stressed and i don't know what to do...

Sara - posted on 12/27/2009 ( 40 moms have responded )

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i just found out that my son douglas has add,adhd, and autism... he was doing well but is back tracking now this is been 6 months since i found out and back tracking the last 2 months. he gets upset so easy and not listening and screams about everything when he's upset. school teachers are asking me about medicating him cuz he's not doing the work and when he's does calm down it's to late for him to do it so he gets upset again.. i'm not sure what i want to do but i don't know how to get him to stop doing the screaming and hitting cuz he can't control it.... please help if u can... any advice is good advice..

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Sheila - posted on 12/27/2009

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It doesn't sound like he has an educational assistant with him...does he?

Tell the teacher he needs to be either at the start of the line or the end...this will help with behaviours in the line. As well, his position on the carpet should be at the side, not in the middle.

Start with a visual schedule (if you don't have one already) and limit it to two activities.

First clean up/then snack. If he argues, says no...don't get into a discussion...point to the chart and say first clean up/then snack. If he co-operates, give him a sticker right away! Get a good good boy chart so he can count his stickers. Or, if he likes something else (one smartie, or a mint....whatever works) The school should be doing this for him as well....immediate recognition for even the smallest of accomplishments...

The teacher needs to have a behaviour program in place for him, and as much as possible you need to carry that on at home. A schedule is very important because his little mind needs to learn structure and routine in order for him to feel secure. When he is feeling more secure, hopefully the triggers will decrease.

If he does not have assistance in the classroom, that is one of your first steps with the school!

Good luck Sara.

Sheila

Heidi - posted on 12/27/2009

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Sheila has given you some great starting tips.. I would suggest starting with a behavior therapist.
Back tracking is very common, take it in stride and keep him on a consistent schedule at home and at school.
Are you guys using a picture schedule? It may help. You can buy the PECS System or create one of your own, which is what we did. Its very simple and can give him visual cues as to what is expected of him, what time it is (ie. time to go to the bathroom, time to eat, time to play with x, etc.)
As for the school... I would suggest you get a behavior plan in place and that the behavior therapist observe him at school to see what exactly is going on. Medications can have significant impact on your child, I know they did for us, but try some Sensory Integration techniques as well as Occupational Therapy, and behavior therapy before trying them.
I know this is a lot to take in, especially right after diagnosis when you are feeling the weight and strain of the world but it does get better. Remember he needs you and no matter how hard it seems at the moment there are many of us out here who have felt the same things you have and who share the same struggles and are here to help. :)

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Gina - posted on 02/25/2010

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Is your son in a mainstream classroom or is he in a smaller, self-contained special needs class? Is his teacher a special needs teacher?

Debora - posted on 02/14/2010

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Have you considered that a regular classroom may be too stressful for him? I personally don't know of any medication that would stop the frustration and screaming without also making it very hard for him to learn and remember. Keep in mind, though that the ADD, ADHD and Autism are really all part of the same package. The autism has symptoms that are like ADD and ADHD, but it's really all part of the overall creation that goes under the name of autism. Sometimes docs try to treat the separate symptoms instead of the overall problem. Some meds like Concerta or Strattera can help with impulsive behavior. They didn't particularly help my son (made him even more hyper right after taking them, and in the case of Concerta, dulled his intelligence to the point that he couldn't understand and remember what he learned, and completely dulled his creative side. The Concerta also stunted his growth, and killed his appetite. The stunted growth may not be such a problem for a 16-year-old who has nearly reached his full adult height, but my son was on it from 6 to 9 years old. Find out about social stories... maybe that could help you find out what is frustrating him so much. Good luck. Just remember, a school does not have the legal right to pressure you to put him on medication if you can't find something that doesn't hurt more than it helps. Is home-schooling an option for him? It might take some of the pressure off of both of you.

Debora

Terry - posted on 01/20/2010

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Nobody wants to medicate their children. I just want to say that but..... If your child had diabetes you would have to give them insulin shots. Normal is what we are looking for at least as normal as we can hope to achieve without the vacant stare... I would never do that to my children.

