I GOT MY 4 YEAR OLD SON A BADGE READING-I'M AUTISTIC IT'S RUDE TO STARE

Danielle - posted on 02/23/2010 ( 28 moms have responded )

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I would really appreciate peoples opinion of this, and whether or not you think he should wear it.

we have some very tricky situations with kane, when out in public, and people stare, this i don't mind, but some people look at my son as though he is a BRAT!! this is not the case. As an example he becomes so obsessed with things for long periods of time, at the moment its reciepts, tickets and clocks. when we are out he focuses purely on when he will get to the till for a reciept, but it doesn't stop there-kane wants the reciept to be in pristine condition, with no tears, rips, bends, misprints or creases!! Naturally this happens, and he becomes so distressed it is near impossible to calm him down and explain to the poor shop assistant what it is that they have done so wrong to make my little boy so distressed!!!! this is a time when the badge helps us out majorly, and enforces confidence in me as a mother, that people do not see my son as a horrible child with crazy behaviour issues!!! and that they understand that there is a reason that he behaves in this perculiar (to them) way. To me this is normality, and i wouldn't change my son, but to others on the outside with no understanding of A.S.D this is a window of understanding, and to me as a parent, an invaluable tool in everyday life. kindest regards Danielle

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Jennifer - posted on 02/23/2010

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go to www.cafepress.com and enter in search for Autism shirts. I bought up TONS of shirts for me and my kids and my family to wear. We even ordered cards to hand out to ppl when they are rude. Trust me i know where you are coming from.

Esther - posted on 02/28/2010

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i feel ur pain! and i think he should wear it. however a shirt would be better, but since he can't always wear thing to identify what the cause of the problem is. there are cards that can be give out if it would help they tell the person that the child is on the autism spectrum and they can find out more information about autism and a website they can go to also. if you want the name of the book it got it from hit me on facebook and i'll tell you. also you can look at( disabity is natural) by kathy snow she is wonderful and gives eye opening arguments about children with special needs, she also have bags ,books, dvd's and shirts, buttons ect,

Jackie - posted on 02/24/2010

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Hi Danielle! Hang in there! I have a beautiful son who will be 25 in 2 weeks. He has Downs Syndrome. It breaks my heart that there are people out there thatare just plain RUDE! A good way my husband treats people when they stare at my son, he goes up to them and introduces Brandon, & explains he has Downs! You should see their faces! I love the shirt idea. I, also got my son a shirt. It said"Keep Staring...I Might Do A Trick" ! Keep Faith! Know that you have a beautiful child of God. My prayers are with you. Jackie

Amber - posted on 02/24/2010

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I do not see anything wrong with this, but I do not think I could do this for my son. I have heard all sorts of rude coments and gotten plenty of glares. One time while leaving a Library (due to the fact that my son would not leave the elevator so we could listen to story time) I actually had a couple of police officers stop and come watch me put my child into the car. I believe they thought I was beating him because of the outrageous fit he was throwing. I just smiled at them and continued on putting him into the car.

I was always proud of the fact that whenever people would say things about us, I would keep my chin up, smile, and some times give a nice comment to my son. I would continue to try to talk him out of his rage, even though I knew he could not hear me because he was screaming to loud. He would pull my hair, pinch me, scratch me, bite me, and hit me in front of people. He was not trying to be bad he just could not help himself. I know everyone around was thinking what a spoiled child and what a rotten mom, but I did not care. I know that I do a good job with him, and I know that he trys back. I never wanted to use ASD as an excuse of why my childs behavior was so bad.

One day while I was at work my sister brought my son in to see me. As they where leaving, (my son at that time was pretty much in a constant fit everytime we took him into a building) a lady came in and she had said the most rotten things about him I had heard a person say about a child. She did not know that it was my child as he was leaving with someone else. I looked at her and said I cannot believe that any one could say that about any child, and just to let you know he has autism.

Ya, it sure shut her up and oh boy she apologized, but that's not what I wanted. After I said this I felt horrible and I still do, it is not a label to be used for excuses of why my son is behaving bad.

