I don't like my Stepson

Melissa - posted on 09/27/2010 ( 35 moms have responded )

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My stepson is an obnoxious, arrogant brat. He is only 8 and it is like having his mother here every other weekend. I have a son that is 13. The stepson comes over here and just gets on everyone's nerves, even his dad. But dad wont admit it, but it seems that Dad and I fight every weekend that this child is here. That is just one more thing I have to look forward to every other weekend is a big hairy fight with my Fiance'. Here is what he does. He doesn't listen, and I know this will sound silly to some, but, for years I have told him not to put his hands on the walls, I just painted them a year ago, and because of his grubby little hands all over the walls, I need to paint them again. I have cleaned handprints off of his bedroom walls above his bed where he stand on the bed and just does it to be annoying. I know it is him because I see him do it and he is the shortest one in the house. He won't eat anything I cook. He only wants to play video games. We let the kids play the Call of Duty Games, his Biological Mom won't. When we don't let him play he bugs the crap out of everyone. My friends and their children don't like him and my family has made comments on how he acts. He is jealous of my son and when my family is here the stepson does anything and everything within his power to draw attention away from my son to himself. I have a very passive child, gets along with all the kids. The stepkid is a hitter, he hits if he gets mad or doesn't get his way. The first time I took him to my best friend of 34 years house to swim, he came up behind her 11 year old daughter and Karate chopped her in the neck. He acted like a total ass at my son's 12th birthday party, at the restaurant he was climbing in the windows and chairs, and he put salt in my son's pop when he wasnt looking The step son has a cleft pallet and is not an attractive child, even without the cleft lip he would not be a good looking kid. My son however is a handsome young man and has the personality to match. The stepson is constantly calling him names, ugly, fatty, (my boy is far from fat) dork, etc. He also acts like a complete baby, talks like a baby, crys at the drop of a hat, he still calls his dad "daddy" It isn't so much the word "daddy", but the tone in which he says it, it a little baby girl voice. Bottom line. I hate this kid, but I love his father. These are just a few examples. I don't want to give up the relationship, but my tolerance is wearing thin. I don't want the stepkid around me or my son or even in my house anymore. He is only 8, God knows what he will be like when he is 13. HELP

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Rocky - posted on 12/16/2012

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I can't tell you how relieved I am to have found others in my situation. My step son is 13. I've been with his father for 9 years, married for 8. My son is 12. I've been seriously considering divorce as I don't think I can stand to be around this child any longer. He is selfish, inconsiderate, rude, arrogant and has an unfounded sense of entitlement. He has no respect for adults (women especially) and thinks just because his father says/does something that he can do it, too. His language is atrocious and the only people who don't see this child's true self are his bio parents and grandparents. His time is split 50/50 which means I have to deal with him nearly 5 days every week, EVERY weekend. I feel like I can't enjoy my weekends or be in my own home when he is around. I love my husband, but this child is making me feel like my son and I would be better off on our own again.

Over The - posted on 09/11/2013

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Okay...so I have found my Haven... I felt like I was alone on this one but I guess I am not. I have been with my husband for 3 years (dating) and now we just got married a bit ago. The issues with his children have been going on since the beginning of our relationship. They weren't raised correctly and come from a divorced background. I come to the picture with 2 kids of my own and although they have been up and downs with all of them, his are always gettingtheir way with everything.
My kids are in for the most part a structured routine, they do the things they need to do and they can relax after that. That is with getting ready for school, chores, homework etc. HIS kids is always a struggle...always telling them MANY times to go to bed, to get in the shower, to wake up, to do everything.
If you ask them to do something they (being spiteful) take their sweet time doing it or they try not to do it at all.
It is so upsetting to me, because I truly do Love my husband but I don't love or like for that matter his kids. They are rude, spoiled, arrogant and I can go on and on. This has caused for us to almost break up numerous times because my husband doesn't see it.
It is the worst feeling ever. I feel lost and just plain sad in my heart that I am going through this. I ty to stay away when they are around because i just can't keep faking it.

HELP please!

