Bio Mom verses Stepmom

Amie - posted on 05/31/2012

I completely agree! I have said and done some things over the past few years im ashamed of! I.am the Bio mom of three beautiful kids and their step.mom and I.have really had some battles! I came on here a few yrs ago totally bashing her because I was livid at the things she would do or say, BIG MISTAKE ON MY PART! I have grown up and seen that the words I used all though not all of them.wrong, my actions and the way I did it was totally unexceptable" now that I've had a chance to.grow and see my mistakes I want to tell all step moms and Bio moms. That's ITS NOT ALL BLACK AND WHITE" I am sorry if I offend any step.moms and Bio moms! I am now trying to salvage any chance at a relationship w the step mom and needing any advice on how to.continue to.be openminded and try not to jump to.the assumption she hates me! !!

Sally - posted on 04/26/2012

Victim? Roles? No victim here..role model..yes. Ya, I am trying to be a stepmom to my 2 stepdaughters. I work, I pay the bills, I clean my own house, I do the laundry, cook, take kids to school. No, never said we step moms are victims. Were people too and some biomoms don't look at it that way. You must not have a biomom hovering over your shoulder.I have a "do as I say" not as I do situation. She wants to be included in dance classes with her daughters, But she tells me I can't volunteer on a field trip? How fair is that..She doesn't pay for the classes and she doesn't take them..I do? Sure she could come but it's always really uncomfortable because she's she's set the tone be that way. I am, too, a biomom to 2 children 12 and 7 months. My daughter is from my first marriage and I don't give my ex's girlfriend of 2 years any crap. I set the tone. I guess in any family you talk about whats best for the kids. I think I'd be a little peeved if the new wife permed or colored my daughters hair with out talking to me but I think it would be crazy at any level. I look at it from that perspective when it comes to my own step kids. Would I do that to my own daughter?? All I know is that I'm tired of being told what I can and can't do. I've done nothing illegal or wrong. If getting their nails painted is a crime.... guilty!!!lol

Tanya - posted on 04/26/2012

Post a reply! So very very true^^^... I don't understand the whole victim act, poor me I'm just trying to be a stepmom, I'm one just as well and never acted the way that my kids stepmoms act. It's the kids that matter, why can't it be just left at that, they have a mom and dad, don't replace just be thankful to be another person that is a big party of their life, be your own role, don't try to take the place of someone that is irreplaceable. I don't get why it's so hard to just understand, maybe if the shoe was on the other foot, you would think twice, but even though you should try to have some respect and consideration. Hopefully one day....

Connie - posted on 04/11/2012

I am bent out of shape about my husband ex because she has act like a child for 6 years.



When I first started dating my husband. The ex act like she was the one that was insecure because her ex-husband is in a relationship. This is 2 years after their divorce when I came into the picture.



She got real upset when we moved in together. She called and told him one day that the kids were not going to come and stay with him for thanksgiving because she did not know who I was and did not trust me around her kids. He reminded her the court mandated rights he has and he had rights to the kids. We met half way to pick the kids up and she had already filled the daughters mind with crap. Starting off with Dad: How come you are living with a woman in your house you do know you are living in abomination. Now this was real funny to be hearing such words from a 6 year old. Considering her mother is not into deep religion and goes to bars on the weekends.



When we finely got married and my husband wanted the children to be part of the wedding the BM had a fit about that. Said the children could not be part of it because it was on her time to have the children for just 3 weeks in the summer before they came to us. Usually she is ready to get rid of the kids when they barely getting out of the school for summer. Like it cuts into her party time. but since we were getting married and usually ended up with the kids a day after they are out of the school she decided she wanted to spend her 3 weeks with them before they came to us.



When I became pregnant with our first child the BM told the kids that they are now being replaced and will probably see less of their father since he has started his new family.

Really how sick can you get as a BM?



I have never try to X out my sd or ss out of their father lives or our lives. I had looked at them as a plus to be a part of my life and the extended family I was going to have because I knew I wanted children.



