How to deal with rude people

Stephanie - posted on 03/23/2010 ( 55 moms have responded )

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I had my first real experence with someone rude this morning. My daughter gets really upset in public. She sometimes has meltdowns, most of the time she just yells loudly. She was only yelling this morning. Some lady walked straight up to me gave me the rudest look ever and asked, "Is she sick or what". I calmy and nicely told her she has Austim and being in public upsets her sometimes. She looked at Leah like she had 3 heads and was breathing fire. Told me I shouldnt bring her out in public then. WHAT!! I just walked away for her. Now I could care less what people think. I just dont want my daughter to notice these things and think she is different in anyway at all. How do you deal with people like this. Forgive me for saying this, I wanted to drop her right there lol. Im just not sure how to deal with situations like this. I have had people ask questions before and I love that. I get to explain a little about it, and then it makes people aware and more understanding. But this lady there was no explaining anything to her lol. Any advice on what to do for future situations. Which sadly there will be, people are just so rude, and mean anymore. Its very sad.
Thanks!!

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Stephany - posted on 03/24/2010

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I wish people would mind their own business. I've had countless people come up to me and my son in public and say rude things, and the ones I remember clearly are the people who offered support or kind words.
One lady asked me why my son was so loud, and I laughed and told her she was lucky he wasn't using his outside voice. One time an elderly woman approached me to tell me that I was a horrible mother, so I asked her to stay and help me calm my child down, that maybe I could learn a thing or two. Her response? A dumb, horrified look on her face. When we first started getting him used to going out I carried a light receiving blanket in my purse and we'd let him put it over his head (while he was sitting in the cart) to block out the stimulation. People would often ask what my child was doing with a blanket over his head, and I'd often reply, "What child?"I try to be funny, or witty, or even ignorant, because if not I get so upset that I cry. I don't want my son to see me like that, and I don't want him to feel like he does anything to make me cry. If I don't make a big deal out of it, most other people won't either. Sometimes he'll start to have a meltdown, and I stop the cart and sit in the middle of the aisle with him until he calms down. So what? How is that harming anyone? I try to take it with a grain of salt so he can understand that there is nothing inherently wrong with him, and that there is always a clearminded solution. HTH

Jennifer - posted on 01/29/2013

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I have one thing to say for belligerent people like that woman--ONLINE SHOPPING... if she cannot deal with the diversity of the world she lives in SHE should be the one who stays at the house..... that is ridiculous

Stephanie - posted on 03/24/2010

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It just shocks me that people are so rude! I know I will have more of these rude situations. So I just order a 100 of the Autism wallet cards from Autism Society. I figure if someone is rude or just curious I can hand them the card and be on my way. I figure its better than me going off on them lol. Thanks everyone! Leah is almost 3 so Im still new at all this lol. I like all the come backs!! Have to store those away to use!

Melissa - posted on 03/23/2010

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Wow, both of those women were incredibly rude. Maybe next time say, "Shh . . . she's trying to birth an alien." Seriously, what do you say to people like that? I guess you could smile sweetly and say something like, "My child is behaving rudely because of her disability. What's your reason?"

Diane - posted on 02/01/2013

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next time say, "im educating my child in social skills now so that she will be better in the future. Too bad you mother didnt educate you in social skills."

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Jenny - posted on 04/16/2010

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My son is 7yrs old and has Aspergers. He rarely has full blown meltdowns but frequently is noisy and making noises and "sound effects" to narrate the movie reel playing in his head when he gets overstimulated. Maybe it's the "don't mess with me" look on my face or maybe the people in my neighborhood are a little more polite than elsewhere but I've never had comments made about his behavior to me. I have had countless dirty looks, but a long time ago I decided that it is ignorance that keeps people responding to my son this way. The only reasonable solution to this problem is education, both of the people in our community and my son. It kills me that he will have to deal with these people for the rest of his life and since I can't take on the world I have to prepare him for it. He is an amazing kid and has so much to offer but people tend to see only the oddly behaved exterior... their loss. Good luck to all finding a path to deal with the people in this world who don't want to be bothered with a little different in their lives.

