My son is 11 years old & started masturbating

Holley - posted on 05/07/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

3

7

0

My son is 11 years old and has started masturbating. I am so embarrassed. I dont know how to handle it or how to talk to him about it. We have already had the birds and the bees talk but I never thought about how to talk to him about this. I even walked in on him in his bedroom and it was awful. He screamed at me to get out and told me I "was not to talk about this EVER AGAIN". Please help. He just seems so young to be doing this already. I need all the advice I can get because it is a very uncomforable feeling and when he goes to his room "to rest my eyes" we all know what he is really doing. PLEASE HELP ASAP.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Trina - posted on 05/07/2009

113

8

16

My advice would be to let go of YOUR embarrassment over it. Masturbation is perfectly natural and there isn't anything wrong with it. If we weren't meant to to touch ourselves, our arms wouldn't reach! ;) As for you thinking he's too young - if anything, he's a little late. I've known several children, myself included, that started around 6 or 7. You need to see it for what it is - your son is simply exploring his body. This is no different than when he discovered he had fingers and toes as a baby (aside from the fact that this discovery can bring physical pleasure). Don't try and stop him, or make him feel ashamed - this will just create deeper issues with his sexuality later in life. He's going to do it regardless of whether or not you want him to. The important thing is just to let him know that while it's okay that he does it, it should be something that is ONLY done in private - just like going to the bathroom. If you're not comfortable talking with him, perhaps his dad or other male that he's comfortable around could talk to him about it - he'd probably be more comfortable with them over you anyways.

I know that's its not the easiest thing to think about your child exploring themselves in this manner - it means they're growing up, which is hard for us moms, but just keep reminding yourself that this is perfectly natural and if he WASN'T doing it, you'd have something to worry about!

Your Name Kathleen Wooldridge - posted on 12/07/2011

1

0

0

I am dealing with that right now and he will be 11 next week, HELP how do you approach this, I told him I don't wNt to see it agIn....

Sharlene - posted on 12/07/2011

3,896

241

751

My son that's 8 yrs old is also doing the same thing, I think there just exploring there bodies I dont see any harm in that age but if it is more outside the the child's room then bring in some guildlines of the child doing only in there bedroom only I guess. I hope this might help all of us.

Aimee - posted on 05/07/2009

31

3

5

Don't have a clear answer for you as my boys are 7 and I have seen them curious about themselves and that their little sister is different (have a huge tub). They now take baths separately as they need privacy. (Found the boys pulling on each other as if they were playing tag one day in the tub and had enough! ) There's less fighting, water on the floor in the bathroom etc.



I would be concerned if this happened in public or you've caught him multiple times.

I've been told it's natural for one to know one's body or explore (from the grandmas in their sixties). If it was just the one time I'd just put it out of your mind and not worry.



My boys think it's funny to run around the house naked after a shower or bath - and have displayed themselves and are told that is not acceptable (we have a little girl). It really bothers my husband because once he decided to ignore one of the boys and our son sat down for dinner naked. My husband was like "this is ridiculous - go downstairs and get on your pants!"

Leslie - posted on 05/10/2009

12

30

1

My son uses masturbation as his form of stimming when he is bored or stressed. (Self stimulation--common in kids on the spectrum) He has been doing it since he was about three, and we had to teach him that it is private. I don't think you can break him of it, except to put limits on it.

Be aware, though, of whether or not he has gotten ahold of any pornography, because he is close to the age when that can take root and mess up healthy sexual development and color his ideas about sex. My son is only nine and is, I think, mostly oblivious to it being about anything but a calming and enjoyable thing. But I am anticipating the hormone rush in puberty to be difficult to navigate once he discovers the female form.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

9 Comments

View replies by

Janet - posted on 11/28/2011

212

32

87

My daughter is 6 and uses "rocking against a pillow" as stimming, (a form of female masturbation) which helps her control her stress. We've had to teach her to do it in private, but other than that we don't comment on it to her.



I agree completely with Tina - its not something to be ashamed of, but think of it like showering... when kids are young and learning, its a private activity that no one really talks about - and if they choose to bring someone in when they're in college, well that's out of your hands! ;)

Kate - posted on 11/28/2011

13

0

0

There's nothing wrong in masturbating.its a natural phenomena in boys and girls.Some start it at a young age and some a bit later.there's nothing to worry about.Relax.

Sandi - posted on 05/12/2009

12

1

1

Well, it is competley normal and no way to stop it. Set boundaries and say it is because what he does in private needs to stay private or he might be embarrassed to much. And you will respect his privacy by knocking on the door. If you have younger children remind him he needs to be an example and keep his touching to himself. Other people mind find it uncomfortable to know or to watch him .

I guess you missed the O show about talking about the birds and the bees. That therapist may have some advice on her website. I buy used books from Amazon.com for

far less money and sometimes for a penny 1 cent sales. You may find some books by professionals.

Fran - posted on 05/10/2009

21

10

2

I completely agree with Tina. The last thing you want to do is make him feel like he is doing something wrong. It is a natural part of life and growing up. Grown men and women do it, as adults you just learn how to hide it better.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms