Violent behavior, How to deal with it?

Nicole - posted on 09/28/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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My 7 year old PDD-NOS and ADHD was really angry with me confronting him with kicking his younger brother in the head that he threw a shovel at me. Besides it really hurting all I could do was walk away. I did not know the appropriate consequence that was going to make any difference to him. Does anyone else have to deal with such behaviour and what do you do?

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Phillip - posted on 07/15/2012

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I need help. My son is 11. He has autisum and mild to moderate mental retarted. He does not speak, He seems to understand things you tell him. But lately he is hurting himself, at first it was hitting the side of his head, and crratching himself as he did this. Now he hits himself in the face and scratches his face when he does this. He is on meds, but they do not seem to slow him down. He cannot sit still, what should I do PLEASE HELP< I LOVE MY SON>

[deleted account]

When my son began doing this, I talked to his developmental pediatrian. She started him on medication. After trying about 4 of them, we found one that leveled him out. He's much happier and easier to talk to and redirect when he gets frustrated. I certainly didn't want him to go on meds, but when I saw how much happier he was from where he started, I'm glad I did.

Rachel - posted on 07/31/2012

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I do not know!!! If you get some good advice please share! My kids are older and have been no problem. my partner has 3 kids.... 2 grown and no problem... but the youngest is almost 3.... i have been taking care of her and caring for this child as my own since she was 1... it has progressively gotten very difficult.... She would get upset as a little bitty baby but it has progressed to harming herself... she throws such wild tantrums she bangs her head anywhere she can! walls floors anywhere! she pitched a fit in the bathtub and almost drowned herself... she recently flipped out so bad over a potatoe chip that she almost knocked her front teeth out! I do not know what to do! I have tried expressing the "that hurts" when she hits kicks head butts me.... time out.... holding her and hugging her to keep her from hurting herself and she just headbutts me! has busted my lips my nose knocked the breath out of me..... she does the same thing to her biological mother... we have both tried desperately! PLEASE! I NEED A MIRACLE!

Linda - posted on 10/01/2009

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i know hoe it feels. i have a nine year old. he is austic and has adhd. what i do is take away the things he like most as a punishment. when he has changed his behavior i give him he's stuff back little by little. don't give up. it's a hard road but things will eventually work out.

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Sandy - posted on 10/03/2009

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Fortunately, my ASD twins ( 5yrs) are the youngest of 7 so I don't have to worry about them hurting younger children right now. They mostly fight with each other and have tantrums. They have been in Speech for 2 years, OT for 1 year and now they have an ABA therapist 3 times a week. It has helped with their behaviors in more then one way. I have learned, thru trial and error, how to handle different situations.

Lynda - posted on 10/03/2009

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I have a 12 year old with autism. He gets very angry some days when asked to do things like cleaning his room up or when it is his turn to say grace before supper. I understand that he can't always control it and get it together, so I let him do it. But he is only allowed to hit himself or other things when he is out side. I have had to many holes in my walls and don't think they can be patched anymore. So when he starts hitting himself (usually an early warning that your next) I tell him outside. He tries not to go and my husband and I usually have to help him out the door while he hits us but when he is out there he is safer and so are we and his brother. I don't know if he is needing that sensory input at that time or if he is just being bratty. But what i do know is that his bad behavior is not acceptable and if he needs to hit, he has a place to do it. Of course most of the time in our case it is bad behavior that escalates to a autistic fit. Usually when I tell him outside he stops and says he's sorry. But if he has already crossed the line to an autism fit then he starts hitting again. After he is done he hugs me and tells me he is sorry and cries. I just hold him and keep telling him I love him and nothing will ever change that. But since we started doing this he meltdowns have lessened dramatically. I hope this helps.

Brianna - posted on 10/02/2009

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I dont know that i've had a shovel thrown at me though i have had violent behavior and the only thing that has seemed to make some difference is time out consistantlly though unlike with my other children who dont have autism his time out is done in a room then aften cool off time i've gone and talked to him saying in a very firm voice that that is not good ( the behavour) put it simply fimly and clearly eg. don't hit not good you need to use your words. Also try a hurb which can be brought by the chemist called calm kids it isnt a remedy though it dose help with persistance especially at night for sleep my son is 6 and has autism and adhd

Melissa - posted on 10/01/2009

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I can relate. We have been dealng with the aggresive behaviors all through school. Only now at 15 has he been diagnosed with PPD. I found early intervention is key. Once he escalates it can be difficult to calm him and he has a very good memory for anyone that has ever bullied him. He gets very defensive when cornered or aproached in a acusatory mannor. The fact that he is as big as most of his male teachers and bigger than his female teachers doesn't help the intimidation factor he has. He had to moved out of one class because the teacher was afraid of him. He has done nothing to be aggressive toward this teacher. Things have actually worked out better since moved classes. God works in many ways.