I get alone with my SS great. My SS when he gets older is going to be a great man. He enter acts with my BD. However my SD does not. She has a very cold stare when it comes to her half siblings. I worry about my BD and new born son to even be around her. She has been destructive and I blame the BM for it.



The SD has tore up my lap top and I was nice enough to let her sit down and use it if she wants. This is when she is a little older. She has went outside on a rainy day to the barn took my $600 saddle and deliberately through it in the mud puddle, it soaked in the rain and mud puddle all night before we discovered it. She admit up to it. Her excuse? she was punishing me after I told my husband she is to no longer to ride my horse if she can not ride it right. She is disrespectfully ruff with the reins and yanking them . She basically said she didn't care cause she knew it was my horse. So regardless she is going to take it out on an animal that did nothing to her.



We can be at the dinner table and the sd will start up conversation from the past.

She has ask why daddy did not stay with mommy

she sits at the table and tries to bring up the pass of something had to do with mommy , him , brother and her on vacations and do you remember this or this.

How did you and mommy meet



When I was pregnant with my son and she found out I was pregnant with him she mouthed off that I had already had one kid could I not kept my legs closed.



I had my son last month. around the time we suppose to had my husbands kids for spring break but the BM called my husband and said the daughter wanted to go to the aunts house for spring break to be with the cousin and would like for them to go there. His sister called him back to be sure he was okay with it because it was such a push for his kids to go to her house and it got my SIL daughter excited so he okay the kids to go there for spring break. but later on after I did have my son over their spring break we found out that the BM plan for the kids to be over there because as she put it, she did not want her kids experiencing anything falling out of my C***T.



To top off the insults after spring break was over with and the following weekend the BM decided to come for a surprise visit. She ended up on our door step acting like she came for the benefit of their children to see their father and wanted to know if she could drop the kids off for one day while her and her friend went shopping. She came into the house as I held my newborn acting all friendly, asked how I was doing, did the baby make it into the world safely, said she didn't want to send the kids for spring break for my sake ( yea right) that it may be to much pressure for me since I was expecting to drop any day. I had excuse myself to the kitchen and while I was in the kitchen all I could hear is her friend and her laughing, whispering how I was stupid getting pregnant with the second one yabbering about my first one being a mistake, and don't I know that her kids comes first, and her commenting that she makes damn sure of it too. by the time I walk back in there, she asked if I was going to have any more children and I do not know why I even answered No to her it was not any of her business. She walks toward the door mumbling, that is a good idea that you don't and start calling for my husband



It was the most awkward rude moment. I didn't appreciate her coming over here with out calling, especially after all the crap about the SS and SD coming to stay for spring break



So what I see about BM is BM are the one that do not teach their kids that there is a possibility that their daddy will move on and marry someone else. BM's do not condition the factor. Some how I get the idea that most BM's think they are the golden uterus. They were first and of course anything first comes to them first. Most BM act like that their ex-husband is to not to every marry. They become the dial in handyman in their lives and they use their children to get their stuff done.



My car is broke down. What? you are not going to come and fix the car? So you are going to deny your kids transportation.



My washer is going out, can you come look at my washer? what? so you going to deny your kids on having any clean clothes.



I'm having problem with this man. He will not go away. I am scared, can you come over? I am afraid he might hurt the kids.



I need extra money for the kids cloths the child support I get is not enough.



Uh ? What? you are not going to give me what I want? See you in court!



I put the stop to the handyman calls. There is a reason for the divorce and he has plenty to take care of around here.



Am I jealous of the BM? uh no. However I am irritated over the crap she puts in the kids head. I do not know how the son has brushed her off but the daughter is disturbed. The dad has been here to correct her.



The SS does not like his mother. She is constantly pumping them for information about our lives over here. It sounds to me she is the one jealous. I could care less about every moment of her life.



The SS wants to come and live with us but the BM pulls the tear jerker sobs out and he changes his mind to stay with her and at the same time she has threaten if either kids comes and want to live with the father she would start calling CPS , taking us to court, and promise a very miserable life.



It is no wonder that most BM's are view being awful.



