A Father's Bond With His Son

Khamila - posted on 08/25/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I am a single teenage mother (19). I work 35-40 hours a week and attend a community college full time (online classes and a 3 hour weekend class). Because I breastfeed I feel I have a very strong connection with my beautiful 4 month old son, however his father thinks I hog him 2 much. Most of time while I'm at work, my son is with his father. I work from 9-5 Mon-Fri; 4/5 days the father of my child has our child.



Unfortunately, my son's dad doesn't have has strong of a connection with his father has he does with me. His father claims that it's because I'm with him all the time (not entirely true), I'm breastfeeding (maybe), I spoil him (not true, our son doesn't even cry). But The main point is that he is jealous of our bond and believes he doesn't have one.



I'm curious to know if anyone else is having a similar problem? Or if anyone has any advise I can share with him on how to make his bond stronger? What is your husband/partner/child's father doing to stregthen their bond with their child?

5 Comments

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Catherine - posted on 08/30/2009

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It sounds to me like he is getting a decent chunk of time with your son. He just needs to be patient. In the early months it is pretty much the mommy show.



It is so good that you are breastfeeding! Keep it up and I would advise you to not supplement because it will affect your supply. Breastfeeding is what is supposed to happen, and the bond that develops between a nursing child and his mother is natural, and healthy. Since you are apart from your son for a 40ish hours per week it is important to keep him on the breast when you are together. As far as spoiling, even if your son was screaming his head off 24/7, it is impossible to spoil an infant. At that age their needs are their wants and their wants are their needs. Your son does have a bond with his father, but at this point he is probably more attached to you, which is as it should be.



My son is almost 7 months old and and he and I have an intense bond. The only time we have ever been apart is when I was getting fitted for nursing bras. My mother held my son outside of the fitting room so I wouldn't leak all over the place. My husband has a hard time watching us together, but that is because he left for a year long deployment to Afghanistan when our boy was 4 weeks old, so he has only seen him in photos or on webcam for the past 6 months.



Before he left he would wear our son around the house in the moby without and shirt and with our boy in just a diaper so they could get skin to skin contact. He also helped me with positioning our son for nursing and changing diapers and bathing. Since your son is older his daddy can do all those things and more like going for walks and talking to him, singing and reading to him, getting on the floor with him during his tummy time and showing him toys. Once your baby is ready for solids they can be a daddy thing.

Candice - posted on 08/30/2009

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i'm actually thinking of doing this topic as my final essay this year. my ex seemed to take forever to bond with my daughter too. he looked, on the outside, like he adored her as a baby, was very comfortable with babies, fed her, soothed her, held her...but never seemed to really miss her when he was away from her and never seemed very attached. i wish i had advice to give...other than give him time. although, even now, my ex can still go over a week without seeing her without blinking an eye. not seeing her for a week would make ME crazy!!

Candis - posted on 08/26/2009

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My Fiance felt the same way when our son was born. I was breastfeeding and he felt like he was no help and that the baby didn't need or want him. I found that I also had to set up times for him to take the baby. I would ask him to watch the baby while I ran an errand, now they have their own little routines. On the weekends he takes the baby from the time he wakes up for a few hours so I can recharge and get a few hours of good sleep! The mornings that I don't feel the need for the extra sleep he is always asking me "Are you sure you don't want to take a nap?" He also does our sons nightly cereal feeding and bath time!

Nicole - posted on 08/25/2009

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It took my husband about six months to feel a strong bond with our son. Do you have a pump? I would pump some milk and let the dad feed him a bottle or supplement some formula. My husband fed our son every night and it helped. Also my husband does bath time. My son is almost one now and when he comes home my son lights up with joy. It will happen, the guys just feel left out sometimes, just takes time,

Tami - posted on 08/25/2009

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My husband felt the same way in the early weeks. Now at 3 months is starting to form a relationship with him. I asked husband to help at bath time, now he is the one who does the bathing routine, and then I nurse and put him to bed. He makes it fun, gets in the tub, plays and sings... that is their bonding time. I also make it a point to get 'too tired' and need a break, so I can hand the baby over when he is in a good mood, and I'll suggest that they turn on music to sing and dance too. Dad feels like he's giving me a break, I just walk away and let them have some time together. I feel like I've had to set my husband up to do these things, put the plans in motion, because he wasn't sure what to do, how to interact with such a little being, and if he was going to do something wrong with him. Now he has more confidence and I have more help! Good luck!!

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