Do you let him cry or do you sooth???

Marihett - posted on 09/08/2009 ( 49 moms have responded )

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Do you let your baby cry (moan) it out or do you sooth him/her? My son is now 7 months & my husband wanna let him cry it out & I wanna sooth him. I feel he is to small & won't understand why we're not helping him.



How do you feel about this?

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Michelle - posted on 09/13/2009

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I have a nearly 2 year old and six month old. I have to honestly say it depends on the situation. For example if it's night and I know they're safe, fed, dry, and not sick then I may let them cry themselves to sleep (because it helps them learn to sleep on their own). Temper tantrums are a definite let them cry. There are other situations where I soothe (when they're hurt, hungry, sick, just wanting love and attention). It is important for them to learn to soothe themselves but it is also important for them to feel loved and that their needs are being met. For me it's a balancing act.

Corri - posted on 09/11/2009

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I am all for letting them cry under certain circumstances. With my first child, I shared a twin size bed for six months because I did not want her to cry, then finally realized I could not be a good mother to her when I did not get enough sleep. When I started putting her in her crib, for the first couple weeks I rocked her to sleep and put her down (this was HARD, as this child would wake the second you set her down). After that I started to let her cry. I started by letting her cry two minutes, then checking on her, then three, four, etc.. I think on the hardest night, when she was teething, she made it to six minutes. Keep in mind I made she she was clean, full, the right temperature, etc. before I laid her down. She is now almost five, and one of the happiest kids around. She is advanced for her age in every subject, confident, and well rounded. She can still be a stinker at times, but what child her age is not. She is very secure in the knowledge that she is loved deeply. She was a very timid baby/toddler/preschooler up until about 8 months ago, and I always reassured her and let her know I was there and that I loved her, but also pushed her to over come her fears. She is now fearless. I completely agree that we need to nurture our children, but we also need to give them room to grow and learn without always "running to the rescue". I have always known when a cry meant something was actually wrong, and always responded as fast as I could, even when this has meant setting my other child down and running as fast as I could through the house to find her scared of a spider.

When I had my second child, I decided things would be different, and it would not take me six months to teach my child to sleep on their own. At six weeks we got this wonderful swaddle blankets that made my life easy. My son would cry for a minute or two and be asleep. When he outgrew them at four months, he was already used to sleeping in his crib, but there were times we let him "cry it out", again with the one minute, two minutes, etc.. He will be one next week, and is a happy, full of life toddler who loves to push every limit in life, Mommy's and gravities alike. I always go to him when something is wrong, but if I ran to him every time he fussed he would not be walking, he might not even be wanting to walk holding onto things. I have found that when they fall, if you do not made a big fuss (this does NOT apply to my kids when they hit their head-I always make sure they are ok if that happens), or even laugh and make it silly, they won't get as upset and will keep trying. When my son has had enough of the falling, he comes to me with outstretched arms and I never deny him a snuggle. However, at the same time, when he gets whiny and fussy, it is off to bed, and that child never takes more then five minutes to fall asleep, and rarely cries.

All of this is to try to show that the people who say that if you let your child cry at all it hurts their brain and development are not completely right. If you let a baby cry non stop, then YES, this is HARMFUL. Letting them cry a couple minutes to learn to self sooth is not going to hurt them. The whole idea is to reassure them that you are there and you love them. That is why you go in every how ever many minutes to stroke their head or whatever. Teaching them to self sooth is a very important step, as they cannot forever depend on mom and dad for that. Both of my kids learned to self sooth before they were seven months, and both of them are the happiest, well adjusted kids around, and I CONSTANTLY hear that from people.

With all of that said, you are the mother of your child, and only you can make the choice of how often to sooth your child. If you really want to get the facts, then talk to your pediatrician. Do not trust every "scientific study" that is out there, because many of them are not a true study, but somebody trying to just prove their point. I also think a lot of them that are accurate are taken out of context. So go to people whom you can get trusted advice from. I personally think there is nothing wrong with going to your child when they cry, and I can respect that you have a different opinion then I do. I just hope that this has helped at least a little :).

Yve - posted on 09/09/2009

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I tend to let my baby cry sometimes for a few seconds and anything up to a few minutes. This is because I don’t want to panic him the one time I cant get to him strait away. I have been like that from the start and I believe its a sort of comfort in its self because he knows I'll come eventually with a big smile and cheerful voice.
At night he makes alot of noises for no reason and I just let him get on with it and he will go back to sleep by himself. I'm quite proud of that.