I have found that Adderall has worked well for my son and he is on Clonodine at night so that he can sleep otherwise he is up all night. There was a medication that he was on that he had hallucinations but we quickly removed that and he is better. As far as diet etc. with the Asperger's Diagnosis there comes some sensory issues. My son is not a very good eater and that has been our main issues with food, clothes etc. But with the lack of social skills etc we have had trouble trying to teach "Why you should care" and "Why you have to take responsibility for your actions". That is the root of most of my son's anger issues. If we ask him to do homework or a "non" preferred activity that is when most of the yelling and verbal abuse comes out.

Children with disabilities however severe or high functioning they are we all have to try to persevere in our thinking that we can help them. We are their only advocates in life and I want to make sure that my son has every opportunity that other children his age have. Unfortunately that is not (so not) an easy thing to accomplish. I know that I am not always the best mother I can be as I can get stressed and lose my temper or not think about how he is feeling at that moment. All I can do is keep trying.

That is what I hope that we can all do.... I keep reminding myself that "patience is a virtue" and I have to try again.

Janet - posted on 01/19/2010

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Have you tried any natural supplements that support neurotransmitter production. They have worked well for my 11 year old ADD son who is impulsive and anxious.

Christina - posted on 01/19/2010

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Wow...there are so many meds vs. no meds out there. Yes, there are medicines that do not work w/ certain children...but there are also other meds out there that allow your child to live a somewhat "normal" life. Why would you *not* want to just try...We have tried my son on 3 meds...1 of them works & we are still trying to find another one to go in conjunction. I want my son to have a "normal" life. His dad does *not* take meds & I do *not* want him to be like his father. I am going to give my son everything I can...I have just seen it from both sides & feel that you have to at least try :-/

Our local ENT does allergy testing in his office. Surely, your pcp/ped could get you where you need to go :-/ GOOD LUCK & KEEP YOUR HEAD UP! You, as the mother of your child, know what is best for you & your child :) Don't 2nd guess yourself :) You know more than you think!

Laura - posted on 01/19/2010

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All I can say is be careful of medication. My daughter is also AD/HD and on the specturm and has many other learning diabilities. I tries her on two different medications for the AD/HD and they made her go crazy, at one point she cut all her hair off because she thought she was seeing bugs in her hair. The teachers are having a hard time with her and we are going to a doctor next month that works only with children that have had a bad reaction on AD/HD medication. I hope for the best for you, I know its a struggle.

[deleted account]

I would not put him on meds I have heard awful stories, we did allergy testing through our DAN doctor, there are different websites that will give you a list of DAN doctors in your area, they usually have an allergist in the office, try your hardest to find one that accepts insurance, our first DAN doctor didn't and we had to stop seeing him, it got way too expensive, we just started seeing one that does take insurance and he also has an allergist in the same office, autistic kids usually have food allergies. But try not to give him any drugs, my son is an extremely picky eater, but there are so many foods out there now, that are gluten free because of so many people who have celiac's disease, so find a DAN ( Defeat Autism Now) doctor they follow a protocol which will test your son for metal toxicity, yeast, food allergies, etc. There is a book called
Special Diets for Special Kids you should check out, also YouTube is great look up
PhilCommander on GF/CF diet he really explains the diet in a way that is simple to understand, after I watched it , I knew I had to put my kid on the gf/cf diet, it's actually not as hard as it sounds, but how awesome would it be if it helped your son!! I realized a year ago what was going on with my son and have done alot of research, if I can help you with any questions you have after this please let me know, because the truth is there are things we can do, so try to postpone giving him drugs until you get some blood, urine, and poop tests done. Let me know how it works out. :)

Sara - posted on 01/19/2010

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we(the dad and i) have set up an appt. for medication cuz douglas is just not doing well.. i need to know is there a book or something to help with how to deal with this? like out burst and different foods.. it's just hard to get him to eat certain things and if i understand this more i could help him. i know he's senstive about certain things. but how do u get a food allergie test done?

Christina - posted on 01/17/2010

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I have a 4 year old, who will be 5 next month. We have been having the same issues w/ him as well. Austin has Tourettes, ADHD, OCD, Anxiety & who knows what else I forgot, lol. Austin has just bursts of tantrums, excitement, energy, etc. We have learned that staying consistent (although very hard w/ the tantrum outbursts) is the best thing for him...If he starts w/ any of his bursts, he is first asked to go to *his* safe place (what one of our psychs recommended) and if it continues after that he is placed in the corner for 4 minutes. This will usually help, but I am *extremely* strict when it comes to violence. There are *no* and, ifs or butts about it! We have also been recommended for a "security hold" which we have been shown how to do by a professional. They will usually squeal & flop, but he eventually settles down :) Stay tough...don't let him see your weakness! :D

Terry - posted on 01/17/2010

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Awwwww.... I completely know how you are feeling. My son is 13 and we have been dealing with the diagnosis since he was 4 years old. Lots of anger issues and screaming, abuse, etc. We have the diagnosis of ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome (High Functioning Autism). He has a lack of social skills and will not take responsibility for anything.

