what do i do when time out doesnt work?

Shasta - posted on 07/13/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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my son is 7 and he hits his brother and gets into stuff he shouldnt and when i correct him he yells at me and will throw a fit..when i sit him in time out and explain to him what he has done and that he cant do those things he cries and will hit his self. what should i do when he does that? i dont want him to think its ok to hit himself. and now my 3yr old who does not have aspergers is thinking its ok for him to hit himself. ne tips would help

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Annmarie - posted on 07/13/2010

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Redirect his behavior, monitor him and see if you can detect his frustration before he strikes then redirect his attention to something he enjoys. Do this activity with him while you keep your voice calm. I would ask my son why he was upset, then tell him to breath until he was calm. I would have him stack blocks then knock them down. I also let him punch a pillow and coax him to scream to let out the frustration. It is key to teach how how to vent aggression without hurting others or himself. It is also key to catch him BEFORE the strike. I found that giving my son a physical way to vent frustration was safer for all those involved.Good luck

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Kathy - posted on 07/16/2010

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Sometimes with these kids - punishment just doesn't work. I agree - try to catch things before they escalate. Learn and watch for the "triggers". If escalation occurs, do what you can to give them relief from the trigger - another room, another activity, remove the trigger...etc. When things are calm again, talk with him about what bothered him. Ask what was frustrating him. Ask him what HE can do next time the trigger starts happening. I taught my son to come to me and tell me - it sounds like tattle-tailing, but in these situations it's not the wrong thing to do! These guys are extremely sensitive and need help processing and reacting properly. A good therapist helps too!

Wendy - posted on 07/14/2010

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I have the same problem with my son. Aside from trying to catch the behavior and redirecting which helps greatly but does not solve the continued aggression. My boy's are now 10 and 12 both asd and what I have found to work is taking away something they enjoy.It sounds harsh but trust me it works. Good luck

User - posted on 07/14/2010

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I agree with Annmarie....with kids on the spectrum you really have to catch it before it becomes physical. It is hard, because it requires much more eyes on parenting than is typical for a seven year old.

Watch for what is happening before hand...it could be that his frustration level in dealing with a three year old is through the roof (and he might even be holding it together longer than you would have realized) Three year olds are also very in your face about what THEY want, and he needs to be taught at an age three level some real direct sharing and behaviour management behaviours.

As well, when children hit themselves it is often an attempt to regulate feelings of being overwhelmed, or a sensory overload. If you could set up a camping air mattress that he can throw himself into, that might help. As well, I do head squishes with my son (both hands) five at the sides, five at the front and back, and then a gentle press on the top of the head. This helped him immensely with banging his head and it is a very calming activity for him (we did this routinely for the longest time, now he might ask for head squishes, or I might notice that something is going on and ask he if he wants them)

Good luck

Sheila

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