My 6 year old just got diagnosed with Asbergers and ADHD. Can anyone help me out on how i can cope with the news?

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Sascha - posted on 02/25/2009

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As a Therapist I would suggest your child meeting with a local group of kids in your community that have her diagnosis of Asbergers on a regular basis. The more social skills that you can teach your child at a a young age the better they can adapt. I would also suggest getting involved in a support group for yourself as well b/c you do have a long road ahead of you. A great website for the best info on things offered for your child's diagnosis is http://www.kennedykrieger.org/index.jsp & http://www.cogmed.com/cogmed/sections/en...
We know so much more than we did years ago about these diagnosis. It will be difficult at times but just remember that your child was fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:14)!

[deleted account]

Ten Tips to Take Charge of Your Life



• Choose to take charge of your life, and don’t let your loved one’s special needs always take center stage.



• Remember to be good to yourself. Love, honor, and value yourself. You’re doing a very hard job and you deserve some quality time, just for you.



• Watch out for signs of depression, and don’t delay in getting professional help when you need it.



• When people offer to help, accept the offer and suggest specific things that they can do.



• Educate yourself about your loved one’s diagnosis. Information is empowering.



• There’s a difference between caring and doing. Be open to technologies and ideas that promote your loved one’s independence.



• Trust your instincts. Most of the time they’ll lead you in the right direction.



• Grieve for your losses, and then allow yourself to dream new dreams.



• Stand up for your rights as a caregiver and a citizen.



• Seek support from other caregivers. There is great strength in knowing you are not alone.

[deleted account]

Most women become mother by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?



Somehow, I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.



"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Cecelia. Rudledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint, ... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."



Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy." Exactly, "smiles God. "Could you give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."



"But has she patience?" asks the angel.



"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."



"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."



God smiles, "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect."



The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?" God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word.' She will never consider a 'step' ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations."



"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see . . . ignorance, cruelty, prejudice . . . and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in midair.



God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."



By Emma Bormbeck

Brooke - posted on 02/25/2009

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i found the best way of coping was childrens therapy and having friends going through the same thing is great because they understand and wont judge you. it is so hard trying to come to grips with it all, but over time, it does get easier. i have a 5 year old who was diagnosed almost 2 years ago and wasnt coping for the first year. i now have had a diagnosis for my 2 year old daughter and thought i would go through the same emotions all over again, but thankfully had a positive frame of mind and a good friend to talk to, and she made me realise that....hey autism is just a scary word and she is still the same little girl as before seeing the doc and at least now we can get more help for her.

Susan - posted on 02/25/2009

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First things is to go to your childsschool and request an IEP it is the LAW that he has one then request for parent supports. Ask your doctors for supports network with otherparents in your area. one out of every 88 children in my area has an autism spectrum disorder. Just asking these perfessionals I had been able to find parent support networks and groups to connect with then found that they were also members in my child schoolmy church and the library groups, local ymca classes and other community events we already had been attending. yet we now even have another connection. Our children have Autism Spectrum Disorders. We just know we are not alone. It just helps to say hi and say it is going to be OK our KIDS are very special and The BEST!!

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Tawnia - posted on 03/04/2009

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Quoting Sasha:







The thing is you will find yourself being the MAMA BEAR at times when you have school and people tell you he can't do something, I learned though to bring the knowledge and research forward to the people and have become an advocate in explaining that even though the cause is unknown the old way society looked at these children is wrong and due to them having such incredible gifts we should be looking at that and keeping a positive look.......Things were rough to start but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, it has actually brought me closer to my child and my family, I have learned through the process too who my true friends are.......








 










The eternal fight of the aspie parent.  'your child cannot do this and never will'






'realy? oh, watch this!!'






 






It seems the number one rule of what to expect is 'more than you exept and different to what you expect, just don't ever put the astonishment away.