We currently are working with Family Services and are getting some behaviour help with an aide and respite (babysitting) but at the school he is on a personalized program and we are constantly having to stay on top of things as he won't do assignments or hand them in.

[deleted account]

You have to do something about his diet. My son is almost 3, when I first started the gf/cf diet I needed something to replace the lactaid milk that I was giving him, so I tried rice milk, for the two weeks that he was on rice milk he had melt down after melt down, I couldn't sooth him, he was scared of everything. We started working with an allergist that is in the same office as his dan doctor and turns out my son has delayed food allergies, you would be amazed at how food affects autistic children. Every child is different( how many times have you heard that one) but milk protein doesn't bother him as bad as gluten. I get very frustrated myself because he has delayed food allergies it takes a couple of days for us to realize that something he ate affected his behavior, if it was instant it would be easier. My point is if you haven't tried the gf/cf just try it for one week, you never know you might see a big difference. I see that you wrote that he is hitting we had a severe problem with this turns out it was the soy milk, he had developed and intolerance to it, since I switched back to lactaid no more
hitting. I hope this helps.

Elanor - posted on 01/16/2010

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That's so unfair. The school should be helping him, like learning how to step before it escalates, it sounds like they are being lazy. My son's school are trying really hard, they are being very positive (apart from his class teacer, but tbh she's a mare!) I've gone above hher to the head - she's fab! Luckily my son's agression has calmed down a bit, but now it's his playing (Like he doesn't always think about his actions, the other day he was playing with his friend, and he squirted her with water, she was soaked, and it was freezing - he said ' I was only messing around'. They just need more adult time, so that they can learn how to interact, not drugs. If you don't get anywhere get the support of your local asd group, and go to the press?

Sara - posted on 01/16/2010

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***** UPDATE***** I was just talk to douglas's teacher at school this week and she was telling me that she thinks he should be medicated because he's not doing that well in school anymore and he's out burst are getting worst again and he's just not doing what he should be in class.and when he calms down enough to do the work it's to late and they are on the next thing so then he go's right back into it. she said if he don't get medicated she's doesn't seeing him passing kindergarden and she will be with him in kindergardening but she doesn't see him passing on without medication. His teacher's are making me feel like the are giving up on him and i said i'm trying to find out what triggers him to do this and it's anything he does this.. so i'm mad at the school cuz they are making feel like the are throwing their hands up in the air saying i'm done trying and the won't do anything more til he's medicated!!!

Judi - posted on 12/31/2009

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Quoting sharon:

 So don't let anyone stop you from getting the help you need to see your child grow strong and bright. Sorry if I sound rough but there is no excuse for a teacher not to help ALL children be the best they can be.


You don't sound rough you sound knowledgable, unless you get a really good therapist, early intervention teacher then parents don't know these things. 



Your post was useful it gave insight in what steps to take and also showed the teachers side, not the teacher in the classroom but one that whats to help.  Teachers like all professionals work in different ways and sadly some look for the easy option not the best one.

Meg - posted on 12/31/2009

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I feel for you...I have two sons. Josh (14)- Severe Autism and IQ of 55. Aaron (12) ADHD so I kinda know....Is your son main streamed for school? if he is then is Special needs education may be an option- may need to talk to your school councilor about options. Special needs education takes school slower and usually class sizes are smaller. Therefore will sometimes lessen the stress factors. Also check that your son isn't epileptic. 75% of people with Autism are and it is worth checking with your doctor. If he is I would suggest something like Valpro or Elpium. Again check with your doctor.

Holly - posted on 12/31/2009

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Check with your school district to see if any of the schools have an autism program.If they do most of the time they will bus your child.I am a para in a autism kindergarten room and it seems that usally a child will regress they start making progress again. If I can help with anything please feel free to ask.

