter was Autism and It is very hard for her especially with typical kids. Elayna doesn't talk like them even thou she has a big vocabulary and can read any thing. Social settings are hard for her. We just try to expose her to as many different situations as we can sometimes it's great sometimes it's not. I have three kids are all are on the spectrum. Social situation can be a challenge Autism has hit them in very different ways. But we try all the same.... :)

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Cristy - posted on 03/19/2010

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I have a 10 yr old son who has alot of trouble making friends often he gets very depressed and it breaks my heart, the town where we lived lacks of programs for children that are autisthic, the school has him in a behavior unit which he does not belong there, me and his father argue with the school regularly but no body seams to understand, me and his father had being divorce for years but we are always there for him I want to help my child and become more informed, if anybody out there can give me some tips, he is a very intelligent and lovable child.

[deleted account]

I would create an event, say Earth day, and invite teachers he likes, neighbors, friends of yours ( adults you trust and know will respond kindly ) If they have children who they are teaching to be respectful of all people let them bring them. You never know who may click with your son. It maybe a girl, or someone older or younger than him. And remember you are all role modeling social skills, so even if he doesn't connect with this group he still got something out of it, besides being in a caring social enviroment.

An-g - posted on 03/17/2010

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I'm in the same boat. My son is 7 years old with AS and has never had a friend.I think it makes me more sad than it does him... but I feel that a childhood with no friends has got to be hard. I wish we all lived closer to each other to let our children try to play together! All the other kids think my son is weird. =( I currently live in salt lake, UT but am moving to jacksonville, Fl in approx a month so if any of you out there live in FL contact me!!!

Michelle - posted on 03/16/2010

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i dont know if this helps at all because i felt this way for a long time. but are your kids lonely or do we think they are my son seems happy and content doing his own thing and began to feel like i thought isnt he lonely.key word being i.

Gillian - posted on 03/15/2010

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My fifteen year old son has just been diagnosed with PDD. I have been fighting for some kind of explination to his beeing diffrent for 15 years. So here is to never giving up and now maybe we can get him the appropriate help that will work for him and not things that he never really understood to begin with.

Louise - posted on 03/13/2010

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I brought my son to a social skills training group...we live in Ontario, Canada. Through Autism Ontario's staff, we were recommended to a Centre that offers this skills training program. My son participated weekly with a group of peers his age, who belong on different areas of the Asperger Spectrum...
Finding out he is not alone, that there are other kids with shared interests made a difference for him...he finally had acceptance out of our home!
Today, thanks to the foundation of higher self-esteem, he is a happy young man.
Don't be fooled, he still has his days, ups and downs, moments of anxiety, etc. But to see how much he is more comfortable with his differences that make him who he is...there are tears in my eyes just writing to you...
Talk to your doctor, your church, call the Autism branch near you...these people will help make a difference in your child's life!

Renee - posted on 03/13/2010

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my son has asbergers and his friends are my friends children. I guess it helps him to see me friends with their moms. I try to be around my mom friends alot so he can learn to socialize better. He does quite well thank god the friends he has puts up with him, because he will do only what he wants to do and expects his friends to just do it. and they do, so maybe you would want to find him a friend who will understand his disabillity and put up with his differences. it really helps.

[deleted account]

My son is 6 and has Asbergers. I continue to involve him in community events like swimming, hockey, church and scouts. He makes social improvements on his terms but its wonderful to see him learning to control his actions. Even if only briefly! I am usually stuck by his side ( for his and the safety of others) but was just told that next years Services for Children with Disabilities contract can include a community aide. Woo Hoo! Ill get to be more of an observer! That is also training him to function without mom. And to help teach him to deal with other authoritive figures and peers "out there". On another note, there is a boy in his class that has more severe disabilities-mentally challenged? and Carter and him have become Best Buds! The other child needs help with things like zipping his coat and coming in from recess and Carter feels so proud when he is able to help the other child. It gives him a way to calm himself and concentrate on the task as well as having some social contact with a peer. Unheard of! :)

Theresa - posted on 03/06/2010

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Gloris, it sounds like some ppl in your church aren't very good Christians and need to be educated. There is nothing wrong with your son wanting to get down and play withthe little ones as long as he knows not to be too rough. My ASD son who is 11 loves the little kids too. I think it's because they don't see him as different or weird like some kids his own age do. They just see him as fun. He is great with the kids and the adult helpers in these rooms love having him inthere. I would talk with the teachers in the little kids' rooms where your son likes to help. Explain his diagnosis and why he enjoys little kids. then if there are parents that have issues with it the teachers know what to tell them. You could also type up something explaining his ASD diagnosis and what it involves, as well as why he enjoys little kids. Then the teachers can give a copy to any parent who is uncomfortable. That way they can understand a bit more why he likes the kids. Maybe include your email or phone number if they have any questions.

Clara - posted on 03/03/2010

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An IEP is an individual education plan it is for children in school to help them throughout their school yrs. Those children who have special needs.
A child with no social skills or lacks them and has a very hard time making friends sounds like a child who may have aspergers. My child was finally diagnosed with aspergers.