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Stephanie - posted on 09/13/2009

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I know that alot of moms think it is best to sooth, but i have 2 boys 19 months and 5 months, and at i night i am a strong beliver to let them cry it out. both of my sons go to bed at 7 pm not a fight at all no crying anymore and have since they were about 2 months old. it is hard in the beagining but i promise it pays off. and it is better for your realtionship with your husband, some alone adult time.

Debs - posted on 09/13/2009

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Sooth him, don't let him cry, its his way of saying he's not happy, he's sad, scared upset, do you see any animals leave their babies to cry?? Ask yourself does it matter that you cuddle your son or will it matter if you neglect your son? Because thats what is is if your don't listen to what he wants. Also ask yourself will he be doing this when he is older? NO you'll be lucky to get cuddles from him when he's a teenager, so make the most of it while you can! Also talk to your husband and explain that you don't want to feel that you are neglecting your son, its only for a short while!!

Iysha - posted on 09/13/2009

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i believe that it is very important to tend to your baby when it cries. Not necessarily when it makes noise though. I took a children's mental health class while I was pregnant and I can't tell you how much the teacher told the class about Eric Erickson's stages of development. Your baby needs to learn that he/she can trust you to be there when they need you. The way to do that is to listen to your baby and if your baby is crying, go to your baby and figure out what he/she needs. Sometimes, they just want attention and that's ok. Babies are like miniature adults, sometimes they want to be entertained and sometimes they want their alone time and are perfectly ok without you being right there everytime they make a sound.

Ann - posted on 09/13/2009

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My son is also 7 months old, and my husband is always telling me to let him cry it out. I think God gave us the intuition to know when our child needs to be soothed. If I know hes just cranky I'll let him be cranky for a couple minuets just so he doesn't get used to be jumping to his every moan, but for the most part I always soothe. I don't want him to feel like hes being abandoned.

Amy - posted on 09/13/2009

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Soothe deffinately. Its upsetting to hear your baby cry because you don't know if they're in pain. It complicated to figure out what a baby needs so you have to soothe to figure it out. Besides, it feels good when they calm down to the sound of your voice sometimes.

Fatima - posted on 09/12/2009

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well my son is 11 months now, but ever since was about 6 months, i let him cry. ONLY if i know he is not crying out of ailment or pain. if u continue to sooth a baby evertime he cries i found he will only take advantage of it and cry everytime he wants to be held or simply just wants to be around u at the wrong times example bedtime. my son wouldnt have been in routine if i gave in to all his tears. u need to be rationale and firm wth babies at the rite times. thats how u disipline them in my opinion

Kelly - posted on 09/12/2009

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My baby girl is now 6 months & we normally let her cry for a few mins but then if she doesn't calm down we will sooth her. xxx

Taliah - posted on 09/11/2009

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Thank you so much Anna. I rock my baby to sleep and yes he does sleep in my bed until he falls asleep. I working at trying to get him to fall asleep in his bed. Reading your story makes me feel so much better. Everyone I know says to let him cry it out but I CAN'T... Thank you again

Dale - posted on 09/11/2009

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babies don't cry for no reason, it's their way of telling us something is wrong.... a crying baby is meant to be soothed. Instead of leaving the room when i get frustrated with my daughters crying when she won't settle after i've tried everything, i give her to my husband to hold and cuddle and attempt to soothe and either he'll take her to a different room or i will until i can pull myself together again and i then take over again that way i don't leave her alone while she's distressed but she's also not feeding off mine either

Ashley - posted on 09/11/2009

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my son has been sleeping through the night since about a month and a half and is now 16 months. when we moved him from bassinet to crib he was about 3 months old and i would hold him till he fell asleep then id put him down which by that time it was time for me to go to bed so nothing around the house got done. When he was about 6 months old I decided we needed a set bedtime and since he sleeps about 13 hours a night i decided 8 oclock would be good and wake up at 9 am...I let him cry the first night adn he cried for maybe 20 minutes ( it felt like an eternity) adn it took all my strength not to go comfort him, i was litterally in tears listening to him cry, but it worked. He has gone to sleep on his own in his crib every night since, with the exception of nights his teeth hurt or when hes sick.