As a friend of mine says. You are in the 90% or 10%. The 10% people who are step moms do not have to deal with the BM. They just come drop the kids off and get on their merry way living their lives and the kids benefit from both worlds, how ever most of us ends up in the 90% zone Where the BM has a point to prove that you the SM was never first and will not get any more then she did out of him. She was the first love and that does not disappear because you SM are in his life. We wish we could be the 10 percenter.

Sally - posted on 04/04/2012

Your welcome.:))..I think we all need reassurance sometimes when it comes to exes and kids and exes wives and all that fun stuff..lol. The things that we get dished to us sometimes is crazy!! It's been 10 years since I left my first husband because of abuse, physical and mental. He was an alcoholic. Lets just say it's been a long haul. Lots of nasty phone calls, words that I didn't even know existed thrown around, and a few court appearances have made today a lot more livable. He found someone who can love him for who he is and I did too...It's crazy because now that I have one part part of my life under control I now have another battle to fight...thing is it shouldn't be mine to fight but I keep getting brought into the ring!!! I do my best..I think we all do but sometimes it feels like it isn't enough for some people and thats their dysfunction...not ours. I guess I'm trying to say is you might bet bruised and feel like things are getting to a point where it time to give up. Iv'e always like the saying what won't kill you will make you stronger! Sometimes being called a bitch is a good thing.....I call it my secret life force that keeps me going....hey my ex called me one all the time so I turned into something positive....:)

Jennifer - posted on 04/04/2012

Thanks Sally. I will always love my kids and like you said, hopefully one day they will see things for what they really are. Whenever I call and talk to them the stepmom is right there listening to our conversation. I never really have an opportunity to connect with them. Hopefully, once they move out of their dad's house they will see things differently. Until then, I need to just learn how to not take things so personally. I just need moral support. I sometimes feel like I'm a terrible parent because of how I've been treated by my ex and his wife. They do everything to make me feel that way including bringing up the past from 11 years ago and throwing it in my face. I know I am a good person and I am a good mom, but sometimes I just need that reassurance.

Sally - posted on 04/03/2012

Thanks for the tip! I actually did erase it this last time...I'm just afraid shell put an order on me so I can't do anything. She's has a reputation for doing that soooo I am very afraid....her oldest son's stepmom had an order put on her about 13 years ago that she couldn't be alone with her stepson. My husbands ex made up something and the court took it a factual and it stuck. My husband had a restraining order put on him when they separated in 2004. SHe said he threatened her life but then again that wasn't true either. It doesn't need to be true for it take affect...she just has to go fill out the paperwork....so lets just say this chick is a little off...:)

Sally - posted on 04/03/2012

Wow you have a lot on your plate! All you can do is extend open arms to show that you aren't the person your ex and his new wife claims you to be. Kids eventually see things for what they really are and may come around. Don't give up.....at 18 things are crazy and maybe cutting the kids off when they only want something might be a good thing....:) it's hard but you can't make them change how they feel, only you can change how you deal with it......good luck......oh and try child support services of your county. Sometimes they can help out. I know I had some good luck. I realize it's mainly child support but they have lots of resources...

Sally - posted on 04/03/2012

Thats pretty young....I met my sd's when they were 1 and2 and now they are 9 and 10....I've been told im not mom since the get go which I realize....but I've never had then call me mom so the ex shouldn't have any thing to worry about. Belittling you in front of her son is a big NO NO!!! She should know better and all that is low self esteem and jealousy....It's in our court orders that they not talk about either parent in front of the kids...but if he feels okay calling you mom go for it...:)

Jennifer - posted on 04/03/2012

I too have dealt with this for eleven years. I was 16 when I had my daughter and 18 when I had my son. I made pretty poor choices in my youth and because of those choices, my ex had custody of our two children. I have been a part of their lives since they were born, but when my ex remarried his 10 years ago, they have done everything to keep me out of the picture. We share custody of our children but I've never gotten any respect or support from my ex or his wife. In fact they belittle me in front of my kids. Now that my daughter is almost 18 she treats me poorly. She only wants to spend time with me when she wants something. It makes me so sad and I have such a hard time dealing with this. I wish she knew how much I love her and my son. I never wanted things to be like this and the step mom calls my kids her kids, she acts like I'm not even their mom. My kids never call me I always text or call them. My parents can't contact my kids because my ex blocked their number from my kids cell. Now my daughter is going to the Navy and I want to spend as much time with her as I can. However, she doesn't seem to see the importance of seeing any of my family like my parents. I am at my wits end. I don't know what to do. The justice system has failed me time and time again. I've tried getting custody of my kids but becuase of small town politics and the step mom working for the DA's office, I haven't had a fair shot. Sorry I just needed to vent.