 






It is nice to never get bored






all the best






sasha





I agree Thanks Sasha made my Day!!!! lol



 



My son has proven them wrong numerous times and as I said the little things everyday....but they sure keep ya on your toes....lol

Cristina - posted on 03/04/2009

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hello there, i have a son on that's on the spectrum.... it's been almost a year since his diagnosis and i have to tell you, i still am going through all of it... i mostly just allow the tears to roll and honor them and what they mean... i mourn for my dreams and remember that they are just that... mine, and probubly not my son's....it has changed my perspective on life, and what happiness means.... my son's diagnosis was a hug relief and terrible pain, all at once... as i see my son struggle through his challenges with immense determination...i am in awe, as i can only immagine what a day in his life would be like (sounds overwhelming, not understanding "wh" questions, gagging every food put in his mouth)...he is my hero... i hear it gets easier, he has made HUGE progress since we know what is going on with him...but one of the ways i coped is by gaining as much information as i can...there is some great prespectives and theories out there...there is hope...cristina

Bekky - posted on 03/04/2009

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hi ive been goin through the system 4 my son for nearly 2 and a half years now and still not sure how to cope but 1 thing i do no is patience gets you through it and the love 4 your child good luck and your nt alone

Sasha - posted on 03/04/2009

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The thing is you will find yourself being the MAMA BEAR at times when you have school and people tell you he can't do something, I learned though to bring the knowledge and research forward to the people and have become an advocate in explaining that even though the cause is unknown the old way society looked at these children is wrong and due to them having such incredible gifts we should be looking at that and keeping a positive look.......Things were rough to start but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, it has actually brought me closer to my child and my family, I have learned through the process too who my true friends are.......






 






The eternal fight of the aspie parent.  'your child cannot do this and never will'



'realy? oh, watch this!!'



 



It seems the number one rule of what to expect is 'more than you exept and different to what you expect, just don't ever put the astonishment away.



 



It is nice to never get bored



all the best



sasha

Tawnia - posted on 03/04/2009

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Quoting Heather:

My 6 year old just got diagnosed with Asbergers and ADHD. Can anyone help me out on how i can cope with the news?



 



Hi Heather,



 



My son was diagnosed now a while ago, I am a young mom and at first the news was heart wrenching, through support though it didn't take me long to look at it a different way.......I now tell people my son is a gift the rare times he comes and gives me a hug is a treasure and the day he looks me straight in the eyes is another treasure....My son was unable to be diagnosed either high functioning or asperger's instead I got the PDD-NOS and now that he is in grade 1 after ruling out ADHD they now believe it is there......In the begining it is a lot to adjust to but if you look at it in the way of everything your child can do that others their age can't you see a whole area that they are so gifted it is unbelievable, My son just turned 7 and the things that he can now quote me of knowledge he retains on certain subjects is far greater than the average child.....The thing is you will find yourself being the MAMA BEAR at times when you have school and people tell you he can't do something, I learned though to bring the knowledge and research forward to the people and have become an advocate in explaining that even though the cause is unknown the old way society looked at these children is wrong and due to them having such incredible gifts we should be looking at that and keeping a positive look.......Things were rough to start but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, it has actually brought me closer to my child and my family, I have learned through the process too who my true friends are.......



 



On days where it is rough try taking time for yourself once things are settled and just have a nice bubble bath and think instead of everything good that happened and the smallest accomplishments that day, you'll feel a bit better and you'll start fresh again the next day......



 



Chin up and remember there are many of us fighting the same battle and we are there for one another through thick and thin!

Susan - posted on 02/28/2009

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Both my husband and daughter have Aspergars, my daughter aslos has adhd and some other neoorlogical issues as well, I consider this to be a blessing I have educated myself and been able to help other in my community. I have been in special education for 25 years yet never thought it could happen in my family I was in denial for a long time. yet reaching out to other helped me help my child my husband and myself. become empowered. I thank God every day for Giving me such a wonderful blessing.

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My husband and both of my sons have Asperger's and ADHD.  Take a deep breath.  It is not as hard as it sounds.  The great thing about these unique kids is just that, they are truly unique and possess gifts that "neurotypical" kids do not.  The challenges can feel great sometimes, but they lesson as they learn.  How can I help?



