Why do people think your a bad mom if you let your baby cry?

Samantha - posted on 06/07/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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So today mt church had a picnic at the park. I took my LO for a walk and he starts crying. I try to walk as fast as i can to get to the car but every one looked at me like i was doing something wrong. Its not like i could do anything about it he missed his nap!! or if your at the store and your LO gets hungry and starts screaming. you cant just plop down in the aile and feed him!!!

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Melissa - posted on 06/12/2009

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Well good on you for standing up for a mom, the other person should not have acted that way.

Samantha - posted on 06/12/2009

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So i was standing in line at the store yesterday and there was a little baby crying. The person standing next to me said "someone pick that baby up!" and obviously the poor mamma couldnt she was trying to unload grocerys and watch her toddler at the same time while her LO was screaming. and i was like look there isnt much she can do about it! this is what im talking about i hate people like this!

Toni - posted on 06/09/2009

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alot of people associate crying with pain or discomfort,sadness etc. so there looking around to see where its comin from, probably wondering if soemone needs help. If they are thinking your a bad mom, they are just misinformed. Babies use crying to communicate- its not always a bad message_ just a way to get attention to get there needs met.

Mel - posted on 06/09/2009

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haha but then your giving in. my mum very very rarely bought us an ice cream but the the times did it was at least another few months of us hassling her every time we went shopping begging her to get us an ice cream.

Kylie - posted on 06/09/2009

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yeah your right - in my situation i don't think he was trying to do the wrong thing, i was pretty embarrassed my kid had the ability to manipulate a stranger into getting what she wanted. i could see it from his point of view ,a cute little girl crying and saying she was "starving", looking up at the ice creams, maybe it brought back memories of when he was hungry as a child who knows haha. If he'd gone and bought her one without asking me that would have been way wrong because i don't think i would be able to say no then. anyway i told my hubby when i got home and he said i should have just bought her the $2.50 ice cream and avoided the whole scene...arghh men

Mel - posted on 06/08/2009

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omg those two cases are really sad Melissa and Kylie! its hard id feel angry but kind of happy at the same time. these people dont mean to do wrong they really think they are doing the right thing and doing something nice for someone. but on the other hand if i was in a bad mood id probably tell them my kid doesnt need it in a not so nice way.

Melissa - posted on 06/08/2009

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Thanks Kylie I just could not believe it even after he heard me say everything to my daughter.

Kylie - posted on 06/08/2009

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I don't like hearing babies cry, it makes me want to run over and pick them up. It's nothing personal and i would actually do i just think its a natural motherly instinct. However I have no problem hearing a toddler or older child cry tho..thats different.
OMG Melissa, what a strange man to buy your kid a toy without asking first! I had a similar thing happen the other day. i popped down the shops to get a few thing for dinner and we went past the ice cream shop my daughter was hungry and wanted an ice cream and i said no were having dinner very soon so she flipped out screaming and crying please mummy I'm sooo hungry I'm starving! all these people were looking so i get down on her level and say no no icecream mummy has no cash for icecream anyway . An old man heard me and said oh please let me buy her an ice cream for you getting his wallet out. I hesitated and my daughter stopped crying and looked at us then i said no it's ok, she is going home to have dinner so he gave her a sad look and she starts screaming again and then my baby starts crying.. i left the shops with two very upset kids, i was so embarrassed.

Ovetta - posted on 06/08/2009

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Kids of all ages cry. I am a firm believer in the saying "crying never killed anyone". So if there is nothing wrong let them cry. Who cares what other people think you know your child. As for the gentleman who bought a toy for the little girl because she wanted it, respect the parents decision. There is no need for you to feel embarassed. Just politely decline and walk away as if he weren't there.

Mel - posted on 06/08/2009

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ok i just read the other comments i too feel sad when a baby cries not when she was younger because new borns cry all the time but now so when shes 14 months i just want to keep my girl happy and it pains me to see her cry

Mel - posted on 06/08/2009

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oh god i can relate at the shops my 4 month old was screaming because she was tired this was ages and ages ago now everyone was looking at me saying ooh i think she needs a sleep. i was like yeah no shit she doesnt sleep in the pram darling. when we did our regular thurs night food shops we would have the trolley and pram and she would sit on the pram screaming and crying everyone in the shop would stare. its so annoying

Ez - posted on 06/07/2009

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You would think so, though I did have a lady ask me if I was going to give my daughter a cuddle one day when I was trying to pay at the chemist and she had decided she was hungry. I was in such a hurry to get out of there I didn't tell her "no because she's not upset, she's hungry, and if I stop what I'm doing to pick her up it's only going to make her wait longer for a feed". Wish i had...

Melissa - posted on 06/07/2009

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I agree Erin but most commen sense people can tell a mom who is leaving a baby to cry and one who is trying to get to a situation to fix the problem.

Ez - posted on 06/07/2009

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I think the key concept here is 'let your baby cry' - if a mother is ignoring a baby's distress or need then people around will most likely have an opinion on that. But if we're simply trying to go about our day and a monumental screaming fit happens right when we're going through the checkout, I think most people are actually feeling sorry for us lol. But I do know what you mean. My daughter is a SCREAMER and when she was brand new and I was persevering with breastfeeding despite a supply problem (she was ALWAYS hungry) I would be out trying to get groceries or pay bills and she would just scream blue murder with absolutely no warning. I would get sooooo flustered and embarrassed, and race around like an idiot to find somewhere to feed her.

Melissa - posted on 06/07/2009

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In those situations I completely agree with Sherree they probably felt helpless we all ache when babies cry, I think its a women thing. I think us as moms make it always seem like were being judged but typically we are harder on ourselves then others are on us.



People see the differance of a mom who is not giving any attention to a cry and one whos trying to find a sloution whether it may be to get out of the store a.s.a.p or get to your car, even making baby food and getting it ready to feed.

I know what you mean my daughter who is 4 has now noticed the looks she gets if she cries in stores if I say no to something as we were over spoiling her and I am trying to correct this now.. She feeds off of those looks I said no for a toy one day and she started crying and the day before she just went shopping with me and was very rude and unappreciative, I dont want to instill those behaviours to my child so I stuck to my no the next day.. This guy heard it I thought he was buying the toy for agrand kid or something as he was older and no kids were around him I get out to my van and there he is and hands the toy to her , he's like I thought id help you out every child deserves a toy... I so did not want to take it however it was now in my daughters hand and unwrapped I so wish I said no to him I tried but he kept saying take it I am not broke frig he should know that I was opening the door to a dodge caravan 2008 and I think I dress my kids nice. I felt so degraded I just wanted him gone and so I could crawl in a hole.

Sherree - posted on 06/07/2009

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I don't think people would be looking at you because they were judging you, they were probably just sorry for the baby and you both and their attention was caught by the crying. Most people feel sad to hear a baby cry.

Sherree - posted on 06/07/2009

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I don't think people would be looking at you because they were judging you, they were probably just sorry for the baby and you both and their attention was caught by the crying. Most people feel sad to hear a baby cry.

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