HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO GET ALONE TIME WITH HUSBAND

SAMANTHA - posted on 02/05/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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MY HUSBAND DOESNT BELIEVE IN DATE NIGHT...OLD FASHIOND A THINKS WE SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE THE KIDS WITH US...I JUST WANT A DATE NIIGHT...ILL SETTLE FOR ONCE A MONTH...JUST FOR A COUPLE OF HRS...I LOVE THE KIDS AND DONT WANT TO BE AWAY FROM THEM EITHER, BUT I WANT TO KEEP THE ROMANCE ALIVE...

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Gwendolyn - posted on 02/19/2010

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Not sure the age of your kids but if they are old enough to understand “play dates” then maybe you could help them understand that Mommy and Daddy need play dates too. It helps mommy and daddy stay good friends. Then help daddy understand that too. I was the one in my marriage that was dodging date night because I was so glued to the kids. My children have had medical challenges that exacerbated my desire to never be without them. My husband helped me lovingly understand that I was not a bad mom for allowing trustworthy loving relatives to have a few hours alone with my children each month. He also helped me lovingly understand that sometimes I needed a break and he was happy just to take a nap with me ALONE too. You may want to set some ground rules for date time so you do not end up spending the time talking about the kids or cleaning the house or shopping for the kids. It is good for moms and dads to be reminded of being just sweethearts.

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Christina - posted on 02/17/2010

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After over 21 plus years of marriage, I will tell you date night is very important. If you and your husband do not maintain your relationship, then the children may not have anything to base a healthy relationship on. Children are an addition to your relationship not a replacement of. Spending time with people other than Mom and Dad also teaches your children to be flexible and tolerant of other peoples ways and rules. PS our children our 12 & 16 - we have always gone out once a month or more. Luckily we are night people, when they were little we would go out when they were in bed for the night (of course telling them who would be there if they woke up) and they never once woke up when we were out.

Monica - posted on 02/14/2010

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Hi Samantha,

My husband and I are just like your husband. We believe we should always have the kids w/us. We don't have date nights or leave them ANYWHERE or w/ANYONE. But we do have some "bonding time". We have a set schedule for the kids to go to sleep and that time is ours. We sometimes watch a movie while drinking wine, sometimes we just talk... about everything. We bond a lot during that time even sometimes while the kids are playing on the trampoline, we'll jump with them, play a game in there w/them then we take a break and sit together holding each other and just enjoying each others' company.
We treasure every moment we have together and we take advantage of that opportunity whenever it comes. Kids need to see that we love each other and that they are not "in the way". To us family time is very important but every night is ours. Hope it helps a little.

Catherine - posted on 02/12/2010

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I'm a big fan of Dr Phil on this one, tell him "If you love your kids - and I know you do - then the best thing you can do for them is take care of the relationship between their Mum & Dad." And yes, this definitely means some time out without the kids - you need to connect as two adults who love and are interested in each other, not just as "mum & dad."

SAMANTHA - posted on 02/08/2010

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thank you all so much for your input and advice it is greatly recognised and is taken too heart bc it deals with my husband and family ...thank you , samantha...im def gonna talk with my hubby ...thanks gals....

Adriana - posted on 02/07/2010

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You NEED date night! It's something that a family with kids needs to have in ordeer to be healthy You can't neglect the personal romantic bond only with your husbamd I think twice a month would be ideal. Get a babysitter. If your kids are on a schedule then goin out after they go to sleep shouldn't be too hard.
You can even have something romantic at home after the kids go to bed, even though goin out of the house is preferable cuz it breaks the routine and you can go somewhere where you can focus only on each other for a couple of hours...it will b good for u guyz.
You should have a talk to him and explain to him that u r serious about this Once u start doing it....he'll start liking it :)

Katie - posted on 02/06/2010

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I am a big advocate of date night without the kids. I love my children and still, after 5 years do not like leaving them, but it is so beneficial to my husband and me to leave them. When things get crazy and we do not have time for date night out, we do at home dates. After the kids are in bed we spend time together - not watching a show, not cleaning, just being together like when we were dating. I find that if I do not plan for anything it doesn't happen. We have had a dance, a nice dress up dinner, reading stories together, sat out on the lawn and star gazed, played games, etc. There are a lot of options even if you cannot agree to leave the children, you should still strive for realtionship time.

Brandi - posted on 02/05/2010

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My husband and I TRY to get out once a month. Often something else comes up (one of the kids gets sick, or our babysitter cancels, or the weather doesn't cooperate), but we do get out probably every other month or so. It is really good for our relationship. HOWEVER, if we can't get "out" we will arrange an at-home date night. Our kids are on a very good sleeping schedule (in bed by 8 or so) SO we will rent a movie and make popcorn. Or order take out for JUST US (i have of course fed the kids' dinner prior) and have time together at home while the kids' are sleeping. Maybe try that?? Good luck.

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