want another baby but Im scared because my only child has autism...

Linda - posted on 08/20/2009 ( 52 moms have responded )

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Hello everyone, I have a 2 year old son(one and only child) and I really want another baby, but I am so very very scared that my next child will be diagnosed with Autism. These past two years have had some laughs with him however I will not lie, there have been times that I cry because I feel helpless! I wish I could help my son speak! I pray that one day he will say a word. At this point I will take any word. Anything!

Am I just over reacting with this fear? What are your thoughts, do any of you have other children and were they diagnosed with Autism also? Please help! I am 31 and I feel I have to make the decision very soon.

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Kristy - posted on 08/22/2009

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Linda, don't feel bad for being scared. It is a scary thing to deal with at times but don't give up your dreams of having another child. I have a 9 year old boy with Asperger's. He didn't start talking until he was 2 1/2 years old. Now he is my little genius! He has all A's and is the top of his class. His behaviors can be a challenge but I love him just the same. I recently found out that my 11 month old is developmentally delayed & it is looking like severe autism from what the doctors say. I am 33 years old and about to have my 4th child now. I too have the fear that I will be looking at a 3rd child with autism (my 1st is 16 years old & fine!) but I will not let autism rule our lives! I take one day at a time. Having autistic children is definitely challenging but I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for my wonderful, autistic children!

Jan - posted on 09/26/2012

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Omg, some of these responses are horrible. "I'm so glad I tried again, my new son is perfect." R u kidding me? My son has asd, but I love him and he is STILL perfect. Life is great cuz of him!

User - posted on 08/31/2011

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My son was diagnosed with autism at 3, along with OCD, speech delayed, hypotonia, and learning disability. In Florida, there is a program called PLACE. It was wonderful with my son...which helped him to talk, along with speech therapy. My son and dtr are exactly 13 months apart and she is VERY protective of her big brother and he is very loving to her (although he does get upset when she messes up his cars). I feel if you want another baby, then go for it.

Marina - posted on 08/29/2009

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My son is now 5 and still waiting to be diagnosed with Autism. They say its mild but is still very difficult to control him at times. I was pregnant with my second when i was told to get him checked out so didn't know at the time. I had a girl, who is 2 now, and she seems to be developing "normally". I do worry (all the time) but i do see the differences between the two of them. I was told (after she was born) that it can be genetic and that if i had had a boy then he might of been the same but knowing that i still would like more children. Hope this has helped.

Trudy - posted on 08/28/2009

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your fears are normal and not at all to be considered as overreacting. When my oldest was born i was very excited. She was such a smart girl. Then a year later my son was born. there was an issue with the pregnancy and at the age of four he was diagnosed with Autism. By the time he was diagnosed, my youngest turned one. She is doing very well and sorry to say she is almost ahead of my Autistic son. my husband wants to try for another boy somewhere down the road and i was told chances are higher in boys and younger siblings so i understand your fears. talk to a doctor and follow your heart. are you going to love a child any less if he/she is autistic?

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Lucinda - posted on 08/24/2011

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I have 2 boys 8 & 2 years old. My oldest has PDD and I will not lie, the older he gets the more melt downs he has. The dr.s are trying prozac and 1,2,3 magic... so im time hoping the mood swings will decrease. I strongly believe my youngest is also on the spectrum - will be tested next month ( but they was both born with 2 different rare diagnosed ) CMV & DiGeorge Syndrome. I to want another baby but I have 2 boys with behavior issues and I don't know what the future holds.. TSS, moble, Behavior Therapist as not worked for my oldest and currently have a Behavior Therapist for my youngest..

Dawn - posted on 08/22/2011

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I just saw an article in the paper about this topic, and there is a higher chance of having another child with autism. So I think you'll have to decide whether it's worth the risk to you or not to have another. I will say that my first has autism, and my second (a boy) is very typical. They are close in age, so he was born before the first was even diagnosed, and I'm glad I didn't even have to worry about it.

