My 9 years old daughter have trouble making and keeping friends

Joyce - posted on 08/29/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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The girls in her class does not play with her, one other girls would play by herself all the time instead of my daughter, she plays with a grade 2 and she's in grade 3 they fight all the time. She have play dates with her dance class and again the other girls don't want her in the group, same with summer camps she got picked on and tripped. Even her cousin the same age as her said she's weird, She an only child she talks a lot with the girls so she not shy. How do I help her?

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Anaquita - posted on 08/30/2012

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Kids are mean. Especially to those that don't fit in, or seem unnormal/weird. Like a kid on the spectrum. Generally girls eventually tend to make a friend with the nuture instinct. But until then... Find a group of parents with similar kids? Try a group social behavioral therapy group. (her pediatrician ought to be able to recommend one) Then she can meet kids her age wuth similar social issues, while getting therapy on how to muddle through social situations in a neurotypical geared world.

Katherine - posted on 08/30/2012

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Girls can be so mean! Kids can be mean. That's really sad. Too bad she can't just have ONE good friend. Are there any in the neighborhood? What about meetup.com? Have you tried that for play groups? Sorry, that's the only thing I can think of.

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Sophia - posted on 09/15/2012

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well explain to her that each person wants to feel special .. in a friendship. So she cant always be the one talking . if her cousin also find her weird then may be you need to explain to her -- to have a friend you must be a friend.

Esther - posted on 09/03/2012

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My son had the same problem for many years-- then, we gave his teacher permission to explain autism to the class and gave her the book "how to talk to autistic kids" and everything changed for him! He has a group of friends for the first time ever! It still takes a lot of work from me-- this summer we did group field trips and a research project at the zoo and now that school has started and the group is separated in 4 classrooms-- we're going to have them all to our house on the first Friday of each month; another of the kid's moms is having movie parties; another is having kid and mom lunches... it's been a LONG slow process-- but, it's paying off for my son. He has GREAT friends-- who understand autism and want to both help and be friends with the "weird" kid (although they tattle to the principal if anybody calls my son weird! :) There is hope-- but it takes A LOT of work!! Hang in there!!

Terry - posted on 09/01/2012

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My daughter developed a few "friends" throughout grade school and middle school. They were considered "different" by their peers. I guess I shouldn't measure the quality of these friendships by my standards, but my observations about their interaction was more like they were each in their own world, but could spend time together without judging each others' quirks. Eventually, they would either drift apart without showing any sadness that I could see. The older she got, she made friends easily with boys. She found them more straightforward, without gossip or manipulation. I also think a good number of them were hoping for something else to happen. She's blond with big blue eyes, doesn't flirt or play games. In high school and into adulthood she would select one of her guy friends to be the boyfriend for awhile, which is when the conflict reared it's head. Then they would just go away for a time until she would work them back into the circle of guy friends. To this day when she talks to me about the conflict in her relationships, I have to gently point out the viewpoint of the other individual and remind her that it's okay for them to have their own feelings, and that insisting on her view to be the only right one is futile and never works out.

Anaquita - posted on 08/30/2012

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With, not wuth. Ugh. I always make the most mistakes when on my phone. -_-

Joyce - posted on 08/30/2012

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Thank you I didn't think about the pedician. Yes kids are mean and they are not getting better. Appreciate the advice.

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