Dana

Stephanie - posted on 02/26/2009

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I have a son that has ADHD/ODD and is in the process of testing for Asbergers. Do your research is the important thing. There are unlimited out there. Also remember kids with Asbergers as well as ADHD can grow up to lead fairly normal lives. So remember it is not a totally bad thing especially with an early diagnosis. You can get help and support for him to help him grow into a strong person capable of anything just like everyone else. Oh my son is also 6. Look me up if you want to chat.

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Having a diagnosis is the best thing that can happen, because now you will know what you need to get him help with. Aspies can be super smart in some ways but have difficulty with things we take for granted. Knowing that it is part of a disorder can help you keep your sanity, because at least now you know why they may do things like put two different socks on, or line things up. As far as ADHD there are lots of ways to deal with that, from prescriptions to supplements and diets. Taking food colouring out of diet entirely helps tremendously, and cod liver oil is good for developing brains. Hang in there, you have plenty of company!

Diane - posted on 02/25/2009

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My son was diagnosed ADHD, ODD when he was in 2nd grade; he was put on Aderral for ADHD & took only during school, i could handle him & in 4th grade he was blessed with a wonderful teacher and took nothing, 5th grade back to meds as teacher could not handle, but was then diagnosed with Asbergers as well, he refused meds and I decided to take a different approach & learn what i needed to do to help him learn to cope once in 6th grade things were great, i think the routine changing constantly, not getting bored, etc. He was very popular, graduated suma cum laude w/ a full academic scholarship, he did great freshmen & sophmore year but just before turning 20, he had many friends of legal drinking age and he started testing the waters, remember he refused meds all his life then peer pressure came along so long story short, he passed away 6-23-08 of an accidental overdose, he knew no boundaries except the ones i set and at 20 he chose to move out with two other boys that lived in a dorm, it lasted one month; i am not discouraging you in any way, i have wonderful stories and i have horrible stories - temper tantrums still at 18, i have 2 other girls and it was hard, tell them clean your room and he had to be told pickup shoes, pickup dirty clothes, pickup toys, etc. and he would get so mad, they only have to do one thing and you just keep telling me to do more and more it was never fair but "boundaries" and remaining calm and discuss rather than argue are very important, there is so much info out there, embrace it and apply as your heart leads you as every child is different, they are having just as hard if not a harder time than we are, they are brilliant and if applied appropriately can conquer anything they set there mind to, he was a genius, artist, people oriented, it was just one bad choice that took him away and that could be anyone, one day at a time that is how you cope...

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My 12 year old has Asperger's Syndrome too, we knew from an early age that there was 'something' but he was only diagnosed at 8. He finds school the hardest, as it is a very busy environment, and he is daignosed with proprio spatial hypersensitivity too, but in our home environment, we just stick to the same routine every day, we write out menus and post them on the fridge, and we talk as much as we can about what is going to happen today. He finds change the most difficult, but with a bit of forward planning, life runs smoothly. We have to make people aware that he doesn't understand socila cues, and may but into a conversation, but he is aware of this too, and I just tell him to wait his turn. I find the hardest thing is other people who don't understand this invisible illness, they need educating. My son is a mine field of information, and although you can't hold a conversation so easily with him, he will talk for hours (social cues again). He is extremely intelligent, and every day he learns how to deal with the world, it is just a case of consistency and reminding him of the same thing over and over again. Join a support group, they have helped me so much, and I wouldn't be without them now. You can read book after book about AS, but your child is a different as the next child, and only experience will help you understand him, celebrate it. Never let him see how frustrating it can be, find an understanding adult to cry to, and shout at, it's hard, but will prevent him misunderstanding why you are upset. You will be fine, time is the best book xxxx

Sasha - posted on 02/25/2009

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and i have found that routine is counter-productive. it works fine untill you inhabit a world where things don't go to plan, and things change. My son used to go nuts at the smallest deviation from 'routine'. We had a rough patch when i first banned 'live by numbers' existance, but now at 16 my son is fantasticly adaptable and has not been institutionalised as was expected for him.