Summer - posted on 08/22/2011

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I posted a similiar question. My almost 4 yrs old has Autsim and I just recently took my 3 yr daughter to the doctors for some issues with her development and they he has said that he thinks she should be tested. Because her brother has Autism, and that research is showing increasing amounts of siblings having it as well. That being said I know lots of people with just one child with Autism and the brother/sisters are developmenting typical. My kids are 11 months apart, so I dont know if that is why, My daughter is also showing different signs then my son did, My son is, as people say "typical" autism...he stims, toe walks, line up things, routine, routine and routine, obsessed with certain things,no eye contact, sensory issues to boot, etc. Where mydaughter is HIGHLY emotional, she obsessed with her blankie, did I say very emotional. Like if you look at her in the wrong way, or say or she see's something she doesn't like...its a meltdown that is epic! I wish I knew. I guess were all in the same boat. Both kids have brought me joy and tears, but to be honest...I wouldnt change it. Best of luck. I wish I had some advice for you.

Seija - posted on 08/22/2011

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I just posted on another chat that my mum had 6 kids and only one of them was on the spectrum. The rest of us are 'normal.' I have two and my oldest has aspergers but my little princess is a 'typical' four year old (loves pink and princesses) but she quite happily plays exactly what her big brother tells her (current obsession is space/star wars so not exactly her thing). I have to say just like a few of the other mums on here that it is a big help that she is willing to play with him. He is high-functioning, talks etc but doesn't want to play any one else's games at all, hates change etc and my hubby travels a lot for work so the fact that she will still play with him ( a bit of big brother worship i think) is a life saver for me. I had her a lot longer before his diagnosis was suggested so I hadn't even considered that as a worry for her, she had other health problems at birth any how, so even if she was diagnosed with an ASD, it would be better than the alternative of not having her. Also as someone else said, I do special 'mum and one child' things with both of them so neither of them feels left out.

Julie - posted on 08/30/2009

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I have three children, my two older ones both have Autism. They have similar problems but they act opposite of each other. My second child is worse than the first but they are both making improvements with a lot of therapy. If you want another child you might just have to take your chances because it is very difficult having multiple children with this disorder.

[deleted account]

Quoting Jodi:

I would like to say that you can have another child. I always believed that my son was vaccine injured and that is why he is diagnosed with Autism. I had another child four years later and decided not to vaccinate her. She is 8 now and completely normal. Be safe. Don't vaccinate. http://www.vacinfo.org/



I have to say i totally respect your views but vaccinations save lives and many children are becoming ill because their parent refuse vaccinations... i must stress that if you believe a vaccination is unsafe researc it thouroughly before deciding againts it and find an alternative form of protection for your kids.... my son had his mmr and i was adamant that he have it despite my husbands reservations due to scare mongering.... my son was very obviously autistic from birth so i know a vaccination did not harm him in any way yet members of my family blame the mmr because they only noticed his symptoms after the vaccination.... total coincidence



 

[deleted account]

i have 4 children my 3rd has asd although he is mid road is behaviour is difficult and challenging sometimes violent he cannot speak well yet nor is toilet trained (he is 5) the only thing i have to add is consider the effect of your sons beviour would have on a younger sibling as my youngest copies his brothers behaviour and doesn't understand why he doesn't get the saame treatment as his older brother he refuses to toilet trian because his big brother doesnt do it he screams and shouts and throw amazing tantrums because he thinks that it is acceptable... i think the risk of you having anoter cild with asd cant really be accuratly measured as no real proof of its cause is available but i have chosen not to have another not because of the risk but because of the learned behaviour of a younger sibling who doesnt understand good luck to you x

Mary - posted on 08/28/2009

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there is a possability that ur next one will or will not have some form of autism.. just a chance u have to take. my doc said it was a 50/50 chance... i had twins and so far they seem fine

Colleen - posted on 08/27/2009

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Hi

I have 2 children with Autism 4 year old and a 2 year old and I am 45 years old.

