Will be 5 on 8/4/2012, STILL not potty trained!! ARGS! HELP PLZ!

Abiola - posted on 07/08/2012

Hi Michelle, Pls, let me know the method that worked for you as I have the same problem with my two Autistic boys aged 9 and 7 years. I came to the cited for help and I was so glad to find this.

Tina - posted on 07/05/2012

I'm so glad I found this web site. I've gotten some good advise, and just hearing that other moms are going through the same thing gives me a boost. " I'm not alone", and "it's not my fault". Thank you everyone!!

Angel - posted on 07/05/2012

I know how you feel, Michelle! It's very hard when you have any kind of special needs child. I've been to the point of pulling my hair out and just throwing in the towel. I saw something a few years back about a little boy who was "recovered" from autism after different therapies and a changed diet and he said that as an autistic child - he felt like he was trapped in his own body and couldn't control the things he said and did. I try to think about that and think to myself that my son loves me very much and doesn't do these things intentionally to hurt us - he can't help it. Myles is only on the mild spectrum so I can't imagine what it's like if your child has severe autism! I'm actually pregnant with our fourth child and it definitely was not a planned pregnancy by any means. My husband and I confessed that we both hoped it would be a girl because the chances of autism drop. But when I went to my ultrasound and found out it was a boy - I just constantly think to myself - what if he's autistic, too?!?! Will our marriage survive such an obstacle. I hear of that happening - having more than one autistic child and it petrifies us! But I am very thankful for boards and discussions like this to see that we're not alone in how we feel and the hurdles we're dealt on a regular basis. People without a special needs child have no idea how hard it is!!! But Michelle - I want to give you a big hug just to let you know that I'm here for you and so are the other moms in this group!!!!

Michelle - posted on 07/04/2012

Thank you SO much Katrina!! He pooped in the potty today, and the other day. I think he's finally starting to get a hang of it... but last night, he didn't want to sleep in his room, so he slept in ours... and peed on our bed... a lot. *sighs* I'm over the top excited that he didn't even poop in his swim diaper today, held it till he got home and on his potty, that I really don't care about our bed. *laughs* I know some ppl might think that's awful, but, for me, tonight, I'm rejoicing. I'm just so happy right now... I will continue to keep you all posted. I think doing this whole underwear thing, summer time potty training boot camp, we're finally getting to that place, just maybe, that he's realizing that he has no way out of not learning to use it... holding out is only painful for him in the end. Just maybe, just maybe he'll be ready by the time summer is over he'll be a lot farther ahead with this potty training thing than he was when he left school just weeks ago. *shrugs* Okay, well, hoping everyone had an awesome fourth of July! Thanks so very, VERY much for all the support!!!

Katrina - posted on 07/02/2012

Oh Michelle. You sound so fed up (I imagine you're feeling more than fed up though). I totally get it. I have many days when I wish Owen didn't have Aspergers, and I wish my daughter didn't have cronic anxiety and ADHD, and I wish my son who had numerous heart defects plus respiratory and lung defects, wasn't able to fight for life anymore. But, I think the hardest thing about all of it, is there seems to be no end, no cure and on those bad days, no answers. *sigh*. Really feel for you though. Totally get the idea of buying undies. While it ,may not be the best for the environment, who cares. This is about finding what works for you. And if it were me, I'd do the same thing. My son does answer me. Except, his responses are so brutally honest. If he doesn't feel like going to the toilet, he tells me. Aargh. Do know we're all here to lend an ear aswell as what's working/ed for us. Keep us posted, and try getting some time out for you if you can. xxx

Michelle - posted on 07/01/2012

*Sighs* I somehow have TWO accounts here at Circle of Moms, and this is the only one I can manage to log into without trouble... the other one's password is SUCH a pain to remember apparently... ugs!

