I need help with teaching my son life skills

Amber - posted on 08/08/2011

My daughter is 8, she doesn't button her clothes, but tries, we buy shoes without laces, and she still puts her shoes on the wrong feet. She needs help washing her hair, and remembering what she is doing in the morning to get ready for the day. We use a chart with pictures, because she doesn't read yet. I thought life skills was moer than what you are describing, maybe we need help with that too...?

Kristina - posted on 02/23/2010

My son is 10 and I try to make it easy for all of us to encourage him to be self-sufficient. So I use pants with elastic and I still buy him men size shoes with velcro. So he is so proud of himself every morning when he picks out his clothes (from a drawer I created giving weather appropriate clothes) and it gives him the reinforcement to build on these life skills. I have "wipees' that flush and make him wipe himself. By the smell of it, I would not say he does a great job every time, but hey there are many adults out there that don't either. So I just make sure to know that he has to shower regularly.

I also have to tell him - this is the rules and it has to be done and he seems to be more compliant when approached this way.

Hope this helps.

Lisa - posted on 02/23/2010

Thanks for all of the wonderful suggestions. I will definite get a picture schedule for wiping and bathing. He has started to try and button his shirts on his own. I started to teach him while we are in front of the mirror. He hasnt gotten it yet, but he is trying and I know he will get it. He gets a kick out of watching himself in the mirror. LOL.

I'm so thankful for this site and everyone who responds to post. :-)

Melissa - posted on 02/16/2010

My son is independent in some ways and definitely not in others. He flat out refuses to do some skills, like even trying to put on his pants, let alone button them. He is younger, but I have to agree with Amy that some kids are stubborn like that. ♥

When my son was about 15.5 months, he was well-planted on my hip and had no interest in walking. I would always just pick him up even to take him to the table for lunch. One day, I set him on the floor and said, "I am not picking you up today," and told my husband not do either. He made a fuss when I walked away, but moments later, he got up and walked like he'd been doing it for months. That's a totally different situation, but hopefully you see what I'm getting at.

If you think he doesn't understand how to do these things, I would make him a picture schedule-style chart, showing the steps. If you google Free Picture Schedule, you should be able to find some graphics for personal use.

Trisha - posted on 02/16/2010

You are both doing a great job! It is good to recognize the importance of hygiene as well.

In the past, we made a picture chart for the shower and put it in a ziploc bag. We started slowly. At first he was only responsible for learning how to wash his hair. We added body parts as he progressed.

You could also create your own social story books about being clean, or ask your school's special ed team about them. We love social stories at this house.

Also, like others here, We think tied shoes are overrated. Lol!

Take care!

Dana - posted on 02/16/2010

I took my son shopping. He is now 14 and I can't keep him OUT of the shower. We let him buy any kind of soap/shampoo/deodorant/ hair gel anything hygiene related he wanted. We even got him a battery operatied ($30) toothbrush. As he showed off his purchases to the rest of the family, they were instructed that these items were his and his alone. Don't touch. Having a compastionate family helped as well. We still have to buy his own accesories, but the basic life skills are accomplished. Now I have to teach him how to drive and balance a checkbook. Any suggestions?

Beth - posted on 02/14/2010

repeating over and over and over again, my son is 18 now, got the toliot thing under control, but drying himself after a shower, i give up, i have to remind him every day to brush his teeth and hair, and to put bo spray on, as for buttons it took him till he was about 10 to get the hang of that and weel he still doesnt have the full hang of shoes laces, now be wears boots. all of it just takes time, repeating constantly is amajor part of it, showing them how to 100 times a day, they do get it sooner or later. you cant rush these thimgs lol. and thats the most inportant thing to, lol and keep smiling. good luck he we get there ok

Amanda - posted on 02/11/2010

Celine- My husband is 47 and still does not always flush! This may just be a boy thing ;)

Lisa- My son has a huge issue with remembering to wipe or wiping well. We have a visual flow chart (no pun intended) in every bathroom including school. Take pictures of your toilet, toilet paper, the handle to flush, and the sink. Then put them on a poster board. If he has an issue with remembering to wipe point at the chart and say "what's next?"

Demonstration would be useful, even if its just pretend. I would also recommend the wet wipes for potty time. And a bath wash/shampoo combo on one of those bath balls (I don't know what their called) They are made out of this netted material. Easy to use for youngsters.

Céline - posted on 02/11/2010

one step at a time...one thing at a time.....if too much is being asked of him he will shut himself off. I would start with Bum wiping now and maybe add washing in the tub....once these are in a good routine...then add 1 more. If he is overwhelmed...he will think everything is just too hard and buck at each new challenge. Took me 2 years to have my son go change on his own when he made a mess in his pants. He is now 12...still...when he goes pee...he does not always finish in the toilet....the smells tells it all. But we are working on it. Good luck!

Amy - posted on 02/10/2010

It sounds like he is very smart! Have you ever encouraged him to do these things... It seems like he may know how just lets you do it!!!! The best way to teach with video is to tape him doing it successfully, so he can be proud of himself. You could even tape yourself doing these things. Start by doing things hand over hand with him, then fade out your help/prompt. Reward him for trying and doing on his own!!! Good luck, you can do it!! You can also try a picture schedule that shows him step by step what to do!

Rachael - posted on 02/09/2010

My son is fourteen and we are also working on life skills. My son did not shower and clean himself until he was in seventh grade. We bought him a scrub brush w/ an long handle to wash himself and we use bath soap instead of a bar of soap. When we started working on hygiene skills usually fifth, sixth grade we taught him how to use deodorant and how to wash his face. There are face cloths which are easier to use than a bar of soap. Anyway, I guess we work on a little at a time and depending on his developmental level what he can do at the time. Making adaptions and modify things so they become easy and part of his schedule. I am realizing that my son is a couple of years behind his peers socially and developmentally. Tying shoes, my son cannot tie which we realize now is not important, we just buy him velcro or slip on shoes. Now that my son is in high school part of his IEP is working on transition from high school and life skills. I know as parents we want to do everything but we can only do so much. I feel my son learns better from someone other than his parents. I hope this helps.

Sheila - posted on 02/09/2010

If he has the ability, and is easily motivated, try the reward chart.



Wipe your bum, get a sticker. Five stickers equals (a special activity)

Stick him in the tub, put liquid soap on a wet facecloth, and say go to it! Don't do a thing. Have the reward chart right in front of him (neck, belly, feet, etc...) Sticker for each body part washed! Three successful baths, and you let him have a Splashy time bath with NO soap! Just fun and toys!



Get velcro shoes for school, so he is independent, and go to a preschool store for tying boards. Tying shoes is hard if fine motor is off, so I would low prioritize this one as there is always velcro, but bum wiping is essential!



oh, get wet wipes for him (flushable) because they do make it easier to get clean. We started with the wet wipes.



Good Luck!



Sheila