My 4 year old has server Autism , my 2 year old mild Autism.

For me I am already dealing with one having having another is ok. My husband also has Asperger's.

So 3 in the house who have a ASD makes for a never boring life. :0)

No one know's the cards they are dealt in life.

Best wishes which ever you decide. :0)

Norma - posted on 08/27/2009

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I have 3 children my oldest having PDD it can be hard especialy when trying to explain to the younger kids why she don't get repramanded for sertan behavior & they do but I would not change things I have 3 beautiful children and wether they have an illness or anything else even compleatly normal they all have there own unique needs and if you are ready for more children do not let fear stand in your way.

Jennifer - posted on 08/27/2009

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My eldest son is 13 and has autism, i separated from his dad, remarried and really wanted us to have a baby,my son is now 4 and is perfect, i was so worried when i was pregnant with him, autism was on my mind the whole time, i made sure i took my folic acid, ate very well no junk food and took a pregnancy vitamin which had fish oil in it, im so glad i tried again, life is great.

Kathy - posted on 08/27/2009

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My first born, Alex, has Aspergers. He and his sister are 2 years 2 days apart. She is "normal". Can you believe he is my easy child? He is now 13 and she is 11. I hope that you do have the other child your heart longs for. I know there are challenges to raising a child with difficulties but I try to think of it as no different than raising a child who has trouble with things like all children but just different troubles. Keep your mood light and enjoy your healthy child.

Tara - posted on 08/26/2009

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My husband has a son with autism~ he is now 15 and he has a second son two years younger who doesn't have autism.

Jennifer - posted on 08/26/2009

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My older son - now almost 6 - has Aspergers. He didn't speak until after the age of two - but boy when he started he never stopped :) Our next child is not on the Spectrum... its really the luck of the draw genetically I think... take a chance and just know that you have enough love and patience for both whether you know it or not.

Michelle - posted on 08/26/2009

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I have one child with Aspergers who was not Dx until he was 6. I have an older daughter and another younger son who are both completely fine!! I think if u really want another child and u believe in God just put ur faith in the lord and believe wholeheartedly that ur baby will be fine. Thats what I did! I also believe in healing and we pray daily that our son will be a better him! He is now 12 and going in a regular jr high- prayer does work! we tried all the diets and therapists they all just made him worse. OT was the only thing that helped him along with prayer! Pray about it God will let u know what to do!!

Vickielynne - posted on 08/26/2009

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Hello Linda, I am just giving you my feelings I am turning 50 in two months my oldest daughter is 30 then a daughter 24 then my miracle baby at age 42 she is now 8 and has Rett Syndrome. I am not sure why you feel you are running out of time .I would just let nature" God" takes His course and see if he blesses you with another baby.He wont give you more than you can handle and believe me when I say I know! My little girl has to have one on one care and I wouldnt have HER any other way then the way she is I adore her and she is a blessing late in my life I dont live in fear I trust Jesus after all HE gave her to me...Trust him love in Christ Vickie mother to an angel

[deleted account]

I don't think you're overreacting at all. My oldest is my ASD child and though I always knew I wanted more kids regardless, it was definitely a concern when I was pregnant with #2. Perhaps talking to a neuro or other specialist with help allay your fears. The thing with autism spectrum disorders is that we don't entirely understand what causes them, and there are likely to be multiple sources. Some of these are genetic and more likely to repeat, while others are more of a "fluke." My son's neuro felt like his case fell into the later category, and I eventually had my daughter who is completely typical in functioning.



I think at the end of the day though, you just have to decide whether your desire for another child outweighs the fear, and whether life will be OK no matter what happens. My ASD child, like his sister, is the light of my life and despite the challenges, I'm so grateful he's here with us. I suspect you'd probably feel the same no matter how things turned out...but of course, that's only for you to decide.