Penny - posted on 03/30/2012

I met him when he was 4 he is now 7 , He asked if he could call me mom . I told him when I met him I wanted to be his friend . My husband and I don't speak negatively in front of him about his mother she is his mother she does deserve respect ! But she is always talkng bad to him about me . When he tells me things she has said and that she tells him she hates me . I just look and say I'm sorry she feels that way . what else can you say ?

Sally - posted on 03/30/2012

Hmmm he should call you by your name. That's a boundary that i wont even cross. If he's little that might be different or if he's like 15 then that's his choice. Kids will do what they feel comfortable with so if that's what he calls you then it would be a topic to talk to you spouse about. If he doesn't care then go for it. Just know that legally your not biomom so don't get confused. It would be a little hurtful if my daughter called her stepmom, mom, but whatever works I guess :)

Penny - posted on 03/30/2012

What I do when his ex sends nasty emails I just hit delete . It's your home

Don't let other ppl tell u how to mother or run your house . You be mom at your

House . The kids will see her for what she is . Don't let them be put in the middle

Sally - posted on 03/30/2012

My stepdaughter mother is very mean to me. I've tried to be nice to her. I send pictures of her daughters when we do something. My youngest sd got new glasses and she'd asked me to send her mom a picture showing her glasses and I did because it was the nice thing to do. She jumped my ass for trying to be 'mom'? I simply took my sd to pick up her new glasses. It was our custodial day and I paid for them. So sometimes we stepmoms get a bad wrap for being human and caring for children that aren't ours. Don't get me started on what happened when I volunteered for a field trip a week ago! The email she sent me was very upsetting...

Sally - posted on 03/30/2012

My sd's biomom constantly tells us what to do through email. I want to her to stop so bad. I don't want to have any contact and for her to leave me alone. She mentions that I control things and to back off but never mentions what I actually did. So my husband feels that she needs to dictate what I do to feel in control of her situation. I know what I can and can't do..court orders don't say I can't make brownies or go on school field trips with my stepdaughter's. She should have first dibs but my husband never gets any dibs, And that's not fair

Sally - posted on 03/30/2012

My husband doesn't want to get in a tit tat war with her. The emails she's sending are crazy. Just basically telling me that her position isn't vacant and stop being a mom. I have two kids of my own and a household to manage. Yes I am a "mom" but I know what the boundaries are. They don't call me mom or act like I am. I do for them like I do for my other two. I cook, clean, do homework make treats for their classes. Twice a year my husband and I take the girls to the dentist all three if them together. She doesn't like it but we carry insurance and we make the appts. We've never told her to not come, but when she does she makes the girls sit next to her and they can't talk to me.

Penny - posted on 03/30/2012

Maybe she emails you because he won't respond to her . I have asked my husbands ex to stop emailing me as well , Her response is you read it. He never responds to her she says .

Penny - posted on 03/30/2012

My ss mom tells him to call me by my name , Or his other mom . Every time he says mom said to her she gets so upset . I would think she would want him to be comfortable . I know I do



why does it matter what he wants to call me ?

