I have an 8 yr old autistic son who will not BM in the toilet..... HELP!

Jennifer - posted on 09/23/2009 ( 21 moms have responded )

5

15

0

I have tried EVERYTHING to get him to bm in the toilet. I even have gone to school/specialists to help with this problem. I would really like to get him fully potty trained. any ideas?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Diane - posted on 09/25/2009

6

0

0

It takes a VERY long time! My son just learned before his 12th!!!!!!!!!!!! Birthday
I can tell you the plan we used if you want

Dawn - posted on 12/30/2011

1

0

0

My son is almost 8 and has ASD. He used to go in hi pullup and hide when he was younger. Taking advice from a doctor, we took away all pullups. This turned into a withholding problem. He has actually held it for a week. We have been though Miralax and suppositories. He is actually verbal, social, and quite intelligent but since he was 5 has run to the bathroom only to go on the floor next to the toilet. He holds his poop all day at school and has never once had an accident there. I have tried every potty training method in the book. Even weird ones.(straddling the toilet, every kind of seat, letting him watch you tube videos to learn about toilets) All it did was turn into OCD with bathrooms. Then I had to deal with my son running into every public bathroom(including womens) to see them and flush every toilet. Needless to say it has caused an enormous amount of stress on our son and on our family. I started just being the observer and I make him clean it up. (therapists advice) He told me after a breakdown the other day that "he is just not ready to use the toilet yet" In my heart I believe him so patience is the best medicine I suppose. Until I can think of something else to try again.

Desiree - posted on 09/23/2011

1

9

0

I have an 8 year old son with ASD and he will not bm on the toilet either. He has no problem peeing in the toilet but a bm is a different story, he will only go in a pull up. I don't have any advice for you, but you're not alone.

Wanda - posted on 09/25/2009

10

12

0

Well, here goes.. Please do not let my situation discourage any of you. I should say OUR because I would not be here today had it not been for my wonderful husband. Our daughter is 30 years old. She is still not toilet trained. Thank goodness, we now have disposable pull-ups. We did not when she was a toddler. I can relate to everything that has been posted on this subject so far. She has been through so many "stages" I won't even begin to talk about them. Anyway, even though it IS a BIG issue, do not sweat the small stuff,(however, Leah has never refused to go to the point that we had to seek medical attention.) do not worry about what other people think, do what works for YOU, NEVER allow anyone to say anything negative or talk down to YOU or your child. Our Leah is doing better now than ever. She's in a day program and refuses to even try to go to the bathroom there. At home she does try at times, but if I can't get to her exactly when she lets me know she needs to "go", well, let's just say it's not pretty. However, at least now she does understand that she's not supposed to wet or dirty her pullups. She used to never care --went no matter when or where. It is very difficult to be a parent of a special needs child and we do have our "break-downs", but just do your best to be patient, strong, and remember to PRAY WITHOUT CEASING. Also, we talk to Leah as if she were any other child, letting her know that she upsets us, etc. No one thing works for any parent/child whether they have a particular problem or not. Just remember to LOVE them and PRAISE the good things. One other thing, no matter how bad it gets, it could always be worse. By the way, I forgot to mention that Leah cannot talk, thereby making it even more difficult to communicate.

Magen - posted on 09/23/2009

106

15

27

We went through the same with our son. I recomend patients and a willingness to try weird or unconventional things. Rewards can work but a gradual approach will probably be neccassary. My son went through complete refusal for 9 days and had to have some drastic treatments and then we went through a VERY strange series of events. Our first concern was just to get him to go at all regardless of where and that turned out to be outside. He went through a period where he would not poop indoors we had to go to the park or for a walk. Then we moved inside he chose his room or closet. Eventually we moved to the bathroom not on the toilet but in the bathroom. Then on the toilet with the pull up then finally on the toilet. All this time rewards for pooping were much praise and treats. And all of this time he was on a stool softener to avoid pain when pooping. As we did not want him to associate the two. He is still on fiber to keep things moving smoothly. I don't know if this will help you and I'm sure some people thought I was crazy taking my child outside to poop but we had to do what worked. Also remember about 30 minutes after eating is when the body will naturally produce the urge to vacate, so this is a good time to go to the place where you want him to poop.Maybe just spend some time in the bathroom and if he poops make it a BIG deal. Good Luck!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

21 Comments

View replies by

Tabatha - posted on 01/02/2012

5

0

0

My son potty trained at 3 then regressed. My doctor told us this is because his BM is something he can control. I used to take the poop filled unerpants to the bathroom and have him watch me put it in the toilet, the whole time telling him this is where poop goes. I also made my husband take him to the bathroom when my husband had to go explaining to him this is how big boys go potty. I also explained to him that you can't play in poopy pants it is yucky. I myself have IBS and he came into the bathroom one day while I was sitting there and asked me what I was doing. I told him mommy was reading because it helps me relax so I can poop in the potty. I left my magazines by the toilet and one day found him in there on the potty reading my magazine LOL. We still have some weird moments. Like yesterday he came up to me and asked if he could pee in the trash can. I told him no and he told me too late and walked away. I couldn't help but to laugh at that. I did tell him that no we don't potty in the trash!