Emily - posted on 04/16/2010

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hi stephanie id have to agree with alot of people on this subject, you did the right thing it is hard trying to get peple to understand that you child isnt being naughty or trying to upset anyone its just how they are. they cant help it its not your childs fault or yours. people just need to pull there heads in and mind there own bussiness. if you have nothing nice to say than you shouldnt say it i reckon. thats what i tell people all the time when they comment about my autistic son in public.

Michelle - posted on 04/15/2010

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my son nate who was 4 or so was having a masssivvvee meltdown in a huge shopping complex one day....i had almost calmed him down and some old guy stopped and said to him in a loud and disapproving voice 'thats no way to behave in a shopping centre young man'. well, nate (surprise surprise) didn't really appreciate this and told him to go away because he was %$#@ing ugly and mean. the guy looked at me as if to wait for my response....i didn't give one. and to all the helpful souls standing around shaking their heads i asked really loudly if there was anyone there able to help me?? suddenly they were all busy looking at other things.....was good at the time but five minutes later i was bawling.....as i have many times. i wish people got that it hurts to watch our kids freaking out and not be able to do much to help them......

Cristy - posted on 04/06/2010

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I made my son a shirt for when we go to the store...It says..." I have Autism..Whats YOUR Excuse?", and " I'm NOT a BRAT...I have AUTISM". So far we havent had to wear them in a while. I know the days when going to the store is not a good day so I leave him with my mom. He'll tell me.. "mom its not a wal-mart day". He's almost 8 now but before it was HARD taking him to the store he'd run around the store I had to take his older brother and my mom to the store just so that someone could watch him while I got food. I had a lady one time pop off at the mouth. Dalton was having a BAD day I knew not to take him in the store but I had no choice. I literally carried him through the store with him screaming and kicking. We were in there for like 5 mins MAX we (me, Dalton, my mom and my daughter) and Im still holding him with him squirming and the lady wanted us to get a wal mart card. My mom told her we dont have time that he(pointing at Dalton) is Autistic and cant handle being in the store so we needed to get out of the store ASAP, she then looked at him and then me here I looked like crap from carrying a 5 yr old who was like 50lbs while having a meltdown, I was mentally,emotionally and physically exhausted. She says "Well he looks fine to me, he'll be fine..." with a disapproving tone. My head snap in her direction and my mouth was opening to commence on a major butt chewing and my mom grabbed my arm and walked us out of the store left whatever it was we were going to buy on the counter and told me....just breathe we're leaving. To make the shirts you can get any shirt and get the Iron on paper in the office supply or if the store has one the crafts department and print them up on your computer. You are more than welcome to copy Dalton's shirt. I also made one for my daughter that says...." My brother has AUTISM...What's your problem?" & " My big brother DOES NOT need a spanking...He is AUTISTIC and spanking WONT work!!!" Any of you are more that welcome to use these. They have helped sometimes and have also brought other Autistic families up to talk to us.

Victoria - posted on 04/03/2010

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I know I you feel about people being rude nowadays! Me personally I don't care what people think anymore!! Don't ever worry about taking your child anywhere! If you told her that she has a disability and she gets upset very quickly in front of people...that's all you need to say! I hate to sound mean but if they don't like what they see than they can just look the other way hun!! You can't please everyone, lol!! There's no way on how to handle people that are rude! Just do what you have to do and ignore it!

Michell - posted on 04/03/2010

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While I've never had a stranger come up and complain about my sons behavior in public, I have issues with my immediate family thinking it's O.K. to treat him like he's diseased. Whenever one of his cousins does something wrong, or has a bad attitude, my 10 year old son gets the blame. He has been diaganosed for some time now, they have been briefed on his behaviors, but when a meltdown occurs, my family just throws us aside and thinks it's O.K. When they are confronted on the issue, they respond by saying we treat all the kids the same because we love them all and you're just being sensitive.
I love my family dearly, but ignorance can only go on for so long.

Adriana - posted on 04/03/2010

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No there isnt. They are usually the ones with out kids like you said or they have kids that dont have and disorder. I dont know any other way for kids ot be but this way. Out of 5 kids 3 of them have one "problem" or another. I would love for my kids to have a regular life but these are the cards we were delt and we are running with it.