My son is only four and he is starting to talk more and more. He was said to have aspergers at one point. I started reading books on kids with aspergers and many of the books say that if your child can talk you should give them a choice if they want people to know about it or not. I know there are many different situations and reasons why people should know about ASD. But since I've read those books I just really would like to wait until he would have a chance to talk to me about it, and tell me if he wants people to know. Either way I'm sure he will seem a little different, but with my son I want it to be his choice. He should decide how much people need to know about him.

I do think it is a good idea to have something out there to let everyone know about your childs autism. Mainly to avoid stares and possibly bad comments your child can hear. I do not see any thing wrong with it. This is just my opinion on my child, who I believe will be able to choose for himself someday, and until then I hope I can hold back, stay silent, and keep smiling!

Hope all goes well for you.

Sheila - posted on 02/24/2010

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My son has a baseball cap that states Autism Awareness and has three smiling puzzle pieces. I usually have my ribbon/bracelet...something with the puzzle pieces.

I have seen fun shirts that say things like Autism Rocks! (and rolls, and spins, and twirls, and you get the idea!) I thought that was a great one! I have friends who have had cards to hand out.

It's funny (not "funny" funny..."funny" odd) my son has crossed eyes. Nothing to do with the autism...he has some other minor physiological issues to deal with, but he has wonky eyes. (I love the word wonky! lol) So, talking with other friends with physically perfect looking children who live with ASD, I know that we are "forgiven" by the general public with greater frequency because people notice my son's eyes. We have only had one major incident, but It's almost like they think they are seeing a physical indicator of his issues, so they find his behaviour easier to understand....and his eyes have nothing to do with anything. In fact, after much testing he sees fine...just out of one eye at a time.

Good luck everyone!

Here's to all the people who have shown us kindness and compassion when we've been out with our children.

Different, not less!

Sheila

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[deleted account]

Oh my I love the happy flappy one, that is soooo my son. I also have one for his brother, that reads "I love my Autistic Brother!" This one is nice when we go out places, esp theme parks, and Coley is being crazy and I am holding the little one. They see is when they look at me like "get control of your child" and immediately back off.

Debora - posted on 03/24/2010

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Forgot to say, though, that he won't want to wear it when he gets older. My little guy is 10, and very sensitive to anything that makes him appear different from other children (apparently, he doesn't realize that his differences are made obvious by his behaviors), so he would fight like the devil not to wear a button or shirt. I think this applies mostly to adolescent and older (my Ben is getting a head start on the teen thing).

Melissa - posted on 03/24/2010

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Stephanie, that's the way I feel about it too. I like the shirt that says, "I get flappy when I'm happy," because it is right up my son's alley, but I would feel strange putting it on him because of the labeling. I also like the one that says, "If you're Aspie and you know it, flap your hands!" Cute.

Stephanie - posted on 03/24/2010

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I have just got badges too, but like you I wasn't too sure if he should wear it so I got one saying "my sensitivity can make me go ballistic, cuz I'm a kid who's a little autistic". But then I couldn't bring myself to put it on him, because it felt like I was literally labelling him. So I got another one which just says "Autism Awareness", and I've pinned it to my bag ;-) I like the idea of cards to hand out, I'll have to get some of them too.

[deleted account]

Danielle, I love that idea. Cole is 4 and his obsession currently is the debit machines. He also gets rewarded for behaving in a store and matchbox cars are his fav. So at checkout if when we take the car away an have it scanned he, of course, freaks until it is given back. This has caused many a comment from obnoxious clerks, and grandma types. I definitely need this button. Or a shirt even. I applaud you, you are opening up a way for those that are uninformed to ask questions and become educated on our amazing little guys and gals.

Melissa - posted on 03/23/2010

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I wouldn't have my son wear a badge or shirt on a regular basis unless he is an eloper and unable to speak. In that case, I'd probably do a medical alert bracelet. However, if we were to be somewhere that it should be clearly known that my son has an "invisible disability" I would get one. It beats having to explain to 20 different people why your kid gets to go to the front of the line. It's kind of like a service dog vest. You don't need one if you're going to the park, but you'd better have one at the airport.