Jen - posted on 09/11/2009

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I say soothe. It builds comfort and confidence and it's supposed to make the baby more independent. Letting your baby cry can traumatize them in a way and feel lonely and isolated and babies usually cry for a reason. Ignoring your babies crying, there may be something wrong like maybe he/she is hungry, scared, has a tummy ache, sore teeth, too hot or cold, etc. and those things should always be attended to. Babies usually don't cry for no reason. It's their only way to tell us something is wrong. If you ignore it, it would just be wrong, I think.

Ashley - posted on 09/11/2009

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after about 3 months i let my daughter cry. at first i started with one minute and went in and patted her then two min and so on. now at 11 months she has been sleeping through the night from about 7pm to 7am and has been doing so since about 5 months. before that she would wake up once or twice in the night, and i would go soothe her, but they need to learn how to comfort themselves. also i think a pacifier helped. good luck!

User - posted on 09/11/2009

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I don't think there is any reason at all you should let a young baby cry. When my son got to around 10 months he started to get cheeky and learned if he cried we'd let him stay up, so we had to get a bit tough and leave him otherwise he got way too overtired and stressed out. On the first night we decided we'd let him cry for 10 mins and then go in, on the second 15, on the 3rd 20 and so on; we only got to the second night and he was fine after that :) By that age as well you can tell the difference between a real cry when somethings wrong and a 'fake' cry, or a sleepy cry. He is 13 months now and goes to bed perfectly, occasionally wakes in the night but we can always tell if he needs us or is scared, and we would NEVER leave him to cry then.

At the end of the day, it's your child, you're the mother and you need to do whatever you feel is right!

Jamie - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting Leah:



Quoting Marihett:




Quoting Leah:

I know a lot of people who are big believers in letting babies cry. I personally can't do it. We're lucky because our daughter is super happy and will play on her own and doesn't always need to be held, but I can't let her cry. It breaks my heart.

My partner is the same though Marihett, well he used to be anyway. He's come around though and will go to her when she cries straight away now







Thank you








 








How old is your daughter?  Dean is only 7 months.









Ella is 5 months next week.






 






One thing that really annoys me (I can't see that it's been mentioned here) is when people say "if you go to your baby everytime he/she cries, they'll soon realise they have you wrapped around their little finger"






I really don't see how a child can figure that out? I've found, if my daughter cries. It's for a good reason. She'll either do a little burp, or when she had colic she just needed the comfort of mums cuddle, and the big one now is she's teething so any comfort helps just that little bit.






I have trouble when we go and see my partners family and have gotten too many comments to count that are along the lines of "oh she so has you running every single time she cries!" which is just crap. I know when my daughter is upset, and I can tell the difference between a tired cry and a painful stomach cry, teething cry etc. The only huge fight my partner and I have had over our daughter is when he sided with his sister over me wanting to go pick our daughter up when she was crying in the middle of the night. They both said oh she's just tired she'll be fine. But as soon as I picked her up she threw up everywhere. 






Plus, so what if she's crying because she's tired?! I don't see the hard in holding her for an extra 10 minutes while she calms down. 






End of my rant :)





Especially since cause-and-effect doesn't come in to play until at LEAST 8 months of age and concrete operations are much much alter than that.  They can't reason, well, mom comes when it's not bed time, but at bed time, I cry to sleep but mom is still there and I am still loved.  If they can't see you, they don't think you are there.  They think there is no one there for them.

Jamie - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting Leah:



Quoting Marihett:




Quoting Leah:

I know a lot of people who are big believers in letting babies cry. I personally can't do it. We're lucky because our daughter is super happy and will play on her own and doesn't always need to be held, but I can't let her cry. It breaks my heart.

My partner is the same though Marihett, well he used to be anyway. He's come around though and will go to her when she cries straight away now







Thank you








 








How old is your daughter?  Dean is only 7 months.









Ella is 5 months next week.






 






One thing that really annoys me (I can't see that it's been mentioned here) is when people say "if you go to your baby everytime he/she cries, they'll soon realise they have you wrapped around their little finger"






I really don't see how a child can figure that out? I've found, if my daughter cries. It's for a good reason. She'll either do a little burp, or when she had colic she just needed the comfort of mums cuddle, and the big one now is she's teething so any comfort helps just that little bit.