Julie - posted on 04/03/2010

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the reality is, no matter what you do, people will have a go at you. If you ignore your child as some professionals suggest when it come to austistic tantrums, people will abuse you for not disciplining your child, if you do discipline your child (whether the child is acting out on their autism or genuinely being naughty), you get freaks coming up and accuse you of abusing your child.

My daughter has aspergers and sometimes her behaviour is that, sometimes she's just being plain naughty. But seriously, no matter what you do, you get strangers coming up and being outright abusive - threatening you, threatening your child even sometimes.

Parents can't win. And the freaks who do this (usually childless, but sometimes they ae the ones who are the true freaks - those who have the gift of perfectly behaved children), have no idea what it's like to raise real children. They think that children should be seen and not heard, and if children are the type to be heard, then they should be locked up - either at home or institutions.

Sad, but nothing you can do about these people.

Adriana - posted on 04/02/2010

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No margaret there isnt! But it makes us and our kids stronger because of ppl like that!

Margaret - posted on 04/02/2010

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I had something similar happen in Wal Mart when my daughter was about 5. She is 7 now. And was diagnosed with PDD:NOS. She was having a fit due to all the commotion in the store and I was at the check out. Some lady said perhaps I should shut my kid up she is disturbing the store. I didn't tell her my child has autism...I find most people you say this to have no "clue" what it is. So give the "omg she has a disease" look. I would of asked if she even knew what "autism" was. I bet she doesn't. Some are just ignorant and there is no help for these type of people.

Debbie - posted on 04/02/2010

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I think those cards are a great idea also. I looked at the link offered earlier and I don't know if anyone else found a link to order them in the US. I did a search and found this one. I like what it has to say and it would help me not to get too upset trying to explain it. This is the link: http://www.zazzle.com.au/autism_awarenes...
I like the come backs you all have given. You all think quickly on your feet. I think I might have been in tears trying to say something to people as rude as you have encountered.

Heather - posted on 04/01/2010

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It's easy for people to judge and criticize who don't have children with Autism or Asperger's or any other disability. I think it's non of their business, if anyone looks at us funny or makes comments I don't tell them that he has Asperger's becuase most people don't know that is or understand so it would just be a waste of my breath. I usually just smile and shrug my shoulder's or laugh and say kids these days, once I did say he's not mine and kept walking. Of course he followed me. I believe that it doesn't matter what we say or do, people who are rude are always going to be rude. That's their disability. Good luck!

Adriana - posted on 03/31/2010

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I have had ppl loo at me that way when trenton was 2yrs old and the older he got them more ppl started and made comments. I always got "She is to young to have a kid and she cant control him:" And as i had more kids it got worse. I was shopping at Safeway one day when my kids were little and this lady was there with her two kids. She left her kids in the cart and walked over to me and said i quote "are all of those kids yours"!!!! I looked back at her and said what the H*** does it matter to you! You just left your kids alone to ask me that stupid question and to mind her own business. When Trenton acts out ppl think its just cause im not a good enough mom. I think that those ppl can walk just a few hrs in my shoes with my son and then she can talk to me afterwords! And Stephanie all you can do is give your daughter love and let her know that ppl can be really messed up at times but that those ppl are the ones with the problems. Trenton knows he is different and he is ok with it cause i have raised him with the strength to do so! Keep your head up!

[deleted account]

My son has autism, aprexia & celiac disease. I've learned some people emanate negative energies everywhere they go like the lady in the store. Those are the people that deserve very little to no attention. Give her 2 words & be done w/her she's not worth your energy & can't understand. Others tend to emanate positive energies where ever they go. I really try to soak up all the good energy from the people who understand. It's your personal choice to tell people your daughter has autism. You will get very healing positive energy from the right people & that is what we all thrive for. I hope shopping gets easier for you both as I think you should take her more often. You're helping others be aware of autism and thank you!

