Ok so im back and i need more help than ever

Sofia - posted on 07/28/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Ok so the guy who was the cause of my babyy, has lied to his soon to be "wife" lmao wonder how long thats going to last, and told her he never did to me what hes going to court for.. before he wanted to get custody of my son, and that never turned out.. but thats not the problem here.. im pretty much just rambling..

anyways.. lately when im with my bf, im not as close to hiim as i used to be. Im just knd of distant. its not that i dont want to be with him, i do. I just dont feel the same. I just recently moved n with him, and i miss the old us. the sweet caring him. Not the him im now starting to see. Anyways when im away from him, and visiting my parents house, i get really bad. I get mad over the stupidest thngs, and i get depressed more easily than ever. everyones telling me that its just baby blues, but its not. and know that. I had this problem before my son was born. before i knew hee was there.

i feel like theres something wrong with me. and i mean, i feel dfferent. Im not the same me as i used to be, Im more depressed, and mad than ever. Theres even been times where i had to get away and seclude myself because i didnt want to hurt myself in front of anyone.. or at all.. i dont want to talk to anyone to seek advice.. all ill do is feel crazy and feel like theyre going to take my son from me.. and i really dont want to get put on anti depressants because ive been on almost everyone out there. and they just made me feel worse.. help??

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First, sweetheart, just breathe. Relax and think about the huge changes in your life and how they have led to changes in you. I went through a huge adjustment period after my son was born and I finally feel like I have it under control. He's 6 months old and its so hard to give up your sense of self. Try to make time for yourself and find someone to care for your son, even if it's just for an hour. You and your boyfriend will find a way to be a loving happy couple but it wont be the same as before. Once your son showed up, everything changed. And your bf has to learn that he's not going to be number 1 but that doesn't mean he doesn't matter to you.
Now, I do agree with the other moms. I would see the Ob/Gyn as soon as you can manage to do so. If you aren't interested in taking anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication, that is your choice. However, those medications take 2 weeks or more to be effective and finding the one that works best for you can take some time. But counseling, even support groups, can work wonders for you. And if you don't think you need to do this then please think about the kind of mommy you want to be for your son. Show him that you love yourself enough to take care of yourself. I hope this helps you a little bit and if you need anything, just post it here. We fellow mommys are always here for one another. And by the way, many people feel depressed and mad when their lives change because it makes you feel helpless and out of control of your own life. That's a normal feeling to have and you have obviously addressed the need to change these behaviors. You are not alone and you never will be. I truly hope I've helped a little.

6 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 08/01/2009

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i know this is going to sound really harsh, but love....if you don't feel as though you can really talk to your boyfriend, i think maybe for the time being you should possibly back out of that a bit...easier said than done but i reckon the only thing that will help you right now is time on your own. i don't mean isolating yourself from everything, just close ranks a bit and only have people in your life who can support you right now....anything else is just going to add to your stress levels and i don't think you need that, hey! the only way anything dodgy can happen re losing your boy is if you DON'T get some help....which is not likely....you can obviously recognise within yourself that somethings not right....and that is a good sign that the real you is not lost....just a bit confused right now.....stay strong and remember that every day you make it through is another successful day but keep looking for an answer because there will be one out there....and don't stop talking about how you really feel because sometimes thats all it needs, just to be put out there and for you to realise that you are sooo not alone in it....this mum gig is bloody hard work, mate....but once you are through all this crap (and you will be, one day) it does get easier but you can't rush it, yeah....? take care

Jaime - posted on 07/28/2009

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ok i just read your other post, and i have been there, i did not seek help until i started having severe panic attacks. i went to a psychiatrist and he told me i had post traumatic stress disorder from sexual and physical abuse. i was put on meds, which did help. but i think what helped more was talking to a stranger in a room with no one else there. i think i felt like i wouldn't be judged, because he had dealt with way more screwed up people than me. i wish i had gone to counseling a lot sooner. if you are posting this and seeking advise from people online that shows that you don't want to deal with this on your own. please get help it's a huge weight lifted off your shoulders and they will teach you coping skills, that are very important. it will get better and the pain will go away, but no one should ever be asked to deal with what you went through with out outside help. you will thank yourself later.

Laura - posted on 07/28/2009

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I know the feeling I've been that way for a while. It's not post partum, and it's not baby blues. It's stress. I get mad, but the main thing I do is I cry. I cry about everything. My grandpa is dying of cancer, my son starts kindergarten this school year so I'm trying to be ready for that, I start school and work after that, I have to find a daycare for my daughter, and there is so much other stuff going I can't keep my head straight.

The best thing I've found that helps is talking to my hubby, and writing down my thoughts. The best is to just get it out. I've been getting the same way with my hubby. Part of the problem I think you have with your bf is the same problem I have with my hubby. I love having my hubby around, and it's not that he's not caring. It's the fact that a lot of the times he's always there, and sometimes you just need a break from each other. But as soon as you get that break you don't want it because you miss him so much.

You do have to take time for yourself. Even if it's a nice bath after baby is in bed, a trip to the store, or whatever. You just need to vent about what's going on in your head whether you write it down and have him read it or just talk to him directly. I will say that there are times when it's easier for me just to write them down than to talk because half the time I'm scared that I'm going to start bawling my eyes out.

When you have a lot of things going, and you combine that with kids, hubby/bf, and family it can take a lot out of you. My mom thinks I'm going through post partum even though my daughter is 19 months old, and a couple think I'm depressed. The only thing I say to those people is if you had as much crap as I do going on all at once with no time to think half the time you would be the same way. Every one needs to realize at some point that no matter what you need to take time for yourself to gather your thoughts, collect yourself, and whatever else you need to do to get back to normal. If you have any other questions message me. I'm easy to talk to, and am willing to help in any way I know how.

Jaime - posted on 07/28/2009

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talk to your ob gyn, and possibly see if they can recommend counseling. if you go to a psychologist they aren't going to take the baby away. also i know you said you've tried a lot of antidepressants, but i'm on welbutrin, a low dose, and it has done wonders for me. no more panic attacks or depression, i don't feel crazy and no sexual side effects. if any anti-depressant makes you feel any thing but normal you shouldn't take it. also if you want to try natural remedies go to www.earthclinic.com the main thing you have to do is get out of your own head. try focusing on the positive. get out of the house, go shopping and find some one to talk to that you trust. please do look into the postpartum depression thing, that is very serious, and you need to discuss it with your doctor, again they are not going to take your baby away because of postpartum depression, but if you don't get help, you could do something that you would regret.



i hope this helps, i'm so sorry you feel this way. just remember we have to kiss a lot of frogs before we find a prince!!

Amber - posted on 07/28/2009

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Sofia you need to get in to see your obgyn ASAP....sounds like post partum.

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