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Oh my baby boy

Desire - posted on 01/13/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I cant believe it.



Tomorrow my son that was placed will turn 1 years old. Wow time flys. i cant believe it has been that long. it seems like just yesterday i gave birth and got to hold and kiss and love him for the first time. since i was the proudest happiest momma on earth. and two short days later papers were signed. He went home with an amazing family. This last year has been anything but easy. as i find myself reduced to tears and heartbreaking screams as my heart once again breaks into little pieces (dont get me wrong i dont believe i made a mistake) but it hurts all the same. Part My heart flys and dances everytime i get a letter and picutres of him. I am happy to know that he is healthy and happy and growing up to be a strong handsome little boy. but then the other part of my heart aches and screams in pain as i realize i cant see things in him but in picutres and hear about them in letters.



but when i take the time to stop and really think about him and remember why i did it. it makes me happy and im proud to be his mommy. i am proud of myself for what i have given to him.



I have decided that i am going to celebrate his birthday. a cake and everything. and when i blow out the candles i will have one thing in mind. HIM! and wish that one day we will be together again. oh my baby boy. how much i love you. I just hope he know!

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2 Comments

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Lisabeth - posted on 06/30/2010

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hi, i do not know how you feel completely cause I am still in the first stages of this. I placed my son may 26th. Just a little over a month ago. I do know i made the right decision but it still isn't easy. I understand the wanting to be there to see everything that they do as they grow up. I am wondering if you have any advice on how to make it thru the first couple months. I seem to do well than just lose it. any thoughts I would appreciate it. Also I know your son knows you love him. You gave him a wonderful gift and he will know how much you loved him.

Deborah - posted on 04/30/2010

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I really appreciate your post-I've been there, I have 2 children I placed for adoption (ages 8 and 4) and I'm lucky that they are with the same parents. I went through very similar feelings-and still do sometimes and though the pain never goes away completely, trust me, it does get a little easier with time. It sounds like you have a semi-open adoption so your son will know you are his birthmom at some point. If your'e anything like me that couldn't happen sooner, but it takes both the adoptive families and the children time for that to happen. Both of my children are starting to understand they came from my tummy, my son who is 8 is already asking pretty interesting questions to his mom. Me and her have had a difficult time being totally comfortable with each other, but it's getting a lot better. I tell you all this to reassure you that it does get easier and that your son will always know in his heart that what you did was out of love. One suggestion that I wish I would have known about sooner is write a journal of letters to your son, keep it and give it to him when he's 18-include pics and what's going on in your life and why you made that choice. I'm hoping this will help my children at some point get a better understanding of it.

I'm sorry for the long response but I could relate SO much to what you wrote I felt compelled to share. Good luck and celebrating his bday is a great idea!!

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