Carol - posted on 01/01/2012

18

56

2

my daughter is only 5 but we have been trying to tackle this one for years and have been told by lots of ppl that she needs to be out of nappies and she is ready and they know what there doing but so far they have caused her to become distressed by the concepted of bm, toilets, knickers so we have to stick to slowly and in her time when we first tried to get her in knickers she started to hold it in till she made her self really ill so we scrapped that idea, pottys were just an excuse to wear on her head or step in, even if they were full so they got chucked. we started to introduce her to potty training at school as at home it was never going to happen as the fear was already there. at school they finally found it was more of a problem than they thought so we now have the toilet song and she will do everything she can do not to go or to trick us into thinking she has gone but its a start right.... to get her on the toilet peer pressure helped as the other children have been teasing her about wearing a nappy to school so she wanted to make a change into knickers. but before that i kid you not we had to cut holes in her nappies and have trial goes on the toilet or potty. we would spend time reading books, colouring and hey she has even had her lunch while on the toilet to show her its not that bad to be in that room, then if she goes to the loo she still has the comfort of her nappy but it goes straight in the loo and she can hear the sound as that can be really unnerving... we have thrown away the rule book and we just go with the flow now, at school she is starting to get the hint and at home not so much.. yes we too have a house that the smell is not always pleasant, and she will not tell us if she has been, although you can tell now when she is lying, but we know one day maybe 10 years from now maybe 20 years we will get there and i will not rush her, or force her as i wont my other non asd kids. when the time is right it will click until then its better to have a happy child who goes when they need to in a nappy than a child who is too distressed to contemplate the idea, or to spite you smears it round the house so they can remain in control. always ensure your child is in control as the fear seems worse when they dont have any control over the situation, good luck and i hope you find something that helps

Shasta - posted on 09/26/2009

101

11

25

mine is the same way. i haven't found anything that really works yet but, i so know how you feel. one thing i was wanting to suggest is check with your son's dr. my son got a perscription for pull-ups from his dr and now the insurance pays for them. it hasn't helped him to potty train but it has helped with the cost of him not.

Tracy - posted on 09/26/2009

14

53

2

What ever is in the pool water would make Mackenzie (8) have to go. So would take her to the pool and then like after 4 mins get her back out and run her to the bathroom. Then it gradually grew into her going on her own.

Rachel - posted on 09/26/2009

2

4

0

hi i have a son with autism ,but its my elder son with downs that had the same prob he was around 8yrs.so hope i can offer u some help if only to say ive been there.Does your son talk to u?as dan my son with autism only talks to family,Is he scared?of using toilet carl my other son was.with carl it was just pure patience your son will get there im sure.i found with carl it was the actual act of passing a motion that scared him we found out he got scared when had a hard one due to medical probs.i found that it helped him if i stayed with him,i know this extreme but he got the confidence then that it wasnt scary.i also did the treat option but keept it simple to a comic.i hope this has been of some use Rachel

Cindy - posted on 09/25/2009

1

2

0

my son was the same way he was in second grade before he would use the toilet for bm. come to find out i think he was scared of the seat . when he finally started using it he would lift the seat along with the lid he is 18 now and still will not sit on the seat for some reason.

Sheri - posted on 09/25/2009

19

20

0

I-wrote-before-but-I-want-to-add.--My-son-has-classic-autism-and-suffers-from-encopresis--painful-bm-related-to-constipation.--we-had-to-add-benefiber-and-miralax-as-a-way-to-ensure-he-wasn't-experience-pain-when-he-defecates.--My-son-does-not-to-like-to-take-medications-so-the-benefiber-and-miralx-work-great.--They-are-tasteless.--I-would-dissolve-them-in-a-small-amount-of-water-then-add-to-his-drinks.--Can-make-an-mess-with-bubbling-overflow-with-carbonated-drinks-if-you-do-not-dissolve-in-a-small-amount-of-water-first.--Making-sure-your-loved-one-doesn't-have-constipation-can-be-a-good-first-start-to-starting-a-regular-routine-for-toileting.--Excessive-insistance-to-use-the-toilet-can-bring-much-anxiousness-and-avoidance-behavior-toward-the-toilet.--The-digestion-after-eating-a-meal-takes-about-30-45-minutes-to-occur.--That-was-the-best-time-to-take-mine-to-the-toilet.--Limiting-him-to-15-minutes-(to-reduce-stress)and-finding-a-good-motivators-as-a-reward-for-sitting-down/staying-on-the-toilet.--My-son-liked-to-watch-DVDs-on-the-portable-dvd-player.--Sitting-too-long-on-the-toilet-can-cause-way-too-much-stress.