[deleted account]

The ABA/VB program can help with the behavior. I am in NC my son is seen by someone from Creative Consultants, INC they work with him at school, and at home. Check and see what they have in your town, and also see if you can get funds to help pay for it. Good Luck and God Bless

Brenda - posted on 10/01/2009

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My son is 12 going on 13 and i'm seeing him act out aggressively with his nephews and other kids at school when they hurt him or do something that he feels is not right, even if it is not directed at him. I am at wits end on what to do knowing this is only going to get worse as he get more into puberty. I have started to talk with him before school about what to do when he is angry, by reminding him in the morn and confirming with him that he will have a great day we seem to have smoother sailing. I also, get the kids together before they start playing and remind them what they are to do if someone makes them mad. Repetition is one of the great tools for autistic children and role playing. Noticing the signs of my child becoming upset has helped to stop or cut off inappropriate behavior and I have alerted his teachers to these warning signs. Keep everyone informed! Good Luck and God Bless

The info on ABA is very helpful to me too and I'm glad to see this suggestion, that I will definately look into. If you can nip it in the bud now, you will maybe not have the scariness of a teenager who is bigger than you angry and uncooperative.

Michelle - posted on 09/30/2009

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Redirection!!! That age is tough! My son is almost 9, and we are still having some issues with his behaviors. Does he have a behavior plan at school? If so, I would try and implement some of that at home as well.



I also started time outs for my PDD son a couple years ago. They don't last as long as the other kids do, but he understands he did something wrong and he is in trouble!

Tonya - posted on 09/30/2009

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My husband and I are going through it too. We usually send him to his room when he does things like that, but it doesn't always work. We're getting ready to put him into behavior therapy so hopefully it will help. Maybe it will work for you too.

Lisa - posted on 09/30/2009

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Hi my name is Lisa and YES my husband and I are also going threw this. Our son has autism and get violent too and we do not know how to handle it. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My son is four and where he goes to school they are telling me as he get older he start to care what people think of him and age will make a difference of how sometimes acts. I hope this helps at least a little.

[deleted account]

I know your pain. my son is 9 years old and he has Autism when he gets upset my other two kids run and hide. He hits and kicks. he pushes stuff over. H e will even hurt himself when upset. At school he was hurting the teachers and other kids. so what i had to do was have him put on meds. He is alot better, but he can still get upset. start to hit and kick again. all you can do is try to calm him down the best way you can. My son now gets ABA/VB Services. It is really helping alot. look into the ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis/ Verbal Behavior) program. I wish you the best.

Renee - posted on 09/29/2009

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Have a 19 year old son with Autism. It started out as PDD-Nos.Been down this road, around the corner & up the hill! If you can get a hold of a behaviorist & start an ABA program, please do as soon as you can! It is much easier handling a 7 year old than it is a 14 yr old starting puberty- things can get harder, so don't delay! You really need to start arming yourself about autism & what to do about the maladaptive behaviors. Even if he never gets the Autism diagnosis (but if he did it Would make it easier to get services by the way, and doesn't change who your child is!) he will still need behavioral help.Autism is just a bunch of typical behaviors done excessively & with a lot of behaviors, not just 1 or 2. 1st things 1st. Make sure you have either the younger or older boy with you as much as possible for safety reasons. A lot of kids hit other children. It could be anger, frustration or an award attempt to play. (remember that cute boy in kindergarten?) Try to teach them both how to play together w/ prompting & lots of supervision. Praise both for playing nice, then be sure to end it while both are happy- shorter is better in the beginning! A lot of "bad" behavior is because they don't know a better response. If your son throws something/hits/breaks . . .say, "no, we don't _____________(behavior) said in a monotone voice.Sometimes they will misbehave to have you rush over (attention for bad behavior is better than NO attention at all!) "If you're angry/sad/tires/want to play/ then use your works & say'_____________' (whatever you think is appropriate for the "issue") Reward & praise attempts that are better than what is happening today. "I know you're angry, and I'm so proud that you walked away when you were upset. Good job!" Good luch!

Heather - posted on 09/28/2009

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This is a hard one for me also! my 4 1/2 year old has the same temporary diagnosis. Along with the hitting he has added name calling and yelling "shut up" to anyone who looks at him. He also does self injury when he's upset. He bites himself and hits himself. I wish I knew the answer for you but I don't. You can't reason with him like a normal child and redirection can help but I can't always be there to help with that.

Finding child care for a child like this is really hard too!

Hope to hear some responses.

Shawna - posted on 09/28/2009

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My son is 4 with pdd-nos and reading you post reminded me of my son. He sometimes hits his little brother who is 10 months old and when i confront him he gets really mad also and throw things. I would like to see responses to this because i don't know what i should do, i tried time out and it hasn't worked.

Marlene - posted on 09/28/2009

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Unfortunately being in control of their emotions is not possible for any 7 year old let alone any 7 year old with the above mentioned complications. The best thing the worked for me was to really monitor my daughter's interactions with others, children, adults and encouraged her teachers to do the same. Watch for cues that my show you that things are excalating, you know your child better than anyone and before the excalation of the violent behavior redirect your child to something else you may be suprised how quickly that really helps and if you don't make a big deal out of whatever happened before it gets violent chances are neither will your child. Also you can try play therapy this also teaches them to see ques of what is upsetting. It really helped with my daughter too.

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