P.S. My oldest didn't speak more than single syllable utterances until he was five, but is now completely verbal. Never give up hope!

Brenda - posted on 08/26/2009

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My son with autism was my middle child, but I think his was from a difficult birth with lack of oxygen. I had another child after him who was fine.

Elisabete - posted on 08/25/2009

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i ahve 5 children and another on the way ,its normal to feel the way you do but just bcasue you ahve one son with autism does not mean the others will be too.

my second son has autism but i still had more children and they are normal.

it dnt matter if they have autism they still need love and need you its just a bit more work thats all.

Kitty - posted on 08/25/2009

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I have 3 girls, My middle daughter has Autism, my other two do NOT. They have no disablities what so ever. Since we don't know 100% what causes Autism, we have no way of knowing why some siblings have it and others don't. Savannah (my autistic) was 18 months old when my youngest Emily was born. I am actually so grateful we had another one even though we didn't know at the time that Savannah had Autism. Emily has been Savannah's guide and teacher and voice in many cases throughout the years. My oldest Amanda has been the voice of reason and teacher for Emily and Emily in turns teaches Savannah. I have no doubt that Savannah would not be as High functioning as she is had she been an only child. This is only my story though. Try doing some research on possible causes and treatments, like special diets and such. Red Dye has been cut from my daughters diet altogether and it made a world of difference in her speech. go figure, I have no idea why. Good luck and don't let fear stop you from giving life to another child.

Jodi - posted on 08/25/2009

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I would like to say that you can have another child. I always believed that my son was vaccine injured and that is why he is diagnosed with Autism. I had another child four years later and decided not to vaccinate her. She is 8 now and completely normal. Be safe. Don't vaccinate. http://www.vacinfo.org/

Debbie - posted on 08/25/2009

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my son with asperger's there is a big difference in my two children's ages, If I could go back and change that I would because the sibling thing helps with the socialization with both. I know the fear of having another child after having one diagnosed I took the option of wait till he was stable and able to do things for himself but looking back I would not have 13 years separating them. They both miss out on so much that they could benefit from each other. Children like ours need to know that they are not any different than the rest of the family they tend to get lonely also. I know my son when he was about 6 he asked that dreaded question mommy can I have a baby brother or sister. well i tried to explain the best i could for him to understand that it feel it was right to ignore his needs for another child. Now that he is almost 18 he adores his little sister and plays games with her and watches the dreaded spongebob with her. thou is on the low end of Asperger's spectrum he still has alot of problems like his math skills, socialization, intra personal skills, along with his compulsives, Above all don't let one needing extra care keep you from having another child. that child will help alot children tend to mimic each other if one makes accomplishments the other will try to do the same. it is beneficial for both children one it gives them the socialization, the feeling of belonging and four the child that does not have Autism it teaches them tolerance..

Stephanie - posted on 08/24/2009

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I have 3 children and only one is on the spectrum.However my brother is affected with some nero conditions as is my nephew, so there is is always a family componant. Go with your heart on this one it won't steer you wrong.

Desiree - posted on 08/24/2009

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Linda, my oldest daughter Stephanie is 25 years old. She has Aspergers. When she was younger she was extremely hard to deal with. She is high-functioning and she has autistic tendencies(she rocks and bangs her head), she likes being alone.Stephanie has always done and said some very embarrising and inappropriate things in public. I have another daughter 23,and two boys 21and 16. All normal. The kids all love each other very much. Not to say that there wont be days when you might want to pull your hair out. The Doctors suggested that I should not have anymore children because there was a chance that I would have more children with mental illness's. Well I am so happy and blessed that my husband and I didnt listen.We decided to put it in Gods hands. There are good days and bad days, with any child. We laugh alot... Just follow your heart. :) Desiree

[deleted account]

