i cant figure out how to help my 9 year old boy who has aspergers adhd depression anxiety and panic

Nicole - posted on 01/24/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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For the last two years I have been trying to help my boy cope with all his issues.. He is in a special school but because it is a behavorial school he has learned so many horrible things.... He consistantly swears at me has no boundery recognizatation cant communicate very well like he cant proccess his thoughts and of course cant properly deal with his emotions nor recognize my emotions. for the last month i read this book called the challenging child and learned about aspergers aggressive and hyperactive children dont understand non verbal communication like body language, I feel like im the bad guy all the time because he is always doing something i have to correct or give him consiquenses for. He also throws major tantrums yesterday he woke up at six and couldnt find his video game so instead of listening to me explain how to look for it he beat me up and called me every name in the book. Because of his issues i am now taking 12 mg of valum a day and sometimes more... Please tell me other moms have gone through this i dont know what to do anymore for him..

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Jessica - posted on 01/30/2010

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We're not at that point with my 7.5 year old son, though he does throw tantrums and we have feared for violence toward his brother or, more likely, against himself in the past. It's a really hard decision we've been fortunate not to be pushed to decide about medication, though we see therapy on the horizon as a likely option. The following link leads to an article about some parents' choice to medicate their autistic son; it's very thoughtful and heartfelt. It also contains links to the podcast of the radio show "Speaking of Faith," which isn't so much about religion as about the human spirit; they did a show called "Being Autistic, Being Human," and I'd recommend it to every parent of an autistic and/or gifted child, and even more so, to all the family and friends who don't quite understand what living with a kid like that is like.

Here's the link: http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/p...

I wish you all peace.

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Emily - posted on 02/04/2010

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www.talkaboutcuringautism.org



This is a great organization. It is volunteer mothers that help mentor families with children on the spectrum. You can chat with a mom online and they have great links to help.



Have you tried anything other than prescription meds? The gluten free/casein free diet has helped many kids. You can find information on the website above.

Good luck.

Nicole - posted on 02/02/2010

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thank you all well we just whent to the psychiatrist and found out that he is really aspergers, pdd, odd, ocd, adhd and all sensory sensitive he has tried resperidol focalin ridallin abilify tenex you name it hes been on it he sees a personal therapist once a week alternating family and just parker but it is just him and i the therapist cant communicate to him anything because of his issues with proccessing information. i cant communicate with him. today i said i need your help to clean the house, and he acted like he was lazy i cannot even get my house cleaned because i am so exausted just dealing with him so many issues there id no respit in our city that s free we live on his ssi because i cant work all i want is to be able to keep my house clean and play with him but i cant because of these issues i dont know where to get help.

Christine - posted on 01/31/2010

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I think its great that mums alike have been able to connect with you with simiilar stories. PLEASE diagnostic testing, compliance with their therapist / examiner & lots of patents the major ingredient that no one has as it BURNT out years ago. DRUGS are not always the the answer. Firstly you want to really hope you have the right diagnosis & secondly if a medication is to be subscribed is it going to improve the Chemical imbalance / balance of yr child. I was adament both hubby & I that our child was never going to take DRUGS... we didn't want to lose the personality... BUT if it meant DRUGS were going to delay impulse ive behavour + including the ability to concentrate at school and not graduate into a life of crime well then this is when I had no choice but to trust the proffessionals and accept the diagnosis and treatment which does include taking prescribed meds daily. All the best : )

Holly - posted on 01/30/2010

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Does he go to an individual therapist? Apply for the Katie Beckett Grant that will help pay for extra counciling and get started right away. Also, they can assign you a DT who will work with him a minimum of 10 hours per week on verbal communication, blurting, and tantrems. Every case is different but there are a lot of tools that can help make the process easier.

Carrie - posted on 01/30/2010

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Nicole does your son take medication??...My Kobe was on Risperdal for a few years and acted crazy on the coming down periods of the day. He would beat me up and throw terrible tantrums....I decided to take him off all meds and needless to say the tantrums are very very far and few between! He also has a wrap around (tss worker) that goes to school with him for a few hours a day to make sure he stays on track...Kobe is pretty much mainstreamed now and is only in the special class the last hour of the day! I also have a behavioral specialist who works with Kobe and I ..... teaches us how to deal with the frustration and how to deal with everything! Dont get me wrong we still have issues but its one day at a time as you know! I also find that the child physchiatrist is very helpful...these are just a few things to look into.....and if hes not on medication....maybe he needs is....because it helped Kobe alot in the begining! I hope some of this helps, I know how frustrated you must be! Good Luck!!