Robin - posted on 12/30/2009

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diet is of the uttmost importance.along with therapy.i would be sure that he is not taking in transfats,at all.he may be allergic to milk and or bread you can get gluten free and casien free anything @ some grocery stores and natural food stores.i understand that sometimes medications work but i have seen the opposite side of that as well.medications are not tasted on children but are prescribed for them anyway and the side effects are risky.it would be wise to have him tested for food allergies.i'v heard of people taking their child to have demons cast out of them because their behaviour was so violent and when that didn't change anything they went to a naturopath and discovered the child was allergic to casien and gluten and they they found that he had a low tolerance for refined sugar.so pay attention to his eating habits.you can also have his nuero transmitters tested.i had a client who wouldn't sit all day and would go for weeks w/o sleeping.after having the this test it was discovered that his GABA was out of controll and his brain was not able to slow down and rest.his seretonin and epinephrin levels were very low and with the recommende supliments he was a new person and this was after years of powerful antipsychotic drugs that didn't deliver.i don't know where you live but there is a clinic in ashville n.c. called the Smokey mtn. Clinic that does this testing and supliments.and you are feeling overloaded on top of everything ,i encourage you to only think possitively and only talk possitively to yourself and children and when that isn't possible ,bite your lip.you need to take care of yourself physically,emotionally and spiritually.get into a full gospel bible believing church this is a gr8 source of support and a gr8 place to learn faith and how to work it.and stay away from christians who tell you"well i don't know why god gave your son these problems"blah blah blah.these ppl don't know the nature and character of our heavenly Father,they are just spewing traditional hog wash.
father God doesn't put problems on ppl and he wants us to be well and whole so much that he sent his son Jesus and he took lashes on his back to provide for our healing and he died for our sins so that we wouldn't have to die in them and he rose again to give us everlasting life .so do all that you can for you children but don't forget to lift him up in prayer to the great physician and learn how to walk by faith.God will not fail fail you and his word is the key

Dianne - posted on 12/30/2009

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Some great replies especially from the special ed teacher. Dont let the school bully you, I know it is overwhelming but having been there and now having a 17 year old, I can tell you that when you sound informed, and are a strong advocate for your son it will get easier. Remember this little darling has only been on our planet 4 years and thats tricky for even neuro typical children so our special darlings find it even more traumatic. The changes have to be done one at a time. Ask the teacher if she knows about the TEEACH iceberg, this would tell her what the triggers are. Whn my wee fella was at preschool, the noise of the other children, their closeness and the lack of structure were some of the things that freaked him out, and his behavioural reactions of screaming, biting etc were his way of telling us he was frightened, tired or confused. In this context the teacher should then be supporting him to find out what is scaring him not judging you both and suggesting meds. Although at some stage this may help its far better to lok at the environment and what needs changing first. Support groups of other mums in your area will be really helpful for you and there should be a local autism society to ask about all of this check with Autism America or some such. I live in new zealand and even we have these groups so you are bound to have something in your area.

Sara - posted on 12/30/2009

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thank u all for the great tips. it's helpfully and i will try anything before medacating him.. like i said i look into support groups for autism cuz i juat want to know someone is there with me, and possiable easier to have playdates cuz they get how the kids are.i will try to keep u all up to date about douglas and how it works out.. thank u all again. and any other ideas i will take.or any ideas about what a re good books for me to read..