Linda, I have three children 18 (Blake), 14(Kristen), and 13(Colton) (all have the same father). The 18 year old has autism, Kristen and Colton are just normal, above average, teenagers. I would also add that Blake is normal for him, but is severely autistic. I did not read all the other replies to your question, so I may be saying what someone else has already said. But, what if the fear of autism stopped you from having your one and only son, and if not autism there is so many other disabilities, disorders and birth defects that he could have other than autism. Does the fear of having a child with anything other than autism scare you away from having other children? I know that so many so called "experts" say your odds are higher of having an autistic child if you already have one. Well, I didn't. I have a friend who has 5 children (all have the same father) and only her 3rd has autism. I have never regretted having my three children; as a matter of fact I have never met anyone who has regretted their decision to have a child. I regret that I did not have more. Ask yourself these two questions: 1) Do I believe a time will ever come that I will have regretted having another child if I do? 2) Do I believe that a time will ever come that I will have regretted not having another child if I don't? Once you have honestly answered those two questions I think you will know what is right for you. I will leave you with one final thing. My other two children are great with my autistic child; I don’t think we could do this without them. I know that when my husband and my time comes to leave this world, that my other two children will be there to take care of Blake. I don't have to worry about who is going to take care of him when I no longer can. Kristen and Colton are such a blessing to our entire family. I wish you the best in what ever you decide to do, Paula

Cecilia - posted on 08/24/2009

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Linda,
I have two great kids one with Aspergers and one without. I think the best thing for you to do is speak to your sons doctor about genetics and how they are involved. I know when my kids were little I had the same conversation with the specialist for my son and there was no definite answer. However, there may be more information now as my son with Aspie is almost 14. My daughter does not have any form of autism and those were the exact same genes.
I wish you the best.
Cecilia

Diana - posted on 08/24/2009

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Hi Linda, I was in your situation. My first son has autism. I had Alyssa when Dominic was 3 years old. I am not going to lie...it was so challenging. He regressed but eventually overcame the transition. My daughter is not affected...I feel very lucky. She is wonderful for Dominic. He has a wonderful sibling that loves and accepts him. She teaches him so much.

I know several mothers with multiple children on the spectrum. I know there has to be some genetic component involved if siblings are at risk. Best of luck to you on your decision. It is definitely a personal choice. For us...I just didn't want to live with the regret of not having another child because I was scared he or she would have autism.

Lisa - posted on 08/23/2009

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I have 3 children & my second is PDD, mildly so, but she didn't start talking until she was about 3. The likes movies: Disney or most cartoon type. She would spout off line after line. Autistic people usually echo much of what they hear. We & her teachers would often just go with it. She'd use what she knew and we would build on it. "What happened when John Smith....?" "What did Ariel say when....?" This led into interraction & eventually, conversation. This is still a work in progress, only now we are on Soap Opera and books (she's 14 now). She tells me what happens on General Hospital. She began reading the Twilight books, so I read them. Actually I read them all....late at night & they were wonderful. Anyway, she's just finished the second one herself----it takes her much longer because it's not easy for her to concentrate. She gives me daily updates on what the characters are doing & we talk about it.

Unless we all go through the "genetic engineering", there's no way to foresee the future of our children. There are almost 10 years between my 2nd & 3rd. We tried for about 5 years to have that 3rd child. I did worry about another child with a disability, but if your heart tells you that's it's time, the Lord will guide you. I did have the moment of relief when my third began to babble, I must admit. I thought to myself "alright, she's ok." Yes, I know that's sounds horrible to most people, but we are not most mothers. My first is 17 months older than my PDD child and BOTH my "neuro-typical" children instinctively look after the middle child...even the 5-yr-old is kinda like the big sister for her. When something goes wrong & I have to question the 2 girls, it's usually the younger one that does the explaining. Sorry, to babble, but I hope this helps some. God bless!