Paige - posted on 01/29/2013

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I have just read everything here , and I am so confused. I also am in the same situation with my SS, he is now almost 6 and it has been hell for 3 years whenever he is with us. I have been married for 3 years now, moved across country I have 2 children of my own also and my kids do not like my SS either. He is a manipulative, spolied brat my husband lets him get away with so much he treats him like baby, he still gets him dressed and still has him in a toddler car seat. When my SS comes to stay with his, seems like everything revolves around him. When he we first got married he was biting and spitting, now he never addresses me, it;s like he talks to my husband as if i am not there. My husband never says anything to him about, we were also in counceling for a while, and stopped going. We have been on the verge of divorce several times. My poor kids stay away when he is here, and my poor daughter is a pre-teen and they share a room which is even worse. Then we have had drama with the kids mother, she is a huge factor why he acts like the way he does...i don't know what else to do

Candice - posted on 10/20/2012

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Yup. Taking care of your partner's children is the worst! You get none of the good stuff and all of the headache.

Claudette - posted on 09/29/2010

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Hi Melissa.
I'm really sorry to hear about your relationship with your stepson. I see that it's really hard not only on you but on everyone else that comes in contact with him.
This little boy, from what I am reading here is looking for attention in all the wrong places. There is also a lot on competition, at least in your stepson's eyes: time with his dad, the lifestyle that you have, the looks of your son, the attention and praises he is getting and probably that he gets to do certain things with you that he doesn't get to do at his mother's home.
Not only is it hard for you, but I'm assuming that he finds it hard too. When children go from one house to another, it may take them a while to settle into that home's set of rules. Not all children adapt well to moving from one home to the other.
The other comment that I would like to make is that when we see your stepchildren as an extension of their other parent (which I gather you don't like his mother), we tend to see only the negative in them and have a really hard time seeing anything positive. I am not trying to trivialize what you are feeling. Many stepmoms have a really difficult time dealing with their emotions of not liking their stepkids, let alone loving them. This is hard, not only on you but on this child's father.My suggestion here would be to have the dad set some ground rules that need to have specific consequences attached to them. For instance, no hands on the walls could mean that when he made some marks, then he must clean it up-as soon as possible. Dad needs to make him do it and not you. This way, you are not perceived as the evil stepmom and dad is doing his job of raising his son.
Being in a stepfamily is the hardest job ever. I hope that this is somewhat helpful for you. Good luck.

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Rachel - posted on 08/21/2014

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I honestly thought I was going crazy when I felt that my 5 yr old ss was plotting against me!!! the looks that I get from him when his father isn't watching are crazy!! once his father caught him looking at me when I wasn't looking and was like WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? its just been insane. not to mention his mother is just always looking to blame someone or tell someone what they should or shouldn't be doing. especially my fiancé and what type of father he is. BUT despite all this the love for my fiancé has never changed. if anything it has grown stronger. my fiancé really doesn't even want to get his son on his visitation days bc the kids sits there and acts like he has just been killed. the mother says he wants to come over but then he gets here and acts differently. we have offered to do things with him but he always just whines and says I want mommy. we have thought about going fun places with him but we are not that financially stable right now. I just fell guilty for not liking him and it literally is tearing me apart. I fell like a bad person and question if I should have my own kids. I also worry that my fiancé (even though he says he does) doesn't want a kid with me due to this horrible situation.

Adria - posted on 07/11/2014

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It's relieving to hear that I am not the only one who feels this way...... I came here tonight after another barrage of disrespectful talk back from my tween step sons. They tag teamed me. Again.
Their father and I have been together for 7 1/2 years, but we've known each other since we were teens. I met his children after his separation with their mother when they were 5 and just turning 4.... I had a fine relationship with them while their unreliable bio mom was moving around and not in the picture as often (and poppin' out love children with druggies) but since she moved closer again (after losing her license indefinitely) my husband's sons have been MANIPULATED and BRAINWASHED in ways no child should have to put up with. And now that they are becoming teens (and HAVE to be ALWAYS right) it's so much worse.
Their mother has finally realized the folly of her effed up ways, and has recently admitted to us (and I quote) that we have always been the stable household, that she is effed up, and has led a low life (where's CAS when you need them???) and that she is ready to follow through and work together to discipline the behaviours. But it's too little too late and they have already learned how to manipulate others to get what they want for as little effort possible. They are both users in their own ways.