Tiffany - posted on 02/25/2009

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I have a 12 year old with Asperger's and my only suggestion is read all you can and then accept what he has and you will be able to cope. The books hepl a lot for strategies to deal with it and lessen the effects and then accepting it rather than fighting it will help ease your stress. It is not the end of the world and as you learn to deal with the problems associated with it and offer your child the coping tools needed, HIs life should be pretty normal in the long run.

Melissa - posted on 02/25/2009

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Another thing: the biggest gift you can give him is self esteem. Teach him coping mechanisms, and make sure that home is a sanctuary. The idea is that the world may seem "big and bad" at times, but home is always good. This is very important. Self esteem is the biggest battle over and above everything else including his education. I have chosen to put my 10 y.o. son's self esteem over and above his academic skills. I just want him to be happy; his skills will fit into the world at some point.

Sasha - posted on 02/25/2009

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I think the used to the idea. If you are first thing you should is let yourself get used to the idea. If you are like the rest of us, I think there will be a lot of feelings to get through, and if you don't give yourself the chance to work through them, they will come back and bite you when you least expect it. If you want to cry, do. If you feel angry, do not push it away, find an outlet. I still find the need to beat up my pillows on occasion. Then listen very carefully to everything all the 'experts' say, nod very soberly then throw the rule book away. There is no script and your child will take their own unique path through life, and at this stage there need be no limits.
And then see what happens tomorrow. Then the next day.

Melissa - posted on 02/25/2009

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I have a son with Aspergers', he was diagnosed only 3 years ago. I can only say that preparation is the key to success; ensure routine, and predictability for him. Learn his quirks, and do your best to educate him as to why things happen when they are unpredictable. Praise him up very big when he responds well. Try to be firm with OCD's that can be destructive in the future, try to "nip them in the bud" before they become too big eg. collecting rubbish, newspapers, junk mail etc. Try to always supervise his play where possible in "normal" play environments eg. siblings, friends etc. He will learn everything eventually, just needs to have it all spelled out for him that's all. Always praise him for doing the right thing. My trick to remember how to deal with him is imagine he is an actual "alien", and needs to be educated "human ways". Role playing at home is a good way to prepare him for difficult situations. And lastly do your best to have open communication with anybody who has contact with him eg. teachers, principal of the school, adult friends. Do your best not to embarass him by telling his friends or other children he plays with, this will make him feel worse about the isolation he would already feel. Oh - and love him. I don't mean "feel" the love, I mean love in the doing sense. Treat him with love, try to connect with him in his language. I hope this helps :))

Sarah - posted on 02/25/2009

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I undestand your concerns about schooling, but, my son is more accepted in High school than he ever was in juniors, whilst i worried myself silly over the transition, his problem was he couldnt wait for the day he could wear his new blazer!!!! everyone has a story to tell, mine is he is more happier now at school than ever, younger children in Juniors used to keep away from the strange one, be it their own choice or their parents ignorance, but he didnt seem to notice or care, now he has got some good 'normal' friends who accept him for what he is, they dont seem to see what the younger ones did, we can worry silly about woulds and coulds but will will always be will. I never put him on any medication either, i decided that he has to know himself and how to control that, not be under the control of the docs.

Heather - posted on 02/25/2009

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Yes my first reaction was what did i do wrong? Did i start him out at school to late? Did i not read to him enough? But i was glad we got an answer for what was going on. He does have to use the same routine everymorning, he doesn't like loud noises, and he won't wear clothes with tags nor button his top button on his pants. He has been struggling in school and he is already pointed out as an outcast. My biggest fear is for when he get into the older classes what may happen. My mom is an advocate for these children and the stories she has told me are horrible. Thanks for the support i am sure i will be asking tons as we go on.

