Bio mom keeps breaking Our rules!

Brenda - posted on 04/23/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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my stepson has lived with his dad and I for 12 yrs! We live in Ohio his bio mom lives in Arizona. she has always gone against any rule we set down for him. I made a promise to him I would never make him stop seeing her because I know thats his mom and he loves her..When we lived in Arizona things were bad whenever our son Evan is his name, whenever he would get in trouble at school he would call his mom and we would let him still go to her house even when he was grounded. But she would let him run the streets and give him stolen property, his grades were terrible and he was in trouble all the time. We moved to Ohio and changed everything! Our son has rules now and he follows them he has honor roll grades and plays on the football team we are very proud of him. BUT! Evan needs supervison, hes a good kid but he is a teenager so when he is online or on the internet he needs to be watched.I need advice from other moms on this because I want to be fair to my son his bio mom says he doesnt need to be watched she calls me eyespy and sent him a ipod touch so he can get online anytime he wants. Am I wrong to be angry! I told him he cant take it to school with him hes in 8th grade and they are testing all week but I found out he took it to school today anyways. please give advice.

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Brenda - posted on 04/23/2012

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Thank you Tabitha for listening he came home from school and handed his ipod to me.. I took it away from him for a week and explained to him that he wants me to trust him yet he didnt give me any reason to trust him by taking it to school.. he is a good kid I thought he would really be mad at me but he is accepting responsibility.. Thats the first sign he will be ready soon to get to do more on his own..and you are right about the gift situation if she would have done it for the right reasons it would have been different, 4 more yrs and he graduates from high school then he can decide if he wants her in his life until then Im sure I will be back here for more advice lol! Goodnight and God Bless

Tabitha - posted on 04/23/2012

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I think you have a right to be angry about both. She was wrong for sending him something just to allow him to be sneaky. If she had just sent it as a gift it would have been different. He is wrong for taking it to school after being told not to, our school will take them if they are caught with them and keep them for the year. I would say, if you have the option to get bio mom out of the picture and keep her out, he will be better off. She sounds like a leach on society anyway.

Brenda - posted on 04/23/2012

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Its along story, when evan was born I was at the hospital too and his dad was crying because he didnt want to let evan go I told him I would help him raise him if he wanted to keep him so we did and his mother said she had nowhere to go so we let her come home with us and I have tried so hard to get along with her, we would let him go there for a week in the summer tme and she would go get on food stamp claiming he was living with her. we went to court in 2007 and thought everything was worked out she was investigated for welfare fraud and orderd to pay everything back. I still send her all his report cards and awards from his sports, she lives rent free in her sisters condo, and she gets food stamps, she has 5 other kids also that she never had.. I appreciate you letting me vent evan will be home from school soon and I needed to get this off my chest. I want to make sure that the whole business with him taking his ipod touch to school is not just because Im mad that his mother went against us and got him the darn thing in the first place but because he took it to school after I said No.. just putting myself in check I guess thank all of you for listening

Tabitha - posted on 04/23/2012

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It is not assumed that the custodial parent can't leave the state with the son. You cannot be held in contempt for something that was not in the orders. It has to be directly stated in the divorce/custody papers. Now with joint custody which is different than sole custody, it is inferred that both parents agree on major decisions. But she said that he has sole custody, and the mother has actually signed him over after trying to put him up for adoption. She should have no say as to where the child lives or what he does.

Lisa - posted on 04/23/2012

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No you have to essentially get them to sign off on the move first tabitha. If dad did it and she went to court after the fact he could be held in contempt.

Tabitha - posted on 04/23/2012

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Wait, I just went back and read your previous comment. She was giving him up at birth? Why would she even still be in the picture other than a few phone calls? You are his mommy! She needs to back off and clean up her life, she certainly sounds like a winner!

Tabitha - posted on 04/23/2012

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How did she manage that? That's crazy!! I hope your lawyer is able to straighten things out!

Tabitha - posted on 04/23/2012

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Depending on the divorce/custody papers, you don't always need permission to take your child to another state. If it's not stated in the order that dad couldn't take him, mom would have had to take him to court to stop him from taking their son to another state. Then if the judge agrees that dad has a good reason, he'll allow it.

Lisa - posted on 04/23/2012

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Obviously in your house it's your rules. But I don't understand how you were allowed to leave the state with her child.

Brenda - posted on 04/23/2012

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Thank you Tabitha, Its hard being a step mom, I love him like he is my own I was there when he was born and his mom was giving him up for adoption he was born addicted to drugs his father took him and we have always let him see her but I am so glad we moved out of state he has done so much better.. I just dont want to cross boundries of a mother and her son but she keeps pushing the envelope.. we let him have a myspace account about 4 yrs ago when he was 11 and it was shut down because of a child predator talking to him, he was even calling him on the phone. it was the police that shut down his account so, I watch who he is talking to and only let him on for a half hour at a time or if he is just playing games he can play all day but I find it hard to just let him be online all the time,,His father is furious that she sent him that and he stands by me all the way. I have a 28 yr old son and a 30 yr old son but we didnt have the internet when they were young so this is hard for me I dont want to be to strict on evan but at the same time he proved to me that he cant follow the rules when he took it to school today.. Thank you for listening..

Tabitha - posted on 04/23/2012

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In my opinion....your house, your rules. Get dad's support for back-up. School is not the place for Ipods anyway. If he keeps taking it to school, take it away from him for a bit to remind him who runs your household. I don't sit right behind my boys while their on the internet but I do have their passwords for everything and they know that I check it, especially FB!! His mom is going to do whatever she thinks she can get away with to drive a wedge between you and her son. That's a given. But her rules don't apply at your house. And any gift she sends him is still in your house so you have the right to regulate when he's using it. If she has a problem with it, she can talk to your husband and he needs to stand firm that this is his house and the rules that the 2 of you have set up are going to be followed.

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