i hate it when

Carrie - posted on 07/29/2009 ( 23 moms have responded )

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i hate it when u say autistic and people think you mean retarded... autistic kids are beyond smart most of the time.



people deny autism because they are simlple unaware.. read jenny mccarthy's book on autism it rocks...

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Cherish - posted on 06/21/2012

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Jennifer,
It is awful that an adult would say "retard" or "retarded" in a derogatory way.And WHY would she say that around children?
Whenever I go to the store or whatever and someone says that(to another person about someone who is annoying them) like "that lady is being a retard" I tell them that is rude and offensive.
If my family did that I would blast them.

Tell your mother in law next time she says that,say "We told you this is hurtful,but you keep saying it,I am SO SAD for you that you are SO ignorant that you can not find other words to use"..or just tell her to shuddup

[deleted account]

First and foremost I would never call my child, or any child with a disability "retarded", but I am curious as to why so many people are offended by the word. Because so many people are offended by it is the reason that most people don't use it. What does retarded mean to you? The definition of retarded is: to make slow or to be slow; to have a developmental delay or to have had a delay. This can apply to a person or a machine or even a person getting to an appointment. In some dictionaries it is defined as to prevent or to hinder.



In the Merriam-Webster medical dictionary the definition is: slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development. While most of us agree that our autistic children have an intellect well above their peers there emotional development is delayed.



I have an 18 year old son with autism and a 2 year old nephew with Down syndrome, and with having these two wonderful boys in my life it is my responsibility to protect them and to inform the people they come in contact with daily about their disabilities. I am older than most people on this board, not all, and I have gotten way past about caring what other people think or say. It doesn't bother me a bit what they call them, but I wouldn't call either of them retarded. Not because it doesn't fit the definition of it, but because of the disparaging way that society uses the word.



If you wouldn't call your child with autism retarded would you call a child or person with Down syndrome retarded? Both fit the medical definition.

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Jennifer - posted on 06/21/2012

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My family went to my inlaws lake house last weekend. I counted 5 times that she (my mother in law) said "retard" and "retarded". It infuriates me every single time. My husband has told her how it makes us feel (offended), but does that stop her? Nope.
Even worse, she says it around my kids. Just waiting for the day that my 4 year old says it.

Sarah - posted on 06/11/2011

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I agree! I told my son's Sunday school teacher about his condition so she could be prepared for his oddities, lol. She just looked unbelieving and said "Dylan? He doesn't seem slow." Well...that's because he's not. He's Autistic.

I can't be too angry about it, though. I didn't even realize that I treated Dylan like he was incapable of learning until we took him shortly after turning 2 in for one of his evaluations. Though he was not yet speaking, through interaction with his therapist we discovered that he knew all his color names, shapes, letters, numbers, etc. Not an incredible achievement, I realize, but it is for a child who had not been taught those things! Since then I've learned to stop assuming he doesn't understand something, and instead recognize that while he might not be able to communicate all that he understands, he is NOT retarded!

Cassandra - posted on 08/24/2009

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OMG I get so tired of hearing from people "he just needs some dicipline" My son is 3 and it has been suggested that he may be on the spectrum, but yet he wasnt diagnosed on it just yet, he has been diagnosed with ADHD, a feeding disorder, sensory disorder, language delay, and a few other things, he is a very very smart little boy and I wouldnt change him for anything. God does not give us any more than we can handle. I dont agree with what some say, that its our kids with these diagnosis' that should have to learn to adjust to other people its all of the rest of the people that need to adjust to him. If the statistic now says that 1 out of 150 kids are diagnosed as autistic then what will that be in the years to come? Like 500 years from now they are gonna look back and say that we hindered the evoloution of our society by labeling the things we didnt understand. I think that autism is a form of evolution, and we just dont understand how it works yet.

Amber - posted on 08/22/2009

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Quoting Lisa:

I hate it when people tell me that my high functioning autistic son "seems normal". And then continue to ask me "whats wrong with him" but they dont see the stimming or the obsessions or just dont know enough about him or autism to be making that statement. I know some times they are trying to be nice but its not helpful to hear that.



I so agree with you on this one...   We were visiting far away family last week who were given the news of our sons autism before we got there.  When we arrived and said our hello's I was bombarded with ..."there's nothing worng with that kid" and "You listen to doctors too much, they don't know what they are talking about!"   WOW...  That just totally made all OUR hard work  of the last few months meaningless.  Considering 3 months ago  my 3 year old son had a vocab of 8 words and today he has more then 45.  I do agree also that people mean well and just want our kids to be ok.  There was one thing I told my son's family they were right about... "you are right! there is nothing wrong with my son... he just has autism."

Brenda - posted on 08/20/2009

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i hate when peoplr call the police on you cause ur child is talking a yelling fit in public and then tell u that u need to dicipline ur child

Cheryl - posted on 08/17/2009

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i agree with you so much on this, most of the people who dont know how smart autistic children are like but hes so smart, yes it doesnt mean they arent smart, it drives me crazy.

Karen - posted on 08/17/2009

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I totally agree and I agree with Fiona. I have a large family and not all of them understand autism. I also hate it when I go out in public and people stare because he may throw a tantrum or he doesn't really talk yet.

Alicia - posted on 08/16/2009

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My son is in an autism pre-school with a wonderful teacher and paras so I don't have to worry about him yet. But I am afraid that he will be teased and bullied like your son Carrie when he is older. I don't want him to be hurt because kids are cruel and teachers overwhelmed and uneducated about his condition.



