what's life like after school?

Janet - posted on 09/11/2010

I didn't know that there are so many with Aspergers. I wish I would have talked to others who were diagnosed with it. My son is 38 and I didn't know what to do with him all these years. He went to school but didn't get a degree. He had so many jobs and got fired from all of them. People would turn him in because he was different. He would wander off and not tell anyone. He has now been diagnosed with Aspergers. He is a hermit and has friends on the internet only. I don't know what to do right now because my husband does not want to put up with him and I don't think he can live on his own.

Jamie - posted on 09/03/2010

I have a 25 year old daughter who was just finally diagnosed with apspergers a year ago. When she graduated from High school She wanted to go to college and was accepted into an honors university, however, it was all too overwhelming for her and she did not pass her freshman year. Maybe if she had been diagnosed at that time she would have gotten some help.

She moved back home and took classes at the community college and got a part time job. She did great in her classes and her job helped her interact socially ( she was a cashier at a grocery store) She had classmates she interacted with at school , and it was a boost to her confidence. Being home helped her cope with the daily challenges.

She has since moved out of state, and is living with my parents (who were instumental in helping to get her diagnosed) She works at a pet store and has just started classes at a university. I think her staying with my parents will help her stay on track and grounded.

She is also a bit eccentric, really into Aneme and japanese culture, but at least it gets her involved with peers and she even attends events. If you let hom stay home insist that he gets a job. My daughter is now talking about getting a degree and moving into an apartment when she gets a real job. She will be in her 30's by the time that happens, but it takes baby steps.

Liza - posted on 09/03/2010

http://www.aspergerssociety.org/articles...

I recently bought this book "Thriving in adulthood with Asperger's Syndrome". My husband has Asperger's and my son has NLD and this book has been very helpful.

Teresa - posted on 09/03/2010

My son is 19 also...he is not nearly as high functioning as your son. I am taking my son to a "homeschool" program for kids with autism. He only goes two hours twice per week and strictly for the social. He enjoys knowng he is not a lone with his difficulties. Does your school have a Buddy program or maybe ask at church if there are any kids willing to "mentor" him. I know all kids are different and you may be shaking your head. But those are the ideas I'm trying.

Teresa - posted on 09/03/2010

i empathise as my son is 13 and is refusing to go school as it makes him sick, he is experiencing severe anxiety and some depression as a result. i am finding it harder and harder to enforce school because of this and the stress it causes matt and the whole family. i have no suggestions, but i know when matt is at home he is happy and at the moment that is important to me, all the best

Liesl - posted on 09/01/2010

My son is 16 and a junior in high school. The thing that has helped us the most to make it through is to dual enroll him. I do all the English / history stuff at home. He does math science and such at school. He handles school much better this way. He hates all the crap at school the way people treat each other, the way they talk. He has started to deal with the teasing better, just goes and tells his councilor. He has had no interest in driving, and is scared to death to go to a job interview. His only friend is a kid on World Of Warcraft. This is his obsession. If he can't play it, it is the end of the world. I will try contacting Access to Employment, glad to hear about it. He wants to be a psychologist someday. He has his first psychology class this year. I hope it will go well. Some of you if you can may consider homeschooling part time. He only has to deal with the crap at school for a while, and then comes home. Doesn't have to put up with the noise and teasing at lunch, as he can eat at home. His grades have really improved since I started this with him.

Clarence - posted on 09/01/2010

My 23 yr old son is autistic. As early as middle school I began 2 weed him out of special classes. Don't let the educator tell U that U can't!! He went on 2 graduate # 17 out of a class of 105. He also graduated with gold honor cords. After graduation he attended Wayne Comunity College 4 a year. As in dealing w/ autisim you know they have 2 have a schedule and do not like to stray away from it. so he got on @ KFC and maintained that job 4 3 years......and is now @ Walmart 4 2years and has realized for himself that he needs to continue his education so he will b returning 2 college this fall. Keep doing what you r doing, encourage him, but most of all b patient!!