Sally - posted on 03/26/2012

My husbands ex emails me? ive asked her to stop but she wont

Sally - posted on 03/26/2012

I am trying to get info about how to deal with my husbands ex. I am a mom to my 6 month old son and a 12 year daughter, also, I am a stepmom to 2 little girls. They were 1 and 2 when I met them and they are now 9 and 10. I do everything for them when they are here with us at our house. The biomom hates that. I wish I could tell her that Im just being a mom but I know Im not mom. I've never declared myself as such. I actually correct other people when they ask if they are my daughters. I usually reply yes they are my girls but I'm stepmom. The girls know what I mean and they know who mom is. Their mother emails me these awful letters saying i don't have the parental right to do anything for her girls. They live with us 4 days out of the week. I always talk to the father before I do anything. Always have. For example...haircuts. She has done it once in the 9 years I've known them. Usually we have to do. She flips out when we do have it done...but won't do it herself? Also, like the dentist. The girls dad will take them because she never did. but when we do she thinks I'm controlling things and playing mom? You have to remember my eldest also goes to the dentist and we have them go together. There is just sooo much stuff to say buy it feels no matter what I do or don't do she'll always find something to say. I made brownies for my eldest stepdaughters teachers bday...and she said I was trying to replace her?? Somebody help me???

Lisa - posted on 11/20/2011

Bio moms&step-moms dont get along bcos of jealousy & insecurity. Whether its 1 sided or comes from both, the result is still the same: the child(ren) suffer!
If u have 2 nit pick about things, such as the silverware they use, compare how long it took 4 hubby 2 propose 2 u/the ex, or proclaim ur not insecure bcos u have everything u want/need-ur just as guilty!
In my situation, my 10 y/o dd has been put thru hell bcos her father cannot take responsibility 4 his own actions! He continuously twists&manipulates my woords, actions & our daughters mind&feelings!

I tried 2 reach out 2 her sm in the begining 2 have a civil relationship 4 my dd's sake, but The ex has made her so bitter&insecure that there is nothing but hate there!

It breaks my heart 2 c the pain my dd is in & frustrates me 2 no end how difficult it is 2 get the court system 2 hold him responsible or help me put an end 2 this!

Holly - posted on 11/05/2011

It's really sad to here half of this bs stuff when it comes to biomoms and the step mom. lol why can't we all just get along. In my case me and my ex husband we were all ways able to get along and have that good communication with one another for our kids. Once he got with his soon to be fiance he has done a 100% change and won't call to talk to his kids as much anymore and when he does call he has to go behind her back to give me a call just to see how his kids are doing. I remember his fiance told me once that since i got remarried to my current husband now, she once said now that i'm married that it is not my ex husbands responsibility to take care of his kids anymore that it's my husbands job now... LOL i thought really she must be living in another world if that is what she really thinks. It is just really sad that his fiance has to be so selfish. but i have came to the point that i don't even have anything to do with the stepmother anymore due to fights and i just don't have the time for it.

C - posted on 11/03/2011

Me too.. I am a step mom and a Bio mom... I did not see that forum.. Thats really too bad.

Kyleigh - posted on 10/29/2011

I know the SM and I didnt get along at first but now its getting to a point where we tolerate one another , im far from being jealous of her with my ex and that isnt even an issue!! Im re married and very happy :) couldnt ask for a better DH!
The benefit from being a SM and a BM , is that you know the do's and donts and what hurts peoples feelings and what not, but for some they are just stubborn and immature, try to ignore the BS coming from the SM and just smile. Enjoy your life :)

Tammy - posted on 07/13/2011

Same thing here. Ugh! It's not easy, huh? SPITEFUL & BITTER. My stepkids are older & 2 out of the 3 of them see her antics. They tell us all the time. If he's small, hang in there because he WILL see it if she continues her behavior. Honestly, I pray all the time that she is taught a lesson. Nothing bad, just to learn, but it may not be possible. Some people are just that way. Teaches you a lot about people. Not easy to deal with all the hostility.

Penny - posted on 07/13/2011

I am determined to make his life better . She can be ugly and spiteful , One day the ss will see how she is and learn that her ugly biterness is just her being spiteful . She is mad because my husband and I got married right after their divorce.

Tammy - posted on 07/13/2011

Sorry Penny. It's not easy. I don't know why ex-wives sometimes act like that, maybe she's jealous of you? It's hard not to feel bad & you worry for the kids. Hang in there & just do your best. If she's still the same, there's nothing you can do, just accept it & live your own life, disregard her.