I have trouble when we go and see my partners family and have gotten too many comments to count that are along the lines of "oh she so has you running every single time she cries!" which is just crap. I know when my daughter is upset, and I can tell the difference between a tired cry and a painful stomach cry, teething cry etc. The only huge fight my partner and I have had over our daughter is when he sided with his sister over me wanting to go pick our daughter up when she was crying in the middle of the night. They both said oh she's just tired she'll be fine. But as soon as I picked her up she threw up everywhere. 






Plus, so what if she's crying because she's tired?! I don't see the hard in holding her for an extra 10 minutes while she calms down. 






End of my rant :)





Especially since cause-and-effect doesn't come in to play until at LEAST 8 months of age and concrete operations are much much alter than that.  They can't reason, well, mom comes when it's not bed time, but at bed time, I cry to sleep but mom is still there and I am still loved.  If they can't see you, they don't think you are there.  They think there is no one there for them.

Jamie - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting Leah:



Quoting Marihett:




Quoting Leah:

I know a lot of people who are big believers in letting babies cry. I personally can't do it. We're lucky because our daughter is super happy and will play on her own and doesn't always need to be held, but I can't let her cry. It breaks my heart.

My partner is the same though Marihett, well he used to be anyway. He's come around though and will go to her when she cries straight away now







Thank you








 








How old is your daughter?  Dean is only 7 months.









Ella is 5 months next week.






 






One thing that really annoys me (I can't see that it's been mentioned here) is when people say "if you go to your baby everytime he/she cries, they'll soon realise they have you wrapped around their little finger"






I really don't see how a child can figure that out? I've found, if my daughter cries. It's for a good reason. She'll either do a little burp, or when she had colic she just needed the comfort of mums cuddle, and the big one now is she's teething so any comfort helps just that little bit.






I have trouble when we go and see my partners family and have gotten too many comments to count that are along the lines of "oh she so has you running every single time she cries!" which is just crap. I know when my daughter is upset, and I can tell the difference between a tired cry and a painful stomach cry, teething cry etc. The only huge fight my partner and I have had over our daughter is when he sided with his sister over me wanting to go pick our daughter up when she was crying in the middle of the night. They both said oh she's just tired she'll be fine. But as soon as I picked her up she threw up everywhere. 






Plus, so what if she's crying because she's tired?! I don't see the hard in holding her for an extra 10 minutes while she calms down. 






End of my rant :)





Especially since cause-and-effect doesn't come in to play until at LEAST 8 months of age and concrete operations are much much alter than that.  They can't reason, well, mom comes when it's not bed time, but at bed time, I cry to sleep but mom is still there and I am still loved.  If they can't see you, they don't think you are there.  They think there is no one there for them.

Jamie - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting Leah:



Quoting Marihett:




Quoting Leah:

I know a lot of people who are big believers in letting babies cry. I personally can't do it. We're lucky because our daughter is super happy and will play on her own and doesn't always need to be held, but I can't let her cry. It breaks my heart.

My partner is the same though Marihett, well he used to be anyway. He's come around though and will go to her when she cries straight away now







Thank you








 








How old is your daughter?  Dean is only 7 months.









Ella is 5 months next week.






 






One thing that really annoys me (I can't see that it's been mentioned here) is when people say "if you go to your baby everytime he/she cries, they'll soon realise they have you wrapped around their little finger"






I really don't see how a child can figure that out? I've found, if my daughter cries. It's for a good reason. She'll either do a little burp, or when she had colic she just needed the comfort of mums cuddle, and the big one now is she's teething so any comfort helps just that little bit.






I have trouble when we go and see my partners family and have gotten too many comments to count that are along the lines of "oh she so has you running every single time she cries!" which is just crap. I know when my daughter is upset, and I can tell the difference between a tired cry and a painful stomach cry, teething cry etc. The only huge fight my partner and I have had over our daughter is when he sided with his sister over me wanting to go pick our daughter up when she was crying in the middle of the night. They both said oh she's just tired she'll be fine. But as soon as I picked her up she threw up everywhere. 






Plus, so what if she's crying because she's tired?! I don't see the hard in holding her for an extra 10 minutes while she calms down. 