(AS AN IMPORTANT SIDENOTE TO ANYONE DEALING WITH CHILDREN AND TEENS WITH EXPLOSIVE AND DISRESPECTFUL BEHAVIOURS - CHECK OUT JAMES LEHMAN'S TOTAL TRANSFORMATION SERIES!!!!)

That being said. I am at the end of my rope with my step sons. They are extremely nice and charming when they want something. But whenever I am the one disciplining or following through with consequences in the absence of their Dad, their self-righteous, indignant attitudes of entitlement shine through. They have been so poisoned against me throughout the years by their mother and her family that they believe I am out to get them. Today I was told I have brainwashed their Dad and that I call him whenever I feel like I am "losing the battle." In the past I have been called a "rule lover" in a negative light by their granny but through the children, because they are both SPOILED by their mother's family. The court process for custody was grueling and left us in debt, just to struggle and do the right thing by my husband standing up for his parental rights. Children's Aid has done nothing for them even though she should have had all four children taken away so many times. There has been nothing but dysfunctional DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA coming from the other end.
I have worked my ass off to provide for these children and raise them while their mother was delinquent and using the system. I have received the brunt of their frustrations and hostilities over the split and her situation. I get the emotional punishment that comes with parenting disrespectful and messed up kids, but none of the unconditional love they show for their bio mom even though they have each blown up about her on many occasions and have voiced their opinions about her screwed up lifestyle from time to time. The older boy wants to stay at her place more and throws it in our faces when he's mad at us because she gives him all the freedom and electronics he thinks he deserves even though his report cards continue to SUCK. She's sleeping with his friend (who is a few years older than him, another story) and can't handle her youngest 2 sons from different fathers, but our oldest thrives on the drama. Our younger son barely wants to stay at her place and resents her for her b.s. lifestyle but expects me to kiss his ass and is two faced. They both lie and twist stories, which I know children do, but it's usually ABOUT ME, IT'S MY REPUTATION AT STAKE! And they act innocent to everybody.
The stress of the whole situation eventually accumulated and I became ineffective at my job as a daycare teacher and as a result I was laid off. I lost my job because of this.
I love children, I've trained as an ECE teacher, I want my own (my hubby had a vasectomy during his first marriage because he couldn't stand the thought of giving her any more children. We saved up for a vasectomy reversal - he had it done 3 years ago..... still nothing. Their mother had to get her tubes tied or her family would stop bailing her ass out. Then they all made jokes about it on facebook.) But I am so burnt out. Since we moved in with my mother in law they make sure they play us against each other too, because they can get a little sympathy from their Grandma. Which puts extra strain on our relationship that doesn't have to be there, because she is more permissive than we are.
We're not tyrants. And we agree on most parenting facets. The fact that my husband has backed me up all these years has been the saving grace for our relationship. His kids are just getting brattier as the years go by. I realize I chose this, and it was never going to be easy, but he is worth it and he and I have a great relationship. But it kills me to see him in the middle, having to referee between his kids and wife. I don't want to dump it all on him as soon as he gets through the door, but when I keep it inside I blow up because they push and push and push me to my limit. I know I'm the adult and they want to invoke a reaction from me, but when I break they act like they don't care. They're jerks. I find myself CRAVING them to leave for their mom's (even though I know we will have to retrain them when they get back) and dreading when they return.
I don't like them anymore and I hate feeling like the wicked step mother just because I don't allow them to walk all over me.

I guess it's a normal occurrence though with blended families????????

Good Luck Everyone........

