Expecting and have a 5 yr old step daughter with horrible behavior.

Mikayla - posted on 11/28/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My boyfriends daughter is 5 yrs old like i said in the title. Just recently in the past couple of months her behavior has been absolutely horrible. She doesn't listen to anyone, not even her own mother and father. It's really frustrating because she just doesn't get. My boyfriend and I have tried everything to discipline her and nothing seems to work. If anyone has any ideas on how to solve this, that would be great. WEre getting desperate on what to do with her now.

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Line - posted on 12/02/2009

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The only thing i can suggest is to start rewarding good behavior and punishing the bad. Take away something she loves and stick to your punishment. If you go somewhere and she behaves badly, dont say you are leaving and then end up staying, leave. Give the punishment according to her behavior, if it's something she already did give a bigger punishment. Time out is also and option, don't put her in time out in her bedroom doe. Good luck, she might be rebelling against the new baby coming talk to her about it and let her know she's gonna have a big role in all this.

Michelle - posted on 12/01/2009

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Mikayla...have you spoken to her school? what to they think of her behaviour?? Please dont think your sd may have adhd...for this, behaviour has to last more than 6 months, child has to be under 7 when being diagosed with child adhd and also it has to affect more than two areas of her life.. like classroom, playground and at home.
Can she otherwise sit and draw...do tasks that she likes to do? Is she interlectuall for her age? symptoms of adhd can be seen when a child has sufffered with a death in the family, a change in circumstances (like you having her dads baby) and other prediposing factors...but IS NOT adhd.

Emma - posted on 11/29/2009

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My SD who just turned 6 was like this for the longest time. Especially when I was expecting. We thought once I had my son she would calm down and she didn't. Summer was hell for her and her behaviour escalated, we grounded her, spanked her, put her to bed early nothing worked. She then started peeing herself when she was outside playing and not wiping and flushing when she was inside playing. When we asked her, and we are neighbors with her mom, whats going on she would start crying and tell us that she's trying but she can't. Something was wrong. It turns out she's ADHD and even after just a couple of weeks being on the meds for it her behaviour has completely turned around and she's back to being the bubbly, happy, well behaved girl we all know and love.

Not every child with a behavoir problem is ADHD, but this is something to consider. For my SD her bad behavior was a sympom of frusturation and she couldn't put into words the problems she was having because to her it was normal. Try and see if there is a pattern to her bad behaviour but be patient. Which is hard to do, but you have to show patience no matter what she does. If you discipline her, be consistent in whatever you guys choose for whatever she has done wrong, ie not eating dinner; going to bed early....breaking things; timeout. Good luck.

Michelle - posted on 11/29/2009

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Does she do any extra curricular activities. Id suggest starting a dance school or another form of arts that will teach discipline in a different kind of way.

Your step daughter may be bored, and need some more good attention from her family.

She may feel that she will be left out when the babies born and her daddy might be taken away from her by the new baby.

Do activities with her. Take her to the park, go bowling..share nice experiences like going out and turn the table on its head.

Naughty children are either bored, upset or fustrated in some way. Look behind that 'naughty' child's eyes and see whats in her mind.

She may just need more time with her dad alone. Cant he take ehr out to eat somewhere once a week by themselves...i bet shed open up to him more if he did.

Talk with her mom too, and make sure you all define some boundaries for the little girl. All stick to the discipline regime. If one messes it up, you might aswell all mess it up.

Good luck Mikayla

Erica - posted on 11/28/2009

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What's everything? Most parents these days are afraid to bust their children's butts. However, sometimes that's what they need. Often times there is a problem with following through with older kids when there are other types of discipline. Take everything fun out of her bedroom. Just leave a bed. When she does something wrong. Stick her on her bed and tell her not to get up. If she does, go in silently and stick her back on. Do it until she stays. When she calms down go in and ask her why she's in trouble. She definitely old enough to know what she has done wrong. If she doesn't know, QUIETLY AND CALMLY tell her why she's in trouble. Then have her sit there for a few more minutes until she is ready to apologize NICELY in a complete sentence including what she did wrong and saying she won't do it any more. The follow through is what is important. You guys can't let her get away with anything or she'll think she can get away with everything. I hope this helps. I live with my sister who has a now 6 year old and when she was 5 we went through the lying/bad behavior phase and this helped.

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