Me and My Partner Are No Longer As Close After Birth Of Our Daughter Any Suggestions?

Kayleigh - posted on 07/15/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 13months old and my and my partner are both young myself being 20 at end of the year and my partner has just turned 20 last month. The thing is we don't have sex anymore he tends to mention it a lot and I feel bad because I don't fee like it and I know I should make him feel wanted and appreciated but when we do have it it hurts me and it's not because I am not relaxed as he spends time to relax me and make sure I am wet so it wont hurt what could be wrong? My partner is adventurous wants to try different positions and live life and show me he loves me and be close to me why don't I feel the same?

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Kayleigh - posted on 07/15/2009

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My daughters grann and grandad had her on Friday me and my partner went for a meal then the cinema to see a film once we were home I still didnt feel like it I feel like a dissappointment right now and wishthere was other ways. I always cook so a meal would feel normal any ideas on what to do to make him feel special I sometimes run us a bath and spend time relaxin together but I am not sure what else I love him so much, does not help that he is depressed and not bonding as well as he could with our daughter so I would love to make him feel wanted and loved and special x

Amanda - posted on 07/15/2009

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I was embarrassed too, but when I went to the doctor they told me a couple things that I could do. I hate exams too, but they were able to find out that there was scar tissue and stuff that was making me so uncomfortable. I really think it would be a good idea because they would probably be able to help you!

Kayleigh - posted on 07/15/2009

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Seems like you feel lke I do I was 1 always wantin it then its like so what, I have an easy life my little girl never cries, she happily plays hersef to let me do the housework and prepare dinner and I no sum mums who cant leave there baby for a min as he/she would cry. She goes down at 10 and that is her till half 7 but my partner goe to wrok then so he gives hr a bottle and she goes back to sleep till 9 how good is that and also a nap around midday. I feel unfair as it is not because I am tired it is just down to not wanting it but if I hug m partner in bd he can take it wrong way and try lead it to sex I understand he must be frustrated. I am embarassed to go to the doctors as I do not like examinations etc but would it help as I do not no why the pain? My baby was 4lbs 14.5oz I never tore had normal birth appart from her being 6 weeks early!!

Amanda - posted on 07/15/2009

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I just recently had my first baby and I haven't even been able to use a tampon yet. It's horrible. I'm sorry to hear that other people are having a hard time with pain, but at the same time it is kind of reassuring. But, I have been able to make my husband feel loved in other ways. Even something as simple as surprising him by making him his favorite dinner or something like that really helps my husband feel loved and wanted. You might also want to try letting your daughter spend the night with another family member that you trust and then try. Maybe with the baby gone and safe you can relax even more and feel less like a mommy and more like a lover. Awkward word choice, I know, but I didn't know how else to word that. :) I hope this helps, and I really hope that things get better for you guys.

Natasha - posted on 07/15/2009

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i am in the same boat as you. my daughter is 6 months old and i have absolutley no sex drive what so ever. we have only had sex about 7 times since she has come and each time we do it hurts. i had an empisiotmy and tore really bad. my partner loves me very much but i know its been very hard on him and i feel really bad.



by the time the day is over and she is off to sleep the only thing i want to do is sleep as well. i wish things were the same as they were before the baby came. i was the one who always wanted sex and now i could care less if i ever had it again. i love him so much but im not sure why i feel this way.

Nicole - posted on 07/15/2009

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I went through the same thing with my first daughter, I can feel for you, it sucks. I can tell you with time it does get better, and the other thing I know you might not want to hear, but helped me was believe it or not the more often you do have sex with him, the more you will want to and the easier it becomes too. Aim for twice a week at first, if getting in the mood is difficult, try taking time to really make yourself feel sexy first, I know that can be difficult sometimes as moms we put ourselves last and we need to take more time for ourselves. i am only 27 I had my first daughter at 24 so I can say I know what it is like, trust me that the second time around is much easier on your body afterward, but finding the time is way more difficult. Good Luck and many blessings to you and your family.

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