Please help! I don't know what to do, this is really stressing me out.

Aubree - posted on 08/11/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Ok my husband and I are in our 20's and our first house isn't the greatest so we are going to move out in October. That isn't the problem, my mother-in-law is a foster parent and she has lived in her house for six years now and she's about to pay the house off in seven more. She is going to give the house to us, which is great BUT.... she just called us yesterday and informed us that she was going to stop being a foster parent because she was fed up with the teenage boys she has. I can see where she's coming from its very hard to be a foster parent, they have stolen from her (and me), ran away, treated her badly ect. The only thing is she can't afford her mortgage without her being a foster parent. So she also asked us since we are going to move out anyway if we wanted to live with her until she found an apartment, then the house would be ours.



Now I love my mother-in-law but we don't see eye to eye on many things. She treats me like a child, she takes advantage of my husband, I set rules and guidelines for my daughter and she doesn't follow them. There are many other things but I wont go into that but trust me, us living together would not be a good thing. We have before, when I was in the first couple of months of my pregnancy and it was terrible.



I don't know if we should move in with her or not because she's saying that she's going to move out but I know her, she'll never leave! She's not the only one living in the house, she also has her sister with her who has said would be moving out as well, which I believe because she already wants to move, she also asked if her niece would like to move in with all of us!! So that would be FIVE adults and ONE baby in a two bedroom home! My mother in law is staying in her living room which she turned into now bedroom, her sister would be staying in the basement, we would be staying in the master bedroom and her niece would be in the room down the hall. Which would leave no room for my daughter which I do not like. My mother-in-law suggested that we'd have to let her sleep in our room but I am not doing that. I happen to like being in my own room with my husband doing things that husbands and wives do and that would all go to crap if our baby was in our room. She wouldn't be able to sleep,she has to have complete silence and darkness to be comfortable.



I just don't see how this is going to work, we can't all live together. They would all be working and I would have to be the one to clean up after everyone else,cook dinner etc. which Im not doing. My job is to take care of my baby and husband not everyone else. I know my husbands cousin and aunt would move out after about a month ( actually I'm best friends with his cousin so it wouldn't bother me if I lived with her) but his mother just wants him to pay the bills and expenses because she doesn't want to do it anymore. She uses him for money all the time and makes him feel horrible if he doesn't.



Soo I know your just saying why don't you just not move in?! Well if we don't she'll lose the house and then we wont get it. That house is great and my husband really wants it, he knows how sucky his mom is and she doesn't care if we get the house or not. She would let the house get taken and not think twice about it.



I don't know what to do this is killing me because I can't stand the thought of living with that women who would never leave, never get a job and leech off of Brandon (my husband). He doesn't want to live there either because he and his mother don't have the best relationship (because of the horrible things she does and says to him). I just don't know what to do we've talked about it we still cant figure out what we're going to do. We could never get a house like that until we were like 60, if we get it now it'll be paid off when I'm 26 and my husband wont have to worry about mortgage payments and wont have to work the rest of his life for a nice house for our family.

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Zoha - posted on 08/14/2009

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Sheesh!! wooh girl, you got yourself a hard one. I think I agree with Robin. I would have mother in law sign over the house before you do anything. If you are legal owners then you can kick her out at any time. She may be just dangling this house in front of you to get you to pay and has no real intentions of giving it to you until she is dead! so first things first, get her to sign it over to you. No sense in paying someone else's mortgage. Then help her move into an affordable apartment of her own before you move in. Get everyone else out of there as well. I wouldn't trust her saying that she will move out and even if you guys gave her dates to go by and inforce it, she doesn't sound like the type to listen to this kind of stuff. She does not understand boundaries. If she doesn't agree with your solution, then you have your answer. she isn't gonna move out and she never had intentions of giving you the house and was using it to manipulate you because she knows you can't afford a house until you are 60! AND THEN...tell your hubby to be ready. Then the scare tactics begin, fist t is , you don't love me, your own mother...I am in trouble and you are being selfish ( so guilt trip), then when that doesn't work she will start with..If you don't help me I won't give you the house, I will let it go to foreclosure before you...if you don't help me I will disown you ( so threatening), then will come, No body loves me, I am an old helpless woman ( so poor me). ANd on and on it will go until she realizes she has no power over your hubby. She already knows she has no power over you and thinks you have taken her son away and that is why he doesn't help his dear old mom the way she likes. These people are never happy. AND YOU ARE STILL THINKING ABOUT MOVING IN WITH HER?!! oh heck No! LOL!!