Hilary - posted on 12/30/2009

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Sara
I have a 5 year old son, soon to be 6, in kindergarten as well with asperger's. We are dealing with the EXACT same things with him in class. I have read what other people have posted and there are some great suggestions. But I also know the struggle of putting your child on medication as well. We are dealing with those same issues as well. Let me tell you though. Its no the medication for him, or the strength of it. The teacher need to pull the corn cob out of her ass, as does the school district he is in. You need to go to them and ask for and ARD (not spelled out, but said Ard) assessment for him. Its to place him in special needs classes. I know the stigma on them, they arent all as bad as it seems. But it also allows the school to do as others have said and give him and aid in class. It helps in stay on topic, with his toys, and doing his stuff. My son had an aid the first 12 weeks of school this year. It was amazing. Now he doesnt and we are regressing in class. There are also things you can do for his diet that will help more than you can possibly imagine, but are a little on the no so cheap side. I only say this because you said you are a sing mother (as I was when my son was diagnosed) and I have to buy specialty breads for him to keep him on track. It helped more than you can imagine. My son went from not being able to speak and rocking 24/7 to high functioning in a very short time. Not that it works for everyone, but when you dont know what else to try and you arent going to medicate more and more for a teacher sake, its worth a try. Take him off ALL wheat products and dairy for 2 months and see if it helps. I know.... am I kidding... but really. The GFCF diet helps. Its not a placebo when a 5 year old doesnt know he is supposed to be acting different. I have 5 kids total.... and they all see the behaviors... My son eats a ton of protein, lots of vegetables, and rice and corn products. Most stores now days have a specialty section that you can buy breads for his lunches. You would be amazed the crap that is fed to our kids at school. We have all the therapies as well that help and there are great resources out there to help you at home. Be consistant with everything you do, and dont "allow" the other kids to treat him differently or be treated differently. As much as possible anyways. Remember to breath! Its ok to walk outside and breath for 5 minutes to know you can come back in and deal with it, or go to your bathroom and take 5 minutes to yourself to keep yourself from losing it. I have been there... hell... i am there. I get it! Just know... it will be ok. And as long as you are doing the best you can for your son, then you will make it through and so will the rest of your kids. :)

Sharon - posted on 12/29/2009

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Hi there. As a special education teacher of primary grades, the greatest advice I can give you right now is read up on the No Child Left Behind laws and how they pertain to children with special needs. With an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) which Autism is a category of disability, your child can receive all the necessary help to give control back to you and your child. He can be in small group settings to learn the skills to participate with his peers safely, he can get PT OT and SLP services to help build communication and social skills that are critical to growth. General education teachers cannot tell you that your child needs medication. They are not doctors. General education teachers should and need to be proactive with your guidance as to what works and not work at home so that what goes on at school hopefully will be learned at home. Please remember, your child has the right to a free and appropriate education as any other child does in our country. So don't let anyone stop you from getting the help you need to see your child grow strong and bright. Sorry if I sound rough but there is no excuse for a teacher not to help ALL children be the best they can be.

[deleted account]

how old is your son,cos my little girl has autism too and she is 3 now and i was told just to treat her like a normal little girl and if she is naughty and kick and scream ,just try not to get her any attention and it does work,in the long run

Mary - posted on 12/29/2009

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It is hard hon. Its ok to cry and let your feelings out. Being the mother of special needs kids is a hard job, and can really be overwhelming. The best advice I can give you in fightting for your kids rights is, to check your emotions at the door. When you go into talk to the teachers or the school and even the doctor, they don't care about your kid the way you do. With the school, the bottom line is money, and what they are going to have to do.

So you should get your self some books from the library and do some basic fact finding. You'll want to show them how giving your child the servises you want now, will save them in the long run.



Also, if you show them how up set they can make you or you are about something, they will try to use that to prove your points invalid and emotional. Sometimes they even try to turn it into a behavior problem that stems from you because your emotional. Don't let them bully you, talk to child advacates. You should be able to find one in your area that will not cost you anything.

Jacinda - posted on 12/29/2009

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I am, a single mum too I read further down how you avoid going out because of Douglas behaviour I avoid going anywhere to its just to much I constantly feel like I am failing him and we have no father in the picture for him either if you need someone to chat to or just some "adult" conversation feel free to message me

Jacinda - posted on 12/29/2009

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y son often goes really well for a while the length of time isnt set it can be 3 days or 3 months and then it all goes out the window it would seem and for awhile i feel like I am loosing him to the autism and global learning delay and then he just comes good again for awhile ...medicateing him is your decision dont do it becvause others want you to because THEY cant handle him do it if you feel it will help him have a better quality of life or if you feel it will help the whole home situation - I know exactly what you mean about the screaming escallating once it gets to a certain point and and him being unable to controll his actions I have the exact same issues and I am as unsure as you I am going to the occupational therapist in a week and I am hoping if she doesnt have some answers she will at least have some stratergies to try I will let you know what I find out thru here

Elanor - posted on 12/29/2009

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Quoting Debora:



if he has hyper tendencies, his recess should NEVER be taken away for not finishing his work. That activity outlet is really important to help him maintain during the rest of the day. Lots of running and climbing and physical activity can help with the screaming and hitting problem, too. That's my 2 cents worth, anyway.