Sara - posted on 08/23/2009

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I know how you feel. My first son is now 8 and is a "typical" child. However, my second son is on the autism spectrum. I wanted to have another one when he was about two, but my husband was very worried, because Chase was so very difficult to deal with, and there were and are very few people that can watch him just so that we have some alone time. However, he is now 6, and doing very well in a center based learning program. I am due to have our 3rd and last child in just a few months. The way I put it to my husband and myself for that matter, was that I have no more chance now of having a child with autism than I did before either of my first sons, and we never even thought about it then! Plus, the fact is, if I do have another baby that is autistic, I think that it may be easier this time because I know what is out there as far as support and therapies and how to deal with things myself. I had to learn all of that from the ground up with my Chasey, if it happens again, it would be a much smoother ride as far as what to do...I hope that helps. If I could give one piece of advice, it would be to wait until your child with autism is a little older than two, this gives him a chance to change and progress, and therefore may make it easier on him. I know how you feel with the words too, Chase was 4 before he really said anything, but with the help of his teachers and therapists he can now mimic almost everything I say!

Laura - posted on 08/23/2009

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My youngest has autism, i thought he would never talk, cause his brother and sister always talked for him, so when he was 2 and 1/2 and still not talking i knew something was wrong, but at 3 to 3 and 1/2 he started talking now he is 6 and wont stop talking, so just pray and in time with help he will talk.

Crystal - posted on 08/23/2009

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I can't tell you what to do but I know where you're coming from. My son was diagnosed

with Autism at 3-1/2 (that was in 2000 he's going to be 13 in November) and I felt the same way. In fact the Dr. who diagnosed him just came right and bluntly said..."Well according to the DSM Billy's Autistic" and then told us that "he would never comprehend our world, would never really understand our emotions and we should just join a support group." (He's currently on the Honor Roll and so funny and lovable that people from school always comment what a joy he is.) So deciding to have another child a year latter was quite the decision, but I decided to have faith and if I was meant to have 2 with Autism obviously someone up there thought I could handle it. Well my daughter was born in 2001 and no problem. Infact my daughter is awesome with him.

Get him into a Birth to three program in your area and I hope you have a good school system. Early intervention is the absolute key. There was a time when Billy grunted or pointed that was about it...now I have to be honest there are times I have to tell him to "Be Quiet!" I hope this helped. Just thought you like to know there is hope.:)



Crystal Frates Wilcox

Eva - posted on 08/22/2009

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Linda, thanks for your honesty. Many mothers, with children who have Autism, have shared your fears along the way. I have 4 boys, 17, 15, 11, and 5. My son with Aspbergers is right in the middle (15) and I thank God for that! I never planned on having "more" kids to help him function better, but I have say that by him having several siblings, older and younger, he has benefitted from them more than any other thing I could have ever done for him. Like you said, it hasn't been easy, and even at 15 yrs old, there are days I just cry for him and for me, but then like the angel he is, he smiles and I see the real Curtis underneath it all and I know he'll be okay.
BTW, I had my 5 and 11yr old when I was 27 and 33 and they were both fine. Remember, there is always a risk with any child, at any age. That's part of life I guess. Keep your chin up! You are most definitely not alone in this. And although we can't tell you what to do, we are sharing what we've done. I hope we've helped!
IMHO, I think faith is weighing the risks against our future regrets and then making a decision anyway. God bless!

Amy - posted on 08/22/2009

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I know your fears well, there i six year age gap between my son who is autistic and my daughter who is not autisic and then we had another little girl who is not autistic. I know it hard, and my son is high functioning but his theripist said something i had never thought of before, you love your child but you have to mourn the loss of the child you thought you would have. Your child can live a productive and wonderfull life, just not the one you had thought it would be. I think this can apply to other parents as well. Your fears are real and there always a chance of something being wrong, my youngest has kidney problems but if you want another baby i say go for it.