Sarah - posted on 02/25/2009

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Finding out your beautiful child has this condition stirs up alot of emotions, i found out my son had ADHD and Aspergers Syndrome when he was 6, first reaction, why me, what did i do wrong, was it because i smoke? after the initial shock i felt a funny kind of relief to know that it wasnt my poor management of him that caused his bad behaviour, there was actually a reason for it, as time went on i began to understand and see things that i couldnt before diagnosis, like the litteral things and also his inability to make out of situations what i did, put your name down for any parenting ASD groups that you can from your hospital, they help you to understand, My son would lay on the floor in the middle of Sainsburys looking at the lights on the ceiling if i stopped walking to talk to a friend and i couldnt let him out of my sight for a second, he had no fear of anything as his brain didnt let him imagine consequence, The best advice i could give you is dont expect him to understand you, when you tell him off or ask of something, they have difficulty in processing, although they have heard you as in voice,did he actually understand what you said, you try to understand him, thats not to say let him get away with murder as they are very cute, as in clever!!! My son is now 13 and is becoming very independent, taking himself to school and taking responsibility for his appearance, something i never thought i would ever see, and from all of the experiences i have had with my son, i turned it around into something good and now work with children of special needs, if you have any private questions, feel free to email me and NEVER feel alone. Also check out the Sound Learning Centre website, my son had this treatment and the change has been astronomical.

Rachael - posted on 02/25/2009

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Quoting Heather:

My 6 year old just got diagnosed with Asbergers and ADHD. Can anyone help me out on how i can cope with the news?




The first thing I did was cry. It helped get rid of the frustration, anger and sadness. Second look at your child and think how blessed you are. You may think that there is no future for your child but when they accomplish something it makes it that little bit more special. When they give you a kiss or say " I love you " or even look at you, you can't help but feel your heart almost burst with joy. 

Mini - posted on 02/25/2009

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hi , im not sure on how we are ment to cope , but im here to support you with the issues that arise , we have only just found out that my 10 year old has it , i just couldnt understand what was wrong with him espially the last few years , finding people in pain was halerious to him , i used to think , it sounds awful, i used to think he was posessed of something! but im just so glad there is a reason y he is the way he is . and my advice to you you , is if it keeps the peace for everyone let them be obsesssed with what ever it is there in at that time , and routine is there safty net , and as frustrating as it is for us , its more for them when there out of it , blake also has sensery issues and took a huge dislike to our girl twin whos colicy and refluxys and crys alot , and of corse says awful thing i wont repeat.......but he does love us all , he explains it as its like hes in a roomfull of people who wont stop talking......we just live day by day thats all you can do really :)

Jen - posted on 02/24/2009

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Maybe you need to look pass the label and see what your 6 years old can do . It hard to get over it  due to shock. it normal we all went through it. but you know  your child just becasue he got asperger adha  doesn't mean nothing. I have a child with autism . I change to help him  cope and there a time when it get hard but there are time when you  sit there and laugh due to they  do something that  make it all differenment.



Focus on the good stuff. trust me I watch my son grow and there time when he made me laugh over what I have ask him to do . need to move forward to work with your child and learn as their learn. It not easy but once you get the follow of it you will say it not bad.Beside I speak on everyone here you are not alone and you want to vent  feel free we all on the same ride .

April - posted on 02/24/2009

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I recommend the book "Parenting your Asperger Child" by Alan Sohn and Cathy Grayson.  My son was  only diagnosed a few years ago and he was already 14.  The book helped a lot.  I also found a local counselor who specialized in Aspergers.



 



The biggest challenge for me was learning to think like my son.  The book helped alot. Once I began to realize how he saw the word, it help me learn how to communicate with him better. 

Tannis - posted on 02/24/2009

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My son was diagnosed with autism two years ago and for me i just accepted it and i thought to myself that He is ok,he will be fine,I will have him around,He could have been diagnosed with a life threatning disease that only gave him a year to live.Im not saying that it is the way to think but it worked for me and i love him and i wouldnt change a thing.He is who he is and he is mine...

