Just need to blow off steam

Debora - posted on 01/27/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Things are tough for any parent with a child on the spectrum.

It would be wonderful to be in one of those kind of relationships (uncommon, I know) where there is a partner who "gets it" and helps spell you with the child. I have been a single mom since his dad left before he was born; he doesn't know his dad, who is too dangerous a person for me to be willing to go after him for child support even. He would think he could straighten our son up with a few well-timed beatings.

Meanwhile, sometimes it just seems almost impossible to keep up the fight to advocate for my son with school and church or scouting officials who just don't understand, or think that reading just a few pages of material on the subject, makes them experts, who tolerate the bullying and intolerance of other children with a shrug of the shoulders and a "kids will be kids" attitude, even while they are the first to run to me in concern if my child does something they deem inappropriate.

Sometimes it's just really hard never having anyone around who can tell me I'm doing at least an OK job in my efforts to raise my son and teach him what he needs to know in life (and that covers a whole world of things). I live in a small town where there are few benefits for my son, and information about such conditions trickles down very slowly, even to the professionals. I used to go to a parent's support group, but now I don't have any transportation. Sometimes I just need a hug or a pat on the back, instead of the disapproving stares I get from strangers when I'm trying to reason with my son in public places.

My son isn't aware of all I do to help him and run interference for him with others when he needs it. He is very intelligent and very verbal, but not emotionally connected enough to feel it necessary to show any appreciation or love to me. Sometimes I just feel so alone, and I wonder if anything will ever be any better. Good thing I don't get this blue very often.

So why tell you all this?

If you know someone who is struggling, let her know that someone appreciates her efforts. You might give her the strength to carry on when there's no one else who can or will fight for her child.

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3 Comments

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Susan - posted on 01/28/2010

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Hi Deb, so sorry to hear you having such a bad day. Please know that you are doing so much more then just ok with rasing your son. My son is 5 with mild to moderate Autism and even thoe there is so much Information about it now people are so quick to juge him. They think if he starts to yell out in public he must be spoiled and we dont disaplin him.There are times I just come home and cry but I love Chris more than anything else and will never give up on him! I am sure you have the same feeilngs about your son and you sound like a great mom!!! I would give you a hug through this message and bless you for never giving up!

Debora - posted on 01/27/2010

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Thank you, Kristina. I need all the prayers I can get! And virtual hugs help too, always.
Deb

Kristina - posted on 01/27/2010

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Deb, I can say that I go thru the same thing!! Dont think for a minute you are alone....there are people who understand. Your son may not say thank you and you may think that all you do in un noticed...but it is not....your son feels the love you have for him even though he may not know how to show it! You sound like a wonderful person and mother...to be able to raise a child alone is hard but with a child with special needs....I cant imagine! I just had therapy with one of my boys ( I have twins both with special needs) I was having one of these days too...I expressed my feelings also of how frusterating talking to everyone in the family and out was. They suggested making buisness cards up with a deffinition of Autism on it and a website that we can give to these people who like to judge, stare and make comments when we are out....just tell them to please look this up and become informed before you judge! I am making them up now..lol I dont know if it will help but it will at least be something I can do to "fight" back when Im in those situations! I am going to pray for you tonight...I hope this helps a little. Please feel free to add me to your circle...I would love to be able to be there for you even if its just to vent! HUGS :)

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