Rude comments when wearing my toddler..

Andrea - posted on 02/05/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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I carried my toddler today in her wrap sling.. and had a slight mishap as she wriggled that much that the fabric finally slid up from under her bum. Taking her coat up her back in the snow.



I did notice, and made steps to rectify the situation immediately.. however because of the snow i had to wait untill i was somewhere safe to be able to untie the wrap and rewrap.. lol.. in the mean time someone accosted me accusing me of killing my baby having her back flapping out in -5.. !!



Now it's no where near -5 .. i can guarantee that this person would not have been out if it was.



I did stand up for myself and demand an appology from the woman to my daughter since she scared the life out of my little one.



Does anyone else get rude comments .. ??

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I had one friend who was a total IDIOT. She told me I was SPOILING my son when he was in his sling. I had him in the carrier so I could have both hands free.. to clean HER kitchen. This same moron told me I am supposed to put him in his crib and let him cry it out. This is going to build his tummy muscles. Same dork told me that I shouldnt put him in my bed to sleep, because it was going to make my husband leave me, because he wasn't 'getting any'. I asked hubby, did you tell her you were going to leave me because JC is in our bed? He got FURIOUS at her... how DARE she jump in OUR bed!!!!

some people........
I dont have this problem anywhere near as much with the younger generation. We are all learning the same things from our peds and support groups. This is NOT the same information our parents/grandparents raised us on. Usually when I get a nose in my business, its from someone who has never SEEN a sling, or a carrier, or a cosleeper bed.
I try to be polite in this situation, but if the unwanted help gets overbearing, I will ask them if they have ever heard of attachment parenting. When they say no, I suggest to them that they go educate themselves. That fixes it. Most of the time.

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A - posted on 09/15/2010

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I actually have only gotton positive comments on my baby sling. I was surprised when I started using the sling how many people liked it, I was prepared for rude comments. However, I have gotten the "oh his feet must be cold" type comments. My son hates shoes and socks and is hot-natured, and we're inside anyway. Its like...I know what my son wants. Is is crying? No. Then shut up! lol

Destinee - posted on 06/07/2010

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i live in florida and i dont think i have ever gotten weird looks or anything i guess im lucky. oh and the warmest place for you toddler was right where you had her that woman was just ignorant!

Ella - posted on 01/29/2010

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I think it depends on where you live.. In the south- I got wierd looks and comments.. Out here in the (liberal) Southwest- I get smiles and I Looooove when I get questions... (I even share w/Mamas- "Ohhh a Moby would work great for you- then you could have hands free")

[deleted account]

I find this all really interesting! Carriers are so so common here. In my neighbourhood in particular, most days you can't walk more than 5 blocks without seeing a baby in an ERGO. The only time someone has said something to me was on the bus...they asked if I ever use a stroller and when I said, "rarely", they exclaimed in a somehwat shocked and bewildered tone, "WHY?!" '
Needless to say, I didn't feel much like talking to this stranger so I just said, "my son likes this better and so do I." That was the end of that.

[deleted account]

I was once told by my mother-in-law and step father-in-law that I held my son so much that he would never learn how to crawl, walk, talk or socialize. And they were serious too. Well my son is way past all of that now and I like to rub it in their faces. They told me that its good for them to stay in the crib or playpen and not to pick him up when he cries.. to make him come to me (this was at 4 months old). I hate ignorant people that wont let you raise your kids the way you want to, keep doing what your doing.. You're doing a great job!

Jaclyn - posted on 01/11/2010

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Quoting Jackie:

She is an idiot...just ignore her. I usually get positive comments or just stares but the other day DD was asleep on my back and she kept leaning to the side. I would fix her but she just kept doing it and some dumbA$$ (standing outside of a bar no less) yelled across the way(yah I wasnt even close to him) that my baby was leaning over. I said Ya I know...and he proceeded to yell that I should not have my baby like that....yada yada...I just kept on walking. But I really wanted to kick him in the shins and tell him to mind his own business. My daughter is 15 months old Im pretty sure she has good head controll and if it was bothering her that much she would fix it.


I probably would have kicked him in the shins LOL



All I have been getting recently are stares and questions, which tbh I like.  I have no problem educating people and destroying ignorance!

Jackie - posted on 01/11/2010

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She is an idiot...just ignore her. I usually get positive comments or just stares but the other day DD was asleep on my back and she kept leaning to the side. I would fix her but she just kept doing it and some dumbA$$ (standing outside of a bar no less) yelled across the way(yah I wasnt even close to him) that my baby was leaning over. I said Ya I know...and he proceeded to yell that I should not have my baby like that....yada yada...I just kept on walking. But I really wanted to kick him in the shins and tell him to mind his own business. My daughter is 15 months old Im pretty sure she has good head controll and if it was bothering her that much she would fix it.

Jaclyn - posted on 09/10/2009

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I swear if one more person tells me that I am going to "ruin" my child by holding her, I am going to scream!! Also, I co-sleep with my babies as I breastfeed too. My son is almost 3 now and in his own room/bed now, but when people hear that I have my daughter in my bed, I get so much unsolicited advice. It does drive you crazy!

Tyleasha - posted on 09/01/2009

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I was on a bus once with my baby in a sleepy wrap fast asleep. A man came up to me and asked me if I was the mother of these children? I assured him I was and he told me to make sure that the baby can breath in the wrap because I had his head tucked so it would not bounce around while he slept. I kindly told the man not to worry and that he could breath well. I think he was more well meaning then being rude but I still feel that some people have to keep comments to themselves. Curious ones or kind ones are fine but any rude or degrading ones should be keep in the vault. If you have nothing nice to say then dont say it at all...