[deleted account]

My son is a high functioning thirteen year old thanks to a neurologist finding the right blend of medication. I only turned to medication after trying holistic methods- but it's about quality of life. You need to find a specialist that's GOOD. And, be patient...it took two years to find the right combination of meds. He went from special ed to inclusion and is now in a regular 7th grade classroom and is one of the popular kids...people can't even tell that he has Asperger's/ADHD. Hang in there...there IS hope. But it takes patience, hope, persistance, and most importantly...love. It hasn't been easy...but take action now! Intervention is vital. And remember, God does not give us what we can't handle. Good luck and God bless.

Deborah - posted on 02/24/2009

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You are very lucky to have the diagnosis so early. My son, now 18 1/2, was not diagnoised till he was 16. What I can recomend is that you find a good psychologist that is familiar with Aspies. They is a lot that our Aspies need help with and the more that you can learn as a family, the better your success. He will be okay. You will be okay. It is hard to take at first, but I bet you feel some relief to have a name for it too. Take care and remember that we are all here if you need help.



Deb

Christina - posted on 02/24/2009

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I have a son who has Asperger's and a daughter who is going on March 6th to be screened for it. I still at times have a hard time with the news of his diagnosis and now to know that 2 out of my 3 children may have Asperger's I will admit is overwhelming, but you have to take it day by day. Sometimes you may feel like you are ready to rip your hair out because your frustrated but remember this...How do you think your child must feel?? Maybe the same way..FRUSTRATED and unheard...not understood...these children are targets for bullying and are seen as oddballs by not only peers but teachers. These kids have their plates more full than most could ever imagine. They seem different than the usual child, and in some ways they are but I tell you what...they are some of the most interesting kids to ever walk our bias earth...They are known as walking encyclopedia's...walking dictionaries....very imaginative...and one other thing...they DON"T LIE...someone may try to say your child lied about something...not true...its all about their perception of a particular subject or an issue at hand..Children with Asperger's take things literally....play by the book...if you say that the glass is half full they are literally looking for the glass that is half full they are not taking it in a sense that you or I would they want proof ...where is the half full glass so be ready to present it... I could go on for hours and I wish I could be of some help here typing this to you. My advice to you is...No matter what, love your child as you would if they were not diagnosed with ASD...tell your child they are just as important as anyone else...stay consistant with your daily routine...routine is extremely important and don't steer them away from trying to socialize with peers...your child will need all of the guidance you can give them..use your intuition nobody knows your child better than you and believe your child when he/she comes home from school and say they had a bad day and ask questions. Now I am not trying to scare you about schools and the other kids but I am just advising you on things that may help you cope when you can't be there at those times when he/she is not within direct reach and it will certainly help your child through their years of education and on. You are your childs advocate. Anything I can do to help please feel free to contact me I can try and get as many resources to you ASAP. Good luck!

Christine - posted on 02/24/2009

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My son is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. I know at first it is difficult to hear the diagnosis but then by having the diagnosis you can get the help required for your child. As Lindsey stated below you are not alone in this and if you have any questions please feel free to add me to your facebook. I hope this helps.

[deleted account]

hi Heather, I have a 13yr old with ASB. You are lucky you have a diagnoses now. We did not get one until he was 11. I read books by Tony Atwood, he also has a web site check it out. There's a great book about cats called " all cats have asbergers" its easy to understand for children. Talk to your school about modified programs and other learning links. My son is different. He thinks outside the square, can't cope with noise ( we have combined 8 children), change in rountine and has trouble with fibres on his clothes. BUT for me he is helpfull(if you know how to achieve it) a wizz with computers. Your daughter has a talent. Find it and let her grow to her full potential. Don't worry about what other people say, family included. It can be hurtfull and not needed. All i can say is read, research and contact your local autism group. good luck

Lindsey - posted on 02/24/2009

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Look at it this way...none of us are perfect and we can't expect it to be that way with our kids. He will grow beautifully and the both of u will have a closer bond because u work so hard with eachother. It will take some time to adjust. Youre not alone remember that.

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