Debra Van - posted on 06/28/2014

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Wow! I always thought that I was alone on this issue. I have known my husband for 31 years. We both married the wrong people. He had one child and I had none. Our bad marriages lasted 2 yrs. It was okay when my step-son was little and would visit a couple weeks in the summer then go back to his mother. My husband always wanted his son to live with us. We gained custody when he was 12 yrs. old It was an adjustment for ss because we had rules and guidelines where his mother did not. She was his buddy and allowed him to do what ever he wanted. He didn't have chores while he lived with his mother. At our house ss had chores such as cleaning his room, keeping the bathroom clean, mowing & edging the lawn and helping us weed. He hated the chores. A month ago he told us that since day one when he came to live with us he wanted to commit suicide while his mother was on speaker phone. She kept saying that she saw red and that I needed help, she was going to call CPS and sue me. Keep in mind this kid is 18 yrs. old. It was a total lie to get his father's sympathy. His mother kept saying he loves his dad and doesn't want to say anything because his dad would defend me. It was all a fabricated lie to get his dad's attention. When that phone conversation finally ended. I felt bad and apologized to ss if I had made him feel uncomfortable or stressed education and keeping up his GPA. That weekend he left with his buddies to check out NAU. When he returned he said that he would stick it out for 27 days at our house until he graduated. He graduated 6/11/14 so now he is free to go live with his mother. He has a car. He then says no I want to stay here because its close to my friends before I leave to college. We just got his report card and his gpa 1.8. I told ss that he should consider a community college then transfer to NAU when he raised his GPA. He was upset that I mention that and obviously doesn't want to do that and wants his dad and me to help pay for his education.

Jade - posted on 04/29/2014

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Also - If I disliked my stepdaughter to the extent that I'm reading here, I know she would pick up on that and therefore she wouldn't want me around or want to eat the food I cook or respect me in anyway. Potentially some of you may find that if you change your approach, their attitude might change too.

Jade - posted on 04/29/2014

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I have a stepdaughter who I consider to be my daughter and I'm a mother to two of my own children. I have a few friends who are step-parents and I also have the issue of having to deal with my stepdaughters mother who is - to put it bluntly - a selfish, manipulative, hypocritical bitch (she's a good mother but a HORRID person). However, none of those feelings have ever stood in the way of my relationship with my stepdaughter. I also have friends who have stepkids with difficulties with ADHD and behavioural issues (and to be fair, these are all things that could just as easily be your own child or even mine) At the end of the day if they don't want you in their life and they're showing you that quite obviously - step back. You don't need to compromise your relationship, if they're going to be nasty, just step back from being their "3rd parent" leave all responsibilities to the father and tell your partner about that choice that you're making. There may be many numbers of reasons for the behavior. They are there to see their father, not to see you - they don't have to like you. They might be jealous of you and the time you spend with their parent or the new kids they have with you OR maybe the other parent is whispering bullshit in their ear BUT that is not the fault of the child and if you can't separate the two then maybe you should just step back from the child and ultimately the relationship. On the other hand, if your children are in danger from this child, they should always come first for you but not necessarily for your partner.

Nicci - posted on 04/29/2014

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I am so glad I am not the only one who feels this way. Lately, I cannot stand my step child. I blame his parents, even though I love his dad. However, he's so worried about pushing him away (his own dad left him), that he's afraid to punish him for anything. Which in return, leaves me to be the evil step mom. And of course, I have the problem of the mother never being around. Which I wouldn't mind because I cannot stand her, but it has a huge influence on her son. The sad part is when she is with him she leaves him with strangers she meets from bars so she can go on beer runs, or she leaves him in the parking lot of a bar for an hour so she can drink. Other fun things like literally let him play video games all day, buys him toys and video games even when we tell her about how his teacher called us for him being obnoxious in class for several days. She's never sober around him and has a new boyfriend and home each time he stays with her. We recently found out about a lot of this and I told her not to come around anymore until she's stable, has a job, a home, is sober and doesn't introduce him to new men. Needless to say, she hasn't been around in 5 months. I feel bad for the kid but I cannot let him see her knowing what I do now. This also sucks for me because I miss those breaks. I feel so much happier and free when he's not around. Lately I cannot stand him. He's 10 and has poor hygiene (doesn't actually take a shower, wont brush his teeth, has trouble even cleaning himself properly after using the bathroom). Then on top of this he's extremely rude, obnoxious, mean to his younger sister, cannot follow simple directions; it's impossible to make him do anything. He has been like this for as long as I've known him, about 6 years, and I have run out of patience.
and I know this sounds so cliche, but my 3 year old is a lot easier to handle. She has her moments, but seldom and if she's ever left with anyone I only hear about how she never argues, always picks up after herself or helps others and is very well mannered. Whenever he's left with someone, I always (always!) have to hear how he was rude, talks back, damaged something or doesn't listen.

