Need help for my daughter's behaviors

Katie - posted on 02/16/2010

I think ear plugs while eating would be intolerable because your own eating noise would be so loud in your head.

Brooke - posted on 02/16/2010

I wonder if she is having sensory issues from/on the bus! I found that my children, whom are severely autistic, tend to act out more when they are having sensory issues. Does she use a weighted blanket or vest. Also, I wouldn't let the school remove anything form her IEP, then if she misbehaves they can kick her out for it. good luck hun, i have found that the hardest part about being a spectrum mommy is the clueless doctors and schools. Hang in there!

Teresa - posted on 02/15/2010

Hey There, I was just reading through all the wonderful advice you have benn given. What a great site to be involved with. I just joined, I wanted to share with you that I have an 13 year old soon to be 14 son, who has aspbergers/schizophrenia. The first four years he was in school he also would hold it together in school and then come home and have tantrum after tantrum for hours on end 1 to 6 hours straight. Everyone kept telling us that it was our enviroment was different then the schools. In other words we supposedly were spoiling him or choosing to ignore certain behaviors, the truth was the school was ignoring the fact that he was special needs and certain accomandations had to made for him. When he was in a large classroom it was too stimulating for him, imagine being sensory overloaded all day. He would not show anyone at school this was bothering him because he did not want to be embarrassed nor did he want anyone to dislike him. But when he got home he knew we would love him no matter what. he has hit, bit, kicked, spit, thrown things, broken walls, and then fell into a puddle of tears because he was so frustrated. It was so heart breaking, the school did not even believe us that this would start on the bus or as he hit the door, so we video taped a few of these episodes. We finally got people to help us, lots of therapy for all of us, he learned how to control his actions and we learned how to help him when he couldn't control them. He also learned how to voice his needs, although he still depends on Mom to help him every now and then. Anyways, Bless you and your child on your journey together.

Mary - posted on 02/14/2010

My 7 year old son has PDD. Have you looked into ABA therapy? It is doing wonders with my son. He is currently working on social skills and social behavior as part of his ABA therapy. Social stories have not really helped him at this point. The ABA therapist has helped us to implement a reward system at home. As he demostrates desired behaviors he is awarded points and those points are used to do things he enjoys. He does nothing without the right amount of points. It was tough at first, but we are now seeing behavior changes across the board - at home and outside the home.

Beth - posted on 02/14/2010

I agree with Adrienne don't let them remove the label. My school tried to do it to us last year with our 15yr old son. It doesn't go away just comes in stages. We've had months where nothing happens and then something sets him off. This week it was simple because he has a new teacher that doesn't understand his label. Can you ask for some inhome training from your behavioral teacher? That way she can see what going on in your house and give you ideals that might work.
With my two sons, I have one that is Asperger's and one with PDD-NOS we try to keep to a schedule at home. They do much better when it doesn't change. If we do have to change it we tell them a head of time as soon as we can. Walk them thru what going to happen that day.
Bus is a hard one. I had to drive my sons to school for the longest time just because they couldn't handle the bus. It just to hard to control the other kids on the bus. We have assigned seats for our sons this year. Try to find the most quite place on the bus. We've even had an Aide ride on the bus with our son. Simple because it to hard for the bus driver to make all the kids leave them alone.

Heidi - posted on 02/13/2010

Have you thought about putting her on a schedule at home? Also, an OT would be great as they can help work on desensitizing certain things. Also, look into a behavioral therapist. They will come into your house and observe her and work with you to change problematic behaviors. One thing that we have done is to change our home from a consequence based house to a reward based house. My children ( one on the spectrum and one not) have a star chart. We "ignore" certain behaviors and reward good behavior. It starts small. She doesnt pick on her sister on the bus today, you gain xxxx. You pick on your sister on the bus and we remind you that it is not acceptable and we move on. The only time their are consequences are for harmful behaviors in our house. My son gets aggressive and he loses a star as well as goes to his room until he can calm down for 3 minutes then I unlock the door and he can come out when he can apologize. We also use planned ignorance. He starts getting loud or behavioral I remind him that he needs to calm down and if he shoooses not to (or cant) then I will continue on with my day as if he isnt here. I will finish my conversations with others, continue cleaning, etc (whatever I was doing when he started up). I do not give him eye contact nor do I speak to him until he calms down. He feeds off of my energy when he is in that state and if I get frustrated or upset it gives him more to work with. He seems to calm down much quicker now that we ignore him and he is usually able to calm himself down within minutes. If your daughter gets upset because people do something she perceives as an issue (such as touching the chair, walking around when she is doing homework etc) ignore her. If you dont allow yourself to be drawn into he manic stage she doesnt have that energy to feed off of. It is easier said than done, trust me, its not easy to ignore a child screaming at the top of their lungs for 20 minutes but it can be done and you will be amazed at how quickly they start calming themselves when no one is willing to give in to their behaviors.

