My daughters being bullied!

Yvonne - posted on 07/18/2009 ( 74 moms have responded )

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My daughter has been bullied by alot of girls for 2 years now, this past year she had professional counceling because of this reason. I have had meetings with her principal several times but apparently nothing has been done. I requested a meeting with the girls parents but the school kept giving me the run around! We thought of changing schools for this year but it only discouraged us when we found out some other girls disliked my daughter at the other school as well, the girls keep sending her threats on myspace! We are christians and I have taught my daughter to forgive them, but she can only take so much! her 6th & 7th grade have been a nightmare! Please Help!!! any advice?

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San - posted on 07/18/2009

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Report the facebook keep everything do a dairy to the police I have had the same problem with my daughter for the past 7 years she has been in school she is now in grade 11 and it still on going I have told the school if anything happens to my daughter I will hold them responsible for it I have been many many times to the school and to the school cop and nothing gets done you have to have records of everything I have told my children to ingnore everything they say and walk away don't give them the time of day not sure if this helps but I feel ya it's hard been a parent these days and people are just crule and have no idea about life...

Laura - posted on 07/18/2009

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I am a Junior High teacher and I would start with one of 2 things: At that age I would probably go to the police, especially if posted on MySpace. The other is that if you don't feel the school is doing enough go to the district (or School Board). Squeaky wheel.... I had a similar problem between 2 girls at my school. The response I got from the principal was it wasn't our job to mediate between parents. Now if it is happening at school they should be disciplined and depending on the rules those disciplinary acts can be tough. If it is mostly at home then I think that I would go to the police or even go directly to the parents??? I hope that helps some. I know you are Christians and that you want to forgive but if it is causing her that many problems then you need to fight for her. I just remembered that we had a student move to our school last year that had the same problem. The parents even went to the paper because they didn't feel like they were getting help. That squeaky wheel thing again. I would probably start with the district and school board first!

Sara - posted on 08/31/2012

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Keep a log of the bullying, take snapshots of the cyberbullying, contact the school (teachers, counselors, principal, vice principal) about each incident. in written form (preferably email as then there will be an electronic time stamped record in your account as well). What the heck, send a letter certified mail as well. They will have to sign for it and can't say they didn't receive it. Review the anti-bullying policy in the student handbook, demand that they intervene in accordance to that policy. Keep copies of all communication with the school and/or parents. Dates, times, action taken by your child, yourself, the school etc. If it is a bad policy talk to the school board and pta about spearheading a change in said policy. If things are not resolved swiftly and appropriately file a report with the police. You will have a lot of fodder if you have kept record of these things. You would be surprised how quickly people respond with the police at their doorstep. Good luck!

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Build evidence the bring in the law let the world know what type of kids these are. Bullying has been in the media lately. :Your child mental health is at stake let the little hefa have it get in touch with there parents and if it dosent stop let them know your prepare to do whatever it takes

Amanda - posted on 08/15/2009

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Bullies are insecure. They think by hurting others physically or emotionally they'll feel better about themselves. Put your daughter in a defense class, such as Karate, or Kick-Boxing..if the teachers or principal aren't doing their jobs then you have to do yours better..My friend's son had been bullied by this kid for along time, and they did all the appropriate things. They(both the child and mom) went to the teacher and the principal until finally he hit the kid back, and scared the daylights out of him...Well, for defending himself he got in school suspension(hmm.....imagine that!) So he came home and told my friend, and he was sad he got into trouble..She said to her son..Well in life we make decisions..and you have to figure out was it worth the suspension to have the kid stop bullying you..I hope this helped~Amanda

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Jasmine - posted on 10/11/2013

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My brother's daughter has been bullied in the 6th grade.
She tried ignoring it as a thought but when they started to bully others as well she found out she needed to speak up.
Try speaking with her teacher(s) and ask for her to sit as far from the bully as possible.

Tell your child to speak up ask your friends and family members for advice
and if the bully starts using actions it may be a time to speak with the bullies themselves, don't be harsh and use any actions. Ask for them to stop and maybe they will listen because you are an adult. Teachers/Adults/Supervisors should be everywhere and make sure you stay away from the bullies if this is due to popularity
tell them how you feel and this is how she dresses because that's her style and how she likes it doesn't matter what they think and don't listen to them.

If a Principal won't help you someone has to ask her friends supervisors for backup.

Skipping Class is not a good idea if that seems to be the case put it as your last option.
If does any after school clubs with the bully maybe they have the same club at a different time.

Stay strong, Lisa.

Brianne - posted on 05/12/2013

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As a parent you should stand strong even when the school is giving you the run around. If nothing is done by talking with the prncipal, go right to the school board! Or ask around if anyone knows how to get ahold of the parents of the girls. I'm so sorry that your daughter has had counciling because of all of this. I myself am not a parent, I'm actually in 8th grade and i have delt with something similar in 4th and 5th grade. If there is some group or orgaisation in your city or town(I know sometimes there is for kids who are being bullied) go to them and ask for help.
I really hope something gets done! xx

Cheryl Ann - posted on 09/10/2012

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My son is 12 years old and has been enduring bullying and teasing on and off since elementary school. He started 7th grade this year and the teasing and taunting have started again. He was diagnosed two years ago with depression and anxiety and was hospitalized because of the bullying. (he felt like he didn't want to live anymore). It's really sad and makes me angry that our children can't go to school these days, do their work, and feel safe at school. The environment at school is often hostile from kids who choose to be mean. I've put him back in therapy and have been in constant contact with his counselor. Since he's been home the past few days, as we try to help him through his emotional and mental stress, the incidents have not been addressed but the counselor assures me they will when he returns. It has taken such a huge toll on him and on myself because as a mother, I want to protect my child and have him be in a healthy and happy environment. Depending on what the school does, and how my son responds when he does go back, I am currently looking at online home schooling for the time being. I would not be trying to avoid the situation, but rather get him healthy, then transition him back into school. And for those who are NOT getting help from the schools or the district, there are laws that cover bullying and here's a website that may help:



http://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/federal...