Tasha - posted on 02/28/2010

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My son would not talk, no cooing or babbling as a baby. This concerned me and I would mention it to his doctor all the time. Over the next few years Chadd's vocabulary has grown but he has to go to speech and language as he is very behind for his age.His teacher says what gets him by most of the time is that he has an extraordinary rote memory, but then some of his other skills are that of a 24-36 month old so then it takes his skills that he is strong in down. He just turned 5 I have him potty trained for the 4th time now. After me being so persistent the doctor had said something about a survey of 20 questions and if he scored more than 3 he had to go to an ASD clinic at Easter Seals. My son scored an 8. I just felt like, if they would have listened to me he could have gotten help sooner. I am still waiting on the appointment to be set up by them. He has horrible horrible tantrums, he cusses when he is in his rages, he throws himself to the ground,throws things, screams, kicks, until he comes out of it there is no reasoning with him. People at the stores are so VERY VERY rude! My daughter who is 7 has ADHD, so I have my hands full. I actually had one lady come from several isles over in a grocery store to tell ask me if I knew that the stores had a bathroom....My son had just turned two and was sitting in the cart throwing one of his fits. Kicking me and screaming and I was using a calm voice just telling him it will be okay trying to soothe him. Then over came the lady and that just tripped my trigger like I didn't know he was throwing a fit...ummm...hello I'm being kicked and he is right in front of my face I'm pretty sure I am aware of what he is doing....I told her I am NOT taking my son to the bathroom to beat his butt to make her happy and that she needs to take her ass back over to her cart and finish her shopping and leave us the hell alone. People have no understanding of what it is like to have a child with disabilities if they have never been around or had a child of their own with them. Which is sad for them because then they judge you, your child and your parenting skills. I love my children more than life itself and all I can say is God is the only one who can judge and he gave us our children for a reason. He knows we will take care of them and love them unconditionally no matter what. Best of luck to all of you and your families. I will keep you posted on Chadd's progress as soon as we go to the ASD clinic whenever it is scheduled......~Tasha~

Rusty - posted on 02/26/2010

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God Bless you and keep wearing that pin....put a puzzle piece on your purse...keep smiling and loving that little guy....you are in my thoughts and prayers....Rusty G.

Danielle - posted on 02/26/2010

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thank you for your support Nissa, and the best one i think i've seen so far is -"i'm Autistic so what's your excuse?" xxxx

Danielle - posted on 02/26/2010

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Jackie mcgrail, i wish there were more people like you in the world, your so optimistic, greatful of your blessings, and sincerely kind. thank you so much for your kind words, and i hope your son has a lovely Birhday!!!! (i'm sure he will with a lovely mum like you there)xxxx

Danielle - posted on 02/26/2010

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i'm so glad to have joined this lovely group, the support is so amazing, i felt so alone, and thanks to you guys i think i'm beginning to feel more confident, enpowered and ready for anything that comes at me! just knowing that all of you, and so many more are in the "same world" brings me so much strength and belief. this means so much to me. YOU ALL ROCK!!!! xxx

Melanie - posted on 02/26/2010

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i think it's a great idea. Unfortunately people are rude and ignorant about so called mis-behaving children. I must admit i have a different outlook now our son is special needs. He throws unmerciful tantrums when we are out sometimes and people do stare. Other times he just sits there staring things not making a sound. I think people need more of an awareness surrounding special needs and autistic children. People are too quick to judge when they see a child throwing a tantrum, we have had parents ask us why we can't control our child. the thing about it is there is a never ending supply of information on how to cope as parents and for family i just wish others where more considerate xx

[deleted account]

i swore i'd hand out business cards with something similar after the first few times we took out daughter out using her walker.... people who stare are one thing but people who won't keep their children from staring really bother me. i do suggest purchasing some official autism logos and wearing them on your coat, purse, his backpack, etc.. that way you aren't stooping to their level...... keep your head high.... no one else but other parents of autistic children understand.. and we are outnumbered......

and now for the next six weeks my daughter who is 13 is wheelchair bound from leg surgery...this should be fun.....

Nissa - posted on 02/24/2010

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I think it's a great idea. The best shirt that I've seen says I have Autism... What's wrong with you?

[deleted account]

I think it is a great idea. Let me tell you a story one day my son and I was at a doctors office to see a developmental ped and he like to walk in circles, grunt, pluck his fingers and this man and woman decide they wanted to stare at him and whisper to each other it pissed me off so bad I had to turn around and ask what was the f***ing problem why are you staring at my son like he is contagious or something. It made me so mad at that point I wish I would have had something to avoid the whole situation.