Beth - posted on 09/01/2010

My Son has Aspergers and is the same age as yours but my son developed a burning passion for the army which we catered and encouraged I love seeing him achieve amazing things in life he has worked hard and still does. the regimental life suits him completely and I am a very Proud soldiers mum

Anna - posted on 08/31/2010

Ok I have a 17 year old. We live in So. Cal. I am not sure were you are at. But right now My son dose not want to go to School after next year. I have found a vocational program for him working with the movie industry. We are also looking into Cal Arts. that it is not acadimic but art based.

What is your son interest? See if you can have someone that would mentor him in his interest in the job force? Just a thought. Anna

Shelly - posted on 08/31/2010

I have Asperger's, and I would have rather had my teeth removed than go to school - public or private, both were hell - any day of the week.
College, after my diagnosis, was infinitely better. The Disabled Students program and Equal Opportunities, Programs & Services (DSPS and EOPS) really made school easier for me. Community college isn't as cliquish, and for some reason all but one of my instructors was relatively well-versed in how to work with students with learning disabilities and social disabilities.
I even fell in love with another Aspie who worked in the computer lab with me and we're getting married in a little over two weeks. I'm graduating with an AA in foreign language - Pacific Rim emphasis in May.
My first ASD doctor told my parents I'd never be able to live independently.

Kerry - posted on 08/31/2010

Dont worry Jill, not any more than you would for a "Neurotypical"child anyway. Fidn out what he likes, where he thinks his money in the future is comeing from? Is what he wants to do needing more schooling? Some of the Auty and Aspie kids I know muddled through jobs with manual tasks, some could handle shift work, and they all love the pay packet at the end of the week. My son at 22 is non communicative, I let him stay in his room on the internet and only made him come out for a few hours a day to do the simple little job he has, stocking the fridges of drinks and cleaning tasks at a local business. So he got to chill out, gets out of the house for a little time each day but does not have to talk to people if he doesnt want to.
My plan when he hit 17 was to let him catch up with others before i started to nag him again, every day of his life he saw it as me nagging him, to get into school uniform, to wear shoes etc etc. So i gave him time to be ready. He sat in his room playing games and generally doing nothing except his little job. People said why do you let him sit on the computer allday, i say because when he is ready to join the outside world he will tell me. He got his stress level down as there was no more need to nag him, he would get up and put his clothing he wanted washed into the machine, he saved for games etc that he wanted and asked me to take him to get them when he had his money saved.
Then I found he would attempt to at least say hello to my visitors :) then he would dissapear. One day my brother went to go into my sons room, sure he would find him thin and white as a ghost, he saw a healthy enough kid who was talking to others on an internet game YES TALKING!! I was so happy that my son had decided to communicate i didnt care HOW he did it, everything is a big step when an autistic wants to speak to others. Over the next few years my son made all sorts of comment to me that made me realize he was discussing things other than games with people all round the world.
I think it is like 5 years now since my son left school and he is making small comments about getting a "real"job and maybe travelling.
One day soon my son will be ready to stretch his wings, until then I had mad a decision NOT to push him and let him find his own way and his own things he likes :) Its wroking well for us.
So find what works for you, not all the kids that are left to sit on their own, suffer anything or become hermits (whats wrong with that anyway> ? basically autistic people dont like many others so why do we think we should push them into something that they dont like to do?
Work with what will work for you and your son. But if you decide to let him take his time as i did, just make sure he has tasks each day out of his room or away from games **my win with that was because i said i would NOT pay for his games if he wanted games he had to go to his little job and earn the games for himself (he saved for a year to get the playstation 3 the day it arrived in our stores, a thousand dollars plus some for a few games).
Good lucck with whatever way you decide to approach this, just support your son in whatever he does if he wants to head into university let him, he might shine in the academic world :)

