How old is TOO OLD.. to sleep with Mom & Dad

Alissar - posted on 09/21/2009

that`s what happening with me.It takes time for them to ask to have their own room. Now my son n daughter finally after 10 years sleeping with us . Now they wanted to have their own room.They will depart as soon as they find out that they want their own privacy. Dont worry about that. You can sleep with them in their room for a while for them to get used to it .Evantually they will let go.

Pamela - posted on 09/21/2009

To get my kid to sleep alone in her bed all night long instead of running to us in the middle of the nite, I got her a book about being a big girl sleeping in her bed and I read it to her every night at the beginning - it encourages her to sleep alone as she wants to be a big girl and not a baby.

I would suggest decorating their rooms together, getting them to pick the colours or what to put in them, bed sheets etc ... it helps to get them excited about sleeping in their room like a big boys and girls.

However if u are forever getting them to sleep with you because u miss your husband while he is away, u are giving them confused signals. U cannot just get them to sleep on their own once your hubby is back and then expect them to snuggle up with u when he is gone. It's bad for your kids development.

Danielle - posted on 09/16/2009

Kids should not be in the bed at all. That is Mom and Dad place! The younger they learn that the less problem it will be to get them out of your bed. Certain Circumstances I know happens, but they are old enough to be on their own. Maybe letting them help makeover their room, bedding, decorations, pictures etc. Then they will learn that the space is their very own! :)

Ann - posted on 09/15/2009

I think this is a very personal matter. You can choose when your child has to sleep in his or her own bed. My children are aged six to two yo and they all sleep in their own bed. I believe this is important for their development. They have slept with me the first month of their lives but after that they slept in their own bed. I think, if you really want your bed to yourself you just have to stand your ground. Your children are old enough to understand, to reason with. Don't let them be the boss of you: it is your decision and your decision alone.

Natalie - posted on 09/10/2009

Quoting Dora:

I don't mean to be critical - but I think it's important for childrens' development to be independent and self-sufficient - and sleeping alone is part of that. And I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss the impact co-sleeping can have on a marriage. Beyond that - sleeping with your parents at 10 years old is definitely outside the norm and could cause them embarrassment at school if their peers were to find out.

I have 5 year old identical twins -- and they have slept in their own beds since birth. But they are welcome to sleep with me when they have nightmares, if they are sick and on special occassions (their birthday, X-mas..). They also love to have sleep-overs with their aunt and cousins. I should also mention that I am divorced - so I can empathize with the joy of snuggling with the kids. While my kids sleep by themselves, we get out "snuggle time" in the mornings. They love to jump into my bed and we watch cartoons together.

As to specific advice for getting them to sleep in their own beds - I would recommend a modified version of the "supernanny" method. I'd sit them down during the day when your husband is around and let them now that they are big girls and that they will be sleeping in their own room from now on. Be prepared for tears - but try to present this as an important rite of passage that they should take pride in. You might want to take them to the store and treat them to special "big kid sheets/bedding" for the occassion. A snuggly featherbed (you can get cheap ones from target or overstock.com) might be a good idea.

In the evening, the most important thing is to create a routine. Baths, book, lullabye & bed is ours. They might prefer backrubs or getting into bed and talking about their day - you want to find something that they can look forward to, which also gets them relaxed.

For the first week or two, move a matress into the room so that the kids are sleeping in their beds and you are sleeping on the floor. Once they get used to sleeping alone in their beds, then stay in their room until they fall asleep and then go to your room. If they wake up, walk them back to their beds and sit with them until they fall back asleep (I wouldn't suggest letting them sleep with you because they'll use that trick to stay in your bed). After a week or two, leave the room when they are drowsy - and sit on the other side of a half-closed door. Let them know that you are there if they need you. Then in a week sit there behind a fully closed door. Hopefully after that you can transition to just putting them to bed and leaving...

Obviously I'm describing a long, drawn-out process that will be tough on you -- but easier on your kids. Once you make the breakthough - it'll be worth it.

Not to hit the panic button -- but I am overly-cautious by nature, especially when it comes to my sons' development. So I would suggest, if you start to see other behaviors that cause you concern (ie. increased daytime fears, severe nightmares, bedwetting), you might want to bring the kids to see a counselor. I only say that because it might be healthy for them to work through their fears on their own with an independant 3rd party.

