People like to offer comments, suggestions, and pity. . . .

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

I guess it's human nature or something.

I love the comments about how my son is so lucky because _____'s child has much more severe autism. They come from people who seldom see my son or meet him on a good day. [My son has moderate autism and has precocious abilities in some areas, but he still really struggles in others.] I am not very nice about it (sorry to say!). I tell them point blank that he does so well because of years of hard work, not because he just happened to. Don't downplay my child's issues to try to console or pity me. I don't want it! My heart breaks for those whose children don't respond well to therapy or who didn't try to get them help. I can only imagine how crummy they feel from people's ignorant comments.

I usually do really well, but sometimes I just get so fed up when people say things about the stress. I am a military wife to a husband who is gone the majority of the time, I homeschool the older children, and I have my little guy's issues to contend with (which are of course way worse when Daddy's gone). Our nearest family is almost a 15 hour drive away and with moving coast to coast every few years, we don't have close friends next door or anything. So when my family says they understand, it really just makes me angry, like, "What part of that do you understand, exactly?"

Sorry, that was a big rant. If you have one,feel free to slap it down here too. :D

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[deleted account]

Thank you all for venting with me. I didn't think I was the only one going through this!

If someone with kids says something "off," I almost want to remark, "Oh, thank you for the support, but I see your child is NT. I'm so sorry. . . . " Seriously, everyone's children are challenging sometimes, *challenged* or not!

Michelle - posted on 03/01/2010

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My favorite saying is "But he looks normal"!! Oh really what do you think he's should look like ?? DUH of course he looks "normal" whatever that means. Autism is not bout how one looks. .

Tammy - posted on 03/01/2010

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thanks heaps melissa for ur comment i was great to vent i think sometimes u feel like u cant say anything just keep it inside or maybe even think i wonder if anyone else goes through this thats why i love this sight.....

Lisa - posted on 03/01/2010

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Melissa, I completely understand you. My husband is in the military also, right now we live overseas, but its like if they are not "autistic" enough then people dont even get it. I get all the time "Its not obvious" as if thats what Im worried about, if others can tell that he is autistic. He just went to kindergarten this year and he was not doing good, but his teacher always tells me "see, hes not the worst one in the class" or "hes not that bad". I dont want my child being compared to the lowest 10% of the class, when those are the kids whos parents arent involved at all. I have now pulled him out and homeschool and hes doing much better. But anyway, it is frustrating that my son has gone through years of therapy and he has put in hard work, and yes thats why he is doing so well not just because "hes not that autistic"!!!!!
Thanks for the rant.

Cherish - posted on 02/28/2010

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I have had SO many ignorant comments.
One lady said "how can he learn if he can't talk" or "he must have a bad case of autism,I have never seen a kid like that before"
The worst comment I think came from a man who saw me sitting on the ground holding my son because he was trying to bang his head on the cement and my son was biting and scratching me,my arms were bleeding not his...
This man says "do you need help?" (mind you I am in NO mood to chit chat w/this fool and explain) so I said "no were fine",he says "want me to call someone,there is a hospital down the street",again I said "NO were good thanks" he says "Well all I can say is I see this child freaking out and your holding him",I was about ready to hand him my 6 yr old and say,"ok you hold him"(the joke would be on him because he was upset and would have severely hurt that man).
Then the OT and SLP he was seeing came down and tried to talk to this man,and he went on and on.


I get sick of explaining his dx with people.
Just because they ask does that give them a right to know his medical and treatment rundown?

I do not like the "Oh I am so sorry to hear that",WHY are you sorry my child has a disability?
I'm not sorry....
They are who they are,God gave them to us like this for a reason!!

Kristen - posted on 02/28/2010

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I give you BIG props on that. My Son was diagnosed last month and when i told people I got alot of "he'll grow out of it", or "well you got it good compared to so and so because Aidyn is on the mild end." I don't want to hear that! If i wanted advice, or an answer I wouldve asked for one. I simply wanted support. I dont need pity or your im sorrys...Give me a hug and tell me its going to be okay...Say you're going to be there if I need you...UGH that drives me up a wall!!!

Tammy - posted on 02/28/2010

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OMG my son cops that all the time if he says hello they say it back then he babbles they say what and i have said he s autistic his speech is not that good and just the other day this old work friend replied back to me "oh its obviously mild" i just said u got him at a good time and left. I wanted to scream of course five minutes later he had a major meltdown he hates big shopping centres sensory overload for him i know exactly what you mean i ve decided not to tell people anymore let them think my son is strange and yes even certain family members have said this to me and im like you try and live at my house then you ll see thanks glad i got to vent to hahahahahaha :)

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