my 7yr old daughter wants to end her life because of her aspergers brother,,,

TRACY - posted on 05/08/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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my 7yr old wants to end her life because her aspergers brother makes her life miserable .. help . my son has a habit of blaming her and hating her just for living and we do try to never leave them alone , however now shes saying she hates her life and it would be better if she wasnt alive because my son hates her so much . she adores him and will do anything to please him but he just wont return the affection . when shes ill hes different and very caring towards her . we do spend a lot of our time trying to reasure her and giving them both one to one time but its heart breaking to hear your child say she wants to die ... any ideas on what to try . ...

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Cindi - posted on 05/10/2010

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I hope you manage to find a good counselor because it sounds like your whole family is at wits end.Just hang in there..giveher a little space from her brother and hopefully get her around some kids who can respond more fully to her.That should help prepare her for learning to cope w/a brother who cannot express the caring she yearns for.

Kathi - posted on 05/09/2010

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Please get you daughter to a counselor as soon as possible. If she is saying she doesn't want to live, that is a huge cry for help. Have her pediatrician recommend someone to take her to, hopefully someone that is experienced with Asperger's. Check for support groups in your area. They may have a support group for siblings. The most important thing you can do right now, is to get your daughter to a counselor, and watch her carefully until she is past the point that she no longer wants to live. Watch carefully for changes in her behavior to make sure she is not hurting herself. I know this is extremely hard to do with your other child having Asperger's, but it is very important. Kids, even at 7, if they say they don't want to live, may start self destructive behaviors that take years to overcome. Please get your daughter to a counselor as soon as possible. God Bless you!

Theresa - posted on 05/08/2010

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Counseling, some for her and some for the family. If you could find one that knows about aspergers it would help a lot.

Sheila - posted on 05/08/2010

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I think counselling, for the entire family, is your best bet. It is not just your son living with aspergers...the entire family lives with it...if she is receiving the brunt of the negative aspect of this disorder, she needs to understand it and learn how to stand up to it in a positive/productive manner. When I say it, I mean the negative behaviours/comments that are sometimes prevalent due to the disorder....she needs to understand her brother as an individual....that which he controls/that which he can't control. She needs to develop strategies for dealing with the disorder as to how it impacts her and her life.



Childhood depression/suicidal thoughts are not to be taken lightly. If she has a "plan" on how she would die (ex: if she ever said she was going to jump from a tree, or get a gun...) it needs to addressed very seriously. Suicidal thoughts/tendencies go through phases:

1) A generalized I want to die...

2) Fixated Thoughts on wanting to die

3) An orchestrated plan is developed

4) Attempts



As long as your child is speaking to you about it, you need to seek professional help.



Sheila

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Tracey - posted on 05/13/2010

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My daughter went through this phase at about the same age. Doctors said it was a pre puberty hormone surge and coincided with lots of intense emotions and mood swings. Are you able to get respite for your son so you can have time with just your daughter?
If your daughter is like mine this wont last forever, my daughter is now 13 and is like a second mother to my son.
You don't say how old your son is, are there any comic or activity books your children could do together? My son is autistic and brain damaged, age 11 and has a mental age of 3 - 4 so my daughter sits with him and does Peppa Pig activity books and they share stickers when they have completed each page.

TRACY - posted on 05/12/2010

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appointment wont be moved as there is a backlog . typical . june is the earliest they can do . in the mean time im building her a large playhouse in the garden and seating area that only she can use unless she invites others in .shes loving the idea and helping me out by drawing up the plans so its just as she wants it .. of course no boys allowed , thanks for all your support.nice to know people care . xxx

Teresa - posted on 05/12/2010

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You should can counseloring for them both.so they can get out what upseting them.I have had Suesinray in since she was two yrs old andits help her a lot.and in your case I do it asp.and them know that she went to be die.it with help you get her in a lot faster.God bless you and be with you thur this hard time.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/12/2010

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Tracy-How is your daughter doing now? Where you able to get her appt moved up? Please feel free to email me if you need to talk.

[deleted account]

My 2 daughter was also upset when they learned that their brother has autism. I constantly explain to they what is autism. Every time their brother acted differently, I always remind them of his case and why is he like that. I even brought them to all the activities and gatherings where special children is concern. And now, they accepted not only their brother but also our situation as a family with special child. They love their brother very much and they take care of him. They also have a heart for all the special children. But these just not happened over night. More love, patience and prayers is required. If you think the situation needs counselling, then do it.

Debi - posted on 05/11/2010

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When I our 12yods was first showing signs of AS, he swore he hated our now 17yodd. He would say it to her face, to me, it didn't matter and it broke my heart. Course this was 2 years ago so at 15 she was able to understand more fully that he has a disability that prevents him from filtering his immediate thoughts. She said she knew he loved her that he was just sick. He has since calmed down quite a bit and never says those things.

