Desire - posted on 01/13/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )
I cant believe it.
Tomorrow my son that was placed will turn 1 years old. Wow time flys. i cant believe it has been that long. it seems like just yesterday i gave birth and got to hold and kiss and love him for the first time. since i was the proudest happiest momma on earth. and two short days later papers were signed. He went home with an amazing family. This last year has been anything but easy. as i find myself reduced to tears and heartbreaking screams as my heart once again breaks into little pieces (dont get me wrong i dont believe i made a mistake) but it hurts all the same. Part My heart flys and dances everytime i get a letter and picutres of him. I am happy to know that he is healthy and happy and growing up to be a strong handsome little boy. but then the other part of my heart aches and screams in pain as i realize i cant see things in him but in picutres and hear about them in letters.
but when i take the time to stop and really think about him and remember why i did it. it makes me happy and im proud to be his mommy. i am proud of myself for what i have given to him.
I have decided that i am going to celebrate his birthday. a cake and everything. and when i blow out the candles i will have one thing in mind. HIM! and wish that one day we will be together again. oh my baby boy. how much i love you. I just hope he know!