Denise - posted on 03/31/2010

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Honestly, you just have to develop a thick skin when it comes to people being rude and ignorant towards you and your child. I hate it when people suggest that I shouldn't take my daughter out in public if she has a disability- how am I supposed to teach her to live in a world she only sees through the window of her own home? You will find there will be a huge variety of reactions you will get from people... some will be incredibly kind and supportive, some will make you want to explode. Just remember your child will take his/her cues from you. Teach them to advocate for themselves in a calm, respectful manner, and to just walk away when people get nasty.

Christina - posted on 03/30/2010

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Last time my son, or any child I was with, acted up like that and people told me I shouldn't take them out in public, I would look at them and ask them if they could do a better job and, if they could, then they are welcome to try. Lol. Everytime I would ask that, they would walk away, not wanting to deal with a screaming child.

Kathryn - posted on 03/30/2010

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My heart goes out to you. It is like she took a stick and poked it through your heart with her absolute and total RUDENESS. I have had people be rude to me...if you realize a person is going to be unaccepting...sometimes a simple "Thank you for you input" and then leave the seen. A prayer for them to be open minded helps give my heart a lift. It is so VERY easy to dwell upon an unhappy event but you can make your brain and body stay happy with a simple prayer and turning it over to God.

Kim - posted on 03/30/2010

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Reading all these comments reminds me of what I also teach my children about handling these issues because walking away is not always an answer. Use a sense of humor does help alot. But, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. No one is "perfect" and walk away from the ones who think they are because they are the scary ones!

Noelle - posted on 03/30/2010

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My son is now an adult.

One time in a store he laid down in front of the meat counter (like a large X) and was yelling "I am dead" with a big smile on his face. It was hilarious I walked by him and it worked he got up and followed.



Another time a two women asked me to control my child I responded "Perhaps you will be more understanding when you have you own disabled child". That was not nice of me. At time I was frustrated...I wish that I had picture of their dropped jaws.



One time during a melt down in a store my son was running around and a woman pushed him away hard. I should have called the police because no one is allowed to put their hands on your child. I was so busy with the meltdown.

Sometimes whispering a story in his ear worked to prevent a melt down.

Charlotte - posted on 03/29/2010

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Melanie,



hehe what you do sounds so much like what my mum would do - sounds so much fun dont think id have the balls to do it but well done you for being able to



Next time have loads of fun for me



xxx

Melanie - posted on 03/29/2010

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My son tends to have breakdowns when we are out. As soon as he starts to get upset i satrt to shout loudly and we both end up singing and shouting as we shop. It keeps him happy to know that he's not the only one upset and i really don't care what people think. I just want to make sure my son is happy. Not many people appreciate it when i'm screaming boo and things like that with him but eventually he calms down and we get on with our shopping. I don't think i'll ever grow up, having kids is just an excuse for me to have fun whatever way they choose xxx

Charlotte - posted on 03/29/2010

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hey just read over what i typed & noticed i made a typo lol in my last sentance i ment to say -

" i know every parent wi defend they kid/s to the death but we SHOULDN'T have to defend them for being themselfs. "

Sorry xx

Amber - posted on 03/29/2010

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My worst was at Target, my son was actually very good until we hit the check out and he had to hand over his markers for the cashier to scan he of course screamed and threw himself on the floor. The cashier asked why I hadn't taught him manners, and tried not giving my son his markers than I had just paid for until he said "thank you" to her. It took everything in my to walk out of that store and not go to her supervisor. That lady just didn't get it. I have never gone back to that store again.

Misty - posted on 03/28/2010

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people these days are ignorant and they always judge its just not fair to the parent or the child. Its not eather ones fault. GOD made and sent u a special child if people dont understand that then they need to mind there own buisness.Two summers ago we found out our son who will be 9 in May has ADHD and they also said he may have Aspergers it broke my heart and i cried and people judge him and kids do too. One time we were at the park and he was tring to make friends with these boys and they were being mean to him and calling him names and i looked and said If u cant say anything nice just dont say anything at all.I told my son there are just some kids that are mean and not to play with them.

Amber - posted on 03/28/2010

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You've only got time for a one liner in this situation. I would say something like "Is at home where you learned THOSE kind of manners?" or "Is that what your mother did to you?"