Kelly - posted on 08/22/2009

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I have a 7yr old girl with mild autism and a 3yr old "typical" girl, I have never regretted it, I fought my husband for our 2nd girl and she is a god send, she looks out for her sister and has helped her a lot with her speech, she pushes her out of her own world and that is what my 7yr old needs. We have started doing things separately with them, so the 3yr old doesn't feel left out, like dance class and her own trips to the mall w/mom or park w/dad. Don't get me wrong, when the 2nd was a baby it was difficult, but we made it through, and now it is much better.

IESHA - posted on 08/22/2009

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Well ive gotta say this is something you should have thought about, cause like you say you are getting older. Because i have a 13yr old who has autism an a 8yr old who is what we call "NORMAL" an i love him to death if i have to give my last breath to either one of these lil guys I WILL,but if i would have known all the things i know now by the time i had my first thats all i would have had. After yrs it really does take a toll on us mothers thats alot of patience an understanding you must have.But im not gonna say not to have another child they are gods gifts to the world an i feel if god can bring you to this he will bring you through. good luck with your decisions babe.

Kimberlie - posted on 08/21/2009

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My child with Asperger's is in the middle of my children, and the others before and after, do not have it (my youngest is 9 years old). So, although, yes, it is difficult to deal with at times, if I were you, I would definitely still have more kids, if that is what you want. Everyone is a unique individual and there are no guarantees in life. My daughter (just turned 20) lived a perfectlly healthy life, awesome kid, smart, funny, popular, never sick, ate all her veggies, lol, etc. And we almost lost her last year (encephalitis) , and the aftermath, a month in the hospital, coma, intensive care, etc., now she has seizures, memory loss, tons of medicines she has to take, etc, is extremely difficult. But. we have adjusted, and blessed that she is still here and doing better. I am just saying that to say this. There are no guarantees in life. You get lemons. Make lemonade. And add lots of sugar!!! : ) (and don't assume that you are always gonna get lemons! lol)

Debra - posted on 08/21/2009

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Now i am not quite in the same boat my son is high functioning so he speaks but he is significantly behind his peers. But i know that feeling of helplessness. But i would not be to concerned with your next child having it because i have two kids after my first, while my daughter is to young to tell yet i have a 3 year who doesnt have it.

My son significantly improved after i put him on NCD by waoria http://my.waiora.com/home.php?358522

Stacey - posted on 08/21/2009

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My Son is only mild and we too feel very lucky that it is not worse. I have also wondered whether it can get worse, but from what I have read, I think they generally stay the same, but I suppose every case of Autism is just as individual as every child.

Linda - posted on 08/21/2009

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Stacy, Thank you for your response, it really makes a difference when I hear from so many women and their experiences. This whole circle of moms has really been a help. Answering your question of how autistic is my son. Right now, I would say he is mild. He loves to do a lot of things, :) He is not aggressive at all :) I am very lucky, it could have been more difficult. However, I am not sure if symptoms become worse as children get older? Do you know if that is possible?

Again, thanks for your input. :) :)

Stacey - posted on 08/21/2009

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Hi Linda,

My son is 2 1/2 & has mild Autism. His sister is now 10 months. We didn't know until recently that our son was Autistic. I do not see any signs that our Daughter might be Autistic, but I sometimes have fears that she will develop it. We always wanted 2 children and were very excited about giving our son a sibling. I do not regret it for a second. At first our son practically ignored our daughter, but with a little encouragement and time he started paying more attention to her. There have been times where he has been unintentionally too rough, but nothing serious. Now, it's easy to see they love each other very much, I love watching them play together and hearing them get excited and laugh hysterically at each other over some game is music to my ears. Watching him give her a hug (he makes that face that adults do when they love a baby so much they just want to squeeze them) just melts my heart, and I believe this is all the more special because of our Son's condition. I also think it will be beneficial to him, it already seems that he picks up some things from her (instead of the other way around).