Penny - posted on 07/12/2011

I have tried to talk to her , When the ss is here and gets sick I try to keep her informed , I try to think how I would feel if it was my son that I was sharing custody with my Ex and I try to make things fair for her where he is concerned . She calls me names to him and tells him things that are mean and hurtful , He comes back to our house and says things like my mom hates you . I just don't think this is healthy for a 6 year old little boy .

Tammy - posted on 07/12/2011

I'm a biomom & stepmom too. Biomom sets the tone. If she's bitter & not nice, doesn't cooperate, the kids pay & no one gets along. That's how biomom is in my case (my stepkids Mom). I'm also a biomom, but get along great with my ex, his girlfriend & cooperate. The kids are doing great & there is almost never tension on that side. The biomom sets the tone. It says a lot about the person how they handle this. Some women are weak, bitter & nasty. Just feel for them, they probably have no friends. It's sad really

Elizabeth - posted on 11/25/2010

Thats what my ex is for, we talk about our son and other things. We're closer than your average ex's.

Brittany - posted on 11/25/2010

You don't- this only works when two adults are willing to put aside their differences for a child.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/24/2010

Brittany,
LMAO Why on earth would I want to talk or e mail my ex's wife?

Brittany - posted on 11/24/2010

Just do everything via email and keep communication strictly about child. I did this with bio mom and the relationship has gotten much better because of it; we are not friends but we show respect for each other, even if it is only because it is on record. In my case what ever issues we had were because bio mom didnt like that my son now has two mommies and is being raised by me as well (he spends most of his time with me), and honestly I think that yes I am jealous that she got to carry the most precious thing in my life in her belly. If all personal feelings, from both moms,are put aside for the sake of the child then things could be much better. All communication is between me and her and it seems to work out okay.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/15/2010

They hate not having control over the situation, not knowing what they talk about with their ex. They rely on us to do or don't do something to make their marriage good. I read a post on here about a stepmom that thinks the biomoms needs to appreciate them, because their husbands don't do anything lol really? How exactly am I responsible for your marriage? or how your husband treats you?

Peggy - posted on 10/14/2010

I totally agree, Elizabeth! I got to the point where I said enough was enough and all the correspondence regarding my children needed to come from my ex and not her. I still really have no way of knowing for sure if that's what is happening, since most of our communication is via email. You would think it was the worst thing ever to her. I really feel like she wants to be their mother and any loss of control over them made her upset.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/13/2010

Why do step moms have to deal with biomoms anyway? Their husbands or Sig others should be doing that, especially if there is drama and hatred between step mom and biomom. Really why would you want the drama?

Peggy - posted on 10/13/2010

I have found that there are endless resources, blogs, twitter profiles, message boards, etc that deal with stepmoms having to deal with biological mothers. It seems completely one-sided to me and ridiculous.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/06/2010

Because sometimes it easier to hate and belittle the ex, than to admitt that your man/husband has faults too and/or that you made a bad choice. I read other step-parenting forums and I don't understand why they get bent out of shape about their husbands ex.
I only deal with my ex, and we get along for the most part; we go eat lunch with our son together, take him to appointments etc. We can talk with each other about really anything.

His wife tried once to put me in my pace and she failed misserably, and ended up crying lol.

Lori - posted on 04/12/2010

My post is located in Biomoms VS Stepmoms under "Why do Birth Moms hate Step Moms so much?"

Heidi - posted on 04/12/2010

What forum is it in? I would love to have a look see.

Lori - posted on 04/11/2010

Please see my post in conversations under "Why do Birth Moms hate Step Moms so much".

Penny - posted on 01/25/2010

Well I know the bio mom of my ss hates me , She is always saying I am trying to control things here , My ss is 5 years old they have week on and week off custody I don't bask her in front of the ss , But I have told me ex she is dumb. She clearly can't even see what is the best for her son . I get very angry as a mom that she is holding him back , She still has him eating with toddler silverware ...

Seems she is driven with anger where I am concerned , I dated my husband only for a short period before we goyt married . I think she is angry because of that husband says they dated for 6 years before he asked her and asked me within 6 months ..

I don't think we will ever be friends but really wish she could treat me better for the sake of her son .....