End of my rant :)





Especially since cause-and-effect doesn't come in to play until at LEAST 8 months of age and concrete operations are much much alter than that.  They can't reason, well, mom comes when it's not bed time, but at bed time, I cry to sleep but mom is still there and I am still loved.  If they can't see you, they don't think you are there.  They think there is no one there for them.

Jamie - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting Leah:



Quoting Marihett:




Quoting Leah:

I know a lot of people who are big believers in letting babies cry. I personally can't do it. We're lucky because our daughter is super happy and will play on her own and doesn't always need to be held, but I can't let her cry. It breaks my heart.

My partner is the same though Marihett, well he used to be anyway. He's come around though and will go to her when she cries straight away now







Thank you








 








How old is your daughter?  Dean is only 7 months.









Ella is 5 months next week.






 






One thing that really annoys me (I can't see that it's been mentioned here) is when people say "if you go to your baby everytime he/she cries, they'll soon realise they have you wrapped around their little finger"






I really don't see how a child can figure that out? I've found, if my daughter cries. It's for a good reason. She'll either do a little burp, or when she had colic she just needed the comfort of mums cuddle, and the big one now is she's teething so any comfort helps just that little bit.






I have trouble when we go and see my partners family and have gotten too many comments to count that are along the lines of "oh she so has you running every single time she cries!" which is just crap. I know when my daughter is upset, and I can tell the difference between a tired cry and a painful stomach cry, teething cry etc. The only huge fight my partner and I have had over our daughter is when he sided with his sister over me wanting to go pick our daughter up when she was crying in the middle of the night. They both said oh she's just tired she'll be fine. But as soon as I picked her up she threw up everywhere. 






Plus, so what if she's crying because she's tired?! I don't see the hard in holding her for an extra 10 minutes while she calms down. 






End of my rant :)





Especially since cause-and-effect doesn't come in to play until at LEAST 8 months of age and concrete operations are much much alter than that.  They can't reason, well, mom comes when it's not bed time, but at bed time, I cry to sleep but mom is still there and I am still loved.  If they can't see you, they don't think you are there.  They think there is no one there for them.

Jamie - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting Leah:



Quoting Marihett:




Quoting Leah:

I know a lot of people who are big believers in letting babies cry. I personally can't do it. We're lucky because our daughter is super happy and will play on her own and doesn't always need to be held, but I can't let her cry. It breaks my heart.

My partner is the same though Marihett, well he used to be anyway. He's come around though and will go to her when she cries straight away now







Thank you








 








How old is your daughter?  Dean is only 7 months.









Ella is 5 months next week.






 






One thing that really annoys me (I can't see that it's been mentioned here) is when people say "if you go to your baby everytime he/she cries, they'll soon realise they have you wrapped around their little finger"






I really don't see how a child can figure that out? I've found, if my daughter cries. It's for a good reason. She'll either do a little burp, or when she had colic she just needed the comfort of mums cuddle, and the big one now is she's teething so any comfort helps just that little bit.






I have trouble when we go and see my partners family and have gotten too many comments to count that are along the lines of "oh she so has you running every single time she cries!" which is just crap. I know when my daughter is upset, and I can tell the difference between a tired cry and a painful stomach cry, teething cry etc. The only huge fight my partner and I have had over our daughter is when he sided with his sister over me wanting to go pick our daughter up when she was crying in the middle of the night. They both said oh she's just tired she'll be fine. But as soon as I picked her up she threw up everywhere. 






Plus, so what if she's crying because she's tired?! I don't see the hard in holding her for an extra 10 minutes while she calms down. 






End of my rant :)





Especially since cause-and-effect doesn't come in to play until at LEAST 8 months of age and concrete operations are much much alter than that.  They can't reason, well, mom comes when it's not bed time, but at bed time, I cry to sleep but mom is still there and I am still loved.  If they can't see you, they don't think you are there.  They think there is no one there for them.

Jamie - posted on 09/10/2009

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I feel very strongly that you should not let a baby cry. They are learning to trust the world and need to know you are there for them. Here are some great links on it so that you can talk to your husband and have research to back you up:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handou...
http://parentingfreedom.com/cry-it-out/
http://www.sleepnet.com/infant3/messages...
http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky_...
http://www.blisstree.com/breastfeeding12...


Also, my hsuband thought that cry-it-out was some magical cure-all. Once he started talking to our friends who let their babies cry, we realized that they have the SAME problems we do! It didn't solve the problem 100% at all. The only difference was how we responded.