Becka - posted on 03/28/2010

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walking away is the best thing you could have done. i cant believe that people are still ignorant and rude about children with dissabilities. i have several foster sisters and a foster brothe with a wide range if dissabilities and my daughter has mild to moderate autism, you should see the stares we get when we go out in public. some of them make noises some of them are loud and one is in a wheel chair, we look like an interesting bunch (atleast i think we do). i never hesitate to take them out just because they are dissabled doesnt mean we need to keep them hidden. they deserve to go out too. i think i deal better with kids that stare than adults, kids will ask questions and are naturaly curiouse. adults can be harsh and down right cruel. i just ignore them and walk away or point out that they are being rude.

Susan - posted on 03/28/2010

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lots of people have told me my son is weirdbut i just tell them he is special,it is there problem not your childs.some of my other so called normal children were much worse at times.i am an older mother and found people who smack there children in public much more offensive,this used to be allowed in the so called olden days,and just made things worse.i think the crowd problem is very common with autistic children,and eye contact is very good.

Sam - posted on 03/28/2010

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Your right! we dont't care some much but we will die to protect our children from uneducated morons. You were right to remain calm in front of your child. If it does not worry you it will not worry them. My first experience was when my Aspi decided to worm on his stomach around the supermarket. Not harming a fly but keeping himself grounded. As I rounded a cnr of the supermarket another couple, an older man with a "Mail order bride" :) commented in disgust "is that yours?" meaning my child. I took a deep breathe and proudly said "Yes!. bless him they come in all shapes and sizes, Just like your WIFE!". MY child was non the wiser and I felt so proud and better for it.

Brandy - posted on 03/27/2010

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we are super lucky with our dentist! he is lovley and loves working with ben! he has even started setting up app. for us every month so that ben can have a 10 min app. just so that he can have a check up and sit in the chair with the bright light ect.. so he can become accustomed to it. 6 mnths later and he loves going to the dentist.. i have never waited more than 5 min for an app. he told me once that he felt it would be better for ben to come in once a month just to get him use to it, so if he ever needed anything serious then it would be much easier for him! then a couple weeks ago he needed a tooth pulled and he was good as gold! its amazing what with a little care and understanding we and the people around us can accomplish with our kids needs!
i could not belive some of the things mums have had to go thru on here.. its so scary.
im really lucky as i live in a small town and every one knows everyone.. and have never had anyone say anything like that to me.
we do have a high number of autistic children for the population so i guess that does help out. our town has a pop. of about 8000 and we have a school for autistc children.
lots and lots of awarness going around here!
i think i would loose my mind and say something really nasty back as i have no temper what so ever for people like that.

Debra - posted on 03/27/2010

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Some people have no idea what to say or how to say it. If this ever happens again ask them nicely to mind their own bussiness and just walk away

Jaime - posted on 03/27/2010

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Truthfully,it doesn't matter what you say these types of people. You'll be wrong or incompetent no matter what. You don't have to feel bad about your kid melting down in the store, but that lady should be ashamed of herself for her utter lack of compassion. That lady's attitude is her problem, not yours. I try not to engage rude people unless they are in our personal space, which sadly does happen. In fact, I called a store manager over once and had a woman removed from a store because my son was having a meltdown and she came over and started screaming at him. I digress:) Ignore these people. You have more important things to focus on. Those rude comments are meant to provoke so they can get some sort of emotional pay out. Don't waste your time with them.

