My 4 1/2 yr old daughter doesnt discuss what happens at school?

Sindhu - posted on 11/23/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My daughter never tells what she does in school. I usually ask her about her day and she gives standard answers like it was good, i had fun.so on... Since, 2 weeks in her school they have started to tech them to write, but she never mentioned it at home. Even when i ask her wat was done in the day, she makes up some song with no meaning and says that was taught that day.. She is close to her grandmom, but didnt even tell her that they are being taught to write. today had gone to her school, and the teacher told me to make her practice writing. Dont know what to do?

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Amy - posted on 12/20/2009

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As a teacher this issue is sometimes the most frustrating we do so much during the day but we know that when our kids go home they are going to talk about what made the most impact on them during the day. Sometimes at the end of a lesson I'll ask my students what they learned and they come up with the most random answers even immediately after the lesson. They remember the song, or the snack, or what didn't go right, but they rarely list that they learned about the layers of the earth or the names of the layers of the earth. First talk to the teacher to find out what they are learning about that week or month, then ask direct questions like what was the book you read during circle time today about? or what letter did you learn to write today? Questions that require a direct and focused answer may give you more details leading to the next question.

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ZAKIA AMIRA - posted on 01/11/2010

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Well my son who is now 10 he doesnt say much about school either, so it could be his personally. But I learned with him and kids in general if you want to know, especially at her age you have to ask specifics like so did you learn to count, or color, or write. As easy the question of asking them how was school will only give us vague answers like it was good or bad. But for specifics we have to ask them specifically in each subject. My son who is 10 now I ask him daily how was school and I would ask him what did he learn and he would always say he didnt remember but he just got out of school 5 minutes ago LOL

Claudia - posted on 01/11/2010

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my daughter turned 4 in November. she never discusses what happened in school, all she says is that she had fun. she loves doing her homework, especially when i praise her. she started school on Sept the 31st, 2009. she can now write her first name and learned all her letters. i also have a 10 year old boy, who is in the 5th grade. everytime i asked him: how was school? all he says is, it was good. when i ask what did you do today, he repplies: I FORGOT. this is an everyday thing ;-)

Suzanne - posted on 01/10/2010

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I dont think you should be too concerened, my 3 sons aged 10,8 & 6 hardly ever tell me or my husband about their day in school, if they ever say anything its usually about something that upset them (even a friend falling etc), so if she is not telling you much take it that she is contented & happy in her school.

Cari - posted on 01/08/2010

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My son does the same thing. I will ask him about his day and specific things that I know happened that day and he says "I can't remember or we didn't do anything". He really likes to tease me so today I responded by telling him that it makes mommy sad. I really do want to know how school is and what he does because I love him. He had never thought of it that way and continued on with how his day went. He is also four so maybe telling your daughter how it makes you feel will help you too.

Good luck =)

Glory - posted on 01/07/2010

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I would talk to her teacher and tell her your concerns. You'll be surprise, she might me very involved in the class and you don't know it, or she might be shy. Keep your communication lines open with the teacher, so you are always in the same page.

Meggan - posted on 01/07/2010

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What I've found when my daughter was in elementary and middle school (she's now an 18 year old about to graduate from high school) is that it takes her a long time to process things that have happened during the day. It is better now but she still needs "down time" after her day. I found that what helped was asking very specific questions, instead of the general "so what did you do in school today?". I learned what she did every day (it rotated) so I could ask What did you do in Math, Reading, Writing today. Even more specific Did you have an interesting math problem today? Did you color or paint in art class. I always got better answers, but even with the specific questions some days I got blanket "it was good" answers and a day or two later I'd get more specifics. Give that a try, and if you are still getting "it was good" try waiting to ask how your daughter's day was until after she's had time to process what's happened.

Hope that helps!

Paula - posted on 01/06/2010

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My oldest daughter is the same way. She is six and in Kinder. I was told by an educator that kids have different personalities (obviously). I learn more about my oldest's education from my middle child who has the same teachers. My middle will start to sings songs I have never heard and then my oldest will pipe in. What I have personally learned to do is ask simple questions about her day: 1-what was your favorite thing about your day, 2-what was your least favorite thing about your day, 3-can you tell me about the book that was read to you, 4-what was your snack, 5-who did you play with. I don't ask all these questions every day nor all at once. But it provides glimpses into her personality. She's a kid who is extremely smart (doing 3rd grade material at kinder) and who is a perfectionist. She will always hold her cards close to her sleeve but I do what I can to make our entire home a safe place for us to talk, work though things, have fun, fail together, succeed together, etc. Don't take it as a personal attack, rather than a wonderful part of the personality.