How severe is your son's autism? I think you need to ask yourself if you are coping now and if you think you can manage with a second. Is your son aggressive or still quite affectionate? You might need to think about if you are putting a baby at risk, but it doesn't sound like you have these sorts of problems with your son. & as for the risk of this baby developing autism, every pregnancy & baby comes with a huge list of risks, its one of those risks we take because the benefits may hugely outweigh those risks.

I think, after considering such things, a baby could be a blessing to you and your son.

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I understand your fears Linda but I can say that I have 4 kids and only one of them has aspergers. He requires a lot of time and attention, but none of my other kids feel like they get less than he does. It's a lot of work...but well worth it.

Sharon - posted on 08/21/2009

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All I can say is that my daughter and her husband opted not to have another child after their daughter was diagnosed with autism. M daughter said if the child was typical, he or she would not get as much attention due to the attention her daughter needed; and if the second one was also autistic, it would really be bad. She is blessed in that she can stay home with her child, but it isn't easy and I think they made the best choice.

Jen - posted on 08/21/2009

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I not much to say but if you want a baby than go for it the a 50/ 50 that child could or would not have it . My sister first child has asd and she had two more both are normal. It a risk we all .

Lilia - posted on 08/20/2009

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Linda, we are in similar situations. My son is also two and I'm closing in on thirty. I have the same desire to have another child, but I keep thinking about how much time and overall effort I will need to help my son progress. I don't think it would be fair to a new baby or to my son. It's such a hard question. I often flip flop. I wish there was a good and easy answer. My son is blessed with three cousins born within 9 months of him and we all live within a mile from each other. You will know, just listen to your gut.

Linda - posted on 08/20/2009

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Emma,
Thank you for reaching out to me! Your post was VERY informative and heart felt. My son as of now is showing that he has mild autism also, however I am so scared of what the future may hold for him and his progress. I am still very new to all of this. I I think one of the things that upsets me is that some people may think that autistic children are not loving and that is furthest from the truth. My son shows emotions he loves to play. Autism effects each child differently, I am lucky to this point that my son is able to experience life perhaps less troubled than others. For this I will forever be greatful! Again many thanks for your response!

Emma - posted on 08/20/2009

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Hello Linda, Your fears are real and don't ever think they you are over reacting. You would be best to talk to a specialist regarding your fears for your next child then weigh up the pros and cons and your desires. My 1st child is has autism but very mild I guess to some extent he is one of the lucky ones but then I see him struggle everyday with everyday things and my heart justs cries out for him. I was already pregnant by the time Sam seemed differant to me there is only 22mths between them My second is a girl and she has been diagnosed in adhoc attention deficate hyperactive obsessive complulsive.My 3rd another daught is now 5 and I believe she fits in the so called normal range for a child I am due again in Spetember. I do have the fears of what maybe but I push them aside and think of all the joy we have already and say it is worth it. I hope your little fellow does do well in the future and comes forward. Can I suggest natropathic formulas if you haven't done so. My 2 are both on them and oh lord they have made such a differance. Without a doubt if you can get some Metagenics COD LIV A for kids it is much easier and less expensive than all the brain food oil omega 3 etc that you get at the supermarket and chemist as far as I know you need to get them from a natrapath and it is only 4 drops a day. My kids wouldn't touch any of the gel chewable capsules. But my 2 are on flower remidies as well and they really do help mine. These are my experiences anyway and not for everyone but worth thinking about. You know I think you will be fine to have another baby but put your mind at easy by talking to a doctor. Our natropath also believes that lack some minerals and vitamins at crucial times in our pregnancy and that both man and women lack these things at time of conception. She belives that a good dose of supplement is always a good idea from before you get pregnant and that omega 3 etc are very important in preganacy. I took high doses of omega 3 while pregnant with 2nd daughter and she believes this is why she has no problem. I supose it is all guess work but if it doesn't harm you or the baby then it is worrth a try.

Good luck with what you choose to do.

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