My partner's mildy autistic son bullies my son - how do I handle this?

Terrie - posted on 04/12/2012

This is very tough. This little boy needs his time with his Dad and at the same time he needs to learn that he cannot harm your little boy. Part of his problem is lack of stability which is what child with ASD need. Yes it would be idea if he could have both Mom and Dad in one place, but this is just not going to happen. But for him to comprehend this with his issues is going to be hard. His mother has to be getting him therapy at home. If she is then his father needs to talk to her about what type of therapy he is getting. His mother needs to be aware of what is going on. If everyone is on the same page then maybe you can work out a behavior plan for him. It may be that Dad may have to go and visit him rather him come and visit Dad. That is worst case senerio of course. If he has a behavior therapist at home with his mother, then maybe this therapist would be willing to come into your home and help also. But you never know until all parents set down and talk. And yes you are essentually a parent or at least a care giver when he is with you. It is okay to tell him no. It is okay to put him in time out. But also reward him when you see him doing something good. Compliment him. When he is tantruming give him a quiet place to go. When you have to get on to him don't give facial expressions and talk in a monotone voice. High pitched or voices that sound dramatic are fun to autistic children and they love to keep it going. By the way, I am the mother of an Autistic twelve year old. He was very aggressive when he was five. It does get better with age, but he did not have the added stresser of divorce. If that is what happen. I should not even assume that was the cse sorry. Anyway, none of my business. Just know that you are doing good and don't give up on him. You and your husband first need to start by talking to the mother.

Penny - posted on 04/11/2012

My daughter is autistic and in the past has displayed some If not all of what you described at one time or another. I found that although her school was extremely understanding and helpful that it just wasn't the right place as they had to many kids in a class and to many changes to the routine for my daughter to handle so she misbehaved often in the way you describe. We found that working together to put the same things in place helped like a safe place just for her to go to calm down when things get to much for her. We used a play tent with a few of her favourite toys and things in. While this helped as well as her growing up a bit a change of school helped even with the home things she went to a class of 9 with 2 teachers from a class of 32 with 1 teacher.

Misty - posted on 04/10/2012

I would remove the 5yr old from the room every single time he hurts your son and then gently and simply tell him no hitting/kicking/etc.... then give him 5 min to say sorry and do something kind for the person he hurt....doing this every single time he does it will give him the tools to correct his own behaviour and learn that gentleness will make his time much happier with you and his dad together.... even if you move in together, the consistency of your home has to remain no matter what for this to be effective.... before you implement anything for behaviour changes, I would talk with your partner and be sure that he is on board with the idea of what you want to do for his son.... this has worked with both my kids and kids I've been caring for recently...we have seen huge changes in behaviour with this and they feel better with knowing exactly what to do....also, we have a 'quiet' place where a kid who is upset can go to calm themselves on their own, the adults in my house also use this as an opportunity to praise the child for knowing they needed to calm themselves and to talk about how they can work through the upset if it involves another child.... good luck with everything

Katherine - posted on 04/09/2012

Pick up the 5 year old and put him somewhere else EVERYTIME he does something to your son. That is NOT acceptable. Have you considered counseling to get some ideas? Is his son in any kind of EIP, therapy or otherwise? He has to know that that is not acceptable behavior.



Maybe try a rewards chart with him?