Courtney - posted on 01/06/2010

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this sounds totally normal to me. My son is 7 and he still is vauge on stuff he does at school. The thing you can try is to get involved in her school. Volunteer some or make sure that, if the school doesn't already have newsletters, you are informed on what she does daily. If she has a friend at school, try asking what THEY did together.

With the writing, make sure that you ask her teacher how they are teaching it. If your daughter refuses to have ou help, then try her grandmother. Make it fun too. find items in the home that start with each letter of the alphabet, etc.

The main thing is not to get mad at her. She is still growing, and she may not remember everything she does at school. The trick is to be ready to help her trigger her memory (newsletters are great for this), and don't stress if she just doesn't want to share. She will when she feels like it. :)

Rachel - posted on 01/05/2010

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It might not be anything too serious... but maybe she is having difficulty learning the stuff that is being taught to her and so she may be ashamed to tell you what she's learned because she doesn't understand it. How is she at home?

Sally-Anne - posted on 01/05/2010

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I'm a reception teacher, and a mum of a 3 1/2 year old. One tactic I've tried which seems to work with some of the mums in my class in the past is 'share-and-share-alike'. Try keeping a joint diary with your daughter - you write and draw pictures about your day and she has a page to draw and have-a-go at writing about her day. It's a good dialogue. All children at some point will begin to say 'i dont' know' 'can't remember', it's nothing to worry about - they just dont see the importance we place on knowing about our children. If this doesn't work, if your school is open to the idea, volunteering to come in and help in class for a couple of hours a week might help as you have point of discussion with your daughter. Early years practitioners should be promoting close links with parents so this shouldn't be a problem. Hope this helps!

Danette - posted on 12/14/2009

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This is actually really typical of this age. In a couple of years she will probably be more chatty than you can imagine about it. I went through the same thing with my oldest daughter and am going through the same thing now with her little sisters. She is seven now and I can't get her to STOP talking about school! I've talked with several of their teachers over the years and evidently at this age, most kids are pretty content to leave school at school. In order to get any information, we parents have to ask very specific questions, which means knowing their schedule. "what did you have for snack?" "What/who did you play with at recess?" "Did you like making ______ in art today?" They won't volunteer what they did, so we have to know what they did and ask them who they felt about it and go from there. The good news is, it doesn't last forever! Hope this helps!

Carol - posted on 12/10/2009

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It sounds like this is the first time she's gone somewhere like this on her own. I feel your pain. My son started kindergarten at 4 and I'd only get 2 word answers for everything. An added bonus was his awful teacher who communicated exactly twice in 3 months (no papers home even until November!) I was very upset with the situation. Now he's in 4th grade and occasionally I'll strike gold and get an unsolicited sentence or two with details. I rely on the papers that come home to show me what he's doing. I ask a few direct questions that require a detailed answer like "Who'd you play with at recess." "What did you study in _______ today?" I hardly ever ask about the same thing twice in one week unless he seems to be having a problem with something. Over the course of the week I get a good feel for what's going on. It does hurt to let go. I homeschooled from the middle of 1st grade until he entered 4th grade this year so I have to let go all over again.

Heather - posted on 12/07/2009

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help her to wright my daughter is four she just turned four she was going to school when she was three they really cant tell you that kind of stuff when they are little like that thay dont know how to tell you.tell her to help you understand what she need to do it also helps her to open up to her feelings my daughter dont always tell me what she dose eather

Adelaide - posted on 11/27/2009

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She sounds like a cutie, but i would not ignore my intuition. I guess all you can do is keep tabs or her behaviour because you no her better than anyone. In the mean time continue to enjoy her company and wee chats.

Jennaveve - posted on 11/24/2009

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I don't think you should take it too serious. Some kids just don't see the need to go through all the trouble of having to explain. I have 2 boys aged 6 who's turing 7 in Jan and the other aged 2. The oldest is in grade R and goes to a christian school with very high demand of even the little ones. When I ask him he says the same thing, it was fine, I played. When we had PTO meeting, the teacher said that he is the brightest among the 7 kids in his class. He reads well and gets 100% for most of his work. I was so surprised as my kids don't talk about school as well. The little one says teacher makes food, whenever you asked him what he did lol.



Find out by her teacher how her progress is and if she is satisfied, I don't think you need to worry. She might turn out to be a little genious behind closed doors lol. A painter only lets you see his masterpiece once its completed, not while its still in the being painted progress. Give her time, and I'm sure she'll amaze you soon enough. Once this happens, she'd call you to see the littlest thing she's doing, believe you me, and it could get frustrating sometimes. Just don't make too much of it for now. Play games and you write her name or draw something and see if she follows you. Trick her into doing things you think she might be doing at daycare, if you really are nosey lol.



Good luck :)

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