what should i do me and my sons father are having problems

Sherri - posted on 12/15/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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should i stay just because he the father of my son?? i really dont know what to do. i do not think it would be fair to my sn to have parents that are not happy with each other cant babies sense tension?

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[deleted account]

just because you have a child doesn't mean you are meant to stay together. but being apart is not always the answer either.

Elizabeth - posted on 12/19/2009

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You should not stay if you are having problems. Your son probably senses that things aren't going good. My mom always told me never stay with someone for the children because if you aren't happy than they won't be happy. Do what you feel is right in your heart.

Sherri - posted on 12/19/2009

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thank you everyone for your advice it has been really helpful i really needed advice from other mothers because i was just stumped on what to do

Crystal - posted on 12/18/2009

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Well maybe take the opportunity to take the space and see if it is definitely what you really want. If you find after taking some time that it is, then you just need to bite the bullet and tell him. Noone like hurting anyone else, it's heartbreaking.. but it's a part of life and all you can do is be as honest and compassionate as possible.. it's hurting him more living a lie..

You should make sure you are looking after yourself!! Give yourself a clear head to think with, have a nice salt bath or take a walk on your own and try and step back from the situation as much as you can before making any decisions.. :-)

At the end of the day you have to look after yourself and your son first.. Good luck I hope it all works out for you..

Sherri - posted on 12/18/2009

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well i talked to him last nite and he actually listened to me he wants to make it work but he understands that i need some time and that i need my space. and he is now willing to do that for me. i just really dont want to hurt him

Crystal - posted on 12/17/2009

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Ok well explain it to him like you would explain it to a therapist or a friend, slowly, honestly and as matter of factly as you possibly can.. try not to let emotions carry the conversation..

You just need to say that you feel it's time for you guys to break up, that you feel like you have tried to talk to him over and over and that you feel he always ends up making it about him.

Tell him you can't keep going on like this, crying all the time and the situation has made you miserable and now you can see it rubbing off on your son and that is where you draw the line. You will always put your son before yourself and initially you thought that would be in this relationship but realise that staying in an unhappy situation is definitely not what is best for your son and unless (your partner) can try and compromise or be understanding of what you are asking then you can't see how the relationship can go on..

If you want to only be friends then I would also just tell him this honestly.. for whatever reasons you have, this is where you are at. I would probably not excpect him to be friends with you straight away though, that would be really hard..

Just be honest, and caring..

Sherri - posted on 12/17/2009

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i have told him over and over how i have felt and its like he dos not listen to me he alway turns it around to make it about him. i just want to be happy and i am not i am misreable crying all the time and my son is always doing the same thing. he does not understand that all i want is to be friends how can i explain it better to him???

Crystal - posted on 12/16/2009

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Hey, hugs to you.. that must be hard with a new baby..

It really depends on the issues you guys have, and whether they are something that can be worked out.. if it is because he is abusive or you don't wnat to be with him anymore then yes you should look at moving on for the sake of your son. As Annika said, they can definitely 100% sense tension. If you were to stay in the relationship and it did not change, your son would grow up thinking the relationship you have with your partner is normal and will seek this for himself...

There are so many changes when a baby comes along and I have wanted to break up with my partner a hundred times, but we have always worked it out because I know it's partly him adjusting to fatherhood and me adjusting to being a mother and the change in who I am.. or who I am not any more!

If it can be worked on then why not get some counselling, if both of you agree.. it would be wonderful for your son if you guys could work it out..

If not then try and keep it amicable and do what is best for your son..

Good luck, I hope it works out!

Faith - posted on 12/16/2009

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FOLLOW YOUR HEART!!!
it may be hard but if your questioning whether you should leave or not, i always think, i don't want my baby growing up in an unstable relationship with me and his dad. If you cant work things out the way they are, then something needs changed. all you can do is what is best for your child. You can always work out and be civil apart from your baby daddy.

[deleted account]

Yes babies sense tension and stress very quickly. I definitly think a happy home is the best thing for your little one, even if it does mean going it alone. I know its going to be hard, but in the long term it is prob for the best. You could always try to give the ultimatium.. he's to clean up his act or your gone.. and if this doesnt help improve things and you don't think you can talk it out, then your definitly better off without him. Happy mommy = happy baby. Best wishes and I hope it all works out for you xx

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