Margot - posted on 08/31/2010

Hi Jill, Well, I can relate to you in that I have an adult son who is about to turn 20 on Friday 03 September; and he was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome when he was 7. Saldy I was an access parent for most of my children's formative years and I was not kept up to date with a lot of what went on with his treatment; much to my disgust and disappointment.
My son has had a lot of trouble with holding down a job because they theink he is simply slow and pretty stupid. this is so disheartening for him and for his family. He is a loving boy and whilst it has een an uphill battel for many years, I actually get hugs and love from him without any prompting now. That in itself is a bonus. There are some excellent support groups available but as I live in Perth in Wstern Australia might not be of much use to you. thier is an excellent book by a lady called Wendy Dawson who was diagnosed with Schitzophrenia when she wasyounger but they found she actually had Asperger Syndrome in the end. She is a very intellignet woman, has raised 4 children, gone onto study and do very well at University. So there is always hope.I found that with my son talking about subjects he is interested in can open up lines of communication between us and whilst he may not always get things first up; I do my best to explain things in point to point and specifics; to avoid misunderstandings or errors. It can be time consuming and oft frustrating but saves a lot of time in the long run because your son will be able to understand more direct and specific details and conversations. I found taht my son had an excellent support person from a Disability Provider for only a short time and he actually did very well as the support person was yung enough to understand the young man things and had aenormous patience and really cared what happened to my son. Sadly, it didn't go for long enough and my son went backwards and enede up losing his job. If you find a good support person through a disability network office do whatever yu can to hold onto them. They are a minefield of helpful info and they tend to be more caring of the person they are dealing with. We actually got phone calls even after he stopped as my son's support person to ask about James. My son is now managing to hold down a job and has done for almost 3 months and I'm overjoyed. He is now going out with a lovely young lady, after a really upsetting relationship that did more harm than good and he is doing very well living with his dad. He's even gone back to his BMX and scooting in the local skate parks. I'm thriolled as he was so good at his BMX and he olft told e it was a lifesaver for him because he could let off steam and just let go when he was on his BMX and the same with his scooter. He gave it up for over 2 years because he lost all his confidence due to his ex girlfriend not allowing him to spend time at the skate park. He is growing into a loving young man, making his way in thw rold. I am even allowed, after a number of years, to be a friend on Facebook. We are in regular contact and Ijust love it. Your son will amaze and elight you and annoy and frusrrate you along the way. He will go through many jobs or things he shows an interest in before he finds something that clicks for him. Asperger Syndrom echildren and adults tend to need more support in the workforce if they don't get a good basic training to begin with. It's al ack of patience and undersatnding to begin with that tends to prevent an Asperger Syndrome adult to move further in the job area. If you have a loca area co-ordinator that is able to help you n you r area then go get em. Find out what local support is avaiable, Talk to us on circle of Mums as we are here to help and support. Love your son for whatever little stpes he makes and for whatever small achievements he makes. Positive, Positve, Positve and be specific, straigh forward with him and always tell him you love him even if you are frustrated and annoyed with him. It's the love and patience and understanding that only a mother and father and probably his sisters and brothers can give.

Nancy - posted on 08/27/2010

It is best that he gets out of the home on some kind of routine schedule. Probably, try to check out vocational rehab, if your state offers it.

Bonnie - posted on 08/27/2010

I think many have given great suport to you . My son is too young yet to say he will want to do after high school. But from my personal perspective I will say I hated High School. If I ever had to go back to those times I think I would rather chose to have my teeth pulled out too. Granted many things have changed in 22 years but I thiink most people really love high school a lot or they really hated it. I don't think you find many in the middle. I have dyslexia so when I entered college my world opend up. Granted I am a soical person unlike my son. But for the first time in my life I felt "normal". I think your son will feel that to if he choses to contiune his education. Perhaps ofter him to take some night classes. Or just one or two at a local community college. Just to get his feet wet. There is lots of suport at college if you want it. I went into my college suport office and told them what I needed and that I did not want them to tell me how to run my life becuase I experinced that too. Good luck with things.