This website also gives parents the warning signs of a bullied child, and the effects it could have. As a mother of a child that doesn't want to live anymore because "he can't take it," I took this threat seriously and got help immediately. Now I am doing whatever it takes to help him through it.

Jessica - posted on 08/30/2012

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I have recently started a website on bullying, YOUCANTBULLY.US, to create a forum for those bullying victims to tell thier stories, have access to resources, uplifting music, et cetera.

I was a victim of bullying, my children have been as well, ages 12, 8, and 3. So I feel it is important to provide as many resources to help other bully victims.

On the site I also include the story of my little rescue dog, Sugar, that almost died as a result of the abuse she suffered, hence, animals can be bullied too and the recent media involvement I had, Palm Beach Post, Fl, trying to save the lives of 200 peacocks that were scheduled to be captured and euthanized.

Please pass on this site YOUCANTBULLY.US as an additional resource for those who may benefit from it.





Posted by Jessica at YOUCANTBULLY.US

Nicole - posted on 04/28/2012

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I weep for you and your daughter. My daughter went through a similar experience in 6th grade.
I also encouraged her to "love & forgive". But at that age children can't and shouldn't be
Expected to function like us. She just couldn't cope anymore.
We live in the Caribbean and decided to consult with the school board and PTA.
You must remember you are your daughter's advocate. She is depending on you.
My daughter is much more comfortable now. Those girls who bullied her even had to apologise
To my daughter and our entire family publicly. There is a zero tolerance.
But of course kids still try to bully other kids. Stand up for your child!

Priscilla - posted on 11/26/2011

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I went through this with a 12 year old family member I had custody of a few years ago. I went from basically harassing the school administrators to attending therapy session. I think changing schools would not cease the bullying, but encourage it because the other girls will be "winning" so to speak (or type). Try to get your daughter involved in teen groups in the community that build self-esteem and courage. If there is nothing like this in your community, then try the next community over. Also, if the school's administrator continue to give you the run around, go straight to the district. If they do nothing about it, then go to the media. Trust me the district does not want to be singled out for not following the no tolerance bullying policy I know exist in almost all school districts today. Hope this helps.

Katherine - posted on 11/14/2011

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confront the parents yourself. tell them this needs to stop or you will take legal actions bullying is not okay and it can be stopped

Richelle - posted on 11/13/2011

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Call the police and the superintendent of schools, then call the media. The school has a responsibility to provide a safe learning environment for your child. The threats coming from myspace is called cyberbullying. Many states have laws against this, and depending on what the threats are saying, the girls responsible can be looking at some very serious charges. Your daughter's mental health and wellbeing depend on you putting a stop to this. Stand strong for her and make the school do the same.

Jessica - posted on 11/08/2011

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restraining order.... That gets them to stay away. Seriously though i was bullied in middle school got a restaining order on all the kids and POOF they went away. Just filing for a restraining order will scare them enough and also get the parents involved! good luck

Vicki - posted on 11/07/2011

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WOW!!! What a problem. No one wants to help? That's scary. If she is getting threats on myspace, I think you can get the police involved. Is there any way she could be home schooled? Other parents need to be made aware of this. My neice got involved when her son was being bullied at school and some parents got together and hung out in the school for awhile. That seemed to help.

Audrey - posted on 11/01/2011

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thank you so much for posting this! im having a similar problem with my son who is also ironically in 3rd grade lol, but he is having the same problems. boys at school fighting him at their homes. he wants friends and one of them is his friend but the others his friend hangs around with are the instigators. my son told me he wont fight back because he said i told him fighting isnt the answer and to try to talk it out, but i DO NOT like the game these boys are playing with him. they gang up on him and start punching and kicking him. i want him to stand up for himself. i am so worried i dont know what to do. i will document everything and if i have to i guess i will go to the police. thank you for posting this.

Fiona - posted on 09/08/2009

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my daughter is 11 next month and was born with abance of patella she has been gettin bullyed the last year by children the same age the older ones found out and started the name callin as well the only thing i can tell u to do is spend a lot of time with your daughter and encourge her to be strong enouhg to get through it tht one day it will stop that the people doing this one one day hopefully grow up to see thats its wrong and if things get that bad would you consider moveing house to a different area aww i realy feel for you all as its very sad to watch your child unhappy ............

Karen - posted on 09/08/2009

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We have gone through this with my daughter the past couple of years as well, except there were boys involved too. She is much smaller than the other kids and I think they believe that makes her an easy target.



I called the Superintendent of the school and had a discussion with him about it. I had gone to the teachers and the principal too and nothing changed. Once I talked to the superintendent, he called the offending kids into his office along with my daughter and talked to all of them.

Things got better after that.