I've told his dad if he doesn't start doing something then other kids will. Sure enough, he started talking this year about how he's being "picked on" at school. It's always someone different and none of the stories add up or make sense. I'm willing to bet other kids are tired of his crap, too. I hate bullies but I know how my son likes to egg people on and I feel it's probably well deserved, if it's even true. Yeah I know that sounds horrible, but you have no idea the crap Ive had to deal with. This is just the small stuff.

Melissa - posted on 04/02/2014

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You do not know me, try a woman that was living in hell. You have no right to make judgment calls like that because if you read ALL of the comments on this post, it seems like all of us are people from hell according to you.

Melissa - posted on 04/02/2014

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Then stop pretending. If you aren't happy, your child will not be happy. DO NOT marry this person, it is unfair of you to expect them to not have anything to do with their biological child. I broke it off with the person I was talking about in this post. It was hard at first and I even thought maybe I did the wrong thing. But I didn't and my son who is now 16 is happy that they are gone and there is no more drama in the home.

Melissa - posted on 04/02/2014

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You are not a bad person. The mom should put her foot down, it's a tough decision to make, but it has to be done. You have to do what is in the best interest of the children and family and if getting the older child out of your life is what it takes then so be it.

Megan - posted on 03/20/2014

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Oh my goodness I always thought I was a bad person for saying that I do not at all like my soon to be step son. I have been with his father for over 2 years now and am getting married to him next month. I do only have to deal with him 2 days a week but that is way more than enough for me. We cannot go anywhere without the little brat asking for something and then when I try to say no we don't have the money or no that is not what we came for all he says is I was talking to my papi or my papi will get it for me. Then has the nerve sometimes to ask me to buy his mother (who I have only met once by the way because she will never even look in my direction) a gift! Like seriously! Then when he is over at our house he won't eat what I make because he either says he doesn't like it or he is not hungry then no more than 10 minutes after we are done eating he will ask for cereal or junk food and I have to step in and say no if he doesn't eat the food I cook then he is not going to eat the junk food I buy. He is annoying and wines when he does not get what he wants all because his mother gives him whatever he wants so he thinks he can come over to my house and get the same, well heck no sorry boy ain't gonna happen. Not to mention all he does when he is over is play video games and if I'm watching TV he will get upset that he can't play do then when I go in the other room my fiancé gets upset with me! Seriously! He also wines when my little beagle jumps on him and yet he is the one who gets him hyper in the first place so then I have to put him outside or in his kennel because he is being a baby about it. I hate to say it and it sounds mean but I will never consider him my son he is my fiancés son not mine.

L's - posted on 02/24/2014

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(I'm a Father, sorry Mom's?)I made the dumbest move of my life. I had children with a person that already had a child from a previous relationship, now I'm stuck with this 13yr old stepson that mentally abuses my 4yr old and 1yr old. I've had enough and have been looking for a way to give an ultimatum to my fiancé. My stepson is 5 years away from being an adult and the co-parent should just take custody. He was a single child for approximately 9 years of his life, he's selfish and treats his half-siblings like they are beneath him. It's something that makes my skin crawl, we got him an iPod and all he does is watch porn excessively master-bating. What pisses me off even more is that my daughter is only 1 and my stepson is receiving a check from SSI...I just have this erie feeling he may commit a perversion beyond repair to my children. He does these retarded noises throughout the day, his ass smells like sh!t...if he were to literally sit somewhere he would leave a streak of his stench. I just need him out my life and my children's. I've gone up to the extent of installing hidden cameras to prove my point. I can't live with myself knowing that I wasn't able to be the best parent to my two children because of this teenager that is destroying their childhood and making my relationship a dysfunctional hell! PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME I'M NOT A BAD PERSON FOR WANTING TO SPLIT THE FAMILY UP IF THERE IS NO CHANGE.

Rebecca - posted on 01/22/2014

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I like one of my step sons. The other is obnoxious, lazy and thinks he's just another adult. We have them every weekend, and YES, we fight when they are there. Glad I'm not alone.