Kristen - posted on 03/27/2010

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Oh, boy! I would have had a field day with that lady! I really would have put her in her place. I just don't understand people like that. You're all strong, great mothers and you all should be proud of how well you've handled all that you have with your kids. It's really hard not getting an attitude with people like that and I'm a SHY person and when people say things to me or give me stares, I make sure that I say something to them or stare them down until they look away and feel dumb as heck. As for the dentist office. Ha! That was so much fun for me too. I was originally going to schedule my 1 y/o daughter (no disorder) and my 2 and a half y/o son (with autism) with 2 separate appointments on different days so that I could get daycare for the other so that I wouldn't have any incidents. Well, the guy said he could schedule them together and I told him my son has autism and is hard to handle and I can't hang onto him while I'm holding my daughter to get her teeth checked. Yes, we had a wait (and any kind of wait with our kids is waaaaaaaayyy too long), but not more than 20 minutes. Well, my son got checked first and they held my daughter no problem (she's pretty easygoing unless you're changing her or cleaning her, lol), then it came time for her to get her teeth checked and I reminded the attendant (because when I called in they said that they could help out with the kids) that he had autism and he followed him all over the building in the hallways. Unfortunately they had a push toy that he was going crazy with all over the building. Needless to say I was still holding my daughter and the nice dentist (HE'S wonderful, by the way) was finishing the check-up and he was answering one question that I asked and this man (apparently a boss of some sort) came in and said (he didn't even say "excuse me, Dr." because the dentist was mid-sentence with me) to me that I needed to keep my son in the office. So I cut the appointment short to go see where my kid was and he was running around all alone. The guy that told me he was going to watch him was talking to some family members in the waiting room! He wasn't even looking at my son! He didn't even say to me "sorry, I got side-tracked with those people" or anything! So I calmly went back to the nice dentist and asked him who that man was that came in and told me that, but I just asked it rhetorically. Obviously he was a big boss. I was fuming. That was the worst appointment ever. The dentist who is nice is leaving there though which is upsetting:( Luckily, there was another nice person there (she was taking notes for the dentist) and I took the kids into the doorway between 2 sets of doors to contain my kids and not "bother" anyone further and this worker came to me and asked me if I needed any help. She even asked me if I needed help to the car...I said that was nice of her, but that's the easy part compared to the appointment, lol. I asked her who that man was that said that to me and she did confirm he was one of the big whigs and I told her I warned them before the appointment and that they told me they could help with the kids (the guy looked like he had nothing to do anyhow--the one who watched my kids). I told her that I didn't appreciate that man coming to me and telling me that when I was told the workers would be able to help me for just those couple of minutes. She apologized several times and I told her it wasn't her fault. Oh, the experiences we go through make us stronger than ever, don't they? Also, does anyone have a link to get those cards from the US?

Charlotte - posted on 03/27/2010

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you delt wi it alot better than me as i would have bit her head off !! If you go to :



http://www.autism.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopol...



These are like business cards with info on autism & if you have any other ignorant people approach you - you can say here read this then if your in the m ood say a polite but smart remark befpre walking away.



I hate the fact that people can be so judgemental about other people not to mention kids & we as parents feel like we have to explain eveything grrrrrrr its so annoying

i know every parent wi defend they kid/s to the death but we should have to defend them for being themselfs.

Desiree - posted on 03/26/2010

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I had a woman come up to me and ask me how come my 3 year old was so much better behaved and quite then my 7 year old. He was having a meltdown and i was trying to comfort him as my 3 year old sat in the cart. I explain to her that he has Aspergers and that i was talking to him to help him calm down and that my 3 year old was in the cart. She looked at me like i shouldn't have even brought him to town. I abruptly got my son okay grabbed his hand and took both of them away. I also made sure the woman heard me say that i didn't want to be around someone like that. We also had problems with a dentist. He agreed to see my oldest then had a fit when we got there and he realized that he had Asperger's. He still saw him but refused to do any of the work that needed to be done. Needless to say that dentist soon lost his job because we were no the only ones he wouldn't see. I don't understand people and i refuse to keep my son boxed up like some people would have me do.

Kim - posted on 03/26/2010

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I know exactly how you feel. I have been dealing with this problem myself for many years as a mom, foster parent, and adopted parent. Most of the time I can walk away but, sometimes I use a sense of humor. But, once in awhile I can't help myself and if someone said this to me I would probably respond with and is it a good idea for you to be in public with your rudeness problem. Do it politely, and sometimes it can shock a person into realizing what they are doing. Believe it or not, I have won friends and supporters this way. Sometimes, honesty back can change their way of thinking. It is all about education. In my experience, alot of people don't understand due to lack of knowledge. A day spent in some else's shoes, so to speak. Try to remember you are doing the best you can in a difficult situation. Not everyone will get it. Look for little miracles everyday to help yourself remember this is 'WHY" I do what I do. Hope this helps.