Kids should not have to put up with harrassment or assault (my daughter had been hit and kicked) when they they are at school. i told him that, and I had also called the local sherrif about what was going on and I made sure the school knew it. I was not going to hesitate to press charges if needed.

Regina - posted on 09/07/2009

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Well if you can remember what school was like when you were a kid..There was bullying then to..Unfortunately the world our kids live in is nothing like the one w grew up in..I wish it were...Kids might have been mean then but atleast kids werent comitting sucuide or actually hurting each other..You might want to think about homeschooling its not what most people think it is especailly for her age..My sons in 8th grade and 6th grade just started cyber school this year and it has made a huge difference even though last week we the first week of school....Plus the program is taliored to each kid and the teacher are there every step of the way..its not like the old days where the parents got out the books and taugh everything..if you would like to learn more just let me know I would be happy to help you..I am not tying to promote homeschooling but it might be the anwer you need..If nothinng else it will help to keep your daughter safe and even give her a chance to enjoy school again....

Jen - posted on 09/04/2009

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Stop calling it bullying and start calling it assault. Your school knows that assault is a crime and they can be held accountable for condoning this crime by denying or ignoring it. Talk with legal council- most state department of Ed. will have some kind of advocacy that is knowledgable about students rights and school responsibilities. I would also look to your school district's policy and procedures regarding assault and let that guide your interactions with the school. Document, document, document. Write down every episode of assault, every conversation, time, person spoke with, and write a follow up letter or e-mail that briefly sums up the conversation as you understood it, keep every response or clarification. If this ever gets so far out of control that it ends up in court, these instances will be you evidence of the history of assault and the school's role in allowing the assault to continue.



I'm so sorry this is happening to your child, and any other child. I hope you get some satisfaction. Don't stop working for your kids! Be a pain, let them all know it could get legally ugly.

Karen - posted on 08/19/2009

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We have been through this too, Yvonne. Girls that were once my daughters friends now pick on her and make fun of her. Thankfully, God made it possible for us to change her school.

We are Christians, and forgiveness is important, it also helps to teach her compassion toward these girls, kids who pick on others are usually getting picked on. BUT, you need to tell your daughter to stand up to them and not take their words seriously.

One boy was really bad, pulling her bra strap, and stuff like that, he even physically attacked her. We told her to look him directly in the eye [on the bus with everyone around listening] that if he did not stop she had OUR permission to punch him square in the nose. She ended up flipping him when he tried to grab her from behind, but he stopped.

Be strong and courageous! God is with you. Don't wait for the "authorities" to do something, teach her to do something for herself. Even though most of the abuse happened on the bus, the driver never did a thing. Talking to parents who think their kids never do wrong, or do not care, does not work either. Allow your daughter to stand up to them. Give her permission to get physical if the situation calls for it. Righteous anger is OK.

Most importantly, and this will sound strange after what I just said, but you need to pray for these girls. If they are picking on your daughter because of their home life, they need help. How sad that they take out their frustrations on others, and they are so alone that they do not know what else to do, nor have they been taught that it is wrong. Heartbreaking.

Good luck!

Julie - posted on 08/14/2009

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My daughter is 15 and was being bullied too.We to have had countless meetings with school officials the police and whom ever else that will listen.She also is in counseling.Going to another school is out of the question since the closest school is over 30 miles away.The difference is the other parents find their behavior amusing.I feel that my daughter is not safe at school. I have her carry a cell phone so she can reach either me or her father at all times.I wish you the best and hope you find an answer.Just remember yu are not alone.

Kathleen - posted on 08/14/2009

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HI. MY NAME IS KATHY AND I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. MY GIRL IS GOING INTO 6TH GRADE THIS YEAR AND I AM VERY CONCERNED. GIRLS TODAY ARE EVIL. THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO PUT IT. EMILY HAS BEEN BULLIED OFF AND ON SINCE 1ST GRADE. SHE HAS EVEN HAD FRIENDS THAT TURN ON HER. I KEEP TELLING HER THAT ALL THESE GIRLS ARE JEALOUS, BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT THIS TO DAMAGE HER ELF ESTEEM, BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. THE SCHOOLS DON'T HAVE ENOUGH OF STAFF TO WATCH WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT UNDER THEIR FRIEKING NOSES. THEY NEVER WANT THE 'other' PARENTS INVOLVED. I GET INVOLVED PLENTY. I HAVE EVEN CALLED PARENTS AND SPOKE TO THEM ABOUT IT. THEY ALWAYS SAID THEY LET THEIR GIRLS WORK THINGS OUT. MAYBE IF THE PARENTS GOT MORE INVOLVED WITH THEIR GIRLS, THIS WOULD NOT BE HAPPENING. I AM SO SICK OF MEAN GIRLS. I HAVE BEEN PRAYING THAT EM'S NEXT YEAR WILL BE BETTER. SHE IS THE SWEETEST GIRL I HAVE EVER MET. SHE IS SO HONEST AND CARING AND GIVING. I FEEL THAT SO MANY GIRLS COULD REALLY LOVE HER IF THEY WOULD ONLY GIVE HER A CHANCE BUT I WOULD RATHER SEE HER BE HERSELF THAT BE ONE OF THE MEAN POPULAR GIRLS. SHE DOESNT TRY TO IMPRESS ANYONE WITH ANYTHING. SHE IS VERY LAID BACK AND LOVES LIFE. I AM KEEPING MY EYE ON HER AND ON THE SITUATION, MY ADVICE IS JUST GIVE HER THE MUCH LOVE AND COMPASSION AND OPENNESS IN COMMUNICATION THAT SHE NEEDS. THAT IS THE KEY. YOU SOUND LIKE A GREAT MOM, AND THE BEST THING TO DO WHEN IN DOUBT IS PRAY BECAUSE THAT DOES CHANGE THINGS BELIEVE ME. GOOD LUCK!