Melanie - posted on 09/10/2009

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It depends on what you situation is. If something upset him then you sooth. BUT if you are "say" putting im to bed you can go back in and just lay him back down and cover him up again but don't pick him up. My logic for this is that they will expect you to come when they cry, so the next time they will cry longer and harder to get what they want, and loinger and harder the next time, and soon enough they will scream as soon as you put them in thier bed. This will make your life miserable and it onlt serves to upset your baby more too. If you just let them deal with it (at you have to stay strong) eventually they won't cry at all when you lay them down. I have a rule I use, if they are hurt or uncomfortable or hungry or anything like that then you give them what they need if it is something that will only make it worse later then don't sooth or your baby will suffer more over a longer period of time. Eventually you're gonna have to put your foot doen and the longer you wait the more it will affect your child. If right now he's only moaning I'd ignore it, it will make him stronger.

Danah - posted on 09/10/2009

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My 9-month old son used to sleep at the most 45 min a pop, so I saw every hour on the clock through the night. It was exhausting. Then one day everything was going wrong. I took him to his well-baby appt and when they asked about his sleep havbits, I started crying. The doctor told me to let him cry it out and for once I felt she may be on to something. I didn't do that with DS1. When we got home, I dismantled his crib, took it out of DS1's room, and set it up in the guest room. I put him down for a rare nap, put some earplugs in, and let him cry for 30 min. DS1 was taking a rare nap already and didn't wake up. DS2 finally fell asleep. That night, he only cried for 10 min before he fell asleep. He woke up after midnight and cried for an hour before falling back asleep. It used to tear me up inside, but I had so much anger, I couldn't touch him. I just kept looking in on him. After 2 weeks, he only wakes up once a night still, but it's gotten much better as he just needs to find a paci to go back to sleep.

Leah - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting Marihett:



Quoting Leah:

I know a lot of people who are big believers in letting babies cry. I personally can't do it. We're lucky because our daughter is super happy and will play on her own and doesn't always need to be held, but I can't let her cry. It breaks my heart.

My partner is the same though Marihett, well he used to be anyway. He's come around though and will go to her when she cries straight away now





Thank you






 






How old is your daughter?  Dean is only 7 months.





Ella is 5 months next week.



 



One thing that really annoys me (I can't see that it's been mentioned here) is when people say "if you go to your baby everytime he/she cries, they'll soon realise they have you wrapped around their little finger"



I really don't see how a child can figure that out? I've found, if my daughter cries. It's for a good reason. She'll either do a little burp, or when she had colic she just needed the comfort of mums cuddle, and the big one now is she's teething so any comfort helps just that little bit.



I have trouble when we go and see my partners family and have gotten too many comments to count that are along the lines of "oh she so has you running every single time she cries!" which is just crap. I know when my daughter is upset, and I can tell the difference between a tired cry and a painful stomach cry, teething cry etc. The only huge fight my partner and I have had over our daughter is when he sided with his sister over me wanting to go pick our daughter up when she was crying in the middle of the night. They both said oh she's just tired she'll be fine. But as soon as I picked her up she threw up everywhere. 



Plus, so what if she's crying because she's tired?! I don't see the hard in holding her for an extra 10 minutes while she calms down. 



End of my rant :)

Colleen - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting Cathi:

I can't do the cry it out thing. I haven't got the heart for it. Sam is now 6 months, and is getting better at going to bed awake and falling asleep. I started by laying in my bed with him until he fell asleep, then transferring him to his own bed. I then put him in his crib and sat on the floor until he fell asleep. I am slowly working my way out of the room. I think it will work. Since you are no longer supposed to use bumper pads, as it is linked to SIDS, he often gets his leg stuck between the bars of the crib. Once he even had a red mark all around his leg. This was when I tried the cry it out deal. I think in the next few weeks I will be totally out of the room. I don't mind taking this time to help him learn to fall asleep on his own without using the cry it out method. I take time to help him learn everything else, sitting, holding the bottle, sign language, feeding himself, etc etc. why wouldn't I take the time to do this. I also think that rocking them to sleep every night isn't a bad thing either. You will never have this time with them again! Show them love every chance you get! And enjoy it. A cuddle is much more enjoyable than listening to them cry their little heart out!



