How did you deal with people who was totally against homebirth

Pamela - posted on 11/06/2011

I haven't come up against anyone yet, mainly because we haven't shared our plans yet. We've started by telling the people we knew would be most supportive and are saving the most difficult or opinionated for last.

We plan to provide facts, suggest they watch "The Business of Being Born" (If you haven't seen it do so!) and if they still aren't supportive we'll gently remind them that this is our decision, that we respect their opinions however, we have decided based on the needs of our family. And leave it at that, each time they say something shut it down by just repeating, we have made our decision on that subject. Then substitute another aspect you are more flexible on like decorating the nursery.

Ivy - posted on 09/15/2010

Assuming you have a low-risk pregnancy, it is absolutely worth it! Most people I told that had never researched it or thought about it thought I was crazy when I told them I was planning a homebirth with my first child three years ago. Boy was I glad I stuck with it- most difficult but definitely most rewarding experience of my life- enough so that I'm planning a second homebirth in November. There are so many things that skilled, qualified, trained midwives, whether they be LMs CPMs or CNMs, can do in emergency situations to help you and/or your child. They certainly know what to do if your child isn't breathing, etc. Just be sure your anxieties about what-ifs don't overshadow your belief that it's the best choice for you and your family. Anxiety like that can actually cause problems during labor....Best wishes

Alison - posted on 09/09/2010

I am blunt with people and I told them when they are pregnant they can choose their own plans. Didn't matter if it was my own mother. I cannot go through a birth I don't want to please others.

SARAH - posted on 09/08/2010

midwives carry and usually set up all the emergency equipment for any babies not born breathing before the birth at home. i have had two of my children at home, and the births were amazing. i was more relaxed than the times i went into hospital to give birth, it was less painful as i was more relaxed and i would reccomend it to anyone. the midwives do a fantastic job with home births. do not be put off by what anyone else says. do what you feel comfortable with. good luck. x

Courtenay - posted on 06/08/2010

I don't bring it up anymore, unless I know their position. As far as we are concerned it isn't any of there business where we decide to give birth, however If they ask I tend to let them know how my last birth went and how things that happened could have been prevented, If i would have had an intelligent midwife overseeing my birth. Sometimes, If they realize that you have studied your decision they are more willing to lay off. If not just say that is our decision and I don't need your opinion.

Michael - posted on 04/03/2010

the cord wrapped around the neck is a fairly common thing and rarely a complication.
honestly, i'd tell them that you've made up your mind, and unless they have something good to say then you don't want to hear their opinion. they're not the ones giving birth to this baby. you are. it's your body, your baby and your birth. they're not the ones who have to deal with getting a c-section or an episiotomy. you are.

Melissa - posted on 04/01/2010

Well I will tell you, my father-in-law is a doctor, and both my mom and my mother-in-law were nurses. My mom took it far better then my husband's family. I had to sit with them many times to talk about my research. Finally (after my husband endured a lunch with his mother and sister criticizing my choice and telling him he MUST make me change my mind) I had to bring all the books I read researching the safety of home birth. Boy did that shut them up quickly though! They all just have to understand that you and or your midwife is prepared for problems - and to detect them early!

Kathleen - posted on 01/28/2010

It's your decision. Will you always let them influence your decisions regarding discipline, schools, sports, college, and etc? You need to start being assertive now or your child will take advantage of you too.

Becky - posted on 01/25/2010

Tiffany, we have had four babies, only the last one was a homebirth. My husband and I wished we had done our research earlier, we would have had them all at home! As another mom encouraged, rent or buy the movie, "The Business of Being Born" It has lots of good info.
Also, in our experience, well-meaning doctors have caused more problems during births because of the 'convenience' mindset of so many. For instance, giving pitocin has become sooooo common in hospitals. If you don't come in the door about to deliver, I can almost bet they will try to push it on you sometime during your labor. It causes your labor to be too hard and fast and will sometimes cause the baby to go into distress. Then what happens? The Dr. does a c-section to save the distressed baby and claims the glory for saving baby! They caused the distress to begin with!
Ok, sorry for the rant, as you can tell, this is an issue that gets me going.
Hope all goes well with you! You will not regret a homebirth, it is amazing! My hubby was skeptical at first, but after interviewing the midwife, he agreed to it, and after the birth...he will never go back to hospital births!

Catie - posted on 01/22/2010

Hey Tiffany,
We just had our first at home almost 8 weeks ago. In our experience, when people discourage homebirth, it's because they are completely ignorant about it.Educate them. Find an excellent midwife and apprentice if you can. Most likely, they come to the birth with everything that you'd find at a hospital anyway and are skilled with neonatal resuscitation (if you're worried about baby not breathing when he comes out). As far as the cord being wrapped around the neck, that's far more common than people realize (read 'Spiritual Midwifery' by Ina May Gaskin-it's very encouraging and is all birth stories). Most importantly, this is what you and your husband have discussed and feel is right for you and your family! You should be able to give birth however you please!