You don't say how old your son is or if he's getting therapy for his Aspergers. Many aspies need social therapy to understand why what they say can hurt people so much and how not to voice their every thought. I would also seek counseling for your 7yodd as this disease affects the entire family as often the aspie behavior affects how the family acts or what they even do on a Sunday afternoon. It seems for us, when something comes up, my first thought is always how will Joshua respond. Sucks I know, but it's the reality of it all.

Recently we went to IL to see my son-in-law graduate from Navy boot camp. I only took my 17yodd, my 21dd (she's his wife) and my 2 month old grandson. I knew it would be too much for Joshua with all the driving, the rushing about, the crowds and I was right--he would've made it miserable for us all.

This disease affects your whole family & I would get her to see someone so she can try & understand it and so she has a place she can let loose with how she feels too. Often they don't feel they can be angry at the Aspie because 'they can't help it'. Hug her for me, I know exactly what you're dealing with and keep us posted on how she's doing.

[deleted account]

Every parents fear.. how to handle the typical child. Since she has expressed the suicide word... you really should seek counseling for her immediately. It may be easier for her to express herself positively to someone other than a family member. Try to spend time alone with her, educate her on her level about what is going on with her brother, and give her some choices as to how to handle issues that arise. For example if he is bothering her, does she have the choice to go to her room and close the door and block him out? A professional counselor may help you find some ways to navigate between the needs of both your children.

Sandra - posted on 05/10/2010

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I totally know how what she is going through. When I was younger my older sister used to do the same thing to me. Every time she would do something bad she would blame me for it and I would get in trouble instead of her. Tell your daughter that that is just his way of showing affection. Some people can't help the things they do and she needs to somehow understand that and will eventually. Your son may end up outgrowing this someday, be patient. I hated my life too back then but all in the end it turned out ok. We still have our issues but that is just how it is, we can't always get along. Make sure that you let her know that you understand what he does and that you don't always discipline her that you can and do discipline him as well. If she sees that he also gets in trouble maybe things will start to settle down. Good luck with everything and i hope it works out ok for you.

TRACY - posted on 05/10/2010

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CANT THANK YOU ALL ENOUGH FOR YOUR COMMENTS , THEY MEAN A LOT TO KNOW WE ARNT ALONE IN THIS . THANKYOU AGAIN . SHE HAS AN APPOINTMENT WITH CAMHS IN JUNE BUT TOMORROW IM APPROACHING THE DOCTORS AGAIN TO GET IT BROUGHT FORWARD ..AS IVE JUST REMOVED A BBQ SKEWER OUT OF HER BED THAT SHE WAS HIDDING ...

Kimberly - posted on 05/09/2010

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Please get some intervention ASAP!

I have found with my own kids, my oldest daughter has Asperger's, that when dealing with a problem (big or small) there are two kinds of people : Problems make them stronger or
Prolems make them crumble
I know from experience, both sides of the coin. My middle daughter is very strong and no-nonsense when dealing with her sister. She has taken on a "mommy" role as well as protecter
My son, on the other hand, crumbles and is very sensitive to anything his sister says...and she is very agressive in what she says to him. She has a horrible time even being around him and god forbid if he has anything to say!
Therapy would be a wonderful thing to do as a family...as well as individual therapy for your daughter. That way she can say things to her therapist that she might not be comfortable saying to you.
Please keep us informed of her progress! My thoughts are with you!

Elizabeth - posted on 05/09/2010

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Tracy please find a therapist for your daughter. She is reaching out to you for help with handling her feelings for her brother. It is hard on the siblings of any child who has special needs and most of the time if not all of the time the siblings as well as the parents all need to have a therapist to help them deal with their feelings.



Until you can get her in to see a therapist try taking her out on a Mommy and her day where you two do things that she wants to do. Maybe you can start by taking her out to eat lunch at her favorite restaurant and then go from there. Ask her what she wants to do for the day. She might open up even more during this outing and talk to you about all that she's feeling. Let her talk and let her know it's okay to feel the way she feels but that it's not okay to act on how she feels (especially if she wants to hurt herself). Talking about how she feels without the pressure of having her brother around might help her start to feel better.



Please keep us updated on how she is doing.

Erin - posted on 05/08/2010

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My son does the same thing. It's heartbreaking to see my daughter's face after he goes on and on about how much he hates her.

Victoria - posted on 05/08/2010

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i grew up with an autistic brother.....the best thing u can do is take her out for a mommys day every so often, and do fun stuff just u and her. also, a children's therapist might help....i saw one growing up. it helped me so much in coming to terms with y my brother acted how he did...

Shasta - posted on 05/08/2010

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Take her to a counselor who can help her understand that your son's not being "mean" or "hatefull". That this is how he expresses himself. The only way that he can. Maybe once she understands a little more about what it's like for her brother and what he's doing, she'll feel differently. There are several great children's books that you can find on line that explain to her what is happening when he says or does things that upset her. Try something like that too. Keep me updated.

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