Adrienne - posted on 02/13/2010

Do not let them remove the behavioral aspect from her IEP. They then came make her follow a regular school behavioral plan and she could be suspended if the behaviors start at school again. Our son is in a Autism program at school and has been since Kindegarten. He is in 1st grade now and the structure has been wonderful for him. He is mainstreamed 85% of his day compared to 30% a year ago. But that is because it's working. Not that he still isn't PPD NOS. Try more structure at home. It is very hard but it really makes a difference when school is out and etc. for our guy.

Tracy - posted on 02/12/2010

Thank you for all of the wonderful advice! I am definitely going to look into the OT and ask for an evaluation through the school district. This had already been recommended by an outside specialist but of course my district never offered it. I am also going to request an independent assessment (FBA) for her bus behavior. I will try and hope for the best. Sometimes I don't know which is harder, dealing with the behaviors or dealing with the school district!

Peggy - posted on 02/12/2010

i completely agree with bonnie.. we have to do the same thing with zac sometimes.. hes afriad of the vaccume the noise just he cant handle. so we let him listen to an mp3 player in another room. we also took him to an ot and have certain ideas we use for him to help him.. my son also has sensory processing disorder so i totally agree with everything bonnie said..awesome advice bonnie!! :)

Bonnie Jean - posted on 02/12/2010

"amazes me that she has been able to have more self-control during the school day "

Children on ASD are people pleasers, she knows what is expected at school so she holds it together until she gets home where the pent up anxiety pours out into all kinds of unwelcomed behavior.
Is your daughter on a Sensory Schedule? An Occupational Therapist could help you put on together based on your daughters individual needs.
Everything you discribed above as a problem is linked to sensory issues. sometimes simple earplugs will stop the distruction of items such as MP3 players, because they can hear the buzzing noise not so much the music it is playing. And since they are so rule bound her excuse for getting rid of the player was her sister was supposed to be getting ready for school not playing that buzzing MP3 player. As far as the germs go, if you give her a small pack of wet wipes this helps quite a bit.
Ear plugs also help with the dinner sounds, the sounds from light bulbs, things we do not notice but because of th nature of the disability every little sound comes through.
Always use the word "try" even if you believe something you are going to do is certain....because you never know when something will happen to change your plans, using the word "try" instead of we "will" do this or we "will" go there lets her know in a concrete way you "might not" be able to do what you have planned. Hope this helps.

Bonnie Jean

Peggy - posted on 02/12/2010

wow sounds like you have a caotic house.. we too had a lot of problems like that. not so much with my son destroying others property but some of the hitting because people where in his space and what not. we had him in phycotherapy to help him be able to talk to someone about his feelings and his anixety. we had him in occupational therapy which gave him some sensory imput and now we have him on prozac and have a behavoral plan set at school for him. id find, if you dont already, a doctor who has had or has a few autisic patients so she is aware of the condition. or peditrian who i credit my best friend for finding bc the peditrian is also her kids doc one of which is autisic.. but our doctor is the one who set up zacs behavoral plan and put him on prozac.is she getting enough sensory imput? i know some kids with autism also have sensory intregration disfunction or sensory processing disorder. two different disorders but both which deal with how your body preiveces your senses.. she might just need to be seen by an occuaptional therpist who can help her develope a sensory diet you can use at home and at school that will make more comfotable for her at home and school and make life a little bit more easy for you and your family plus your teacher. i wish you the best of luck. keep us updated on how ur d.d is doing

Jennifer - posted on 02/11/2010

I agree with the use of social stories. I have a fourteen year old daughter who was diagnosed at about the age of six. It really seemed to get lessons across when the social stories were used. And also, DON'T let them remove her IEP's. I have fought the system for years to keep my daughter where she is, on the buses and at school. Only through years of work has she reached the stage she's at now (about to start high school). Find out from the school what methods they are using and try to stay consistent at home. That's the way I have had to do things with my daughter. If you want to chat, message me. I'd be happy to talk.

Angel - posted on 02/11/2010

Hi there...

First I want to tell you that I have a 7 yr old with Aspergers/ADHD and a 5 yr old presently only ADHD with Aggression however he is going through testing right now. After researching, I have found that I believe he is on the autistic spectrum and believe he will be diagnosed with PDD-NOS. He shows a lot of the same behaviors as my Aspergers son but they are a lot less obious... however the aggression is not. He sounds a lot like your daughter as the aggression and reasoning behind why he did it.

I have him presently in Occupational Therapy for sensory intergration. I have just become aware of what are called ABA therapists (mainly for my older son). I hear they are wonderful with dealing with behavior issues.... been told many times they are miracle workers. As soon as this child is diagnosed (and hopefully he will), I will be trying to get him one.

Just for you to check out - my older son recieves Speech, OT, and soon ABA therapy from the school district. I will however have to get my other son his therapy in home because he is not in the public school just yet. Check with your school to see if you can get OT and ABA for her (they don't like to offer these services but they have to - and it will go on the IEP) All I can say is fight to the death with the school and DO NOT let them bully you into taking her IEP off.

