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Heartbroken from what the adoptive family has done.

Lisa - posted on 01/06/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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This is my first post to this website. Pretty much I am looking for mothers that has gone through what I am going through cause I really feel alone in all of this. Myboyfriend doesn't understand and neither does my family. Here is my story. I had my 2 boys taken from me because I was using drugs. I cleaned up and tried to get them back. But no matter what I did it wasn't good enough for the welfare system. The entire time my boys was in foster care they kept moving from place to place. Finally they landed in a nice home with a nice family. I had decided to give my boys up for adoption to the family because I seen how happy my boys were. Plus my caseworker pretty much told me that I was not getting them back. So I decided to do what was best for them because if I didn't there was a chance they would go back into foster care and possibly be seperated and I didn't want that. It was supposed to an open adoption but it doesn't feel like it. When I call I'm always rushed. Plus they only want me to see them at a McDonald's that is kinda far for me to get to. So I haven't seen them in a long time. Then just the other day I find out that they have changed their names. The adoptive family never told me. I had to find out here on facebook. It broke my heart when I found out. Now I feel like I am being erased from their lives and I keep wondering if I should keep going through all the stress just to see them or talk to them. I want them to be happy but I also want to be happy. I need to be happy for my other daughter I have at home. I don't want her to see me depressed and crying all the time. Please if anyone has any advice let me know. I could really use some because I really have no idea what to do and it might help just to have someone to talk to about all of this.

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5 Comments

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Stacie - posted on 02/24/2010

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It also hurt my children when i was going to see them. I didnt stop seeing them just for myself. It is in the best interest of my children.

Danielle - posted on 02/24/2010

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It doesn't ever stop hurting. Doing the right thing isn't always easy but it's still the right thing. You are the adult here not your kids so you need to make the right decision. Things are different for everyone. Seeing my son is the hardest thing in the world for me but having me in his life is important to him so I go see him every chance I get. It hurts and I cry, a lot, but again I am the adult and the pain is the same either way so why not do what I can to let him know that even though I couldn't give him the life he deserved I still love him.What you do is your choice but do you really want to look your child in the eye one day and tell them that you quit seeing them because it hurt YOU too much, and YOU were worried about how YOU would deal with it? He may understand but more than likely he won't, especially if he has been raised by parents who put him first and if he has children of his own. Givin a child up so they can have a better life is selfless and it shows that you love your child more than anything. The pain is there no matter what you do you just have to learn to deal with it.

Stacie - posted on 02/03/2010

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It hurts bad around holidays and birthdays, but I just think about what good I did for my girls. I know they would love to be with me, but they are fine. Just think about it like I do, when they are older they will come to find you. You can explain to them what happened, and they will understand.

Lisa - posted on 01/10/2010

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Maybe you are right cause all of this is killing me and starting to tear my family apart.

Stacie - posted on 01/08/2010

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I also had my daughters taken from me due to drugs. My aunt adopted my oldest and her daughter adopted the youngest. I was seeing my girls up until this past July. I stopped going due to the fact it hurt me to much and i was depressed for a long time afterward. If you no they are being taken care of and are ok then i would stop hurting myself. I miss my girls everyday but i no they are doing good.

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