ANYWAYS, Myles is peeing in the potty, and rarely wets at night, however, we've opted to just go without bedsheets till he's done... he doesn't complain, he just wets what sheets he sleeps on now.... and he frequently would rather sleep on the floor... carpeted floor. *sighs* I guess I will need to take stock in our local carpet cleaning company. *sighs*
He's using the potty on the regular during the day, pee-peeing, but as for pooping, it's to where he's only allowed to use the computer, and play on PBSkids.com if he's naked and can sit on the potty, so he can go when he needs to. At least, that is, till he's finally gone in the potty, then I put underwear on him and then he poops in the pants/underwear AGAIN!! I'm honestly so sick and tired of handling the poop covered underwear, I'm about ready to go to every goodwill store in the area, buy up all the little boys undies I can find, and just trash them after he poops in them... (HORRIBLE for the environment, but, I can only handle so much!!) cause I have a bad back, and bending over the toilet playing dunk the pants till they're clean is doing nightmares for my back!!! And we believe that pull ups feel like a diaper, so it gives him the message that it's okay to poop in them, someone will clean him up. (sighs) I know he KNOWS he's not supposed to poop in his pants cause today, when he saw that I figured out that he'd pooped in his pants he started crying, pointing at me and saying; "NO Mommy" and backing up away from me. Only took me a second to confirm it... and then he really, really started crying. I said: "Myles, where are you supposed to poop?!" His reply: "In the potty." So I said: "So why didn't you poop in the potty?" No response!! NONE! ARGS! Does he even listen to me??!!! Does he not understand the question?! Does he understand and is just being lazy?!! Today, I really, really hate autism. I hate this mountain that God has put before me... ADD, ADHD, I couldn've helped him with that, cause I understand that... why this?! WHY?!! Why did He have to take my baby away from me when he was 8 mos. old, and lock him away from me like this?!! I'm so over the top aggravated with this right now!! And why does this site have to be a pain to log into?!!! I SWEAR!!! If it's not ONE thing, it's another!! God please give me another dose of patience, strength, & gumption!!!

Angel - posted on 06/25/2012

Our 6yr old son has mild autism. He is fine during the day but at night he wets the bed. We've tried waking him up during the night, cutting off drinks past 7pm, punishments, reward systems - nothing works! The frustrating thing is that last summer he was dry the whole way through! We travelled and stayed at hotels and he was dry day and night. His big sister - who lives with her father - was visiting us that summer. Once she left - he reverted. He would walk around during the day and wet himself. He began wetting the bed at night. The day time wetting stopped but he still wets the bed and we are at wits end. He knows when he wets himself - he just doesn't care. He will lay in it and not bother getting up or getting cleaned up. My husband got the chummie bedwetting system and he kept taking it off and he wet himself not even 20 minutes after he went to the bathroom. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Tina - posted on 06/22/2012

I feel for you Michelle, I have 2 autistic boys. My oldest is 21. He stopped wetting the bed at about 17. He stays dry for the most part during the day unless he gets pre-occupied. But as far as soiling, he still poo's in his pants. I constantly wash underwear and pants. I'm so tired of it. When he has dirty pants, I think it's a sensory thing. He doesn't mind it. Wish I could be of help.

Loren - posted on 06/22/2012

The only behavioral intervention that worked for us was figuring out the ONE positive reinforcement that our daughter was willing to work for; and she only received it when she was sitting on the potty. At the time, for her it was a small hand held game. She trained in time for kindergarten. Best of luck to you and your family. I am now in the process of figuring this out for my 3 year old grandson.

Lisa - posted on 06/19/2012

I have to agree with Jennifer. If the camp is made for autistic children, they should be able to accomodate something like this.

Jennifer - posted on 06/19/2012

I just have to comment on something that really ticked me off about your post. I find it outrageous that the camp that you want him to go to is denying him a chance to go because he isn't potty trained. What kind of sadistic camp is that? Seems to me that they should know that every Autistic child is completely different, hence the term "Spectrum". I hope that you find somewhere else for him to go.

Jaymi - posted on 06/19/2012

My son with autism is still not potty trained and he is 9. He is very severely autistic though. I know that isn't much help, but, at least you know that you are not alone in this. We have plans to coordinate it with his school in the fall to really work on it. It got so frustrating that we decided to take a break this past year.