I hope that I have not been too off the wall but all of this has helped me tremendously... I hope it helps you too.

Please feel free to contact me any time - I know that just talking to others on a regular basis has helped me and comforted me. apupplo@charter.net

Tracy - posted on 02/11/2010

Hi Thank you for responding. I agree with you about the social stories. There is a new school psychologist at my daughter's school this year and it seems she doesn't have much experience writing them (she handed me a copy of bus rules and told me it was a social story). I have been considering seeking an outside therapist who has experience with spectrum kids to help deal with some of the home behaviors.

At school she has a highly structured day with pull-outs for speech and counseling. She hasn't had as many problems this year. I do know she sits separate from the other kids during snack time and has had her seat moved on occasion. She has a friend in class that she is very fond of and now sits next to and plays with during recess. I think that this has helped. However, I am not so naive to think that things are perfect for her. She doesn't get invited to birthday parties or playdates. From what the teacher told me, it is more on the parents end than the kids. We had a meeting set up for this morning, it was canceled due to a snow day. I am considering an independent evaluation for her bus behavior. Thanks again for responding!

Amy - posted on 02/10/2010

I am a big fan of SOCIAL STORIES!!!! Make several if you need to. Talk POSITIVE in them. you should never use words like, "no, don't and never". You can have one for every situation that upsets her... home, bus, germs, homework time, etc. I am not sure if you are a fan of medication but I have work very closely with clients on the spectrum that were also diagnosed OCD. Meds DO NOT work for every child! does she see a therapist? She seems to do a great job at explaining why she doing things... take advantage and use her ability to communicate to teach a "better response". Could she carry a small bottle of hand sanitizer for when she is nervous about germs? I would set up a meeting with school to see how they have changed her behaviors and use the ideas at home. in regards to the IEP... you are the PARENT!!!! What you say HAS TO BE PUT ON THE IEP. If you do not agree DO NOT SIGN until you are happy!!! If you feel it is needed then add it or keep it!!!!!

Sabrina - posted on 02/10/2010

I dont really reply to any posts, but as a paraprofessional who has worked with many autistic children from 3 and up you might want to ask the schools some behavioral techniques they have used with her in school that can carry over into the home. Maybe you could try making a behavior chart starting with 3 main behaviors you would like to see change. Have times where you purposely set up a situation that you know will bother her and work to train that behavior into a positive with immediate reinforcement. Use a high reinforcement for her...something she really loves as a reward, but make immediate when she exhibits the appropriate behavior. Use a timer or a warning when her sister is coming downstairs so she knows she's coming and redirect the negative response she gives. You could also give her an area in the house that is her "break area". When she feels frustrated she can take a break and rejoin what ever is going on when she feels like she can handle it. If the school has a behavior therapist use them and pick their brain on tips and ideas. Hope this helps..

Tammy - posted on 02/09/2010

i honestly think it is both the school and u as the parents. I totally understand that you pick your battles as i find i am guilty of that sometimes as well. I know the schools are busy with all the other children but if both parties work together it can only benefit your daughter....

Tracy - posted on 02/09/2010

The school has been spinning its wheels by constantly rearranging her seat on the bus, changing the system of how she gets on and off the bus.....anything but providing a bus aide. I wish that I could trust them for some good advice but when you have a teacher who doesn't know what PDD-NOS is (until I tried my best to explain it to her), a speech pathologist who doesn't know the correct definition of auditory processing, and a school psychologist who doesn't know what a social story is.....well, it's pretty frustrating. I'd laugh if it wasn't so sad. I do know that school is much more structured than home and she does best with a lot of structure. I actually prefer to get advice from experienced moms with similar issues than some of these "professionals" at the school. I have a CSE meeting to go over her IEP on Thursday. I'm hoping that I can appeal to them to take these issues seriously. Thank you for responding!

Michelle - posted on 02/09/2010

I would ask school what they are doing and do the same things at home, they should help in giving you ideas to try.

Louisa - posted on 02/09/2010

my 3.5 year old has been diagnosed with PDD - we are doing alot of work with his nutrition, diet, and supplementation and these seem to help moderate his behaviors....
having said that he targets his little brother constantly at home - at school he doesnt "target" other kids ( any more) but like you the home/school divide is very tricky ... we have set up separate play areas to deal with this and if its a bad day both kids have to eat separatly and bath separatly.. if he gets hold of "wrong" food - containing gluten/ dairy/ processed then his behaviour deteriorates very quickly
punishment seems to set of a terrible chain of tantruming events and its only positive reinforcement that has shown anysigns of working although i wouldnt trust him with his brother alone for any time

Tracy - posted on 02/09/2010

wow! we are going thru the same thing right now with our little one (5) also a pdd-nos diagnosis. also spoiled.. i could use some advice too! *anxiously waits*