You can get these mesh bumper pads that are breathable.  I think Jolly Jumper makes them.

Cathi - posted on 09/10/2009

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I can't do the cry it out thing. I haven't got the heart for it. Sam is now 6 months, and is getting better at going to bed awake and falling asleep. I started by laying in my bed with him until he fell asleep, then transferring him to his own bed. I then put him in his crib and sat on the floor until he fell asleep. I am slowly working my way out of the room. I think it will work. Since you are no longer supposed to use bumper pads, as it is linked to SIDS, he often gets his leg stuck between the bars of the crib. Once he even had a red mark all around his leg. This was when I tried the cry it out deal. I think in the next few weeks I will be totally out of the room. I don't mind taking this time to help him learn to fall asleep on his own without using the cry it out method. I take time to help him learn everything else, sitting, holding the bottle, sign language, feeding himself, etc etc. why wouldn't I take the time to do this. I also think that rocking them to sleep every night isn't a bad thing either. You will never have this time with them again! Show them love every chance you get! And enjoy it. A cuddle is much more enjoyable than listening to them cry their little heart out!

Angela - posted on 09/10/2009

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It's a good idea to soothe your child. If you don't look at your child when he's crying or moaning you won't know if he's in distress or not. Men don't understand that! Try ignoring your husband and see how he feels about it.

Roxy - posted on 09/10/2009

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I'd have to agree with this. I soothe and give my 6 month old son love all the time. He rarely fusses and has always been well behaved (thank god). Now that he's becoming more independent, I can tell the difference between cries and if it's his "sleepy but fighting it" cry, I let him be for upto 10 minutes and he's out before then..but if I hear the cry of "I need you" I am by his side in a heartbeat. I think, as moms we will ALWAYS baby our kids..even when they are in their adult years but we will also always allow them to be independent.

Tine - posted on 09/10/2009

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it actually depends, if your baby is crying in the morning, like taking a bath for example, its alright, as far as i know, it will help his lungs develop. but if it is at night, you have to sooth him, or else he will be a colic baby

Colleen - posted on 09/10/2009

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I try and soothe my son, but sometimes I need a moment to collect myself, and honestly those times that I put him down in his crib and walk away, he's asleep within five minutes. It's like he literally needed to cry it out. Also I obviously let him cry it out when we're in the car because I'm driving so I can't just stop the car and hop in the backseat with him. He hates his carseat so whenever we're going somewhere, he spends the whole time screaming until he finally just gives up. It's tough to listen to but there's nothing I can do about it.

Michelle - posted on 09/10/2009

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i let my 7 month old cry when it is just a moan or a i want attention when he should be going to sleep but i check on him every couple of min from his door way just to make sure he s all right and not covered by his bedding, if he gets himself to worked up i will sooth him but only then. my mum made the mastake of soothing me every time i cried and as i got older that was the only way i would go to sleep and then i would only sleep for a couple hours then i would want to get up and play. It is up to you in what you do but i always trust my instincts with my son i havee sence the day i fell pregnate and i still do now. i hope this helps

Bethany - posted on 09/09/2009

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If my daughter is just whining, then I generally leave her. If she really is in distress (and mom always knows the difference!), then of course I go get her. Generally, babies up to six months old don't know how to manipulate, and cry for need. Although, lots of babies vent their extra energy by crying. With older babies, I personally think it's probably a bad idea to pick them up every single time they whimper. That just teaches them that you will come running every time they whine. At 7 months old your baby probably understands and observes much more than you think.

Lynlee - posted on 09/09/2009

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I would always recommend soothing. It's your job as a parent to help and love your child. Would you ignore an adult who was unhappy, crying etc? No way, you would try to find out what was wrong and help them feel better.

Lesli - posted on 09/09/2009

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I'm a big time soother. Before I had Clara, I read that a baby learns that they can trust you when you quickly respond to their needs. She had colic, so it got really tough, but even before I ever planned on having babies, I'd get frustrated when parents let their children cry. Babies don't cry for fun! And as it's their only ways of communication for some time, we need to do what it takes to try and understand what their cries mean, and meet them with willing and loving arms. I want my children to know that I am there for them!

Katarina - posted on 09/09/2009

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I'm using the gentle parenting technique and always soothe! My son is 5 months old and my Fiance does the same thing. They only cry when they need something at this age and you can never spoil you're son. Even when he was colicky I would hold him and cry with him if I needed to. They'll be more secure, happy children and adults. He does whine himself to sleep and we let him do that.