Sherrie - posted on 08/26/2010

My son just turned 19 this summer and school was also a nightmare. Everyday was a struggle to get him there. He has since moved out on his own, rooming with his best friend, and making it. He is on disability so that helps. Have you checked into disability for him? The only advice I can really offer is discuss it with your son & see if he is willing to do something like once a weeknso he doesn't become a hermit. My thoughts are with you.

Leigh - posted on 08/26/2010

I just turned 40 this month, I went to university for a year and a half before becoming pregnant with my oldest son who is now 16. When my youngest was old enough to be in day care full time my husband suggested I do something I go back to school so two years ago I did and now I'm a certified small engine and motorcycle mechanic. I'm getting ready to go back to school in a couple weeks to upgrade my ticket and become a heavy equipment and transport truck mechanic. I'm not very social unless I'm extremely comfortable, otherwise I follow my mother's old adage "fake it til you make it" and I usually fail miserably. School was a nightmare for me too, I would have much rather had root canal than walk into a classroom.I have Asperger's... so there's hope for your son, I'm living proof! He just needs to find his passion. I have also had the good fortune to meet a man with ASD (not sure if it's Asperger's or not) who is a very successful tattoo artist and is putting his wife through school. I worked in a call centre that did technical support for an internet company and I wasn't the only person there with ASD. Mind you, that job really wasn't my cup of tea but the other ASD people there are excellent at their jobs and they love the work. Your son has a wealth of possibilities ahead of him. Eccentric isn't always a bad thing... my oldest brother, although not ASD, had long hair and a beard for many years and would go to work wearing a 3-piece suit with running shoes and he is a well respected computer programmer throughout North America. Frankly I think your doctor is spouting a load of hooey saying that many of us with Asperger's become hermits! I've encountered many people from all walks of life who have Asperger's and not a one of us is a "hermit"... we may not be social butterflies but we manage just fine out there in the world even though we may have to explain to a prospective boss why we rarely make eye contact and have some odd tics. Asperger's need not hold the stigma that ASD did 10 years ago. Just love your son and help him to find something that he loves doing... then help him find a way to make a career out of it like I do tearing engines apart. :)

Peggy - posted on 08/26/2010

Jill,
I have a 15 yr old in HS. He is a sophmore this yr.
Here in ga they have to pass 5 subj which is considered the grad tests. They have to have a certain score. Evan if they're 1 pt away they have to take the whole thing over. My other son just grad from an independ school where he brought the homeowork home. Talk about rough. We did it though and he passed this May.
As for the future i think that doc dosen't know what hes talking about. These kids with asbergers are all special and they all have a place in life. Hope that didn't upset you. It would be good for him to take a yr off and relax a bit. I don't think my son has any friends. They pick on him because they know certain things will set him off. Hes getting better at taking it. He just goes to the principal and they write them up.

Have you asked a psycologist what they think?
Maybe they can give some suggestions on how to make this transition. Good Luck

Emily - posted on 08/26/2010

I'm afraid I can't give any advice and everyone else has really offered so much! but I wanted to let you know about my brother and I. We are both aspies, I have a very mild case though. We both studied after school - he went to university to do an I.T course and I went to a tech college to do a course in business admin. I also fell in love in high school and was married and had my first child at 19 - very scary! I've always been a bit immature for my age, it made school very difficult until I was a senior. my brother has his obsessions but after doing his course and finding it wasn't helping him, he started working at coles - but he hated working in customer service. he has just moved interstate and is doing a course in bookkeeping so hopefully that will be good for him :) he has made a few friends over the years but lost them due to being obsessive over them, so its hard for him to make friends. we are both learner drivers but he is close to getting his own car and license. I now have 3 kids so I'm quite busy! I'm a little obsessed with anime (so is hubby!) and arts and crafts (he is not so fussed. lol) So having aspergers certainly doesn't stop you from getting out there, though it is easier to stay at home. Good luck with your son!