[deleted account]

I have waited tables and worked retail in my past, so you'd think that nothing would surprise me, but I'm still so amazed at how ugly and judgemental people can be.

I loved the "she's trying to birth an alien" comment. Wish I had the moxie to say that.

Try to remember that for every person like the rude one, there are a few people out there like the ones on this list who are looking at the RUDE person and thinking, "Somebody oughta smack you, not that kid." At least having a child with Aspergers has taught me not to judge other people and their children. You have no idea what their life is like every day.

Peace.

Rebekah - posted on 03/25/2010

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I can fully understand your frustration here. I took my son with me to the grocery store, I waited to go in the early afternoon so I knew it would not be to crowded since, like your daughter, he does not do well in crowds. Anyway he makes noises, nothing specific just continuous humming and grunting I have become accustomed to it. Well he was doing this and was not even being loud but I guess it irritated the lady in the same isle as me and she turned around and said to me really loud, "Is your son retarded or something? If so you should keep him at home so the rest of us normal people do not have to put up with it". Needless to say I was very angry. It is hard to understand why some people have to be so cruel!

Nancy - posted on 03/25/2010

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I usually make this a time for educating people like that, but in this case nothing you say is going to help. I have run into this too with my daughter, but then I just say, she has autism, what's your excuse for your horrible behavior? That usually shuts them up and then I make it a point to say "Have a great day"!! LOL! I have found this makes me feel better and hope that it makes these terrible people stop and think next time! Hope it helps or at least made you laugh, we all need to laugh! have a wonderful day!

Dianne - posted on 03/25/2010

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You did the right thing. Just walk away from them. They are the ones who obviously have a problem not Leah. I have two boys Maxx (4) and Daulton (3 at the end of May) who are on the spectrum. My in-laws and I took them to a park here called "Daniel's Den" that was specifically built for kids with disabilities to play at with the reg. kids and a woman actually rolled her eyes at Maxx when he was yelling. I so wanted to kick her butt. Then I realized she has the bigger problem. She has no compassion. How can you tell a small child with a disability that they should stay home? Maybe these people should stay home in their perfect worlds and not wander outside. Then we wouldn't have to deal with them.

Aimee - posted on 03/25/2010

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Breathe and adopt the mantra "It's not me, it's you". My daughter had similar issues and when over-stimulated would run nonstop through grocery stores, malls, restaurants, you name it. I would constantly be bombarded with dirty looks and comments such as "she needs more time-outs", "you need to be a more disciplined parent" blah blah. But the truth is, people who feel a need to say something unkind or rude lack the compassion to take in what you might want to share about your daughter.
You might want to just ignore them or ask, point blank: what are your intentions? to help the situation or harm it?

Tammy - posted on 03/25/2010

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People dont seem to open there hearts and minds these days. I work Autistic young men and have a gew few instances where people stare and make comments. I simply tell them that these are special individuals who have just as much right to be there as they do. And if they dont like perhaps they should leave instead of us. Unfortunenately rudeness will never go away.

Helen - posted on 03/25/2010

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The Autism cards are the easiest way to go as I find it is so exhausting trying to explain anything to ignorant people. Some people do understand a little, but you will find that the majority do not and if they do not want the card then I sometimes say, "well I have a bag packed for my child, you take him/her for a couple days and see how you go!!!" They soon shut up after that. Other than that, I know exactly how you feel and have experienced many similar situations and in the begining when my son 4yrs was diagnosed and having meltdowns in public etc, I never knew what to do either and took a few heads off, but we live and learn. Goodluck with your daughter, sheis gorgeous!!!