Roz - posted on 08/14/2009

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I am so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. My daughter also had a really hard time when she hit middle school due to bullying/sexual harrassment but it was from boys. My daughter is quiet, shy and gifted and sadly didn't have a chance really. This was a school in a nice, suburban neighborhood and it is one of the worst I have seen.



She made it through 6th somehow but 7th started with some boys playing some sick, twisted game on her and other girls. They were read the riot act from the counselor for bullying and sexual harrasment and she said they cied and acted like they were sorry - yeah - because they got busted! The damage was done though - my daughter was getting physically ill from anxiety because of it all and I had to pull her out.



Luckily, SC just started some virtual schools last year and I was able to get her in one. It has been a life saver. We both love it and she is happy and thriving!



I know it is not the answer for everyone and not every state has this option but maybe you can homeschool somehow. I have found, for the most part, that though the public schools put out all sort of policys for bullying and such - there is not much ever really done about it and so much that goes on that they do not know about. I honestly do not get kids today - they are cruel as hell to each other - it is very sad to me. My daughter has never been mean to anyone.



I personally think myspace has become a very bad place for most kids too. I am new to facebook and have allowed my 13 year old daughter to be on facebook but I am here to monitor it too. I would not let her on myspace. I see some of the girls she knew from school on myspace and it is disgusting to me because these 11,12, 13 year old girls are acting like whores and gangsters.

Carleen - posted on 08/11/2009

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I really feel for your daughter, my daughter started getting bullied in the 5th grade and I had to contact her teachers and counselor and Principal, as there was a no tolerance for bullying at school here. It took a while but these catty little girls who thought they were all that backed off. It was hard for me to deal with these girls as I worked at the school in the lunch program and I wanted to say something so bad to them, but we went about the proper channels and it finally stopped.

When she got to middle school in grade 6, a different group of girls, who "were" her friends turned on her (I truly suspect they were jealous of her), and again we had to go through the teachers, counselors and Principal to get it to stop, it didn't totally stop, the girls still said snide comments behind her back, but she has learned to deal with it. She just now ignores them and says they really didn't have many friends and she did, so we will see what 7th grade brings. It is a shame that girls get so catty and hormonal at that age.

My daughter just told me to tell you that if you just ignore them and try to stand up for yourself and go off and do your own thing they will start thinking that they are not getting to you and not hurting your feelings and back down.

In my opinion, the threats on My Space should not be tolerated at all and they should be reported. I won't let my daughter have a My Space. It is just too easy to get too much information on there.

Good luck to you and I hope and pray it gets better.

Dana - posted on 08/11/2009

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I am sorry to hear this. It must be very hard to watch it go on.. Have you thought about putting your daughter into Karate/Self Defense classes.. not only will she gain confidence and skills for defense but let it be know about school that she is in karate. At that point the girls that are bullying might back off a bit knowing that she is gaining defenses. I do not condone violence but this is more of a self defense situation. ? Hope you are able to work this out and your daughter can enjoy her school years.

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I'm telling you, this is hard to read. I was that kid, except it started in 1st grade for me and lasted til 9th. The only thing that stopped it was fighting back for the first time. I still hated fighting after that, but it only took once for it to stop and me being their punching bag (even though you can forgive someone, it doesn't mean you have to take abuse... you have to set boundaries too. Its as if a child is in and unsafe home... you can forgive, but you have to stand up against injustice too). I also struggled with self esteem because of how many people picked fights with me (since I was an easy target) that I thought there was something wrong with me. I had friends in church, but that was outside of school so didnt help me much. I felt like the 2 were different rules, and church people had to be nice (that was my view back then). It was band, and track that helped me the most. I found pride in competing, and had team mates (of course there are other sports too). I would say put her in a group that she could belong to. Changing schools is a gamble. People like to pick on new comers... unless the newcomers find a way to fit in and be cool... and its usually by being mean to the class nerd. In the end, you have to do what your convicted to do and what you think will work the best. I am soooooo sorry you are all in this situation... it is heart breaking. Maybe pray with her and ask her what she thinks she should do.

Sara - posted on 08/10/2009

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My son also was being bullied at school in the 4th grade. The other boys were calling him fag & gay all because my son didn't want to play football at recess. The boys were threatening to beat him up after school, luckily we lived 1 block from the school and I could watch him all the way there and home. But I got tired of it so I told my son to call one of the boys out! I told him, if you beat 1 boy up the rest won't mess with you anymore! So after school while I was on my front porch my son yelled at the meanest boy to come over to our yard so my son could kick his butt! That boy ran home as fast as he could and he never called my son gay again. My son never touched him, he just called him out when it was one on one! I know girls are different!! But the school did nothing for us and the parents said not my kid!! So we took care of it the best way we could figure out too. It wasn't the best way, but it worked. But because the school & parents did nothing, I switched my son the following school year and he loves the school and the kids at his new school. I had one of the mom's from his old school tell me that my son needs to do what ever the other kids want him to do if he wants to fit in. I told her I raised a leader not a follower, so he will not lower his morals or beliefs just to fit in!! He will be considered "the coward of the county" so to say!! ( But remember who won that fight in the song) Good luck to you and your family.