Ginger - posted on 08/25/2010

While I always knew there was something "different" about my son, I could never put my finger on what that difference was until the end of my son's junior year in high school. He was 17, six months till his 18th birthday. He had his third fight in 2 years and the school was getting ready to kick him out. (we are an open enrollment state so he was not going to school in his district but the one in the next town over.) Grade/Middle school was a nightmare, that is why we moved his school. In high school all three of the fights were with the same kid, who just would not leave him alone. After his diagnoses the school had to let him stay and he graduated with his class.
I think a lot of that was the fact that when he went to the new school district he got involved with the band and the drama group. (Let's face it, most of the time it's the band kids and the drama kids that are the most tolerant of other people, at least in our area) I wouldn't necessarily say that he had "friends", no one called or came over and he didn't call or go anywhere, but they were still at the very least, more tolerant of his differences, and for the most part they liked him.
I started him on paxil cr in his junior year of high school and that has seemed to help with the anxiety which in turn also helped with some of the anger issues. He graduated from high school with honors, 16th in his class. He drives, actually bought himself a car a few months ago and recently graduated from the local community college with an associates degree in civil engineering. He knew he would go to college but had no desire then or now to leave home.
High school was a struggle but college was a whole different ballgame. We talked to the college and got his IEP from high school extended to the college (we didn't use any part of it but if he needed it, he knew it was there) It seems like most people at community colleges are there because they are serious about an education. They don't have time to pick on and make fun of the other people they are in class with. It is not the party atmosphere it would be on campus. He loved college, he got to do his own thing and no on bothered him. He still doesn't have any "friends" but he is alright with that. I think it bothers me more than it bothers him.
I pushed him hard, sometimes after we got his diagnoses I wondered if I had pushed him too hard, he used to get so mad at me, but he came to me just before he graduated from college, patted me on the back and thanked me for pushing him so hard. Of the kids that started the civil engineering program at the same time he did, he is the only one who graduated on time. He did this while also working part time.
He recently had an interview for a civil engineering position with a local coal mine. We worked for days going over possible questions and answers and trying to get him comfortable with talking about himself. Got a call yesterday that he has a second interview in a couple of weeks. So now it's back to the practice sessions.
I know it would have been a lot easier to just give up and let him do his thing and my husband has made the comment several times that he would have just given up and let him fail. That was never an option for me. There were times I would sit down and cry in pain and frustration (and I am sure he did too!!!) But he is doing so well now, he still has problems and frustrations but he is able to function and I am sure that he will be able to take care of himself when I am no longer around to do it.
So the best advice I can give is to hang in there and do what you know is the right thing even if they fight you on it. Making them be more than they "want" to be will pay off in the end. If I had given in to him he would still not be driving, he would not have went to college and would probably never have been able to support himself.

Catherine - posted on 08/25/2010

Michelle, just make sure that at every stage you are in constant contact with the school, and that if any bullying occurs keep on their back to stamp it out. Also get your local branch of NAS on side to help should there be any problems. Most importantly, if he decides not to go in for any reason get the teachers to send work home and encourage him to do it. Good luck, you should be fine - many asbergers' go through school ok, Luke's obsession took over and he'd rather spend his days at the theatre star spotting for the lion king and getting posters signed! Fingers and toes crossed for you - just be as supportive as you can, Luke's problems started about halfway through year 10 and with a term of year 11 to go, missing one or two days a week became a complete refusal to go in. If you notice any signs of school stress, try and arrange home tutition - my son's school refused to support that as I work full time, but if you get in early then it could be an option. You may find he sails through it, just make sure that he has a sounding board in school he trusts if he needs time out or the pressure of many lessons and not enough time to complete tasks he gets into gets to him. Did help Luke for a while, but he overused it leading to when he was in class comments from other boys which made him feel very depressed. Anyway, good luck with it all...be careful to take an interest in his obsession if he has one and encourage other things too so that it doesn't become the only thing he wants to do. Hope you win, but if you don't remember that its his life and whatever you do for him its his choice how he lives it - he's a teenager too so hormones! My oldest just finished 6th form and has autism and dyspraxia - got through school best he could and did his best - now has a btec in business and is looking for work - so some will do it with no problems! Chalk and cheese lol x

