Normal to feel terror?

Kelly - posted on 10/26/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Hello,

My little girl is 12 days old and over the last few days has become more fussy and demanding, and I find myself robbed of the joy of her and just afraid about the fact that this is life now and it won't ever end. I knew it would be a lot of work, but I had no idea, and I'm just very scared, especially because I'm not looking at her adoring her, but rather just counting the seconds until she fusses again. Is this normal? Does it pass?

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Melissa - posted on 10/26/2009

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I would be concerned about post partum depression for yourself. Sometimes a demanding baby can send mothers into this phase of depression. I would ask your OB for help.

That being said, no its not necessarily normal for a bbay to cry that much. Are you breastfeeding? Maybe she is not getting enough and is still hungry? Does she have colic? Babies know when their mommies are stressed and it stresses them out too. Maybe you can do something that relaxes you while someone else watches her and get some relief?

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Elizabeth - posted on 10/30/2009

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Oh honey, I totally sympathise! I still describe the first 2 weeks after my (gorgeous) daughter was born as "hellish", because my husband and I walked round really very shell-shocked, and there was a little bit of an "omg, what have we done?!". Our darling daughter is *not* what you would call placid!

I think what you're experiencing is quite common (I went through it as well), but it never hurts to talk to someone (like your doctor, or a close friend or family member) for reassurance. Sometimes just talking through your concerns can help immensely.

My little one (and a lot of babies, apparently) loves being outside. I didn't actually discover this until she was 6 weeks old (it was the middle of winter), but the best thing for my fussy daughter was to pop her into a baby sling/wrap and go for a walk with her. Something about being outside really helped her to be calm. Also, try some white noise - turn on the vacuum cleaner, hair-dryer or something. I'm not much of a singer, but there are a few songs I have sung to my baby since she was little, and now she often calms down when I start singing them.

It will get easier. As your baby grows, she will learn different ways to communicate with you - smiles, coos, grunts, and little grizzles to tell you when she's bored, or hungry or wet. Everything is so very new to her as well - all these strange sensations, sights and smells. Even if she's crying, being held by you will be making her feel warm and safe and loved. I know that if *I'm* crying, I feel a lot better if someone is holding me; I'm sure it's the same for little babies.

As some of the other mums have suggested - gas seems to be a real problem for some babies. I think they also take a while to get used to the different things their little bodies do. My little one used to cry every time she peed. It wasn't an infection - she just freaked out each time. I read somewhere that it takes a while for babies' nerves etc to properly distinguish between 'pain' and other sensations, and I think that's what was happening for her. As she has learnt about her body, she's cried less.

You're doing really, really well. The first 6 weeks especially can be a real roller-coaster of emotions. I found that once baby and I got good at breast-feeding, we both found it to be a really calming, relaxing experience and it really helped us bond.

Lisa - posted on 10/29/2009

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I could be gas or hunger, as some of the other ladies said. It could be that she wants to feel the closeness of being with you. It could also be that she has some colic....where a baby seems to fuss for an unknown reason. If you've tried everything else, you may want to think about that. Gripe water by Little Remedies helps. Yes, it's safe even for newbprns - and yes, if it's colic, this will pass. If it''s trapped gas that won't easily come off the tummy, you can give her mylicon drops. Try to calm her a bit by putting her up against your body...kind of tummy to tummy...then gently push on her tummy. If it feels hard or looks ofr feels distented, try the mylicon drops. My oldest ( who was breastfed) was hard to bump and had to take mylicon drops for a while. His condition was made worse by a lactose intolerence - if I had too much dairy in a day, he would get awful tummy pain, poor guy. I would give him the mylicon, put him in just a onesie up against my bare tummy and wrap us both in a thick blanket while patting his back. The warmth helped his tummy muscles to relax. He usually feel right to sleep. If you've tried absolutely everything, talk to your baby's doc. Maybe there's something going on with her digestive system that needs looking into.

You are a great mom! try not to let this get you down. It can be very nerve racking and you feel frustrated when you can't make your baby's world sunshine and smiles, that doesn't mean you don't care or love your baby.. You are just feeling overwhelmed. Try to get some relaxation for yourself - even if it's just a late night bubble bath. Every little bit helps! :)

Donna - posted on 10/29/2009

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Ahh you poor thing, but just remember it is as hard for her as it is for you. She is used to being nice and safe in the womb and now she's out its probably a bit overwheming for her with all the new sights and sounds and different people picking her up and so on. She may still be hungry or have some wind or might just want lots of cuddles. Try not to stress coz she picks up on that too why not have a nice relaxing bath with her that always worked with my son. Good luck hope she seyyles down soon : )

Iysha - posted on 10/28/2009

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It passes. Remember though, babies cry for a reason. Try to develop a routine with her...like, change, eat, play, sleep. Try giving her more to eat (longer time at breast, an ounce more in bottle). My baby was fussy all day for a day and I finally got that she just wasn't full.

Toni - posted on 10/28/2009

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when i was in hospital they made us watch a video about " the period of purple crying" before we could bring our baby home. it was mandatory- were in canada. anyways, it talked about how the periods of long crying and babys being fussy is the worst it will be between birth to about the 4th or 5th month. at this point the only method your baby has of getting needs met is crying.. they will learn other ways as they get older. the first 6 months is a chaallenge, but u do get used to it. ( my son is 5 months). if u ever feel overwhelmed it is alright to put your baby in their crib where your sure they are safe for 15 mins and step out of the situation.. collect ur thoughts and return. or get someone to watch the baby for 30 mins and take a break- go for a walk..youll feel better. but trust me, itll get better, and ull start to love it... in the rare case it doesnt, go talk with your doctor about how u feel..dont be worried to.

Tamara - posted on 10/26/2009

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Does she act like she's hungry? I know personally I didn't produce enough to feed my son, so I supplemented and now he's just formula. If she acts hungry she maybe not getting enough and you might not be producing enough..but each mother is different.

Kelly - posted on 10/26/2009

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She burps a little, but she's breastfeeding, so she doesn't get a whole lot of gas. Maybe I'll try that a little more.

Tamara - posted on 10/26/2009

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Does she burp good? she might have some air bubbles which burping her will work..and if you have taken care of everything and she's just fussy. There's nothing wrong with letting her lay there and fuss, and if you have to lay down and take a break, as long as there isn't anything she needs, like food or a change.

Tamara - posted on 10/26/2009

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I'm not sure..but perhaps you need to wonder why your baby is getting fussy..Is she hungry? wet? cold? too hot? if she's hungry you could add an extra oz or half an oz to your feeding..and what schedule do you have? Sometimes my 3 wk 4 day old boy just wants to be in the room with people instead of being in his crib. So I lay him on the couch next to the back and roll a recieving blanket next to him to keep him from rolling, if he's awake I sit and talk to him and touch him. Babies can crave to be with their mommies, and other times they just get so much energy pent up they just need to cry it out..When you hold her if she has her mouth open and moving like she's looking for something she's hungry...or she could have an air bubble and just burping will work. My advice find out why she's fussy and then you can deal with it more..or get over it because the stress of why she's fussy is gone.



Hope this helps in some way

Kelly - posted on 10/26/2009

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Most of the time I think she's hungry or wet, or at least that's why she fussed at first. At this point my 12 day old is starting to fuss just to fuss, I think. Or maybe I'm missing something. I guess I just feel a little overwhelmed.

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