Cidalia - posted on 08/10/2009

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Keep doing what you can, but I would really recommend homeschooling for the remainder of the year. Lots of online resources to help. And I agree with Laura. Go to the police with regard to the online bullying.

Renee - posted on 08/09/2009

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Your daughter is going through a damaging experience by staying in the area. Please sometimes even if it means selling your house or driving further to get to work, you need to remove your daughter from the area. She will have a attitude change for the bad soon especially with hormones changing. You will see her blossom in a new school/ area away from all the bad things.

Uraina - posted on 08/09/2009

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well sweetie i went throw that with one of my children that stays to herself i had to teach her the 3 step rule and it goes step 1 tell the teacher about the situation step 2 tell the person to stop if the teacher isnt going to do anything about it and step 3 and i hope that it never happen but your children cant continue to be picked on they have to confront the person i dont believe in fighting but i will not allow my child to b picked on through out school when its meeting time thats when u express your concerns to the teacher and other staff and see what can b done

Valerie - posted on 08/09/2009

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It is good that you have your daughter in counseling and pray that it is a good one. Any E-threats have criminal connotations and you should seriously consider taking it to the next level. Your daughter has two immediate needs - one of which is rebuiling the lowering of her self esteem because of the bullying. Group counseling may help in this regard, so she is not alone. My daughter was in a Christian school and we hada similar situation. She is in a much better place now, however, we also know she is more sensitive to what people may say, so we have help to deal with this. With a new school year dawning, we will keep your daugher in our prayers along with ours, the prayers of the righteous availeth much, do not lose the faith

Denise - posted on 08/08/2009

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Quoting candy:

first of all, block and or delete the girls on myspace. then find out what the girls last names are. look them up in phone book and give those parents a call. don't come across to harsh to them, they may not know they have bullies for kids. most parents don't ! i had the same problem at the school, no results. my daughter got to the point that she didn't want to go anymore and she loves school ! they started a new program though, cuz i put up such a stint... no contact order, kind of like in the courts. the parents are made aware, the kids have to mediate at first, then if no contact is broken the child gets suspended. this way all who are involved are on the same page.....you may want to attend a PTO meeting and address the issue as well. if you have no luck then, go to the courts and put a protection from harrisment order on those girls...police don't take lightly to breaking those orders. hope this helps !



Yes, this is true.  You can get a restraining order.  If you have not done so already, document everything so that you can give to the appropriate people a clear idea of what has transpired between your daughter and those that bully her.  There is anti-bullying legislation that the schools must adhere to.  Every school in every state must have an anti-bullying policy posted where parents and students can view and where the state can see that there is a plan of action to deal with bullying in all schools. 

Denise - posted on 08/08/2009

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First of all, I am so sorry that your daughter is experiencing this. It is so painful to see your child struggle and feel so helpless. I can certainly relate because my son also gets bullied. We have been going through this since the 4th grade (he is now entering the 8th grade). Last year, there were several incidents where I had to go to the school and request meetings. Like you, the principal was not very helpful; there were punishments, however, bullying is not taken seriously enough in our society, so the principal did the bare minimum. What I suggest is this: write a letter to your district superintendant of schools at your local board of education office. This may be uncomfortable, but, your daughter's principal must remember that there are anti-bullying laws that protect your daughter. Go online and investigate, and you will find that your daughter's school must have accessible a guideline of what bullying is, as well as the punishment that will ensue if any student is found guilty of bullying. When you write a letter documenting all that your daughter has experienced, the principal will get a call immediately, and be forced to deal appropriately with the culprits that bully your child. Only when I did that, were there solutions. You have to go above the principal. I am also a Christian and teach my children the same as you do, however, you are also their advocate, and children are brutal today. Especially those who don't instill Christian principles in their household. God bless you and I will pray that your situation is resolved.

Candy - posted on 08/04/2009

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first of all, block and or delete the girls on myspace. then find out what the girls last names are. look them up in phone book and give those parents a call. don't come across to harsh to them, they may not know they have bullies for kids. most parents don't ! i had the same problem at the school, no results. my daughter got to the point that she didn't want to go anymore and she loves school ! they started a new program though, cuz i put up such a stint... no contact order, kind of like in the courts. the parents are made aware, the kids have to mediate at first, then if no contact is broken the child gets suspended. this way all who are involved are on the same page.....you may want to attend a PTO meeting and address the issue as well. if you have no luck then, go to the courts and put a protection from harrisment order on those girls...police don't take lightly to breaking those orders. hope this helps !

Lesley - posted on 08/03/2009

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Oh Yvonne, my heart goes out to you and your daughter.

my daughter was having the exact same problems at school here (UK) even to the point that she went to a psychologist as she was threatening suicide (she was aged 10-13 at the time) I felt as if i was living in the school i was there that often.if the school is taking no action, what i suggest is writing a formal letter of complaint to the principal teacher, demanding action against the girls involved (if you know their names, state them in the letter) demand a written response to the letter and that you want to be kept informed as to the procedure/s they plan to follow. over here they MUST respond to you in writing within a week, not sure where you are...let them know that you will take it further if you dont get a satisfactory answer eg education department, local papers, even a lawyer, I must admit, it worked for a short period of time, but i had to finally remove my daughter from the school and send her to live with her dad. she has come on so well and is doing excellent work at school now, she even plans to stay on as long as she can to get the qualifications she needs to be a teacher..