Michelle - posted on 08/24/2010

the fact that your son has made it though high school gives me hope my son has apspergers as well and hes just starting gr 10 this year and last year was very hard,have any ideals to make things easier for him!!

Catherine - posted on 08/23/2010

Hi Jill and everyone else who has already responded! I'm seeing a definite pattern here amongst teenagers with Aspergers Syndrome. I have two sons, one is 19 and has autism and dyspraxia, and like your son has just completed a 6th form course. He did plan to go to university, but found the last year of his business btec harder than he anticipated - although he did gain two merits and 4 passes and could have accepted his place. It is very hard and unless you are in our position you won't appreciate the prejudice our sons or daughters can face when they get out into the world! My son has thankfully found help through Access to Employment, a free service set up to assist disabled adults with finding a job, writing a CV and advice on how to be at interviews etc as well as making the calls, sending letters and emails. It may be worth getting in touch with your local branch to see what they can offer? It is the next step after connections and they are very helpful. We found the Job Centre Plus people very patronising, and are still waiting for a disability officer and for them to process his seekers claim, but that is something else that would be useful to do, the second lady we saw there was helpful and created a profile for him to find a suitable job. My other son is a different story, he is going to be 17 next month, and has had terrible problems with education. He was predicted 12 GCSE's at A*-B and only took Maths, Science and Music in the end...which he sat at home as he refused to go to school. I had to involve the NAS at one point, as I was getting threatened with court etc, and it was turned out. On the days I got him to school, he was walking out and disappearing for the day, and then lying and telling us all he was in school. He faced a lot of underhanded bullying from people, and found school so stressful in the end that he would be physically sick thinking about it. Like your son, he also has very long hair and a beard, and refuses to cut it as he has a set of friends called Furries, who like to have an animal persona and dress like it once a month and parade around London. He became obsessed with big cats about 3 years ago, and everything he does is focused on lions or tigers - including his appearance! He is very musically talented, plays the piano, violin, guitar, drums...and yes, he learnt every song from the Lion King series and plays them and rearranges them also. It is very difficult trying to get him to move forward, as he now has an irrational fear of college and refuses to accept support from the ASSIST programme - which is a transitional thing to help with life choices - and just wants to spend his time with his Furry friends, which he assures me are not dangerous or media image of sexual beastiality - and uses the computer a lot also to socially network and plays his instruments. The only job he wants to do is in the music industry, or in a zoo, and without his higher qualifications he is struggling to find something, as music is very tough and zoo's won't take him till he's 18 - and even then wouldn't want to as he only wants to look after the big cats. Having said that, he has managed to find some volunteer work in a charity shop - and is currently staying with a friend who also works there, and is a furry. We can only hope as parents that they find out who they are and get a job which they can do and in which they won't face prejudice or harrassment. I would advise Jill for your son to contact the agency I mentioned as soon as you can, access can offer weekly appointments and as much support as he needs - also Job Centre Plus would give him his own income while he searches for work, and that might increase his confidence too. Access will be there to ensure that he isn't put in the wrong job, and job centre will ensure he has an incentive to look and an income while he does - my eldest son's agreement is that he writes to one employer a week, looks in at least 3 newspapers, asks friends and relatives, checks the direct gov site for vacancies and sites like gumtree and the job centre site. I wish you all the best with it, right there with you hon! The youngest with Aspergers is definitely not a hermit and has a large network of friends - but the job seeking side is very hard for both my boys, having said that it is reassuring to know that I'm not alone with the hairy one and there are others out there with the same problem! The worry is that when they do find an interview, their appearance will let them down - and we know how stubborn they are - all we can hope for is the right placement for them, and support - and for them to wear smart clothing at interview to make them look less scruffy! Good luck my friends, shame we can't all have a get together and let our sons meet each other - they are probably just what each other needs to build confidence and not feel so different! Stay in touch Gill and let me know how it goes, Cat x

