My son's HFA/Asperger's(same) is a beautiful thing

Stephanie - posted on 08/15/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I remember the day I was told my son had Asperger's or High Functioning Autism, and I fell apart. I was horrified and so sad and had no idea what to do. Well, that day was almost 8 years ago. There have been so many up and downs and questions answered with unrecognizable reason. There have been moments of erratic behavior that seemed to come from no where. I have read, talked, tested, questioned everything. You might think this past to be sad or difficult, and honestly it was more frustrating than anything. Until one day, I decided to alter the way I communicated with my son, in a way that his brain could actually comprehend. Since the first time he realized that someone on this planet could understand him, he has gained so much confidence, friends for the first time ever, his grades soared to A's faster that I can blink and for the first time in a very long time, I saw happiness in my son. With this new found sense of self, he has become a wonderful young man with a beautiful brain that only a wise man could wish for.
His HFA/Asp, is a gift.
This conversation is for anyone who may just be finding out that your child has HFA. I am hear to tell you that you should consider yourself lucky and cry tears of joy, not fear. Please, ask any questions about anything and I can try to help you understand how to get through to your child. Whatever you do though, please don't feel down and don't feel like you need to change anything about your child. The big secret is.... you have to change. You have to find what it is that will create that connection. Once you do, everything is a beautiful thing. Also, please don't believe what you hear about kids with HFA not having the ability to empathize. That is the biggest misreading or misinterpretation of behavior ever. Children with HFA not only feel empathy, but are hyper-sensitive to it. They feel more than any of us ever will and you'll see all of that as soon as you change your perspective to become more similar to that of your child's mind. You are a truly lucky mother, so please don't freak out. As long as you can accept and nurture this gift, you are going to be more than okay, and so will your child.

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Patricia - posted on 09/26/2016

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I agree with all of you. (Hugs)
My son is 16 and has been through the wringer, Aspergers, ADHD, mild Tourette's, I believe he will beat the Tourette's though, he hardly tics at all now, only when he is really nervous. Once we had all that stuff sorted out he developed scoliosis, and had to have surgery at 14.

Now he is an A student at a Catholic high school, but it wasn't always this good. When he was diagnosed with all this I was devastated. He had pretty much failed everything at school, and at home, and he was suicidal by age 8. My then husband refused to acknowledge there was something wrong, and refused to allow me to take him to a Doctor. Well I'm an old momma, there is 16 years between my oldest and this one. And that didn't sit well with me, so I got a divorce, dealt with my nervous breakdown, met a bunch of doctors, and therapists, and got to work. And this wonderful young man was and is worth every minute of it. Although not everyone agrees about this, my son has done wonderful with the help of medications. I also put him in a catholic school,
Aspergers kids love Rules, and Catholic schools were happy to supply lots of rules. He loves the drama club at school, he is in every play, Not bad for a sophomore. He is absolutely crazy about birds, birds are his obsession, so I got him a talking parrot, and Set him up into the Audubon society. I love his quirkiness, and I really appreciate how much I can trust him, he is helpful around the house, and I never have to tell him to do his homework. HE IS WONDERFUL

Ev - posted on 08/21/2016

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Stephanie--
I am a mother who found out her child was diagnosed with Austim spectrum but they never said what it really was. I suspected to this day even that it is high functioning or Asbergers. That being said, I had been working with kids with special needs including those that had Autistic symptoms as most were preschool level. Because of this I was able not to feel like the world was falling apart. I embraced it. He was 11 years old at the time. He had already been getting resource classes for help with his learning issues. I taught him that though he had been diagnosed with this he was really someone who looked at the world differently than the rest of us normal people. And I told him that sometimes is thoughts made me rethink my angle of the world to his. His perspective was so different. It made me think a bit more about things. He was surprised at that. I also told him that though this made him a bit different compared to others it was never a bad thing. I never treated him differently from his sister when it came to rules and consequences--I did the same things with him and sometimes had to change up the rules or consequences to make it fit his situation. I held him accountable. For school work because of his learning issues he had to work twice as hard as the other kids to get things and most times kids who have that much issue give up--he never did. He tackled that subject until he got it. He did this until mid-junior high. Once he got to the teen years he was starting to get things on his own and making great grades. He graduated with a 3.1 grade point. I was so proud of him. His dad and step mom always thought he would never amount to much and have to have someone help him to do daily chores around the house, job coach him at work, and help him with money. He has never had to do that with any of those things. He manages work place on his own, he does his own chores and helps me out with mine, and he manages his money pretty good even saving a lot of it. Now he is an adult and is doing well.

Shari - posted on 08/21/2016

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I applaud this writer. A person with high-functioning autism or asperger's usually has average or above-average intelligence, which extends to their emotional intelligence. Interestingly enough. They can "self treat". You can teach them to make eye contact, shake hands. You can train them to self monitor when they go off on tangents only they care about. The children I have met who have high functioning asperger's (total of 4 that I know of) who have been raised in loving homes possess a wealth of empathy and a high sense of loyalty, duty and honor. They self examine too and their analytical abilities are a joy to watch. They may not be able to read social cues. And if they have suffered from bullying, they may not be able to relate properly, but based on personal observation, I am surprised by any characterization of lack of empathy. I do recommend home schooling an asperger's child if you have the choice. Set expectations and rules, they will follow if they are established in a way they can relate to.

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