[deleted account]

that is a very clever and creative way to deal with a delicate situation! Great Job!

Cheryl - posted on 02/24/2010

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Danielle I have 4 other children and love them all the same. As they say a mothers love is totally unconditional. I may love my kids dearly but I don't always like them (their actions as opposed to them).

It is hard to know who to turn to when you need help as it's not always offered.

I just want to thank you for your lovely response. I know that I have done what I can and even now she has our undivided support and always will. Most people think that a child with this disability is unable to fend for themselves and I know that it does depend on the 'level' of the disability that is not always the case. Hannah can lose her temper with the slightest thing and needs to be left on her own when she does but she is just brilliant with children and especially with her own nieces and nephews who just absolutely adore her.

Andrea - posted on 02/23/2010

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I've actually been really interested in purchasing stickers or buttons and shirts for my family and I. My six year old daughter has PDD-NOS and i sometimes get annoyed at the questions people ask or the stares we get when she has a meltdown. It's good to know that there's a lot of support for this.

Danielle - posted on 02/23/2010

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Cheryl it is great to speak with a mum as experienced as you, as my little man is only 4 as you know and i recognise that as a parent with an Autistic child-"time is the best teacher" and your advice and support is greatly appreciated. knowing that there are mums like you out there who have experienced the ignorence of people, and overcome those situations with confidence is so inspirational to me and others too.
i believe that even if your child doesn't have special needs, as a mother we will always question whether we could have done more for our child/children, that i think is nothing more than a natural parental instinct. however i think that the way you talk of your daughter with such pride shows that you do absoloutely everything you can to support and encourage her! i really don't think you could have done any more than you probably did, and unfortunately school, and the education authorities are a very hard opponent to fight.i am only just beginning that tedious journey/battle!! i am just glad there are people here i can turn to for real advice! and not just a bunch of contradictive "professionals"!xxx

Danielle - posted on 02/23/2010

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thankyou so much for that website Jenifer, it is by far the best one i have ever seen!! and thankyou even more for your kind words of support, i appreciate it so much, and it means so much to mexxx

Suzanne - posted on 02/23/2010

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hi danieele my son is 4 yrs and has asd i know just how you feel i can deal with leo it is other peoples reaction to him which upsets me and makes me feel more isolated than his behaviour i personally would allow him to wear it i am also going to get some cards printed up to hand out to people saying something simular as sometimes feel like screaming at people he is autistic not naughty which obviousley make the situation more stressfull for myself so if you can do it in a calm way like badge or cards it will make the already dificult situation less stressfull to deal with and probley handle it alot better as a result. Hope this helps x

Cheryl - posted on 02/23/2010

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Hi Danielle. I have a daughter now 18 years old. My daughter has always had 'special needs' and attended speech and language 'units' (I hate that word). In senior school she was always in trouble and being excluded because of her 'bad behaviour' even though they knew she had problems. It turns out that her needs were and are that of a child with semantic pragmatic disorder (autism) and ADHD. We only got told of this in September 2009 so my poor girl has been through hell all these years with no-one offering us anything more concrete than 'speech, language and understanding difficulties'. I used to take her out shopping etc and she used to start getting really upset for no apparent reason and I remember when she was about 18mths old one male passenger told me to shut her up because she was hysterical about something. It broke my heart because she couldn't talk (and didn't talk til she was 8 years old). After all these years it is a relief to know that this thing now has a name but for my girl it's come as a real shock knowing she does have a 'disability' and is coming to terms with it. However, she cannot ever forgive for the school not taking notice of her when they already knew she had a problem and even her GCSE exams the only 'extra' help she received was an extra 15 mins...Wow!! My daughter tries her best to keep her 'anger' under control but it doesn't take much for anyone to upset her even though they don't do it deliberately. People who don't know her do not understand what she goes through and it breaks my heart to think that maybe there was something else that I, as her mum, could have done to help her more..But could I have? It makes me angry when people assume that children who 'play up' in stores etc are just being naughty but they don't stop to think that the child may have a problem. I know I am far more aware when I see a child 'mis-behaving' cos it may not be their 'fault'.

I know this may not be what you wanted but at least I kind of understand what you are going through

Cheryl

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