Monica - posted on 09/09/2009

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I always try to soothe my baby. There have been some instances where he could not be soothed and I was frustrated and tired. I decided to lay him in his crib for a couple of minutes while I shut the door and walked to another room to give myself time to calm down because babies can sense when you are stressed too. I am strong supporter of soothing my baby whenever possible.

Minnie - posted on 09/09/2009

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My personal opinion- if parents wanted convenience, a full night's sleep,....then they should get a guppy. Not a human infant.



Of course I soothe my baby! How can anyone in their right mind leave their vulnerable, completely dependent infant to cry alone in the oppressive darkness, to pull stability out of the air? As an adult I would feel HORRIBLE if I was having a bad day, was sad, wanted comfort, hugs, cuddles, and the person closest to me (my husband) told me that 1. I just ate 2. I was clean 3. You better learn some independence, go off, cry alone, I can't be bothered to rock and soothe and comfort you in your trying time of need.



Just cannot fathom it.



Good grief, we should be sensitive to our children.



Not to mention that there is solid research that shows that crying bathes an infant's brain in stress hormones and can cause neurological damage, which can lead to emotional problems as an adult.

[deleted account]

I tend to check my baby to make sure he is ok, he normally only cries when i put him to bed though when he doesnt want to go, even when he is tired, so if he really wont settle i will let him cry for 5 mins which will tire him out then i will go and soothe him by stroking his head and dummies really help to calm him too!

Inga - posted on 09/09/2009

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Hey my daughter is 13 mths when she cries i make sure ive checked everything if shes clean and has been feed then ill give her some neurofen as shes teething if she still dont settle down i start getting distressed so i let her go for a little while and walk out of the room for 10 secconds to settle myself down the go and give her cuddles n such

Marihett - posted on 09/09/2009

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Quoting Leah:

I know a lot of people who are big believers in letting babies cry. I personally can't do it. We're lucky because our daughter is super happy and will play on her own and doesn't always need to be held, but I can't let her cry. It breaks my heart.

My partner is the same though Marihett, well he used to be anyway. He's come around though and will go to her when she cries straight away now


Thank you



 



How old is your daughter?  Dean is only 7 months.

Leah - posted on 09/08/2009

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I know a lot of people who are big believers in letting babies cry. I personally can't do it. We're lucky because our daughter is super happy and will play on her own and doesn't always need to be held, but I can't let her cry. It breaks my heart.

My partner is the same though Marihett, well he used to be anyway. He's come around though and will go to her when she cries straight away now

Ashley - posted on 09/08/2009

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You can't spoil a child with love, only with items, so soothe and nurture away! I can't stand to let my son cry, so I don't.

Anna is right, letting them cry can really affect a baby negatively. Since they can't talk, you don't really know what is wrong aside from hunger or a dirty diaper.

Since you want to naturally soothe him, I would go with your gut feeling on it.

Amber - posted on 09/08/2009

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I personally think it's a good thing to sooth.Babys need lots of love.After being so close to us for 9 months they want to be as close to us as they can.I feel that you form a bond with your children if you give them lots of love,and it also is a security thing for them.They feel safe with us and that makes them want to be as close to us as they can as well.Some people have different views,but I don't like seeing mothers just letting their babys sit there and cry and they won't pick them up.It drives me crazy!!

Candice - posted on 09/08/2009

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i couldn't do it. didn't feel right to me. was always of the opinion that a baby that small can't communicate..what if they are in pain? or scared? or hungry? ignoring crying seemed counterintuitive. do what is in your heart. that's what instinct is for.

Anna - posted on 09/08/2009

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I feel really strongly about this - I always soothe. You are so right. Follow your instincts. Mothers know these things - dads don't have the same hormonal bond that makes you always want to be close to your baby. I have read a lot of good information backed up by scientific studies that says it really damages a baby to leave them to cry. It affects their brain development and leads to all kinds of problems with anxiety and depression. They will stop crying eventually but only after they lose hope that you will be there for them. There's a good book on the subject 'the science of parenting' I really recommend.

I left my baby to cry only once and that was when he'd been crying all day and I couldn't take it anymore. But I could only stand it for 5 minutes, he got so distressed.

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