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Kylie - posted on 08/11/2009

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It sounds to me like you have already made your decision in your mind, you just have to act on it now. If all you can find when you look at the situation, is negatives, then obviously, you shouldn't do it. That being said, it is in the long run your choice.
Keep in mind that there is always another way, and especially cause you are so young, there will always be another time to get a house.
It may mean that you might need to work a bit harder, but then on the other hand, you may feel prouder of yourself for doing it the hard way too.
Good Luck and I hope that whatever you decide, it works out for you! :)

Tomika - posted on 08/11/2009

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Aubree, you sound like your very intelligent and have things together for you to only be in your 20s. I like Nicole's suggestion to help out your MIL with some of the payments until she finds another place to live. But I also agree with what Robin said about making sure the house is signed over to you all BEFORE you do anything! Moving in with her though, I think would be terrible for you and your family. You've already been there before anyway so you already know what to expect. If it was working for you then, I doubt if it'll be any better then.



It might even be smart for her to keep the foster kids until she can put some funds together to move out into an apartment. At which time you all can sign whatever needs to be sign for her mortgage payments to become yours....along with the house, WITHOUT her in it! Good luck and God bless!!



Tomika

Yolanda - posted on 08/11/2009

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Doesn't sound like a good idea. Try putting together a pros and cons list with your husband then decide if you think your relationship w/ your M-I-L is strong enough or will it make it worse. Good Luck!

Candice - posted on 08/11/2009

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7 years to pay off a house is a LONG TIME to live with someone you can't stand. there will be other houses. oh god! i so wouldn't do it.

[deleted account]

be carefull with what your mother in-law is saying... is she going to sign the house over to you and your husband? if so do it BEFORE you move in and BEFORE you start paying for it. otherwise you will be paying HER morgage and you will be left with nothing!

legal ownership of the house is a big issue here.

my advice would be to move your mother in-law and her sister out BEFORE you move in. help them find an appartment which is suited to them, move them in and THEN move into your mother in-laws house. i would also sign over the morgage BEFORE then as well... so you guys start paying the morgage and she pays her rent and no one is left paying for something that isnt theres.

very tricky situtaion... just be careful as it might be too good to be true.
you just need to sit down and talk about all the aspects of this with your mother in-law.
and at the end of the day if she isnt going to co-operate with what you and your husband what... just want away! your sanity, the strength of your marrage and the upbringing of your daughter are at stake here... not things you want to mess with lightly.

i hope you guys come to some sort of agreement as it sounds like if it could work you and your family will be set for life, nice and younge!! good luck

Danielle - posted on 08/11/2009

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I have the same problem with my mother in law not following my rules with my 7 month old. All I ask of her is to keep him on his schedule and she can't even do that, it drives me mad! I think she forgets that this is MY son and not hers. I do pick and choose my fights and they wanted us to move really close to them so they could help out with the baby and I just couldnt. I know what you are going through. You guys can make it on your own, she might even treat you guys like you owe her something too

Aubree - posted on 08/11/2009

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I'm thinking that you're right Danielle. I think we might just tell her that we'll help with her with an apartment and until then we're not moving in.

Aubree - posted on 08/11/2009

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That might work Nicole. I just can't stand the thought of living with her and my daughter.

Danielle - posted on 08/11/2009

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Honey DO NOT move in, it will cause a lot of problem between you and your husband I am sure. There will be a lot of extra stress on you from her not following your rules for your own daughter. Moving in with a in-law is a big NO NO in my book, I make sure I at least live driving distance. The trouble and headaches are not even worth a house. It doesn't matter if it is nice or not, you just need to make a cozy home of your own with just you, your daughter, and your husband.

Nicole - posted on 08/11/2009

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I would definitely have to say for the benefit of your daughter... not to move in. It is way too many adults for one kid especially if your mother-in-law doesn't follow the rules and guidelines you set for your daughter.



I get that it is a great house so is there any way that you guys could help out with some of the payments until she finds herself an apartment? I know that is what she wants but at least you won't be living there. Set a set amount of months that you will help out for.... or help her find a place and get her all moved out and situated before October so you can move in.



Is any of that possible?

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