Lisa - posted on 12/14/2013

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Had my stepson live with us for a year..(12-13) NO RESPECT.... Had mental professionals involved 3-4 times a week. Many of his behaviors I had to block out so I could simply function through daily chores.. I did everything I possibly could to help this boy... But you can't help someone who doesn't want help. He was extremely abusive.... Life is too short. While on a weekend visitation with his mother (who parented against us) I broke down crying hysterically demanding I couldn't have him back in our home. He didn't come back. It has been a year now and I am still healing from all his abuse. Just hearing his voice in a phone conversation with his dad causes my heart to drop. A sinking feeling. My eye twitches. I have to walk out of the room. Afterward, all the professionals and school counselors/principle supported my decision... They all said I lasted longer than they would. As hard as it is to give up on a child...sometimes you have to take care of yourself or you are no good to anyone else.... Yes we went through the guilt (and still do) of feeling like failure parents. He is 14 now and still hasn't changed for the better.. His mother allows him total freedom and he has entitlement issues. Always a victim/abuser... We can understand WHY he behaves the way he does all day long......You can't help someone who doesn't want help. I am not willing to live in his hell. I am a fun-loving positive women who has raised a daughter (now 21) who was injured from HPV vaccine. I have dealt with behavior issues and provided life-saving skills on a regular basis. She is now about to graduate college and is self supporting. She had the will to survive and move forward. I hope and pray as this boy grows he will figure it out. I will no-longer be his punching bag.

Carie - posted on 12/07/2013

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i go thru the same thing and have for 8 years. My new husband and I have been married now for 3 and 1/2 years but have been together for 8. He has 4 boys, 21,18,14, and almost 10. The oldest one would text me at work and call me a bitch and threaten to kick my ass or kill me. And this was when they were at our house for christmas break. The youngest , who i use to bathe, change his diapers, etc will not ever speak to me. His dad has to tell him to say hi to me when they get there and tell him to say bye when they leave. He has an issue eating when I cook but not a problem eating if his dad makes something or if it is from a restaraunt. I will even make cookies or cupcakes to try and be nice and he wont eat them if i make them, but cant wait to eat them if they are bought from a store. He sits at the table pretty much pouting when we eat dinner and will sometimes sit there an hour because his dad wont let him get up til he eats or if his dads not looking, he will throw his food in trash and say he ate. If I talk to him, he ignores me. Its RIDICULOUS!!! Now his 14 year old text my husband and said im annoying and doesnt like me. Which i find that rude and disrespectful not only to me, but to my husband. I bend over backwards for these kids and let them get away with murder. I never tell them to do anything. When my husband tells them to change clothes, takes a shower, or brush their teeth, they ignore him and will have to be told 20 times to do it. UGH!!! Their mother has moved in with her parents since the divorce, for 9 years. She works, and he has paid child support from day 1, even before it was court ordered. She has never even been on a date that we know of. She tries to still play the victim and make my husband look bad to everyone, including the kids. She encourages this behavior. She spoils them and they never get in trouble. The 14 yr old just failed 3 classes horribly with a 10,39, and 63. She said he doesnt respond to punishment so she did nothing. He has a cell phone, all the video games known to man, etc. She didnt even do anything when we found out the 18 yr old was stealing pain pills and xanax from people. Even got arrested within 1st month of having DL for driving under the influence. She still did nothing and gave him the truck back after bailing him out. We tried telling her he needs help so many times....and...nothing! He now doesnt speak to either one of us cuz we r the bad guys who wanted him to get help. She wants them to hate us. Every other friday when they come over, i get in a bad mood knowing they will be here and dont even get me started on summer vacation when im here taking care of them, washing their clothes, feeding them, etc while he is at work. I have 3 kids of my own and all their friends love me and i love kids, but i cant do anything right with them and i cannot bond with them. I dont even like them cuz i think they are spoiled, disrespectful brats. My husband is wonderful, but i feel like im losing my mind. Its coming up on christmas break and im already fretting about it because my life will be miserable for a week and 1/2. I have tried everything and so has my husband. We have told them in this house there will be respect. It does nothing. We are considering counseling with them, but we r sure their mother will not agree with it cuz she likes it the way it is. The two of them cannot even talk. He will text her a question about their grades or anything and she doesnt respond. We never know if they r sick until we hear it from them or read it on her FB. She will post on FB about them going to ER but will not even text him to tell him. We just periodically go on her FB . She has even blocked my # on her phone, even though i never call or text her. But thats so stupid cuz im the one home with them taking care of them while he is at work. Im at my wits end