We promise to slay the dragons that haunt our children, but some dragons are harder to slay than others. Tell her to walk tall and proud.

I wish you both lots of luck for the future and i really, really hope that this gets resolved before it does any more harm to your daughters future.

P.S. I also told my daughter that if things got so bad on any one day to go to the office and get them to call me and i'd come and pick her up. She did it once and i took her out of school for a week. Told the school that they had better get it sorted before she came back or i'd be going to a lawyer...the other girls involved were excluded for a week due to this.

Do fight for your daughters right to an education!

Wendy - posted on 08/02/2009

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My son has had the same problem. Also, my neice suffered for a few years in high school. I will tell you this. I am a Christian, too. But, if you ignore a bully, they only get worse. My son finally, jumped the boy who attacked him and the boy was afraid of my son after that. A bully only picks on someone who is an easy mark. Put your child into Karate' classes who specialize in bullying. My son discovered he could protect himself.
My neice was timid. She is short and was afraid of the other nasty girls. I taught her self defense and she finally stood up for herself. She was so afraid her grades suffered. She claimed to feel sick alot...it was awful. I went to a place where the girls were bothering her and they ran away. Trust me, their parents are probably just as bad. Talk to the superintendent of the school. I have had great results with that. The principal has to respond to his boss and the results are usually quick.
Good luck. Please, don't run from the school. Teach your daughter to stand tall and stare right into their faces and yell strong and loud. They won't expect it. She needs to feel secure in herself.
I am not proud of a sentence I used, but, I told my son if that boy touched him again, I would put his mother on the ground. My son told the boy "careful, my mom said..." The boy stopped and became friendly towards my son.

Good luck.

Michelle - posted on 08/02/2009

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Hi Yvonne, as someone who works in the school system I would say for you and your Family , to not fight back but to talk to the school admin again and if that doesn't put a stop to it than go higher in the school system and to the police. There are laws that are in place to stop that and Schools are to keep our children safe. I know that this age is a hard one for anyone but middle school age girls are the wrost by the way I work in a Middle school in Scottsdale AZ so I know just how mean they can be, that is why I sy go back to the Principal and let them know what is happening and keep going until ypu get to the school board if you have too, also look at talking to the Police and taking Legal action for the safety of your child

Dedra - posted on 08/02/2009

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HI IM SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT THIS HAPPENING TO YOUR CHILD AND I AM PUTTING THIS ORGANIZATION TOGETHER TO HELP CHILDREN DEAL WITH THIS ISSUE AND TO BECOME THE VOICE FOR THEM WHEN DEALING WITH SCHOOL OFFICIALS.. THE PRINCIPALS WILL SAY WAT THEY FEEL IS GUD FOR THE MOMENT BUT ACTION NEEDS TO BE TAKEN FOR OUR CHILDREN I HAVE STARTED A WEBSITE JUST FOR MY MISSION U R FREE TO JOIN AND HELP ME HELP U WITH NOT ONLY YOUR CHILD'S PROBLEM BUT THE PROBLEM DAT MANY KIDS ARE FACING IN AMERICA PLEASE VISIT WWW.ROLEMODELSRUS.NING.COM/ AND JOIN ME AS I GO WITH GOD'S HELP TO SAVE OUR CHILDREN..

Daniele - posted on 08/02/2009

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Greetings,
I would like to say that the enemy doesn't want anyone to take a stand for the Lord, especially young people. My daughter has faced simialiar giants as she has taen a stand for christ. This is what I do. I tell my Daughter, that God has called her to be a separarted nation, (meaning called her to be different, not to just fall into what the norm is). I tell her because of this the journey is lonely at times. I encourage her to continue to stand, and trust God that he will begin to show these girls that it's okay to be different, and she will begin to see God using her to minister to others, and because she refuses to compromise, these girls will begin to come to her asking her why she is willing to stand . I pray for your daughters courage, and endurance. Also as parents, pray over her every morning, that God will use her to draw his young people closer to him, ad to build a hedge of protection around her. I look forward to hearing about her facing these giants and watching them fall. God Bless, Daniele Hamlet, NC

Yvonne - posted on 08/02/2009

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My daughter had a tough time in 7th & 8th grade, she is going to 11th now and is doing great. We are also Christians and it was hard. I did the whole principal and counselor thing also. The best advice I can give is #1 Keep praying and encourage her to build christian friendships. #2 stay on the principal, this behavior should not be tolerated. #3 Report them to my space,threats on line are a reportable offense, include the police. Do that as last resort,it will make her a bigger target. #4 encourage her to get involved in activities to foster frienships at school, my daughter does band and they really syick together.#5 tell her to try to ignore them as much as possible.Bullies like when you get upset. Good luck will pray for you.

April - posted on 08/02/2009

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First and most important is that parents are the best and first teachers of their child. Teachers and principals always comes second and last. You know your child and you know whats best for her. You are the best advocate for her, so I know your religion is a big part of your family but when it comes down to it, no one looks at your religion when it comes to the treatment of your daughter in school.You gotta move on from that sorta, Please! don't be offended by that comment, it also goes for your daughter, no one is going to stop picking on her because of being a good christian. She has got! to stand up for herself. Whilst its telling the teachers or walking away from the problem she has to be the one to do it. Your not at the school with her when these bullies are around her. She must take a stand. Unfortunately that is how things are. They were like that back in the days and they are the same now.