Katrina - posted on 06/16/2012

My son has Aspergers, and although he poops in the toilet, he'll only go at our home - no where else - and he won't wear clothes, as he's totally paranoid that he'll get poop on his clothes. If I don't let him be naked to go, he screams and refuses to go - even for a few days - so I don't push him. I love finding new ways to encourage the kids and my son was just a little different than the others, but I found that telling him "good job" was great but "good effort" works amazingly. I'm big on telling the kids that its not about how well they do something, it's the effort they put into it that counts. I use a sticker chart for him letting me brush his teeth - which is one of his sensory issues - and while he cringes when I do it, he no longer bites down on the toothbrush or spits at me. So along with stickers that he chose for his chart, I also bought stickers - like the ones teachers use - and called them my good effort stickers. He feels very proud to get one of those. Not sure if that will help, but I do hope you are able to get some repreive. As hard and frustrating as these issues can be, I think letting them potty train in their own time, has worked best with my kids. Also, don't be too hard on yourself about getting angry when the mess went everywhere. We are all human, and I believe every parent has had their moments they're not super proud of. All the best xxx

Gail - posted on 06/13/2012

My daughter was 6 before she was daytime pody trained and 12 before she stopped wetting the bed. We too were frantic and felt like we did something wrong. But she had to do it on her own time clock.

Kate - posted on 06/11/2012

I started training mine at 2 yrs old. He was 4 when this happened.

When my little ASD guy pooped in the potty for the first few times, we made a big deal out of it. You know, the cheer, the sticker etc.He went right back to pooping in his pull ups. I was a little confused. As it turned out, he hated the celebrating! So I kept quiet, and kept regularly bringing him to the bathroom with a book ( he sat there until he was done looking at all the pictures which relaxed him). I also changed his pull up in the bathroom and immediately so he understood that waiting was not an option and when he had to poop, he'd have to take a break from his activity whether or not it was for the potty or pullups. I didn't yell or cajole or anything really, besides regular trips to the bathroom with a book. I used a child seat over top of the regular toilet figuring maybe it was the potty he hated ( that helped too ) and when IT finally happened, I helped clean him up , patted him on the back and said with a normal voice, "Good job bud! Thanks"
That was it! A few accidents over the next month and he was done right around my birthday.

Laurel - posted on 06/10/2012

http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/193... If you're still looking for ideas and things that work, this book will help you. I am going to start some of the things in this book with my four and a half year old, so I'm right there with you.

Michelle - posted on 06/03/2012

Thanks SO much Kimberly! He's had dry underwear the past two nights. No going in the bed. This afternoon he peed in his underwear, and pooped in them. The first accident in two days. I think we're on the right track. We shall see. I'm not giving up! 8) !!!

Kimberly - posted on 06/03/2012

Is he on miralax or any kind of laxative? My son with ASD is on miralax because he holds it for days and then ends up having a huge accident. When he takes miralax, he goes 15 min after taking it, but he has been pee/poop trained since he was 3. He was pee trained for about 6 months, but still pooping his pants. I read online, that it was a control issue. That giving him rewards and trying to bribe him was not the right thing to do. I was to simply tell him he had to go poop and not give him a diaper to do it in. So I gated him in the bathroom with a bunch of toys and gave him the miralax with orange juice. I told him he would play in the bathroom until he went poop. I had him in there with a long shirt and naked. I told him he could go poop anywhere he wanted. So I played with him and then I would leave for a bit and then check on him. He played for quite some time and then would ask to get out or to put a diaper on him. I just remained matter-of-fact and told him he had to poop in the bathroom. He probably stayed in there for an hour. He pooped on the floor the first time and I was very positive and told him he did a great job pooping. The next day it took about an hour again and he pooped in the toilet. On day three he I didn't gate him, but just let him be naked and told him we would put clothes on him after he pooped. With my second son, I did no gating. I just let him be in large boxer shorts where the poop would fall out. Then I would have him pick up the poop with a plastic baggy over his hand and put it in the toilet. He figured out that it was easier to just poop in the toilet then having to pick it up himself. The key is to remain positive about pooping and have the child clean up. All pooping is good, as long as it's not pooping in your underwear. I read "potty training in less than a day" and it had the best advice. I did not follow the program exactly, but it changed my attitude and how I approached potty training. There was mess to deal with for about a week, but just have your baggies and cleaning supplies ready. A spot bot is also a good purchase. But I wouldn't mess with rewards. Just lots of praise and encouragement for growing up and lots of "I'm so proud of you. You did it."