Shelly - posted on 11/12/2013

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I could of told you your relationship with your Fiance' would end the second I finished the first line you wrote. The child ALWAYS supersedes the Fiance'.
and especially in this case, I am so glad it did. You sound like a women from hell....!

Count - posted on 10/07/2013

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I feel your pain. When is enough enough? There's only so much one can take or handle.I have been through so much here I honestly don't know how I'm going to continue to deal. Just when things start getting better he comes over here and we have to start all over again. Sleep is seldom tension is high and our pockets are growing thinner.

Melissa - posted on 12/16/2012

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Just to let everyone know, since I posted this. My relationship has ended. Not just because of the child, that actually got hashed out between him and I. But I see why the child acted the way he did. Over time I noticed more and more how his father did not pay any attention to him. When his son would come here, he basically just sloughed him off either on my son to keep him entertained or to the games.

Melli - posted on 11/27/2012

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Hey Melissa are you still involved? I read your stories and your situation sounds alot like mine so I am curious as I am a confused person and dont know what to do.

Melli - posted on 11/27/2012

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I know the feeling to this, my husband’s son has ADHD and lately my husband wants him around all the time but I notice when he is around we fight more. The kid is so annoying and no one wants to be around him but my husband. He lies about everything and start a lot of trouble in the streets as well. I hear things about him every time and its frustrating. I don’t have kids of my own so I don’t know how to be a good mother as I have always been to myself. I make excuses every time my husband says lets go out because I know his son will be going with us. I am seriously about to leave my relationship because how can I be involved with someone that I cannot stand to be around his child. It’s not fair to him or his child. He will need to find someone that is willing to deal with this child.

Chloe - posted on 11/11/2012

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Omg I so know what u are feeling, my step son is 14, he does my head in, my boy friend hasn't seen him for 9 years due to his sons mum, his son has ADHD and altisum, he come down every now and again when his mum has had it with him, he buts in and thinks every convo is for him to joint in, I can't stand it, I don't talk to my partner when his son is here ( as I write this I am in bed watching tv coz they are on the Xbox and I don't get a say) I have a 14 month old little girl with my partner and he seems to get on with her well I thought he did until I saw him hitting her with a ball wasn't even just once it was a few times, he is going to be coming to live with us coz his mum has had it with him and the way he is but I don't know how much I can take, I am 4 weeks pregnant again and we haven't told him yet, as its his dads job to tell him but I think his dad wil leave it as long as he can like he did with our 1st, I am so worried that my kids will see the way he acts and see that his dad let him get away with it, I don't want my kids to turn out like him, I really don't know how much of this I can take! I can't stand to be in the same room as him, so ATM I am painting our new house just so I don't have to be with him, I am pretty much a single mum to my little girl when it comes to my partner son his is number 1 to his dad and me and my kids are last on his list, the Xbox even come before us, I really don't think I am goin to stick around much longer all coz my partner son!! I want out!!

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I dont like my future step son either! He's only 4 yrs old though and I am afraid that it may only get worse. When he was one he lived with me and his father for a few months and everything went well. I cared for the kid, i always played with him, he was pleasant and not bratty, he even preferred me over his father when he wanted to be read to. Even my family took to him and always ask about him. But these past 2 years have been hell! He's not the same kid. He whines and crys about everything. Won't eat, throws his food. I use to play games with him and educational type of things, but he just wants to watch TV and dad always lets him, cause he doesnt want him to hate coming over here. Dad and I have talked about things because I don't want my kids raised like that w/o discipline and basically be an a$$hole. I'm hoping and praying it is just a phase cause I LOVE my fiance, but his kid is just so bratty, I just don't even want to be bothered anymore.