Cheryl - posted on 08/22/2010

a quick note, a lot of them are also add/adhd, my daughter scored 5 out of 6 different types of add which is called the ring of fire, might be something else that needs addressed.

Cheryl - posted on 08/22/2010

well, i have a 16 yr old girl, which is like 1 in 6 cases of aspbergers is female, who is a jr. and also starting college classes in the morning. she goes to school, finally has a couple of friends who accept her as she is, and has support of her teachers. she has always been extremely mature and also has a photographic memory. science and language has always been her thing, so at first we were leaning towards a biologist of some sort. after a year in chemistry we are going to be a physicist and then off to the montery institue of language. i have always pushed her to go 2 school. after her diagnosis and a medicine routine, and visits to her psychiatrist we are on a roll. I have NEVER heard of one becoming a hermit, my dr. found that very offensive. i also know others and they are off to college, always a challenge, but they are there and quite productive. there are colleges that have dorms specifically for aspbergers, high functioning autism students. my child has a 504, and the college also has accomodations for her. your son needs to be with kids who are more mature with likes like his. does he takes meds? she is not as depreseed, hardly any meltdowns, and deals better with all the "idiots" @ her school. she doesn't socialize a lot, but she has been taking socialization classes at school which has also helped. don't give up on him and don't let him give up on himself, which is what it sounds like he is doing. he need social stimulation, find it for him in something that interests him.

Michelle - posted on 08/22/2010

So, I've been giving this situation some more thought, because it is so important, the "what's next?". Just brainstorming here but I had an idea. I remember in college that a few of the blind kids had assistants, other students, who acted as liaisons to help the kids navigate schedules and activities and get familiar with the campus. So, I was thinking that maybe you could hire a "social tutor" someone to act as a liaison between your child and other kids in an informal club setting, another student at the college. At first, the tutor would spend a couple of sessions just getting to know your son. Then, the tutor's job would be to help your son walk around campus and get acquainted with the club opportunities. The tutor would help to negotiate around awkward introductions and take some of the stress out of meeting new people. The tutor would also attend the first few club meetings with your son, to help with introductions, to act as a point of reference, and generally be there for moral support as your son gets acquainted with the group. Although my kids know that I will always be there for them, I know for sure that they won't want "mom" hanging out with them in college. But, I think that getting some help from a compassionate peer might be a good option.

Also, I don't know how locked in you are to your current school system, but if school is worse than pulling teeth, there are some great online options for grade school too. We use the K12 system through COVA, Colorado Virtual Academy, so the kids are technically public school students, but have school at home and online. I highly recommend K12.

Becky - posted on 08/22/2010

Hi, my son Jacob wasn't even diagnosed until he had a bad freshman year away at college. To his family, he seemed okay because of his very high intelligence and we are all a little nerdy and eccentric and smart. First, I want to suggest that you get him on Social Security, he may have to do SSI before SSD. Jacob is on it so that helps with the financial pressure of supporting him. My son does have a couple little jobs. He is starting college again in the most supportive environment, by living at home.

My son does have a support group, he likes nerdy things and those friends come over a lot. Since they are nerds they have similar social skills and don't hold it against Jacob. Does your son have a hobby......because if he can get involved with others who have similar tastes they will be more supportive.

I feel for you because I know what you are going through. It isn't just your son's fault, the economy is bad and it is much harder now than a decade ago for someone eccentric to get a job. In the past, I worked at places where there would be one eccentric person who could do his job. Now, employers can eliminate people like our sons due to the tightness of the job market. Where I live, there are almost NO entry level jobs since the unemployment is so high.

