Son's behavior

Fiona - posted on 01/07/2009

My son is now 16 and has aspergers, when he was younger we found holidays or anything out of his usual routine would cause him to have meltdowns. My son has always got up about 7am and is usually the last to bed and even as a baby/toddler didn't sleep well. We struggled through as he wasn't diagnosed until he was 11, but gradually he has had some wonderful supportive teachers and educational assistants who have helped him find his own coping strategies. We talk to him openly about the fact he is different and about what other people expect in social situations, at home we set rules and try to be consistent this seems to have helped him grow into a young man who copes well with his Aspergers and life in general. I don't know if this has been any help other then to let you know you do find a way to work with your child's odd ways and find out what works for them and you. (My son at 16 can't tie laces so we buy shoes/boots with zips or velcro - this cuts out an unnessecary problem.)

Tammy - posted on 01/02/2009

When he says the stuff about his brain, does he hit himself, or lash out in other ways that are destructive? Maybe he's unconsciously aware that his perception skills are different. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be, to be this wealth of knowledge and not have the skillset to get it out the way you see it in your head. That leads me to ask how is handwriting skills are? Does he get frustrated when he writes? (*dyspraxia is the term, I think) He sounds like such a bright kid, and I'd bet that when he is centered, he is a light.



Speaking of being centered,,, maybe the OT can suggest some vestibular activities for home therapy. Swinging, spinning, and jumping can get the balance of the middle/inner ear to send some nerons firing.



As for how to tell him about his autism... that is a hard one. For me, I waited till Caitlin was in a happy mode (which at the time, were few and far between). I said, "I read an article today. It was about how this girl knew so much, but didn't know how to get the words out".. I went on with this fabricated "article" with details of what mirrored my own child. I ended with how lucky she was because in the end, this girl coud put a word to her meltdowns. The word was Autism. I think it helped her to see herself in a new light; we talked about this girl, her difficulties, and her acheivements. I never outright said that the girl was my daughter. A few days later, after she had processed the girl's plight, I said, "you know, that girl is like you in a lot of ways".. she agreed. That was the introduction of the term "Autism"--- it was a way to open the door of discussion, without saying "oh, you have this thing, and this is why your brain does weird things". Now, I'm happy to say, a few years later,,,, that she is open to talk about her autism, even with her classmates, going so far as to have "WHY ME" day where she talked with her classmates about her autism and what it's like to be her. She also mentors a younger girl with the same SID symtoms in our area. YAY... finally, some good news!



LASTLY,,,

I hear your frustration too. I'm right there with you. Yes, it is hard to deal with. But, from one mom to another, that's what this site is for.. for you to gather the strength you need from those that can offer it, so that you can keep going. You have been an advocate for your boy for such a long time; it wears down your armor after a while. But when you get through this little bump, you'll find yourself stronger, not in spite of this rough patch, but BECAUSE of this rough patch.



ALL my best

Tammy - posted on 01/02/2009

Hi Debbie.

First, kudos to you for not freaking out along with him; holidays are stressful for almost all family members, especially those with autism. I know this may be silly, but even though holidays are being celebrated all over the place, and he can see it outwardly, it may be worth talking with him BEFOREHAND about what he can expect INSIDE HIS house during this season. Things that might have led to his meltdown: Do you have a tree, and did it appear or was he "warned" that it was going to happen? Will there be visitors? What are your expectations? What can he expect to do over the school break (visits, play dates, or special outings)? And if those expectations can be met, and give him some control over (or a sense of control over) the schedule, then maybe that can curb some of those meltdowns. And aren't those meltdowns just a reaction to him feeling a loss of control? Many times, the answer is yes.

I think it's the routine of school-- the predictability- is what grounds him and those like him. If you can somehow recreate that for him during "off" season, then maybe you can fend off some of those meltdowns, or at least temper them.



If your son likes to get up at a certain time, maybe an alarm clock in the room would help (this also gives him a sense of his personal responsibilities; and if he oversleeps, then he can be upset with himself). I would suggest getting an alarm with a CD player; this allows him to wake with his favorite music and the control the volume at which the music sounds. I understand it may sound callus to ask him to take personal responsibility. I don't know your child or the degree at which his symptoms have manifested. I can only give you my personal thoughts and experiences. Of course, don't expect the process of him getting up with the alarm to go fluidly; like every other time you introduce a new thing, he is going to have a hard time adjusting, which will likely mean meltdowns. It always seems to get a bit tougher before it gets better, doesn't it?