Michelle - posted on 06/02/2012

Thanks so much Krista & Savannah, I just might try those two. Tonight Krista, we put him to bed in his big boy underwear, and if he wets, he wets. He can't hold that poop in forever.... right?!?! Over the past couple of days, he'll hold the poop in until he's got a diaper or a pull up on. So, we'll see. Afraid I might have to buy some stool softeners in a day or two, but, he can't hold it in forever, right?! Unfortunantly Katherine, like I said earlier, I did a rewards chart with stickers, and at the end of the week, he'd get a hot wheels car. That's why the chart was titled: "Myles' race to win." So no, that won't work. Tried it already. We'll see. He wore his big boy underwear all day today, and actually pee-peed in the potty all day. But I think he's refusing to poop. I'll keep you guys updated as it all unfolds. Thanks so much for the support & help!!

Katherine - posted on 05/31/2012

I was JUST going to say do a rewards chart. Works like a charm! Give the sticker the SECOND he goes. Then he get's something special for going x amount of times. I'm sure he loves the park. Or other things. It doesn't have to do with money, just something fun he rarely gets to do. Praise him liked you've never praised before!

I mean tell him every second how great he is for going in the toilet. My daughter is not autistic, but I'm having a hard time with her. She's 3 and I found if I don't praise her she won't go. BUT if I do, she'll surprise me and go all by herself.

Savannah - posted on 05/31/2012

Have you tried assoicated it with a picture? I have a picture of the potty that my son uses and I pull it out asking him and showing him the picture," Do you have to go potty?" Since Ben does not speak, he just whines so I knw he needs to go. Sometimes, Ben will point to the picture so I know he needs to go.

With praising afterwards I give him a high-five. Ben does not like loud clapping or saying "yay" loudly, so afterward, I give him a high-five with a fruit gummie he loves to eat. He smiles, so I know he is getting a hang of it.

Good Luck! I hope you find something that works.

Krista - posted on 05/31/2012

My son who is now 11 and recently diagnosed with asperger's, was the same, ladies! He finally went shortly before kindergarten, but there was not magic bullet, he just decided to go! We finally made it a non issue in our house, you don't want to poop, oh well, someday you will, and we went about our business. Once we stopped obsessing about it, it seemed to work itself out. The only time we used pull ups was at night, I took the diapers away from both my kids at 3. I told them big kids don't wear diapers, so use the potty or get dirty. It wasn't easy, but it did work itself out. Hang in there!

Michelle - posted on 05/30/2012

God I hope so! Thank you so much Lisa!!! I really, really, REALLY want to send him to his Kindergarten class next year, capable of using the potty all together. A rather tall order I think, but, heh, I always try to shoot for the moon with everything I do, so if we're even close, by that time, I'll be H.A.P.P.Y!! (laughs!) Thanks so very much for your encouragement. He LOVES Dinosaur Train. Just maybe I can find some stickers and try the sticker rewards chart with them... we'll see. UGS!!

Lisa - posted on 05/30/2012

I am with you, at the same point with my son. Lyric was just diagnosed with ASD and has been mostly trained for peeing for a year but has NEVER gone poop on the potty. He refuses to even consider it, telling me he has to stand and look out the window to poop. Yesterday, after I changed him he told me, "I'll NEVER go poop on the potty. Just in my pullups. He is turning 5 in July and his dad is really getting fed up.

The good news is that I've talked to and written to a lot of Mom's and this seems to be more of a boy problem than an autisms problem. Boys really resist pooping on the potty and some stubbornly refuse. A couple of months ago, I had a serious talk with him and told him he would lose his iPod if he continued to need pullups because babies who wear pullups don't get iPods; he took this to heart and hold in his poop for 3 days, freaking me out and making himself pretty uncomfortable.

His preschool has decided they want to help out so there, he wears only underwear (and they have 2 changes of clothes). So far, he hasn't had to poop there but his laziness with peeing a little in his pullups has eased off.

I don't have any real ideas for you but wanted you to know that you are not alone. I am a teacher and so, once I'm home more this summer, I plan to take away his pullups except for naps and night time. I've decided to put up with the potential mess and to try to push through it. I'm going to try using a chart and a Smartie jar. He has come to love science and charts and the only snack food he likes is Smarties. I'm also going to offer rewards such as counting the houses in our neighbourhood, an activity he adores (we make up stories for all the houses which he calls monsters).

I'm really looking forward to seeing what other Mom's of ASD children recommend. Hang in there! I know our boys will get it soon.