I am so glad you said that. They school took my son's playtime away incase he would do anything bad. I went mad at the school for it, they said 'well he did get a couple of minutes' I said that's not acceptable.

Debora - posted on 12/29/2009

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One in a Thousand (written October 9, 2009)



Autism

Such a useless term

It explains exactly nothing

About my son,

Says nothing of his brilliance

And goofy laugh

And only paints in generalities

Who he is

And what I can expect him to become.



“Can he talk?”

The first question people ask--

Unless they know him--

When I tell them he’s autistic.

Yes, he’s very verbal;

The real trick is getting him

To listen

To other folks’ opinions.



Someone asked me once

If he has a conscience.

He does.

He just doesn’t really think

Of those around him

As being real.

But he sees me.

I think he does love me,

But he never tells me so.



Autism.

It’s something to say

To somebody’s grandma

Who watches us in the store

With that annoyed expression

That so clearly says

How much she finds me lacking.

Debora - posted on 12/29/2009

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Forgot to mention that I, too am a single mom. My son's father has never been a part of his life at all (in same ways, that's easier than a father who sees his son but just doesn't get it). It is a hard thing. If you have any religious beliefs, lean heavily on them for comfort and support. Sometimes it's the only thing that gets me through long, hard days when it seems like my individual personality is being threatened by constantly having to redraw the lines for my son. Having more than one child at home makes this even more difficult for you, of course. Try to keep the big picture in mind, especially in the hardest times. You are the one person in the world who understands him and loves him well enough to help him find his way in the world. You're not building a wall, you're building a cathedral. I deal with my feelings by writing poetry late at night after he's finally asleep. I'm going to see if I can post one, then I'll shut up for now. Just know we're all pulling for you, and we do understand how hard and lonely it can be.

Debora - posted on 12/29/2009

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Medication does help some kids... but are you sure a regular classroom is the place for him? Maybe it's too stressful for him, and a smaller group situation might help. I'd try checking into other alternatives. I found with my son that the ADHD meds helped him sit still a little better, but he couldn't remember anything that he was taught. Every child with autism has his own glitches, and it's important to find out what combination of things works for him. It's important to find out what the school is doing about his melt-down behaviors. If they are trying to restrain him or insisting on lengthy time-outs (10 minutes or more), they may just be making the problem worse. Also, if he has hyper tendencies, his recess should NEVER be taken away for not finishing his work. That activity outlet is really important to help him maintain during the rest of the day. Lots of running and climbing and physical activity can help with the screaming and hitting problem, too. That's my 2 cents worth, anyway.

Elanor - posted on 12/29/2009

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This sounds exactly like my son - who was the most placid contented baby and toddler, he just stated school (in the UK they start at 4/5) he's gone seriously downhill since starting school, and yes he freaks if we don't give him the answer he wants! I miss my lovely happy boy - he's so grumpy and I'm tired. Good to you and your son X

Sara - posted on 12/28/2009

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thank you to everyone for ur advice.. it's very hard for me to ask for help with this and the father don't want to be apart of anything with him to help but will treat him normal.. i'm glad i found this site and u all are very helpful..

Sheila - posted on 12/27/2009

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Sara, you sound very, very isolated. I am happy for you that you have reached out on this forum because we all know at least a little bit about what you are feeling right now.

It is very, very hard to deal with a child with special needs. Children on the spectrum are challenging because so often we feel that we are being judged by others when our children's behaviour calls attention to themselves. If our children had a physical marker that made their disorder known to others, we would receive greater support from the average person because they would clue in and say, oh right, ASD or ADHD whatever!!

Find out if you have a support group in your area. Other moms who have travelled your path will be a huge source of support for you.

I live in a smallish city. I take my son to basically the same stores and they all know he has autism. If I go into a store, and he is having a rough go, the staff is very supportive. Try making connections like that. Go to the same grocery store, start telling staff that your son has autism, so you might need help in the store. Do not be embarrassed to ask for help. I have literally been on the floor struggling with my son as he has attempted to "escape" me (he was a very strong four year old...knock on wood, he hasn't tried this lately)...but when this was happening, wonderful staff came to look after my daughter and take her to the bakery for a cookie. People ARE KIND if they are informed and feel like they can help.