Good luck and God bless you.......the most important thing is you love your son and are there for him. I will be thinking and praying for you.

Becky Wiren

Lynn - posted on 08/22/2010

I Have a Son Who has just Graduated High school. His Dr said on line school might be a answer or a school that he works at his own pace. He wanted to move out on his own. I just don't think he is ready. The only friends he has right now is on line. My Husband is in the military so We move around alot. He is retiring next month. So Once We figure out where we are going We are going to enroll him. My Worry is He going to be able to pass the enterence exam.

Michelle - posted on 08/22/2010

I don't know that I'm able to give advice but my 18 yr old son is autistic, and still struggling with social aspects of life and learning in general. I am worried he will not hold down a job for long or learn to drive, and these are things he now wants to do..he finished school via Tafe as he had a hard time relating to most students and tolerated I think way too much bullying . Despite wanting to learn he felt let down by staff and peers and looks back on his time at school with sorrow, and pain, for the way he was treated. I regret it also feeling guilty now for putting him into mainstream instead of insisting on Special Needs Classes. I don't know to what degree he can rejoin the community socially , he gets so sad and depressed that his interests narrow down to indoor activities which take his mind off his struggles but that can also add to the isolation. It’s a tricky predicament but i really think I should try to expose him more frequently to low key social events open up more choices for him to help him to rebuild his opinion of the world so that he might want to participate more Actively in it. Giving in and letting him seclude himself from the world can’t help his depression. I’m aiming for an outdoor interest or hobby to make him want to go outside more often..... hopefully small steps might lead to bigger strides.

Chandra - posted on 08/22/2010

A one-on-one training in a field related to some of his major interests might be the way to go. If you can find one patient person that can teach him their skills, kind of like an apprenticeship. This is what I'm looking into for my Aspie son, who just turned 20.

Michelle - posted on 08/20/2010

First off, I'd just like to say, Congrats on getting him through high school! Way to hang in there! Even if it does end up taking an extra semester, you've come a long way together so don't give up.

I agree that he should cultivate a trade of some sort. It's a little old fashioned, but the best would be to find an apprenticeship. Otherwise, you might look into what's available in terms of online education. I've known several people growing up who, diagnosed or not, were Aspies. One of my good friends in high school was diagnosed with Asperger's. He was always pretty eccentric (also with long hair and a beard which he wears to this day), and has just decided to go with it. He works at the Renaissance Fair, has a great group of friends there, and is eccentric to his heart's content.

Another is one of my husband's cousins. She was really into dungeons and dragons and played into her late twenties, but she found Mr. Right during those games and has been with him for over 20 years. They are both what one would call "computer geeks", but they are enjoying a rich life together.

One eccentric family friend has become an entrepreneur and runs a drive through coffee shop. One thing that I really love about her is that she is somehow a 'magnet for misfits'. All of the people in her close group of friends are socially eccentric, aka Aspies. Yet, they have managed to come together as a family of sorts, loving and accepting each other.

So, my suggestion is, whether it seems unimportant or silly, find something that he really enjoys and help him to embrace it and find some good friends. Do encourage him to take at least one class, even if it's an online class, at a local school. It's only one class, so he'll still have plenty of time to 'find himself". Then visit the student center with him and find out what kind of clubs are being offered to peak his interest. Give him some incentives to check one or two groups out for at least 3 sessions. (i.e. bribe him) Armed with a small group of good friends, he's bound to improve his social skills and avoid becoming a hermit.

Kelly - posted on 08/20/2010

What does he enjoy doing? I think your best bet is to work with his obsessions and try to find him a niche. Has he ever received special ed or any kind of out of school services? You could contact your local Office for developmental disabilities; in each state they have a different name. You could see what services he could qualify. For Special Ed they should have been planning for transition. You can look into a tech school. There are also supprted employment programs that may help.