My son has special disabilities and has gone through hell for what he cannot help doing. On top of that, he is responds to his emotions because of his metal retardation but also his ADHD. Horrible combination but it is what is happening in our lives right now. He has an IEP but that is because he is behind. Shouldn't be any different for your own child. You have every right to go visit her whenever you want. Lunch time or when she is in class, especially the classes these bulley's are picking on her. AND! she and you have every right to make a plan with all of the teachers in a meeting, amongst all of them at one time with you at the head of the table saying this is what needs to happen! Be firm! Be strong! because to tell the truth no one else is going to be. You want to things to be different for your little girl, you gotta make it happen! Running from it isn't going to help and it is not a good teaching moral for your little girl. When things get to tough just run away. NO!, that it is not a good moral to take anywhere in life, for the rest of her life and your family in general.

Being a strong mom is never easy but there are times to be tough and this is one of the many to come. The difference is that this one road block is now and not later. So take your daughter by the hand, take your husband, and yourself and you sit at that table, with the principal, teachers, monitors at recess that should be catching these bullies and you tell them how they treat your daughter from now on! Bullying is just to much to handle and when it comes to bullying in schools, it is to much for some students to handle. Gotta make a stand as a mother, your husband as a father and stand up for your daughter and make things happen! You are momma! Hear you roar! You make things change for your daughter because no teacher, no principal is going to. You make thing change momma! I know you can and all the momma's on here know as well, yes you can! There is no try, I hope, we will see, there is yes I will and there is no other choice for your daughter.

Stacy - posted on 08/01/2009

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I myself use to be bullied in school and it didn't feel nice either, I finally stood up for myself and told these girls that they had the problem not me, That if they had to put me down for their own self worth then so be it, I know I have friends that I can depend on and I didn't care what they said or thought. After a while of me ignoring them it wasn't fun for them anymore so they quit. Apparently the bullies have a LOW SELF ESTEEM problem, which gives them the attitude of thinking they are better than your daughter, and if it is posted on facebook or myspace, YEs you can talk to your local police because that is against the law...But I feel talking the their parents might make it worse for your daughter, Have your daughter tell these bullies that she don't care what they SAY, she dosen't base her life on wht they say or do, and that GOD is listening to every word they spit out...

Justine - posted on 08/01/2009

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Hi I am sorry to hear about your daughters problem, my daughter had a problem with bullies when she was 6! I was considering counceling but I ended up moving away and the new school where I moved was great which was lucky! Before we moved though she became very depressed and I had spoken to her teacher and principal many timaes and nothing was getting do so in the end I told them if nothing was going to get done about it I would take it to the media and the education board once I told them this something was done straight away. Give it a try and I hope it work!! As for them posting things on her myspace I would definately print them out and go to the police it might sound a little harsh but the kids responsible need to know they can not do this to others and if they do they will get into trouble. The police might just be the best people to do this. I hope everything works out for you, good luck :-) ox

Shelly - posted on 07/31/2009

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Oh Yvonne, I am so sorry that your daughter is going through this... my daugter as well ahs been bullied since the third grade and she is going into thenth this year.

As Christians you know that God wants us to pray for everyone, including our enemies - have your daughter and you too as parents start praying that God gives these girls what they need, what He thinks they need and what they are missing in their lives, obviously they are hurting inside from something. Your daughter also needs to get a back bone, my daughter just use to ignore them and she would come home just balling because of the stupid things that these other girls were saying... then one year in middle school she got a back bone and started standing up for herself and talking back to the girls... now I'm not telling you to tell your daughter to do that, I don't knwo the full rhealm of her situation.

KEEP ALL THE MYSPACE THREATS.

Is there a School Liason? (police officer in the school) If she or even if not bring the myspace stuff to the police and let them know what you have done and have tried to do, it is apparent that the school principal either does not want to deal with the situation or there is an underlying circumstance like money into the school or threats... it's hard to say.



I can only pray that God is watching over you and your family especially your little girl, I feel for her and my heart is just aching knowing what she must be going through with another school year approaching. Please keep me updated, our school has a ZERO tolerance policy for bullying and I think every school should your daughter should not have to be affraid to go to school or even feel like she is less of a person because SHE IS NOT. She is a precious gift from God that should be treated with respect.



Take care and good luck,

Shelly

Ericka - posted on 07/31/2009

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My daughter was being bullied by a girl in her 6/7 th grade. I spoke witht the principal a few times, which was useless. I spoke with the parents, that made it even worse. So, I put her in a Ju Jitsu program to work on her self esteem.( not to teach her to fight the girl.) But, we also told her not to back down or shy away from this girl and once she stood up for herself, the issue was resolved and the girl moved onto someone else. We believe that she saw her as the good girl she could pick on and get away with it.