Find out if there is a nursery school that your younger child can attend so that he can begin to imitate other children that are more "typical."

If there is a park near you, get your kids out every day (even if you are buried in snow!) ?Bundle up, and breathe fresh air and feel the sunshine. Or, go to a play centre....I often see coverage of The Boys and Girls Clubs of America. Being Canadian, I don't know a lot about this, but would they be able to help you find support? What about your family doctor?

Focus on today and what you can do to make today better. If you look too far down the road, the journey seems impossible....but one step at a time, and eventually, you will get to where you and your boys are meant to be.

Good luck Sara!

Sheila

Sharina - posted on 12/27/2009

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I am a medication advocate because I have seen how much it helped several of my ADHD children and one of those has autism. It changed his life. A good mental health therapist also helped him. Get as much outside support as you can. Contact your local early intervention center. Ask the guidance counselor at school for recommendations if you don't know where one is. You need to immediately take action, the longer you wait to seek professional help, the worse it will get for you and him.

Sara - posted on 12/27/2009

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is it normal for our kids need the deep love thing.. my kid loves it he beggs for it.it's like so much of his issues can be many. he's dad not so much in his life. and me being a single mom on a part time job. and afraid to do anything in public just me n my kids cuz neither of them listen my lil one see's douglas and now hes doing it too. even tho he's smarter for his age. nothing else wrong with him. i feel like i gave myself anxiety of this cuz i don't want to go in public how douglas breaks down. but i don't want to do that either. so i'm stuck i just want to be normal..i feel stressed all the time and i cry in my room alot.and i'm on anxeity med already but i just feel this is alot in a 6 months period to be going thru and raising 2 kids and learning about all of this at the same time. it's alot.

Sara - posted on 12/27/2009

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douglas is 5 going to be 6 in april. he go's to therapy but we missed his last one due to weather. yes he's verbal. he does very well with his words. he's in speech and lanugage. and right now he's doing early childhood cuz we knew he could do kindergarden yer. but his teacher even said he'll need help.. they are talking about him staying behind or not passing kindergarden. the triggers it depends.. it could be him not wanting anyone around him or someone touched a toy he was playing with but not now. or he don't wanna take a nap,cleanin up,bed,bath,eat. he'll yell saying no. but he also does impluse things cuz we know most of the time his first answer is not what he wants.

Mary - posted on 12/27/2009

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Everyone has good ideals that would help, but I would also look at the approach the school has towards him. I had the same issue with my sons first kindergarten teacher. She kept telling me he needed more medication and I had to drag him into school and go pick him up almost everyday. She was an ok teacher but he was to much for her to handle and she could not keep a regular schedule for him and she was rushing through the work everyday. He switched schools and is in all day now. The keep a tight schedul and are more patient with him. I have not been called once and they can't believe that its the same kid that they read about in his file.

Magen - posted on 12/27/2009

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I agree with the other mothers, getting him in a specialized class room would be my first suggestion. Also have you looked at chaging his diet. Eliminating sugar helped my son a great deal and we saw extream improvement with the gf/cf diet. Identifying his triggers will help you help him either avoid them or deal with them in more appropriate ways. Because avoiding a melt down is WAY easier than recovering from one. good Luck

Sheila - posted on 12/27/2009

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How old is Douglas? Does he have any therapy in place? How verbal is he? Does he communicate through words/pictures/symbols...combination?



It is not unusual for a child to make gains, and then backtrack. My son will show gains in one area, then we have definite backsliding in another area, and then it evens out.



Does he have an individual education plan at school? Is it a "regular" class?



Do you know the triggers that are causing the behaviour? If not, start a journal. Try to figure out if there are definite triggers at home (and teachers should be doing this at school).



I know I asked you more questions than answers, but more information would be helpful before giving some (hopefully helpful) tips/hints.



You have a child with a multiple diagnosis. This makes it even harder to find a path that will lead him to success, but it isn't impossible....it just takes a lot of effort and fact finding.



Medication might be necessary, but not before behaviour is addressed through a program that offers him structure and a chance at success. Screaming/hitting are not necessarily connected to add/adhd...however, with autism, yes. As wel, you say the last two months. Does he celebrate the holidays? Would he have been pumped from Halloween on and too pumped to direct his energy appropriately?



Good luck.



I hope other moms can help out!



Sheila

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