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Bio Mom vs. Step Mom

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Issue

Jaime - posted on 04/23/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

769

I think all this nonsense between us has gone on long enough. I have said it many times I am finished fighting with you, but for some reason it never stops on both sides. The bitterness between us is starting to affect any relationship we could have with Tanner up here. Just want to point out I was here for the conversation you had with Matt last night, and although tempers were high I do know from what you had to say he was not unreasonably rude. I am not asking us to be the best of friends, or even friends for that matter. But once upon a time we were able to hold a civil conversation. You don't want me to step foot on your property, I respect that. But using your hatred towards me be the main reason for Tanner not being allowed to have visitation with us this coming weekend is ridiculous. Before you throw Tanner having basketball in my face, Matt had already decided to have Tanner home in time for basketball (regardless of what he said when he was angry) He was trying to make a point to you that for some reason you couldn't see. I know you are a very good mother to Tanner, I know you do anything and everything you can for him I just don't understand why you wouldn't be willing to help us out enforcing visitations?? Some of the stuff Tanner came out with during the phone call was alittle outragous, but he is entitled to his opinion just the same as we all are. Sorry got alittle of topic from my original plan.

After everything that has been said these last few weeks I am unsure how we have gotten to this point (must be another blond moment..LOL) If you could make a list of everything I do that seems to have put this huge wedge in this silly situation, that might beable to help out a little. Kinda like counselling, we are supposed to be the adults in this situation, not acting like highschool kids. We both have the same goal in mind, Tanner happiness. Things need to be worked on, otherwise it will probally end up alot worse than it is right now (if it could possibly get worse??)

Anyways thanks in advance for taking time out of your day!

Jaime

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Heidi - posted on 04/25/2009

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Well I guess when I wrote Matt should let me or Tanner know that he would get Tanner back in time for basketball I just assumed Matt would call to tell Tanner that. My mistake. I guess next time I should be a little more clearer in what I write so this doesn't happen again.

I will enjoy the weekend to the fullest thats for sure. The weather is suppose to be great today and maybe rain tomorrow, but whatever mother nature brings I will make the most of it thats for sure.

So enjoy!

Jaime - posted on 04/24/2009

769

Not sure how there was any miscommunication?? You asked me not to tell Matt, and that you would get back to me (which I assumed would have been last night sometime). There was no talk of Matt calling to speak with Tanner again, you had told me you were going to talk to Tanner when he got home from school yesterday. I also mentioned we would have had Tanner back in time for basketball on Sunday. Anyways not worrying about it, although it would have been a great opportunity for a longer visit.

Next time Tanner is available for a weekend visit, he can let Matt know and hopefully we will be able to connect.

Thanks I already had a great day shopping with Maddy in Toronto today, and have lots of stuff planned for the weekend. Just hoping the weather man is wrong and it doesn't rain!! TTYAD

Heidi - posted on 04/24/2009

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Well then there was some mis communication because I thought Matt might call Tanner to tell him that he would have him back in time for basketball, so I assumed that plans had changed.

Tanner said he will go if he is back in time and talked to Matt this morning about it, but now Matt can't get a hold of you so I guess the plans are up in the air.

So you enjoy your weekend and the beautiful weather we are suppose to have.

Jaime - posted on 04/24/2009

769

As I have not heard back regarding a visit this weekend, I will assume you either didn't ask Tanner or he has decided not to come. It would have been nice to hear either way. I did have Madison phone Tanner this morning at 8:30am but there was no answer.

When and if Tanner wants to visit with us for a weekend, all he will need to do is tell Matt during one of there phone conversations.

Have a great weekend, and enjoy the great weather we are supposed to have!

Heidi - posted on 04/23/2009

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You know you are right about one thing and that is all of this is between me and Matt. If he would take a stand and want to be more in Tanners life, things would be so much different and a whole lot better for Tanner. Tanner feels really unwanted and unloved by his father(not that he will tell him that) but I get to hear it on a regular basis. Matt has not once ever come to anything in regards to Tanner and schooling. He has never once showed an interest and that really hurts Tanner as well, but Matt does not see that. Tanner has feelings that have been hurt far to much over the years.

And yes the school does know about Matt. His name is on the registration as his biological father. All of Matts info is on there so he can feel free to call teh school anytime and talk to the Principal. I have already talked to the Principal myself to let him know what is going on and what may or may not happen.