[deleted account]

I am from a state where our legislature made bullying a crime. It is important that you stress this with those who are in any authority to help your daughter that it is a criminal act. If it is in the school handbook, if you have a school district policy, if you have city, county or state laws on this subject, use them to your advantage. Document every time she tells you what is going on. Print everything you see on the internet. You need to gather evidence. Sometimes when our kids are going through this, we think that if we do the "christian" thing and turn the other cheek, it will go away. You are good people to teach your child that...my son who was bullied has suffered some great depression and it has taken a long time to get any level of confidence in himself. Be the first if necessary to set a preceedance with your school and don't take it. NO ONE should go to school fearing for their physical, mental or emotional safety. This is a critical set of years and some of the worst bullying occurs in middle school (my son was bullied 5-8th grade). Take bigger than a stand and make them understand that it has to stop. Contact your local police dept. if you have questions. Good luck, I hope the very best for your family and your daughter.

Katie - posted on 07/30/2009

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Yvonne,
For this to get taken care of you need to threaten the school with negative publicity,call your local paper to do a story on it,and call the media.I have gone through the same thing with my oldest daughter.I wish I could've done something sooner,she has become a very depressed adult.She was bullied since the 2nd grade.She is 19 years old now and is very depressed,unhappy,doesn't make friends easily now because she doesnt trust anyone.DO IT NOW!I cannot stress enough how pro active you need to be...and good luck!!

Claire - posted on 07/30/2009

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I was in a similar situation at school, and sometimes unfotunately, other girls jump on the band wagon for the sake of it.... I bet you are at yur wits end.... If most of the bullying stems from school then the school should take more responsibility. Schools are not immune to complaints being made against their lack of action. I am sure that th Local Education Authority would not be too impressed. I work closely with schools rgarding bullies and those being bullied, and the fact that this has gone so far is terrible. Would your daugher's Counsellors be prepared to advised on immediate action from the school (making it more official) Tell the school that if immediate actio is not put in plae, then you will have to take it hight in the education authority.... in normal circumstances, being direct could cause more disruption for your daughter, but it sounds like it has gone too far for that...... at east then the pressure is with the school and not looking like you are targetting individual children.... good luck, and keep going!!!!!!! Don't accept no for n answer.....

Shannon - posted on 07/30/2009

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I have a similar problem with my son. He has been picked on and called names for the last 2 yrs. It has lowered his self esteem to a point that just breaks my heart. I end up meeting with the counslor at least twice a yr. and it quits for a while. We have a no tolerance policy for bullying, but I don't see where it is very effective. My son is highly intelligent and would rather read a book or write a book than play games with little girls. He is 13. So he gets picked on and called names. I told him to ignore them and let them laugh and when he is handing them their paychecks in 15 yrs he can laugh then. I have a feeling I will be in the office alot this year as it is his 8th grade year and I want this to STOP ALREADY! I feel for each and everyone of you and understand your worries and concerns. God Bless and good luck to you all.

Kamla - posted on 07/30/2009

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Hello OP! I am an immigrant to the US and I have an 8 year old. This is actually one of the concerns that I have for her. I am leary about this as of now. Dear daughter is really excited about starting school but I have my apprehensions. In your case, I would adbise to put everything into writing and go ahead and go legal if the school is not doing its role. I unedrstand the zero tolerance of fighting in school but these bullies ought to be taught a lesson. t will be a big hit on your child's ego and it could cause permanent damage if you do not act on it the soonest possible time. I am pretty sure you have heard about the boys in GA and MI who committed suicide due to bullying in school. One boy is 11 and the other one is 13, I'm not so sure. But, God forbid, do not allow things to get out of hand for your daughter. Act now and go legal. Bullying is not a joke!

Diann - posted on 07/29/2009

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Have you talked with her teachers? Often they are more aware of what is happening and various personalities than the principal. You might contact your school system's superintendent. Depending on what information is on MySpace, there may be some criminal action going on. Help your daughter find things she can be successful at in order to build her confidence. This will help her to handle the situation. Since you mentioned it, prayer is our greatest defense. If you and your daughter can pray for these girls, God can change them. She has an oportunity to shine for Christ and be a witness. Perhaps your youth minister can offer extra spiritual guidance.

Samira - posted on 07/29/2009

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Hi,
My son attends private school for that reason and although the UK has zero tolerance I believe it happens more than people like to admit. We have decided that we will continue private school education so that we at least have some power. The private schools take bullying very seriously. I recommend that you contact the local education board and complain about the schools lack of concern for you child. Contacting the police seems a good Idea but your daughter may not think so as this could cause her more trouble at school which could get out of hand. Find out if other girls are being bullied by the same girls and get together with those parents the school should take action if there are more parents complaining.

School should be a good experience and it saddens me that your child is not having that experience. These girls behaviours must originate from thier parents and thier upbringing. Unfortunately children can be cruel.

Jonell - posted on 07/28/2009

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I'm not sure what state you are in but I know with my son we were having a hard time like that an he is only on the 3rd grade and I can tell you from experience its not a easy job to get the school to listen. I would print out all the pages of threats and first go to the police and then make out a report and get your copy and go straight down to the school district in your city. Demand to talk to someone as high as you can go.. Fight for your kids mama as hard as you can an do everything possible

Cathay - posted on 07/28/2009

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Omg, I totally understand where you are coming from. This happened to both of my children and it gets frustrating and can be very upsetting. Since you have already notified the school then your next step should be contacting your local school board of trustees. Send emails out to everyone you can and if that doesn't help start notifying the police as well as the local tv news station. Let the school and board know you will do this if this issue isn't resolved. Sometimes some unwanted neg. press will help.....also make sure you cc all emails to the principle.....Also notify the police of the myspace....it's called cyber bullying....

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