Clara - posted on 09/16/2012

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Oh girl I hear you!! I have the same situation. Cleft lip step kid. He has fetal alcohol effects. Maybe yours does too. But I can't stand my step son. He back talks so bad daily his own mother abandoned him. Every fight is about this brat kid. We share a daughter together but sad thing for her is we won't be raising her together lifelong if that kid stays.

Kate - posted on 10/12/2011

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Your finace must be an amazing man for you to still be with him.. ??? Is he and your relationship with him worth th pain and suffering that you and your son will endure for the rest of your lives? What is your priority?

Kate

Bri - posted on 04/11/2011

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Yes being a SM is harder than anything. Issues with their BIO PARENTS can be an even more issue. Any abnormal behavior in any child in your home be seen by a therapist for issues being defiant more than the avg child, problems focusing or just needs to talk out the issues! Good Luck

Sara - posted on 02/02/2011

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i am new to this page, but i can say i feel yur pain..... i have id say beyond hell with my husbands daughter n on and off with his son... she has learned habbit from her mother n a gaurdian at one point. her object is to split us up n she has said so and also he object is to make us mad because its funny she says.. she is 9... i want to love her n be good to her have been both good n not so good at times... i yell scream take things away n nothing and i mean nothing helps wrks nothing........ he n her brother r constantly taunting n picking on my 5yr old n due to what he has gone thru they r a big part of his anger issures... my hubbys son is bettr rounded altho he is starting to act just like her but he is ablr to lesrn better from concequences... most of the time... so i feel yur pain... i love my husband more than anything and almost 99 percent of the fight r due to her tude n actions.... she can b a sweet girl and a great help n she a smart smart girl but she hates me even wen im trying my hardest to compramise n grow to show her love... i dnt wnna b a stat n fall apart.. i feel like its all i can do sometimes.... im sure u need advice n i dnt have any im sorry.. i just wnt u to kno from me u r not alon :)

Melissa - posted on 01/24/2011

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My stepson has been coming to this house for over 4 years, he knows the rules. And yes, I taught my son if someone hits you, hit them back. And guess what, now the stepson comes out and tells on my son for hitting him back. Dad isn't backing me at all. Instead of seeing what is going on, he wants to point fingers. I am just chalking this one up to no hope at all. Probably going to just end it.

Claudette - posted on 10/15/2010

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Again a really important point. Kids need to know that their parent loves them. If they don't who will care for them or love them. They will ask themselves if they are worthy of being in this world, of being a part of community and so on.

Colleen - posted on 10/06/2010

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I have to agree with Claudette on pretty much everything that she said. I am not a stepmom, but i have had one. Me personally i had no problems getting close to her. Since i was a very loving child. Plus i was 5 when i met her. But one thing i know my dad did was he disciplined me. But not only did he discipline me, but he allowed my step mother too. Now she wasnt the primary person to hand out the punishments but she had her moments where if she noticed me and my sister were doing something wrong, she would put her foot down. It really takes team work. Your stepson is not going to change or respect your house/rules, if your fiancee doesnt back you up or atleast try. And secondly, alot of kids these days stay inside way to much. When i was younger, my mother literally kicked me out of the house and wouldnt let me come back in until lunch and dinner. Of course if i had to use the restroom she would, thats a given. She depending where you live, have a fenced in yard or whatever. Kick his butt out of the house for a day. Give him a football, soccer ball, something, anything. Eight year kids have imagination, they can use them, but all these video games are keeping them from using them. Me personally, i dont think that kids shouldnt beable to play video games. But like i said i came from a parent who wouldnt let me in the house, let alone play video games all day :). But that was also when all we really had was Sega and Super Nintendo. So i saw put your foot down. But have your fiancee back you up. And if he cant, them its really not going to work. Again i dont know this personally, but my mother was married to a guy with 2 kids who were total brats, and he wouldnt back her up. She loved ghim, but at the same time she said that he wasnt supporting her when she needed him the most. Good Luck!

P.S. Ever thought of telling your son to knock him out. Just saying. Probalbe wrong to suggest but, if i was his age and he was doing that, i totally would.

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