Heidi - posted on 12/07/2009

Any parenting situation can be stressful. but as a bio mom dealing with a neglectful bio dad, and a stepmom that has tried in the past(but no longer) its a rough road. I also have a stepson with whom has not seen or heard from his bio mom in almost 3 years. I have nothing bad to say about the bio mom, other then the fact it does really bother me that she pushed her only child aside for some loser. I am not going to bash her in any other way as I truly don't know her. I have been with my ss and my husband for almost 9 years, and in all honesty in all this time I have had to deal with the bm maybe half a dozen times.

I think it would be great to be able to have some sort of civil relationship with the sm in my situation and also the bm, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. All I can do is be here for my boys, and make sure they are taken care of and loved. They know who loves them and who cares about them, and in reality thats what matters.

I am not at all jealous of anyone. I have everything I could have ever asked for and then some. My life is complete and I wouldn't trade it with anyone, ever,

Christy - posted on 11/22/2009

As a bm and sm, I understand that the whole situation can be stressful. I don't have to deal with sms because neither of the bio dad's have remarried. As a sm, the courts ruled that we were to have sole custody bc bm is negligent and unfit. So I do bash her a lot but she hasn't seen my skids since Feb and hasn't made any attempt although she does have court ordered supervised visitation. I'm not jealous of her and really could care less what she does. My skids call me mom and they don't even ask about bm anymore. They know who loves them and provides for them.

Amanda - posted on 11/21/2009

As a stepmom I can reply with...no not all stepmoms are jealous of the bio mom. As a matter of fact, I believe that if a child has a good stepmom/stepdad that will love and care for them like they would their own...the bio parent should be very lucky and not complain. Stepmoms are moms too whether anyone wants to see it or not. They can't take the place of the bio mom but they can be someone they can count on just the same. I love my stepson as if he was my own. The bio appreciates that very much. I appreciate her also for accepting me as his stepmom.

Kerrie - posted on 11/09/2009

I spent years inviting my kids Bio mom to everything including family events because it was my opinion that the kids would be better off if their mom and I were on the same page (My husband has custody) Now that the kids are teenagers and adults I find out that she has constantly talked about me behind my back and has allowed the kids to do things My husband and I would never approve of. Unfortunately her response to my husband that she would rather it if I weren't around has cause these invitations to end!Since then younger of the two has now started having serious attitude problems and behavior problems. It is amazing that adults cannot see what they do to their kids by acting petty like this!

Staci Lyn - posted on 11/02/2009

I am also a BioMom and a StepMom. My ex is not in the picture at all so there is no drama on that front. My husband and I have sole custody of all the kids. In my case it is the BioMom that constanty encourages the kids to disrespect both my husband and I but especially me. I don't understand why exes cannot simply cooperate for the kids.

Diana - posted on 10/17/2009

ME aswell> I am both Bio mom and step mom. And it has made me a better step mom because iam a bio mom dealing with a step mom. She of course is a very young and controling step mom. I am not either. I hate having to defend myself. But in defending myself do i feel as if iam doing something wrong so i must defend myself. hmmmmmm conflicting.

Lori - posted on 10/07/2009

I am both a bio mom and a step mom... And to be honest I believe I am a better mom then then bio mom of my step daughter (So do the courts) But... I don't think that the two step moms involved with two of my other children's lives are bad at all. I don't always like them. But I think they are just as good of a mom to them as I am and sometimes even better.

Heidi - posted on 05/26/2009

Well I can't speak for everyone, but I know for a fact I am not at all jealous of what my ex has now. I left him because he was a cheater and an abuser. I don't need that in my life at all, nor does my son. My son rarely sees his father, which means I rarely have to deal with him. My ex has made his bed now he can lie in it whether he stays with his wife or not, I don't care. Honestly if I never had to see any of the again I would be happy, but I would not deny my son if he wants to go and see his dad. He knows he can whenever he wants, but he also knows that his father rarely has the time for him. My sons knows a lot of whats going on because his so called stepmom posts it on facebook and my son can read and he is on facebook so nothing is a secret in his fathers life thats for sure.