Anyway - this is just my opinion. Different people have different parenting styles, and what works for one kid, may not work for another. Whatever you decide - good luck!

i totally agree to all of this and it works.........u may not even have to go through the whole thing...........i have 3 kids and ever now and then i also put a story cd on for them in their room which works a treat for calming....or a relaxation cd to listen too u could teach them to do relaxation techniques...

Dora - posted on 09/02/2009

I don't mean to be critical - but I think it's important for childrens' development to be independent and self-sufficient - and sleeping alone is part of that. And I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss the impact co-sleeping can have on a marriage. Beyond that - sleeping with your parents at 10 years old is definitely outside the norm and could cause them embarrassment at school if their peers were to find out.



I have 5 year old identical twins -- and they have slept in their own beds since birth. But they are welcome to sleep with me when they have nightmares, if they are sick and on special occassions (their birthday, X-mas..). They also love to have sleep-overs with their aunt and cousins. I should also mention that I am divorced - so I can empathize with the joy of snuggling with the kids. While my kids sleep by themselves, we get out "snuggle time" in the mornings. They love to jump into my bed and we watch cartoons together.



As to specific advice for getting them to sleep in their own beds - I would recommend a modified version of the "supernanny" method. I'd sit them down during the day when your husband is around and let them now that they are big girls and that they will be sleeping in their own room from now on. Be prepared for tears - but try to present this as an important rite of passage that they should take pride in. You might want to take them to the store and treat them to special "big kid sheets/bedding" for the occassion. A snuggly featherbed (you can get cheap ones from target or overstock.com) might be a good idea.



In the evening, the most important thing is to create a routine. Baths, book, lullabye & bed is ours. They might prefer backrubs or getting into bed and talking about their day - you want to find something that they can look forward to, which also gets them relaxed.



For the first week or two, move a matress into the room so that the kids are sleeping in their beds and you are sleeping on the floor. Once they get used to sleeping alone in their beds, then stay in their room until they fall asleep and then go to your room. If they wake up, walk them back to their beds and sit with them until they fall back asleep (I wouldn't suggest letting them sleep with you because they'll use that trick to stay in your bed). After a week or two, leave the room when they are drowsy - and sit on the other side of a half-closed door. Let them know that you are there if they need you. Then in a week sit there behind a fully closed door. Hopefully after that you can transition to just putting them to bed and leaving...



Obviously I'm describing a long, drawn-out process that will be tough on you -- but easier on your kids. Once you make the breakthough - it'll be worth it.



Not to hit the panic button -- but I am overly-cautious by nature, especially when it comes to my sons' development. So I would suggest, if you start to see other behaviors that cause you concern (ie. increased daytime fears, severe nightmares, bedwetting), you might want to bring the kids to see a counselor. I only say that because it might be healthy for them to work through their fears on their own with an independant 3rd party.



Anyway - this is just my opinion. Different people have different parenting styles, and what works for one kid, may not work for another. Whatever you decide - good luck!

Gisela - posted on 08/27/2009

Oh my. I have the same situation. My little guy is 5, and he too is scared to go from room to room. I thought it was just me, and my husband works nights, so I wanna snuggle with him, but we too have no love life. What to do? I wish I had answers for you. Sorry! Hang in there.

Jamila - posted on 08/21/2009

My husband and I do not agree on this issue. He wants the girls to stay in their own beds. My 9 year old likes to come in every so often, but my 7 year old frequents the bed. In fact, she was in our bed 3 nights last week. I say they are only going to be babies for so long. Pretty soon they won't even want us in their room. Think about allowing them to stay in no more than 2-3 times a week. You will need some "adult" cuddling of your own.

Jane - posted on 08/19/2009

I have lots of friends who have co-slept with their children. I think that it is up to the family, if it is a problem for any of you then have a sit down as a family and just have an informal chat. If you are all ok with it then why change? Don't feel under pressure to conform to 'the norm' just do what feels right for you and your family.

Malikah - posted on 08/18/2009

I THINK OVER 5 YEARS OLD IS TOO OLD, BUT IF YOUR SCARED I THINK YOUR NEVER TO OLD TO SLEEP IN MOM & DAD ROOM IF YOUR SCARED WHO ELSE WOULD YOU RUN TOO JUST NOT EVERY DAY BUT ONCE OR TWICE OVER THE YEARS