Q's for Moms who have daughters with Aspergers

Jennifer - posted on 10/07/2009

Socially awkward pretty much hits the nail on the head! My aspie girl is 12, and like you we have always known she was different. We just didn't know what it was! I worried when it came time for her to start school. I was afraid they would try and tell me she had ADD and I knew she didn't. The thing that made me worry most is that, to people who didn't understand her, it appeared she had a very short attention span. This is not the case. If she finds something interesting or if she feels it is worth her time, you will be lucky to pull her attention away from it. But because she doesn't find school to be worth her time they try to tell me she can't focus. I never knew it would be so difficult to explain to adults the difference between "can't" and "won't"! Sometimes she is so wrapped up in things she doesn't notice the world around her. When she was younger, I often would have to physically lift her chin so her eyes met mine and get close to her face to get her to notice I was trying to speak to her. This doesn't happen as often now but it does sometimes take a few times of calling her name before she will acknowledge me. Socially I would say her biggest problem is that she lacks grace. She wants friends, and now that she is older I see her attempting to make friends. Although friends were not much of a priority in her younger years. I remember taking her to the playground as a toddler. I sat her in the sand with the other kids her age, hoping she would try to play with them. She sat there for a few minutes, staring at her peers like they were the dumbest things she had ever seen. Then she got up, walked away, and went to play with the older kids. In pre-school the teachers told me that she wouldn't participate in group activities that well. She'd stay for a while, then walk away to go do what she wanted to do. They told me that she did interact with the other children if they came to her, but she never sought them out herself. By kindergarten she had started interacting a bit better. But when I asked who her friends were at school she would tell me that everybody was her friend. To her, a friend was someone you played with, and she'd play with anyone who asked her to play (although usually they had to do whatever she was doing or forget it). Now she has made friends with a few children, but again her definition of friend isn't the same as yours or mine. She doesn't invite anyone over and only calls them if she wants to ask them a question about a pokemon game. The same goes for them calling her or asking her to come over, but to her these are good friends. She is very talkative, if the subject interests her. But she butts into conversations without waiting her turn or walks away before the other person is finished. She has gotten better about making eye contact, but still tends to look down or to the side of you every so often while she is talking. She has problems realizing when she has crossed the line of personal space, often getting right up close and personal, lol. And she is not very in tune with what other people are feeling. Empathy for others is something we are still working on. To strangers I'm sure she comes off as being a spoiled brat. She does have a tendency to believe the world revolves around her, however it's more that she doesn't concern herself with things she doesn't feel directly effect her. I hope some of this helps you out. Remember you're not alone in your frustration. We've all been there, and most of us I think are still there. Good luck getting to the bottom of things!

Lynnell - posted on 10/07/2009

Hi

I am not sure if this will answer your question. I read a book on aspergers and girls. In the social aspect it talks about girls being social but have a social akwardness. Immiture play can also be part of it. My daugther is 10 but other then being told she has traites she doesn't have a formal diagnosis. Her brother who is 8 has defenate aspergers. My daughter is immiture in her play and plays well with younger kids. She is socially awkward. I know she finds it hard to play with groups even though she wants to. She plays better one on one. I have also been told that adhd and aspergers have a fine line between them, not sure how true this is or were the line changes.