Merri - posted on 03/02/2010

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How old is the child? Have you had the child checked for asbergers? What had your doctor said? I would inquire to the doctor see what he/she thinks.

Patricia - posted on 03/02/2010

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My son Jake is 9 almost 10, and USED to love making friends. But NOW that he gets picked on so much at school he dosent anymore. Instead all of the BAD kids want to befriend HIM, because no other decent children would asociate with these children. I am putting Jake in Scoccer, a "Local" league NOT related to the school, with the hopes that he will make new friends there. I am told by school staff that he is very "liked' by children at school. But yet he has no friends that he asociates with. Mabe try an "out side" actiity source? And if you do, familurize the other children with your son for him.

Gloris - posted on 03/01/2010

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I have a 23 year old son Who was diagnosised with ADHD all through school, after graduating we took him toa psychologist who diagnosised him with ASD. He enjoys working with the preschoolers at our church, Some of the parents did not like the fact that he would get in the floor do play with their children, He was asked not to come in the department. This has been very hard for him to understand, and he is angry.
Any suggestions on the best way to handle this.

Vicky - posted on 03/01/2010

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I also have a 12 year old with ASD he does do a social skills group at school but he still has tons of social problems. He can script what to do if asked but he does not do it? There are no social groups in my area. I hope with age it will get easier.

Bonnie Jean - posted on 02/28/2010

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I know a mother that has birthday partys and play dates for her daughter. I watched and found which toys my sons both with Aspergers really liked or perseverated on.....like star wars and cars or trains. Then I got them involved with clubs or social groups that I explained their disability. The children in our neighborhood know about their disability and they will come over to have " play dates" and they teach give and take. In school the social worker used to have social skills group not for emotional disabilities but specific for Autism Spectrum disorders with non disabled peers so they could have a natural interaction learning how to share and to take turns and interact with others.

I know Kari Buron-Dunn, international Author and ASD expert. You can ask her questions from this web site also. She has great resources and ideas! Enjoy your journey!

http://www.5pointscale.com/

Kendra - posted on 02/28/2010

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I found one kid my son didn't mind :o) and who the teacher said liked my son and built on that relationship. I invited him over a lot, encouraged my son to interact, etc and they are now still great friends. He's OK in social situations now, also done a lot of social skills classes at school, but still doesn't make other friends on his own. I've built other relationships for him but none as effective as the first. Good luck and hope that helps.

Kim - posted on 02/27/2010

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My 8 yr old ASD son has socializing difficulties. He has in his IEP a social group at school to help him "learn" to socialize and respond appropriately with his peers. At the beginning of the school year (he is mainstreamed with few inclusive classes), he would sit at his desk and hide his face during morning meetings and song time. Now he is actually joining in and singing along! he also attended a classmates birthday party without me or my husband watching over him for meltdowns. he has also learned to consider/understand others feelings much better. he still has no comprehension of sarcasm or literal terms-- thats on next schools years IEP plan.

Terrie - posted on 02/27/2010

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Hi Paulette
my friend had the same problem with her son....we gave her a copy of the documentary "Kids with Cameras" and she was shocked that she could see her son in the film and no friends and introducing himself to same way everytime that meet someone. She has told her sons councillor about it and he has brought a copy to help other parents with kids with aspergers/autism.
Here is the utube trailer of the dvd

if you would like a copy visit my website: www.polarismediagroup.com/terriehandley
hope this dvd can help

[deleted account]

I hope he had a great time at the sleep-in! If you do not have socialization resources through your community, you can always try some of the books aimed at handling social situations. Many of them are formatted as "social stories" that are illustrated and relatively easy to follow. Depending on your child's age, you can either act out the scenarios with him or use puppets to show both parts of the story. My son is just starting to reenact what he encounters in school, so I think that format might help. Good luck. :)

Theresa - posted on 02/27/2010

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Does he have an IEP at school? Both of my older sons had IEPs. The oldest is ADHD, the younger has been diagnosed PDD. Both of them were given social skills classes through school. They worked with them on what to do in everyday situations. The boys were allowed to bring a peer from their class in sometimes to "practice" with. I would check with the school about that. If he isn't in school or doesn't have an IEP, check with his doc about a social skills class. It made a world of difference for both of my boys. By the way, if he doesn't have an IEP you should talk to the school about getting him one. If he has an ASD diagnosis he would qualify.

Tammy - posted on 02/27/2010

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Hi this is one thing i often wonder my son is only three and goes to a leaning centre two days a week its kind of like a day care and he never plays with other kids it breaks my heart i often think what he will be like when he s older.......

Paulette - posted on 02/26/2010

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we are trying a sleep in with our church tonight, what better place to start then with "GOD". It just breaks my heart. He is 14Years old, just doesn't know how to be a friend. So this is a big step.

Roxanne - posted on 02/26/2010

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I also have a 7 yrs old whom weve had in every sport their is, and have socialized him with childern from day one.. but he doesn't play with anyone at school he says he would rather play by himself I have been so upset by this and was so happy to read you question because its one of my own if anyone could help wouldn't it be wonderful!!!

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