Jen - posted on 03/16/2009

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Quoting Morag:

One comment I had from this little old lady was....isn't she getting all squashed in there... to which I replied well she just spent 9 months in my uterus which is the size of a melon then had her 30cm head squished through 10cm of my vagina, I think my carrier is a tad more roomy than that. I swear the woman nearly died. LOL.


LOVE IT.  Good for you for saying that stuff, too.  I would have been dying inside but not had enough guts to tell her off!  LOL.  You just made my day!  :)

Morag - posted on 03/16/2009

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I've had all sorts of rude comments... like isn't that hurting her (yes so much so the baby is passed out from all the pain ffs), aren't you smothering her, she'll get to clingy (yes the 1 year old who chats to everyone and now won't hold my hand when we are out and runs off, thats how clingy she is). It honestly is just ignorance a lot of the time...

One comment I had from this little old lady was....isn't she getting all squashed in there... to which I replied well she just spent 9 months in my uterus which is the size of a melon then had her 30cm head squished through 10cm of my vagina, I think my carrier is a tad more roomy than that. I swear the woman nearly died. LOL.

I know it makes you feel horrible when people say things like that. But honestly, I've carried my two, until they were toddlers and neither one is what I call clingy, neither one was physically damaged from it (my youngest was pretty much carried from birth all the time as being in the sling was the only thing that would sooth her). Both walked at 9 months, both are friendly outgoing independent people in comparison to my friends kids who were never worn. There is loads of research to prove what you are doing is totally right. And besides even at -5 your LO would have had your body heat keeping her warm too so really she was much better off :)

Jane - posted on 03/14/2009

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I had one little old lady aproach me, friendly at first, then started tearing into me about how uncomfortable my son was, who, at thetime, was fast asleep in his ergo.  When I replied with a smirk, "I don't know that he is."  She yelled, "Well you should your his mother and I've raised six children and never carried them like that."  To which I replied, "Then perhaps you should read up on the benefeits of Attachment Parenting and leave parenting to the parents, after all, you've had your chance."



 



Everyone has an opinion, well adjusted knowledgeable people tend to keep them to themselves.  Its generally the lonely weirdos who will accost you with some non sensical crap.  Someone once quoted me the line "Opinions are like A*^holes, everyones has one and everyone thinks everyone else's stinks."



 

Laura - posted on 03/09/2009

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Hi Jackie,

I wouldn't be too worried. I've yet to have any snarky comments. I've never had anyone ask if she's comfortable in there...They all say, "She looks so comfy".



Either way..enjoy your baby and you don't have to be on the look out for nasty comments...it's not worth it to even think like that.

Jackie - posted on 03/06/2009

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Ugh! A little help please lady!! I have never really had snarky questions/comments just curious ones, I suppose.



I get asked, 'is she comfortable in that?" Er...duh!! I would answer "as long as she's happy she is perfectly comfortable..." I would go on to say that she loves the sling and it's great for my back.



I'm just waiting for an out-right rude comment...I think I'm prepared for it, for all the stories I read from other mums...Bring it on LOL



 

Jen - posted on 02/14/2009

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I haven't yet gotten anything other than awe when wearing my 4 month old, but I had an unfortunate experience with an older woman while I was breastfeeding in a fast food restaurant. I'd taken my son's socks off since he was hot, and he was kicking them off anyway. Yes, it was 15 degrees out, but we were inside. Anyway, this woman walked by our table and snorted, "If you really loved that baby, you'd put some socks on him." Oy. Gotta love how your child is everyone else's business.

Laura - posted on 02/13/2009

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I've never had a negative remark..i'm amazed at what people say. The only thing someone asked once was, "Aren't you afraid she'll get use to that? "..LOL I replied..."I hope she gets use to it."



As for a baby of 1 being too big for an Ergo? Umm...they can handle a 40lb child..and they were tested for weights up to 90lbs..so a 1 year old, even a big one, isn't too big for an Ergo. I would just tell someone , "Don't worry I won't be wearing them in college."



FWIW: The Ergo is much easier then the wrap out in public. I switched from my Moby to my Ergo once my LO got bigger.

Leanne - posted on 02/12/2009

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Sheesh, she couldn't have just offered to help tug the coat back down?  She had to go for the harsh comments instead?



 



A friend recently got a comment about how her 1yo was too big for her Ergo.  Yeah.  Why do people think it's okay at all to comment on someone else's parenting? In public?  In front of their kids?  My DD at 1yo totally understood most of what was said around her.  I would never go up to someone and comment on their givng their kid a bottle or paci or pushing a tiny baby in a stroller... that's so annoying that people do that!

Penny - posted on 02/07/2009

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Oh that's silly (them, not you!) and they were probably just disgruntled from something else and taking it out on you. If your daughter wasnt screaming and was quite happy then they really have no reason to comment so rudely. Just a simple, "Excuse me, did you know your daughters back has come uncovered?" would have been much more reasonable. My daughter of 7 months gets too hot in more than 2 layers. People have often stopped me when she's in the pram and asked, "Are you sure she is warm enough?" and once stopped my childminder to ask the same because she'd been forced to strip her down to a vest at 3 months old when it was only 2 degrees outside! My daughter just runs really hot! I've been carrying her in a sling the last few days, now 7 months, naked apart from her nappy round the house, and with a thin vest on outside. I put a cotton hat on her and put socks and legwarmers and booties on her because her legs hang out the bottom, but she is otherwise warm and snuggly in her sling, even though it's not padded at all.

My mother-in-law though is of the generation that bundled babies up even in the summer and she was trying to put socks and a cardigan on her in 32 degree C heat in the summer when she'd just been born. I had to shout at her eventually because she was making her ill by making her too hot. *rolls eyes*

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