Melissa - posted on 09/25/2009

28

3

5

We have kind of the same situation, my boyfriend's son is autistic, but I was kinda prepared before I moved in with him because I was an assistant teacher to children with autism and autism spectrum disorders....and also wheel chair bound children. At school even autistic children act differently than at home. I don't know if they tune into peer pressure or what. But my boyfriend's son goes properly at school. It also may have something to do with the fact that at school they get undivided attention from all teachers, so an accident rarely occurs, but at home we can't always pause life to deal with these things. I think it's a sensory issue, and I keep trying to think of something that could substitute it like brown playdoh but nothing works so far. Things like this definitely take a toll on relationships. My boyfriend's sons are here half the time and with their mother the other half. Being able to split time like that really does help.

Céline - posted on 09/25/2009

54

11

7

Melissa.....oh how i do understand you. Up until Vinny had his colostomy....i was in poop up to my eye balls all the time. Everyday i had to change sheets..clean the carpets..clean the bathroom...not only once but at least 4 times a day. The times he would actually stay on the toilet to BM..he would scratch himself on the behind and then proceed to touch everyhting around him. He would get up and he would poop on the floor..step in it....my entire bathroom would be covered in poop at least 3 to 4 times a day. At the time we had to give him daily enema's....so you can imagine the mess it would do. He had to stay on the toilet for at least 1h so we would not stay him the whole time. He would have his own little table with things he could play with and such but he would not sit still all the time. My house would smell "poop" day in and day out.
My BF at the time did not know the extent of the situation until we moved in together. Although i did warn him...he said it did not matter. Surprise surprise when he saw that this was a daily occurrence. We almost split up a few times because of this but we somehow made it and now we are a happy family. It is still hard for him to deal with but we are getting by fine for now. I long for the day that my house will not smell like poop. Even though my son has a colostomy bag...we still have issue regarding maintenance of it. One leak and it smells like 10 kids pooped in one room!!! but it is better than it was. We will all get through it somehow. God gives us only what we can handle.

Melissa - posted on 09/25/2009

28

3

5

We have trouble with my little girl's step brother. He will pee in the toilet all on his own, flush, and go about his business. He won't bm in the toilet though he has shown he's capable since he can take himself to pee. Our problem is a little different....he holds it until he's alone in the playroom, then he goes in his pants and plays with it. It's a terrible thing to have to clean up constantly.

Sheri - posted on 09/24/2009

19

20

0

Waited-30-minutes-after-mine-ate-food(gravity-for-food-to-pass-through-GI-trach),-then-brought-in-a-portable-DVD-player.--I-wouldn't-turn-it-on-until-he-sat-down-and-turned-it-off-if-he-got-up.--Never-let-him-sit-for-more-than-15-minutes.--I-only-expected-him-to-try-ONLY-after-he-ate.

Céline - posted on 09/24/2009

54

11

7

Jennifer.....at least he tells you when he is "stinky".....mine was 10 and even tho he had done in is underwear....he was still walking around like nothing was wrong even tho people could smell him a mile away. I did not have to be in the same room as him and i could smell when he did. When i would ask to check his underwear..he would just say...no no mommy...everything is ok, i did not poop!!!! I think that was the most frustrating of all.....he would just plainly look me in the eye and tell me that he did not poop. He had and still have problems with his bowls but we had to put a colostomy bag in order to resolved that problem.

Jennifer - posted on 09/24/2009

5

15

0

even though he has had bowel issues (extremely loose stool) he has always went on his own but in his pull up or now underwear. we do have his stool so that it is now somewhat normal ( not loose). I think he understands when he goes, because he comes to me and tells me that he is " stinky" , so now I want to move him to going in his pants to the toilet. I have tried bribery, sticker charts, coaxing, special bathroom only toys, and a portable dvd player. the problem is getting him to sit long enough to actually go. currently, we have taken away all fast food which he loves and I have bought special toys that are hanging in my bathroom with the incentive if he does his business on the toilet, then he can have the toys and I would most happily take him to McDonalds. It almost seems like nothing bothers him enough to want to go on the toilet.

Taresa - posted on 09/23/2009

7

24

2

My 6 yr old did the same thing. The only thing that took him to acctualy go Bm in the toilet was to have an accident in front of all the kids in his class. I know it is humilating but it worked b/c the next day he ran to the bathroom to go .....and the only reason he did that was b/c my hubby and I were giving him stool softerns...gl i wish i had some kinda of advice...

Andrea - posted on 09/23/2009

9

6

2

My 7 year old autie refused to BM at all for years. We would have to take him to the ER so they could medically remove the waste. It was very painful for him, and over the counter remedies would make it want to come out but he would hold it in to the point that it would leak. The only way we were finally able to make him want to go was to give him rewards. Not little ones either!! A trip to McDonalds, a new book, ice cream parlor trip....anything that would work. After years of refusing he finally decided it was worth it to go to the bathroom. His case is extreme but the outcome should be the same for your son too!! Hope this helps!!

Céline - posted on 09/23/2009

54

11

7

Mine is 12 and i still have trouble getting him to pee in the toilette.

we had the same problem with his pooping but he had other medical problems relating to that so we had a colostomy bag put on him. I do not have any tricks to give you but i wish you all the best.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms