How can I convince my husband that having a gf for us is not a replacement for him?

Denise - posted on 06/11/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

I am a bisexual mom who has never had any real experiences with other women.My husband knows this about me and was pretty accepting until recently.I asked him if he would mind if I found us a girlfriend.I want someone who can be a good friend to both of us to talk to and hang out with and sometimes do more with just me or all 3 of us.

He actually said yes we could do that and suggested I try looking on bi dating sites.So,I joined one and started finding people suggested as matches.I told him about anyone I was interested in to decide whether to contact them or not.After a few weeks I was getting discouraged at the lack of options for people in my area or with similar interests and he must've noticed.He confronted me about it and got more upset as the conversation went on.He began saying that I was putting too much into it and it should be something to do every now and then for fun.then he told me that I was on an emotional roller coaster everytime I found a match or didnt see anyone interesting and he wonderd if I would be that unstable if we found someone.He even went as far as saying that he worries that I'll end up falling in love with the girl after we start fooling around.The one that took the cake was when he said that he feels like he cant trust me now and wonders if I already found someone.The conversation ended with him telling me I'd better delete my acct on the site or we'll have a huge problem.

Unfortunately,he was right about a few things he said so I just took the verbal beatdown quietly.I admit that I was quite excited when I saw that it may actually work to find someone.I probably should've limited my time on the site a bit more and not let it get to me either way.However,in my defense,I only suggested it in the 1st place because I feel like I need to embrace my sexuality to feel complete.I still want to have experiences with women but I dont want to do it without my husband knowing or being involved.I also need something different for myself.I am a SAHM of 2 young kids and I have virtually no social lifeI told my husband that although my goal is to find a gf for us,I could always just be friends with someone if it doesnt work out for more.I looked at it as a win/win situation.

Now it has been a few weeks since the big fight and my deleting my dating site membership.I can honestly say I feel somewhat duped.Most guys would love to have their SO approach them with an idea like this.I actually want my husband to allow us to have threesomes with another woman.I dont know if he just has serious trust issues but I cant believe he would accuse me of cheating.I wanted to ask him how in the hell would I do it with 2 kids all the time and no one to keep them for me.

Well,as you can see,Im getting upset again just recalling the story.Anywho,I feel like he is holding me back from being who I am.We've been together 4yrs and married for 3.I have never given him any reason to suspect anything or think I want to be with someone else.I just want to do this for something fun we can experience together.I wish I could just forget about the whole thing but I cant get it off my mind.Is there a way to approach the topic again without upsetting him?Should I try to explain that it's something I need to do for myself?Any feedback is appreciated-good or bad.