Lori - posted on 03/24/2010

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I decided to go ahead and set my two son's appointments up together and just take them at the same time especially since they were both overdue for dental exam and cleaning. The dentist that we'd normally seen had retired so we were dealing with a new dentist. Before scheduling the appointment, I called the office and spoke with the appointment setter. I explained to the receptionist that I had a child with Autism and that if I were to set up an appointment with them that I needed to know two things. 1) Was not only the staff but also the doctor experienced with Autistic children? 2) Could they get us into the dr 100% for sure at our appointment time? Two simple enough questions right? Any parent with a child with disabilities would ask the same thing right? Wrong. I basiclly got a "Yes. Definately. Absolutely! Not a problem!" I decided to set the appointment. Needless to say, that's not how it ended up. We sat there for over three hours. In the meantime, my son, now highly aggitated because after all, "My appointment was at 9:00 AM!" is screaming in the waiting area. An elderly lady also waiting in the waiting area looks over at me and states, "Can't you control him?" I explained to her that he is Autistic and her response just set me off. She said, "Well, I have a grandson who is ADHD and your kid is more out of control then he is." I just looked at her and said, "Autism and ADHD are two entirely different things. So perhaps before you open your mouth next time you should do your research and next time perhaps just be a little more compassionate in the situation." I kindly walked up to the receptionist and told her that when I made this appointment I made it blatently clear to her that my son needed to be the dentist's chair at his appointment time and that if the problem could not be taken care of immediately that I would cancel the appointment and simply find somewhere else to take my children. He was sitting in the dentist's chair no more than two minuites later. I should've just followed my instincts and walked out. He had a pin size cavity in his maxillary first mollar. The dentist assured me that it was no big deal to fix that day. A few years later although I opted to find a different dentist after that appointment) the same mollar broke in half at the gumline. God Bless our current dentist and the dentist we've been with since. He drove nearly 150 miles to see my son on a Sunday afternoon to help us with his tooth. We were able to save it but what happened was this previous quack hadn't removed all of the decay and stuck a filling over the top of it. So the decay continued until the tooth gave way. So on that particular day, I not only had to deal with a rude person but a quack too!!!

Yanelys - posted on 03/24/2010

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I am very straight to the point. If I make her aware of my child's autism and she responds to me the way she answered you. I would have just say If you don't like or you don't care you are going to have no other choice but to deal with it of simply come back, ignorant witch!

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Had this issue in publix once. Lady told me to smack him and he would calm down. When I gently explained his problem was not disciplinary but sensory she told me in her day they didnt raisse their kids that way. Yes she was older, probably 60, but still I was so angry I calmly told her in her day they locked up their kids that were like mine and threw away the key, and that is why her generation was so ignorant about Autism. LOL right now, if you could have seen her face when I claimed her generation ignorant you would have died, I then informed her I wouldnt shop at her store anymore, did I mentioned she was a cashier. I have never been so mad in my life.

Heidi - posted on 03/23/2010

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Ahh yes, we had this problem in Costco one time. My son was screaming and having a meltdown (mind you when he was a little younger we changed stores to one that was less busy, went when he was well rested, brought a backpack full of stuff to keep him occupied, and made sure to go at the least busiest times for the store. It wasnt uncommon to see us in a grocery store at 6 am because he was up and it was quiet then lol) and a lady came up and told me I shouldnt ever bring him in public because he was causing such a commotion. I calmly explained to her that it was part of his therapy, and that it was good for him to learn how to do normal everyday things such as shopping as he was Autistic. She then proceeded to tell me how you can hear him through the entire store and he was a problem. I then responded with, Im so sorry he is disturbing you. Heaven forbid he cause a commotion and next time I'll be sure to leave him at home in the closet when I go out so he doesnt bother anyone...lol... Yeah I probably went a bit far but she got the point and walked away grumbling about how she would have never allowed her children to behave that way in public.
It is kinda overwhelming at first, when people stare and say things about his behavior. I always calmly explain he is Autistic and its hard for him to be in a place with so much stimulation for him. I explain how, for you and I, we can block out most of the unimportant stuff going on around us and focus on what we need to do, but that he lacks the ability to do that so it causes him to over-react to things going on around him. You kinda get used to it after a while and are able to block out most of the negativity from others who dont understand what its like. I used to be very sensitive to the look, the whispers, and such but now I barely notice unless someone says something to me directly lol :) Also, it gets easier, the more you take him the more he will become used to it and the less meltdowns you will have in the stores :0

Dree - posted on 03/23/2010

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Just tell them your daughter is Autistic and then suggest they go and read up on it before they begin judging anybody!!!!

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