Jennifer - posted on 07/26/2009 ( 51 moms have responded )
I know my 17 month old son in autistic. I am waiting for an evaluation, but I know. I have just very recently come to this realization. Probably because it took him over so quickly. He was a different baby 3 weeks ago, and a couple of months ago he smiled and laughed all the time. He loved to cuddle and followed me like a shadow. Now, he is in his own world. He rarely comes to me except when a noise upsets him. He has lost total interest in toys and paces all day long while flapping his hands. He has no words. He mostly squeals. He does not point or answer to his name. He does not look me in the eye. He does not play the games he used to like peek a boo. He cannot answer even the simplest command like "sit". He puts everything in his mouth and licks the stove, chairs, floors. He used to cry when I put him in his crib and reach for me. Now he shows no change in emotion and simply goes to knob on the mobile. It is like I am not in the room. He toe walks frequently.
I have called an early intervention center and have been waiting 5 days for them to call me back. I have a referral for a pediatric neurologist and am waiting to get in. Every day is an eternity and I die 1,000 deaths everyday. I cannot stop crying. I am completely and totally devastated. I feel alone and terrified. I cannot function. I am afraid I will never here his voice. I am afraid he will end up in some group home as an adult as we are older parents and will probably be gone by the time he is 40 or 50. I am experiencing a grief I have never known and feel empty. I have become a terrible mother to his twin brother as I obsess over everything William does, every arm flap, every time he stares at an object. I feel I have lost him. I don't know this baby, even though I love him desperately. I have no one to talk to. I don't know anyone going through this. When I tell friends they just say how sad. I have no answers. I went to the story yesterday and spent a ton of money on gluten free food. I cried in the grocery store like a crazy person. I have no idea what I am doing.
Has anyone gone through this? How are your children now? Do they speak, do they hug you? Do they have friends? Do they go to school? Is there anything I can be doing now during this waiting time to help him. Please, any advice is appreciated. Thank you so much for your time. God bless your family.