My 10 year old gets so nervous about things he throws up

Gay - posted on 08/22/2010

My male friend with Asberger's describes his childhood as having a lot of anxiety. Change was VERY difficult for him. It will take time for him to feel comfortable in his new school, and middle school is a tough time for any child. Make sure his teachers are aware of his challenges and there are a lot of resources for "social skills" training nowadays to make things easier for him, navigating the world more on his own as he grows older. Check out the web for all the autism/Asberger's resources in your area.

Erin - posted on 08/21/2010

Thank you evereyone for your advice. Michelle we sat down today and made a chart together of things he could think of that he is not sure if he can or can not do without permission. We have posted them in each room that he may have a question in. He is very excited about the chart!! We also got stickers, so that when he wants to ask a question he can put a sticker on the chart to sure which questions he wonders about the most. Unfortunately, hugging is a very touchy subject with him. Though I wish so much to be able give him a great big hug!! He freaks out about physical touch. We've been working hard on finding things he enjoys to do when he starts to worry, but unfortunately when it comes down to it he has to go to school. But I reminded him to just keep thinking about how awesome it is going to be when he gets older and can dig for dinosaur bones. Which is his dream at this point. Once again thanks for all the advice.

Sheila - posted on 08/20/2010

Hi Erin,

I think Michelle offered some really incredible advice. Very helpful and practical!

My son also throws up when anxious, and sounds similar to your child (although my son is six). He worries about the what ifs far more than what might really happen.

A resource I use is a book called Exploring Feelings: Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to Manage Anxiety. It is by Dr. Tony Attwood and it was recommended to me by my son's special ed. resource teacher. The title is the scariest part! It is a great, parent friendly read. Although it is meant for small group purposes, you can adapt what you need to suit your son.

Good luck.

Sheila

Yvette - posted on 08/20/2010

what a lovely response Michelle. i couldn't say it better if i tried :)

Michelle - posted on 08/19/2010

Awww, he sounds like a great kid. How does he respond to affection? He sounds like he could use a hug. ;) One thing that I suggest is to find something that he really enjoys, building fancy lego sets, nature hikes, science experiments, jumping on the trampoline, whatever it is that he really likes to do. Then just spend some time doing that with him to help him relax and get his mind off of his worries. While you're spending quality time, ask him some probing questions like "If you could go to the most perfect school in the world, what would it be like?" and "If you could choose the most perfect teacher, what would that teacher be like?" "If you had the best classmates ever, what would they be like?" Perhaps his answers can offer you some insight into what's really going on when he goes to school. It could be that he really is afraid that lightning is going to strike his classroom. On the other hand, you could find that there are some other things bothering him about school. Also, you could point out from his "perfect" list, some of the things that your school does offer that he can appreciate.

As far as the asking questions about obvious things go, one thing I've found to be helpful is to leave some notes around the house. For example, in the bathroom, you could leave a note that says " 'James' is ALWAYS welcome to use this bathroom WHENEVER he needs to go. :)" and on the fridge "I trust you to serve yourself a glass of milk whenever you are thirsty for some milk -Love Mom" Use whatever language you think he'll appreciate. Or maybe if he responds well to charts, you can make a chart that has permissions on it labeled "Things 'James' May Do By Himself Without Asking" In one column, write the 'privilege' like "May I use the restroom if I need to go?" Then two additional columns labeled yes and no and check the box in the yes column.

Until they are off on their own, there is always going to be more to do for our kids, so don't worry about it too much. Just love him and get creative!