Tiffany - posted on 12/26/2009

Thank u all for your post, it really helped. :o)

Zissi - posted on 12/26/2009

Hi Tiffany.im 27 and have now 3 children.Wen i first told my husband that i want to give birth to my baby at home he said no way.I told him id rather go on the streets behind a bush and have it there than in a hospital.I hate hospitals and i wasnt ill only pregnant so why should i go in to hospital?i finally found Anna our really great Midwife who stood behind me with my wishes and who also had home births with her kids.I loved it even though it was my first and i was a bit nervus but Anna was there for me and my husband in my home were i feelt kumpfy and was able to do as i wanted and have 1 Midwife and not have to come clear with a new one as of shift end like in hospital.I took all in all round 6 hourse with my first girl Nina and my husband was amaized by it.I had all 3 my last one this year september 3rd at home.My middleone had his cord rapped round twice but a good Midwife who knows wat she does and loves her job who is able to sprad a calming vibe has no problem with it.Nora had her cord rapped round too and a real knot in the cord and a main blood vane did a turn back to the after birth,lucky the birth went so fast the knot didnt have time to get pulled closed but even in hospital they might not have seen it comming or i would have had to have a c-section.I had Nina in the Bathroom under the sink whilst i was in a almost sitting position(krutching down)Christian i had also in the bathroom and i was standing and Nora i finally had in bed on my side.Julia and Nathaly were there just on time as with Nora it only took bout 30 mins labour.I even didnt go the docs anymore wen i was pregnant with Nora as we almost didnt have Chrisi cous of them so we said we will take wat comes,wen it comes and how it comes and we will love it anyhow.My husband loved each Birth and would do it over and over againe.We planted the afterbirth under a tree for each child.Please have the hope and encourage to enjoy a homebirth as its something wonderfull and so natural.I even convinced a friend who then also had her girl at home and she said she would do it againe and finds it a shame she didnt have it befor.I dont care wat other people say but most of them say well done for my courage.let me know how you decide and good luck and have fun enjoing every special moment of your birth.

Rebecca - posted on 12/17/2009

I usually avoided talking about it with anyone. It always made them worry, and since I knew it was safe, I didn't feel the need to "convince" anyone else of it. If asked, I just said,"We'd like to have the baby at home, but if we need to, we'll be in the hospital." Also, a cord wrapped around the next isn't typically a big deal. A third of babies have it around their necks - doesn't do anything, unless it is EXTREMELY tight. Remember, babies don't breathe through their mouths - they get oxygen through the cord. So, until the cord is cut, if it is loosely around the neck, you don't have to worry. Also, if you are having a midwife deliver the baby (I hope you are), she'll know what to do if any minor problems arise.

Helen - posted on 12/15/2009

Ive had 2 homebirths so far and planning my 3rd in may next year. I wouldnt have it any other way.Such a rewarding experience to be able to do what you like when you like, i walked around outside for most of my labour until it dropped dark. We live on an acre so plenty of space to walk. Our little girl was born in our bedroom, brings back wonderful memories every time i go in there. Our son who is now 8 is proud to say that he has never been to a hospital ! We hope that our kids will go on to either encourage there partners to have home births or have home births themselves. Good luck

Hannah - posted on 12/14/2009

Buy and watch the Business of Being Born if you haven't, then pass it along. If you interview midwives they can give you many resources that will help you back up your decisions with facts! Other than than you can't really do much, this is your baby and your body. You know what is best and I want to wish you GOOD LUCK! It is a very rewarding decision.

Stacey - posted on 12/07/2009

My last babe was a home birth and there was very little encouragement from most people but the midwife I had was so amazing that I gained all the confidence I needed from her. I knew that if anything went wrong I was in better hands with her than in hospital.
What alot of people don't realise is that independent midwives love their job so much that they would never ever put their clients in the wrong position. They are often more informed than midwives in hospitals and are not subject to stupid male protocol that hospital midwives are.
All I can really say is trust your midwife and yourself and that is al you need. People are completely misinformed when it comes to what is best for you and bub.
Love this experience. It was the most astounding incredible experience of my life and I would give anything to do it again.

Annette - posted on 12/04/2009

I did as Rachel suggested, and quoted the statistics about the safety of homebirths vs. hospital births. Then, to further ease their mind, I would add, "and the hospital is only 5 minutes away should anything happen". It seemed to work fine. Plus, we have an amazing, experienced midwife and that is helpful to mention to resistant relatives.
Some of my friends say, "You are so brave to have your babies at home!". I always want to reply, "Actually, according to statistics, you are much more brave to have your babies in the hospital!"
My first baby was a perfect, by-the-book homebirth. My second daughter's shoulders got stuck, and the midwife had to physically help her through. However, I did not tear due to her skill and gentleness, and avoided the episiotomy that would've occurred in the hospital. Our baby was blue, and required oxygen, but the midwife acted quickly, and we have a beautiful, healthy baby and a non-traumatic birth experience.

Tiffany - posted on 11/29/2009

Rachael the Hospital is about 10 to 15 mins away and that is so cute what your 3 yr old says lol! thanks for the advice. :-)

Rachel - posted on 11/29/2009

well, are you fairly nearby to a hospital if any complications occur? if you are hours away i would see some validity to their concerns. otherwise, go for it! I tried for a home birth with both my kids but wound up at the hospital (about 10 minutes away) with my first, because of meconium in the water. it turned out her cord was wrapped several times, but the outcome was all good since the midwives knew what warning signs to look out for. second baby was born easily at home. Now three, he proudly tells people "I was born in the craft room". ! One thing you can mention to your doubtful family/friends is that statistically outcomes are actually much BETTER at planned home births (much lower rates of c-section etc) , and babies can and do die at a hospital birth too. Hospitals are a good place to pick up germs too, and though useful in emergencies, most of the time birth is NOT an emergency, and many women have more successful labors at home where they are comfy. good luck!