Carolynne - posted on 01/30/2010

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This sounds exactly like my 9 year old boy the same limitations! I have a 7 year old with Aspergers, and I have a 5 year old NT boy too. I aso have a 14 year old stepson who just lost his mother and is cussing and mouthy and wayyy out of line lately. My 9 year old is trying to be like his older brother! But the best thing, I can offer you is, social groups/ respite programs and an antidepressant. My son Keith,7, does just fine on 20mgs of prozac daily it seriously helps with the OCD side of him. Drake, my 9 year old takes 1.5mg's of respirdol and 30mgs a week, one time weekly, of prozac.. and honestly.. their behavior changes are like night and day! It helps them to get control of themselves, Drake is smiling almost always, and the aggression is severely limited! It really is amazing. But I would suggest you trying to look for another school for him it doesnt seem like the right placement. i dont know where you live but here in Arizona, the school districts have to find appropriate placement according to their IEP. My sons are in public schools but they have a specialized program called Uniquely Gifted. The classroom has a max of 8 kids, they are transitioned out for two classes daily into the mainstream classrooms, there are bean bags, rockers, a comfy couch and they have a full time Occupational Therapist on site, that they can go to for sensory outlets. Dont give up, and dont settle. They do not understand, they function completely differently than NT's, and every behavior is learned one. Therapists may help some, but for my son they get him, and didnt help. Family therapy though seems to, because it helps everyone to be same page. Try look award any speck of positive behaviors from him, you'll get more of those when he sees hes made you happy. the hardest thing for me is patience,. and talking to him calmly about his behaviors after Ive gotten upset. Its best to remove him from others until hes calmed, so no one gets hurt, and "baby proof" his calming spot, remove anything that he can harm him self on/ or with. For example in the boys room they have the radio, a dresser, a wallmounted lamp, their beds, and a sensory bag. A sensory bag is just a backpack, with foam swishyballs, rubber stretchey balls, silly putty, a small hand ball pump, and a flat ball- things that we have found that require exertion, pressure, or effort that we have found help to release the energy build up that the anxiety and frestration causes, also push ups on the wall or normal ones work, running does the trick too, sometimes I tell Drake to go run 5 laps around our backyard, and it works.. but these are all things that have to be suggested at the first sign of aggression, the stomping or grunting or whatever clues your son gives you, Goodluck to you!

Rachel - posted on 01/30/2010

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Hi there

My son used to be like this - I used to get bitten and kicked, so did his sister - I spent lots of time teaching him language and non verbal communication. What is crucial is to say exactly what you mean - I rememeber when my son was asked to tidy all his toys on the table - rather than put all his toys on the table away he followed the instructiuon and put all his toys on the table The key word was on when it should have been off. Also keep instruction to one request at a time and too much dialogue overloads.

My son also goes to scouts and as melissa says this had helped greatly - also use your circle of friends to give you support and give you a break - it does get better

Miranda - posted on 01/30/2010

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I have a 6 year old son going to a physcologist to learn to deal with his emotions which has helped a great deal!
I have also made a CD just for him of relaxing music as I found out that it can relax stressed out kids! When he starts to see like everything is getting a bit too much for him I sit him down in a quite place by himself! Hand him his walkman and instrucked him to relax or mellow out!

Jessica - posted on 01/29/2010

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My son is exactly like this but he is only five. ABA ( Applied Behavior Analysis) has saved my life on top of being in school all day he goes to ABA therapy for two hours everyday and it has made a world of difference. On top of that we have had to give him a very structured enviornment we use a PEC sechdule at home. It is hard to get use to but it has helped me out so much. I hope this helps let me know if you need anymore ideas I got a lot of them we have literally tryed everything!!!