When Tanner gets home from school I will talk to him about a visit this weekend and if he says he will go(providing Matt brings him to basketball) because if something comes up and all of a sudden Tanner doesn't go I know for a fact Tanner will be upset and so will I. You can let me know what time you will be here and I will have Tanner ready and waiting so that neither of us has to talk to one another. All I will have to know is if Matt will take Tanner to basketball or bring him home, because Tanner will need his basketball stuff and I would just meet Tanner there with what he needs. So for a visit this weekend it will have to wait till Tanner gets home, and I will have to get back to you. I am going to ask you not to tell Matt anything until I know for sure either way.

Jaime - posted on 04/23/2009

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I was more than willing to come tomorrow and pick Tanner up tomorrow, and yes Matt would have brought Tanner home for basketball. But you refused to let me pick Tanner up, so in the grand scheme of things you did stop this visit. No worries when Tanner is ready or avaiable he will always be welcom to visit. It is very sad to think Tanner feels the way he does, hopefully one day he will realize how much he does mean to Matt.
Any problem I have with you is the constant put downs involving our visits. Yes Matt has missed alot with Tanner, but he also missed alot with his girls as well. He has managed to create 2 very successful businesses, and now that he can trust others to run them occassionally he is trying take more time off for his family including Tanner.
Matt did not say he would pull Tanner out of school, just questioning if they know about joint custody, the same as his religion being changed. Whatever all that crap is between you and Matt.
I am not placing all the blame on you, I just don't understand why there is no encouragment on your side. It would be nice to hear hey I thought I could meet you
half way so Tanner can spend sometime with you guys? Not asking for you to do that everyweekend, just occassionally. Or even once a month. Same as me inviting you and your family to the boxing match, not asking to be BFF's just thought it would be a nice gesture.
We will leave it in Tanner's hands, the next visit can come from him!
Thanks for raising, loving such a great little guy!

Heidi - posted on 04/23/2009

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Well I want you to be aware that I am in no way stopping any type of visitation that you guys could have with Tanner. It was his choice to talk with his father last night. I didn't even know he was going to say what he did till after it came out of his mouth. I am proud of Tanner for sticking up for himself and standing his ground. That took a lot of courage. Its something that has been building in him for a very long time and I guess he has had enough.

I am sure if you go through all the posts that you and your friends have written you will know exactly why things have gotten to this point.

AS for this weekend I know nothing about Tanner going to visit. Last I heard out of Matts nouth was when Tanner is ready or has time to visit then Tanner can give him call. I even asked Tanner after he had time to cool down from talking to Matt if he was going and he told me he wasn't. So if anything has changed I guess someone needs to let me and Tanner know about that. So if Matt was trying to make a point, I am not sure what that point was. What I gathered from Matt it was going to be on his terms and nothing more. I think it would be great if Matt could make the time for Tanner, but for years now he has not and I always get the blame. I am not saying I am innocent in all of this, but I certainly won't take the blame for everything, because Matt not coming to see Tanner is by Matts choice. He always has an excuse and I am fed up, and by the looks of things so is Tanner, by what he said last night to Matt. A person can only take so much before they snap and I guess Tanner did just that last night. He was being honest with his dad and his dad got mad at him.

And for the record I wasn't getting angry or yelling last night when I spoke with Matt, I didn't even raise my voice. Tanner, Kaden, and Joe were all here listening to my conversation. I only stopped the conversation when Tanner came back in the house to say he wanted to talk to his dad.

One more thing in regards to Tanner...For Matt saying he is going to yank Tanner from the school he is in, he can go ahead and try, but I know for a fact that, that will for sure put a wedge in type of relationship he could ever possibly have with his son. Tanner loves the school he is in, and I can't see any court force him to change schools because of a father that really doesn't take time out for his son.

And again for the record not once have I ever said I hated you or Matt. I may dislike some things that have gone on, but in all honesty I don't hate anyone, never have and never will. Life is to short to hate people. So for you to say that Tanner is not allowed to visit you guys is so off the wall and completely wrong. Tanner is more then welcomed to visit his other side of the family whenever he wants and he knows that because I let him know that all the time. I love all of my sons and would stand by whatever decisions they make whether people agree with it or not. My boys happiness will always come first and foremost.

So enjoy your day...