Lisa I totally agree with you. It is beyond frustrating to have to defend a diagnosis you hate. It puts me in the most uncomfortable position. They are trying to make the best of it or make me feel better bacause Liam "isn't that bad". But it isn't helpful it's hurtfull. I wish I could make people understand that when they do that they are really just saying Liam needs to be "normal" to be accaptable. It really pisses me off.

Carrie - posted on 08/16/2009

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I used to hate it when the adults in the school system that are supposed to be advocating for my son refer to the horrible things other kids have done to him as "boys will be boys" and my son needs to be more tolerable. Ignorance, fear, bullying, and bodily injury should never be excused regardless. There is a wonderful law called "jarred's law" to protect all children--and we have chosen to home school my son and we take him to a counselor weekly. Finally he is starting to trust people again, but still doesn't want anything to do with kids his own age.

Michele - posted on 08/16/2009

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I agree- autism is beyond intelligent on many levels. I think that public awareness needs to be raised, a lot of people don't understand between autism, cognitively disabled. . . cerebral palsy, spina bifida, multple sclorosis, deaf, blind, has a bad leg, big ears- you name it!



Ignorance is a horrible thing, unfortunately, most of the people spouting off their mouths do so in order to protect themselves (afraid of their own handicaps). The biggest bullies do it to draw attention from themselves. It is too bad that we just can't accept differences and stop pointing fingers at others.

Lisa - posted on 08/04/2009

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I hate it when people tell me that my high functioning autistic son "seems normal". And then continue to ask me "whats wrong with him" but they dont see the stimming or the obsessions or just dont know enough about him or autism to be making that statement. I know some times they are trying to be nice but its not helpful to hear that.

Marilyn - posted on 08/04/2009

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I agree my son is intellectually 4 years ahead of his peers but is still called retarded. Why? It makes no sense. I asked the school why thaey don't calll him gifted ans was told he is but socailly he's retarded therefore that's what he is

Paula - posted on 08/03/2009

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Personally, I hate it when I hear the word "retarded". I wish the word would cease to exist, as there are SO many other terms to use. My son is 16. He was first diagnosed with ASD when he was 3. I have to say that we have come so far in how we diagnose these children, the types of therapy out there, and just the general knowledge of ASD. I spent 10 years getting my son the help he needed (and it's never ending). He has been through so much in his life with the MRI's, Cat Scan, MMR's, evaluations, therapies, genetic testing, etc. but the more informed people are out there, the better it will be for not just the parents, but for the general in whole.

Alisha - posted on 08/02/2009

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I get really upset when people give me dirty looks thinking my child is a brat or that I'm a bad mom because I'm young they just think I'm not doing my job they don't know my son has autism...my son has to have routine everyday and if it gets messed up watch out!..I wish people could understand

Shawna - posted on 07/31/2009

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Some children with Autism are a little bit slower mentally. My son is one of them. A mother of an autistic daughter is always reminding me of how lucky i am because i can take my son to do groceries, he is not always good he will throw a fit sometimes depends. Her daughter however would be throwing a fit too but somehow i am still lucky she says. He daughter really needs routine to function well my son doesn't at least i don't believe he does.... may he does too because he will throw rocks repeatedly at the wall when he outside. He refuses to play with toys. Maybe this is because he needs a routine i dont know. He is behind about a year and a half from his peers. I find its hard trying to teach him, he wont pay attention to me and i have to fight with him to try and do something. Hold a crayon and try to make circles, sing the alphabet too is a challenge, he is improving always but not as much as i wish he were. I really hope his future is bright... i just keep that image of him doing well in my mind and try my best. He is in therapy which is great. I agree not ALL Autistic children are "retarded" but some do have more problems than others. Thanks for letting me vent a bit here.. The post really got my attention. I wish u all the best with ur children.

Mandy - posted on 07/30/2009

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I am finding out what you mean right now. My 5yo ds was diagnosed with Aspergers just a few weeks ago. Earlier this week we had an evaluation done to determine an initial placement - whether he should go on to Kindergarten or spend an extra year in a special needs preschool setting to "catch up". Well, he passed the developmental screening - tested as almost 6 yrs old developmentally - so he is definately going to Kindergarten. But when I asked about an IEP I was told that "he may not meet the school's definition of autism." WHAT!!! Well I guess she thought it should be obviouse to me that if he is not developmentally delayed, his speech is not bad (not normal but not bad), and he is NOT RETARDED then he isn't autistic. Never mind that his social emotional level is that of a 2 year old, has extreme sensitivity to sound and light, hand flaps and toe walks, and is obsessed currently with Sonic the Hedgehog like nothing I have ever seen. I am FURIOUS!!!!

Amber - posted on 07/30/2009

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My son RJ just turned 3 and was diagnosed with high functioning autistic a few months ago. Yesterday we were at the gym and the receptionist offered RJ a piece of candy. He wouldn't look at her because he is very shy and she was demanding that he look at her or she wouldn't give him the candy. I softly explained that this was hard for him to do as he was very shy. So she persits, asking RJ to look at her. Mean while he is growing more and more upset. So, I said "Did you know that RJ is autistic?" and this girls gasps like he has a contagious disease. "OMG!" she says "I didn't know that, how awful!"

Wow seriously? awful? is that the best thing people can come up with when encountered with something different?

So when she offered to just "give it to him" (the candy) I was like "maybe next time"

So that's my I hate it when...

[deleted account]

We are advocates for our children. The community needs to know more about Autism and other Spectrum Disorders as it is becoming more prevelant in our society than ever before. Our children are the fnext generation of scientists, politicians, mathematicians etc. so make way :-)

Fiona - posted on 07/29/2009

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I agree, I think it's our job to educate people and let them know just how amazingly brilliant our children are. The more we teach others about autism and spectrum disorders, the more understanding people will be with our children.

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