Maria - posted on 01/29/2010

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Dear Nicole, I want to to know that you are not alone....My son is now 11 and he too was very agressive. His melt downwere so bad that I felt he lost his soul during them. Bitting and hicking as well as hurting himself was VERY common.... When this occurred I focused on getting to come back to reality..in other words I should him breathing tech...that help him control himself before a meltdown....IF you are with your child as you seem you are would will notice the potention meltdown coming try to learn a tech..that will help him keep as we say HIS cool....I too kept my son from taking medication but since he is in regular school on 100% regular classes he is very smart however social skills is a major factor and this causes anxiety,depression he feels he does not fit in...He is currently on Lesprol and this seem to keep him calm enough to understand how to control his temper. I live in California and we have The regional Center to help with socialization class of course because of the budget they get full very quickly and not many are given. Try to see if you can place your child in a what I call a School within a school. They go to the nearest school in special ed classes that work on getting your child on main streaming him to regular classes it took my son six years but we have now there. I too was never a pill pusher, but You need to find something to help you son....I tried claming teas and natural pills but eventually this year I needed to try the medication and so far I do see the difference. I still keep a close eye on him but he tells me he feels much better, Never stop the communication with the doctor. I too really encourage you to look into this. If you feel stress imagine how he feels and worse you need to help him learn to express himself in a different manner. Find what he like painting, drawing, a musical instrument. I know they are noise sensitive but you will be surprise to find out that he maybe gifted. Don't forget that LOVE and Patient can move mountains....I will pray for you and your family.

Kim - posted on 01/29/2010

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Dear Nicole, I have so been there with you! It is horrible and that's all you can say to describe the situation. I often described being in a domestic abuse situation only the aggressor was my son, not my husband. long story short he's been taking zoloft for 4 years now, for migranes, anxiety,depression and it helps focus as well. my son actuallly attends public school and is in general ed classes with in-class support and special ed services. I know several other autistic students in similar situations all in public schools in my area. I was never a pill pusher, but can't tell you enough how our quality of life changed dramatically for the better after taking zoloft. I know it has a bad reputation for suicide, but when you talk to your dr. they will explain how that happens. It is a really safe med, if used correctly. I really encourage you to look into this, as my son is now mostly on grade level work, only a little delayed in reading. My heart goes out to you. when my son was struggling like yours it was definitely the worst time for my entire family. I didn't understand how stressed out he was, from the constant overstimulation in the school setting. He is doing much better now. I'm so grateful that my dr. considered all his symptoms and prescribed zoloft.

Melissa - posted on 01/29/2010

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This sounds like my son when he was younger. He has Asperger's Syndrome, depression, Sensory Issues, ADHD...etc. His communication is good enough to cause problems, he has tons of social issues. The thing that has helped him the most is Cub Scouts/Boy Scouts. Scouting is really good for boys who have ADHD/Autism specturm disorders. Try to find a pack for him to join and become active in the pack now. When he gets to boy scouts you maybe able to send him on outings...Great way to get a weekend of respite.



My son used to throw big temper tantrums, he was aggressive, we have had so many problems it is unreal. I used to get beat up everyday as well. Have you tried to locate a support group in your area that you can go to and talk to other mom's. It is not easy being the mom of a child with Asperger's. Our boys have a lot in common.



Some churches (like ours) have Game NIghts or Respite nights and will accept children who have these type of issues. Try to find one in your area. I'd recommend ours (If you are in the DFW area or close to Tarrant County). Try to find some source of respite care or child care and take breaks when you can. I know that extended family are not always willing to help in these situations, but the special needs community usually will come together and help each other.

Abby - posted on 01/28/2010

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I totally agree that therapy is needed for the whole family. I am so sorry that you are going through this. My daughter went through a stage after a trauma where she would bite, kick and scratch me and throw things at me while I was trying to drive. My son is struggling in school and I have tried to keep him out of "behavioral schools" because I was afraid he would pick up bad habits. He would throw fits and throw and cuss, etc. I now have my son spend the summers in a school specializing in Applied Behavior Analysis. That is one option. All of us have a psychiatrist and therapist and I am working with a behavior therapist as well. Things have improved greatly. How old is your son?

Heather - posted on 01/25/2010

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If he isn't in private therapy make sure you do so. Therapists can be extremely helpful. I can't give you any suggestions as of yet, but if I find out anything that works I will let you know.

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